Opinions about a truly successful life?

[seriousjay]

Hey guys,

This is something that has been gnawing at me for some time. Part of it is fear. Fear of not knowing what to do, and then the fear of it all falling apart if I do make it.

Pretty much every author of success, self-help, motivation, etc. types of books is an entrepreneur. They have built very successful businesses both financially and in terms of helping people succeed in life. My question is - does living a successful life invariably lead to entrepreneurship?

This really shouldn't scare me that much. My dad started a million dollar business from nothing and now he spends most of his time in the Ukraine, while my cousin takes care of the business. He is leading a very successful life I would say. I guess I just don't know if that life is for me. I mean, if I came up with some idea to start a business with, I would definitely give it a shot. Hell, I joined Primerica and put effort into that (admittedly, not as much as I could have) until I finally resigned the other day, largely due to financial reasons. Part of it also was a disagreement in the way they go about things. But I digress.

When I visualize my future life, the most important thing to me, by far, is my family. I want to be able to spend as much time with my family, especially my kids, as I can. The biggest reason for this is because I want for my future kids what I didn't have during my childhood. I hear a lot about how people who start businesses do it because it allows them to spend more time with their family, but my dad spent so much time building his business that his family seemed to fall by the wayside (and maybe not by his choice). I think about starting a business and find it hard to see how I can balance the business and my family.

The other part, and possibly just as big a concern, is that I do not view myself as a great sales guy or a great future businessman. Part of it is that I have this impression of business that you've got to lie and cheat and be cruel to really make it big. I am not like that - at all. I refuse to get angry, I refuse to lie, I want to resolve things in a civil manner, and I want to be as honest and upfront about things as I can. I do know of at least one business, the one I used to work for, Snakehead Games, whose owners are, in fact, very good people, and they go about things in an ethical manner. I do feel like this is the exception as opposed to the rule and perhaps it's simply just a fear of not being able to come up with a great idea to be successful in this way.

Then there are other parts as well that run contrary to this. I do not want to just be another face in the crowd, but if you aren't doing something incredible, is that even possible? I also do not necessarily want to work for someone else. Part of it is that I have my own ideas about how things should be done and get frustrated if it doesn't happen. I also am not very fond of the idea of working my ass off to make someone else's dreams come true.

I went on a bit of a tangent there, but what do you guys think? Can you be a huge success by simply working a regular job? I don't mean working at a Starbucks or something, I mean working in a field that you love. Maybe it's astronomy, maybe it's being a doctor, maybe you're doing something with chemical engineering. Can you view yourself as a huge success while being paid to help someone else make millions (I was about to delete this part but I'm going to leave it here, starting to wonder if money is as unimportant to me as I claim it is)?

[kortheo]

I guess my reaction to your post is that you shouldn't worry about whether being successful means being an entrepreneur or not. Success can mean many different things, and financial success doesn't necessarily translate into a successful life if it means neglecting your family. You clearly care about integrity and family - in fact you say that the most important thing for you is family. So you're going to have prioritize that in order to be successful in life by your own definition. 

So can you be a huge success by working a regular job? Of course! Not everyone wants to be a CEO. I certainly don't. Success is leading a life that fulfills you, IMO. That could take many forms. Some people don't care about money that much, and prioritize other things in their lives.

I think you could start by really reflecting on what matters to you, and what you want to your life to be like, rather than allowing yourself to be influenced by what society's idea of success is, or what your parents led you to believe success is. I know that's not easy, and I'm not trying to knock you as I struggle with the same thing. But think about it :).

Edited November 5, 2015 by kortheo

[seriousjay]

I guess my reaction to your post is that you shouldn't worry about whether being successful means being an entrepreneur or not. Success can mean many different things, and financial success doesn't necessarily translate into a successful life if it means neglecting your family. You clearly care about integrity and family - in fact you say that the most important thing for you is family. So you're going to have prioritize that in order to be successful in life by your own definition. 

So can you be a huge success by working a regular job? Of course! Not everyone wants to be a CEO. I certainly don't. Success is leading a life that fulfills you, IMO. That could take many forms. Some people don't care about money that much, and prioritize other things in their lives.

I think you could start by really reflecting on what matters to you, and what you want to your life to be like, rather than allowing yourself to be influenced by what society's idea of success is, or what your parents led you to believe success is. I know that's not easy, and I'm not trying to knock you as I struggle with the same thing. But think about it :).

Great advice there!

To be honest, as I was pondering this yesterday the answer was already known to me. I had heard it quite a few times. The answer is right at the beginning of this video: https://youtu.be/26U_seo0a1g?t=27

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma: which is living with the results of other peoples' thinking."

It's really hard to do this. We all look for acceptance from society, from our loved ones, and often what we're doing doesn't match their vision. When this happens, and we start taking criticism from others, it's so easy to get discouraged and think that what we're doing isn't worthy. But it is worthy! Everyone has their own idea of success and nobody has any right to take it away from them. I've heard so many times of people who are not financially independent but very happy regardless, and rich people who you could mistake for someone whose completely broke because of their attitude.

I'm just going to have to learn to accept that others have their own opinion of what I should do and take their feedback with a grain of salt. Their opinions are shaped by their experiences and those experiences may be greatly different than mine - so why lose sleep if they don't agree with your course of action? In fact, I am often told and read that the people who keep trying to dissuade you from following your heart and instincts are the very people that you should remove from your life. You don't need negativity. If I need validation, I'll look for it in the results of what I do, not from what other people tell me.

Thanks for your perspective, kortheo. I think I have my answer.

[Cam Adair]

You get to define what success means to you. Live on your own terms, not someone else's. Success imo is doing what you love and loving what you do.

[seriousjay]

After sitting on it a bit more, I think I'm just going to do whatever feels and seems right to me and allow the principles I'm learning through The Slight Edge and other material to guide me to the right decisions. Ultimately I'll end up where I'm meant to be as long as I believe and trust in what I'm learning through this process!

[Cam Adair]

Let things evolve and build over time. Stay true to your heart.

[wookieshark88]

Jay,

This is a really great topic that you brought up.  Like you, having a great family is my biggest definition of success.  I really don't want to be another face in the crowd either.  As for money, I just want enough so that I don't have to care about it, but I don't think that would ever happen no matter much I could ever make.  I don't think that entrepreneurship is the golden standard of success.

For me, I'd love to be an entrepreneur.  It's something thank I've been learning more about because I want to give it a shot once I finish my education.  I'm just plainly too busy right now to take on anything else.  My main goals right now are family, self, school, and work.  I am finding success in these areas every day, and it's very fulfilling to me.  No matter how much money I made, I would not feel like a success if I didn't have the family of my dreams like I do today.

[seriousjay]

Jay,

This is a really great topic that you brought up.  Like you, having a great family is my biggest definition of success.  I really don't want to be another face in the crowd either.  As for money, I just want enough so that I don't have to care about it, but I don't think that would ever happen no matter much I could ever make.  I don't think that entrepreneurship is the golden standard of success.

For me, I'd love to be an entrepreneur.  It's something thank I've been learning more about because I want to give it a shot once I finish my education.  I'm just plainly too busy right now to take on anything else.  My main goals right now are family, self, school, and work.  I am finding success in these areas every day, and it's very fulfilling to me.  No matter how much money I made, I would not feel like a success if I didn't have the family of my dreams like I do today.

Seems like you've got it pretty good right now regardless. The beauty of entrepreneurship is that you can do as much or as little as you want with it, provided it isn't costing you a whole lot if you're not currently investing a ton of energy. The benefits of having a successful business are just amazing though.