Cor's Party Journal

[cordharel]

I would also like to start a journal where I can write about my achievements.

Day 3: Well I must be lucky - Since Tuesday, since I decided to quit I did not have any cravings yet. Then again I had a really long time to think about it and I am very sure now that I want to quit. You know not like the usual "I need to quit... but gaming is soo freaking awesome!!!".

I already have a small achievement to share: For many years I used to go home as early as possible from work or whatever event was on so I could play as long as possible. Today we only had school until lunch and the afternoon off - But instead of going home to play I went with my friends from school to learn with them the whole afternoon! Not that I needed to do it, I purely did it for the social aspect.

Then at home I ran a little bit on my threadmill (Oh yes, that was my big dream this year - I bought myself a threadmill and a television in front so I can watch & run) uhm yes and I watched Star Wars Episode 1. I saw some of the Star Wars movies when I was younger but was never into them.... you know... I am more into the SAW series but I still enjoyed the first one and will continue as I got them all here on blueray.

Afterwards I took a bath and then took my time to prepare a greek salad for me and my girlfriend... Then I waited for her to come... and waited... and when I was too hungry I started eating when my girlfriend called and reminded me that today she would not come to me... so sad for the salad! At least with today's technology I was able to send her a picture of the salad so she knows now what she missed haha! What a time we live in!

Cor

Edited October 15, 2015 by cordharel

[Cam Adair]

It's a party it's a party it's a party heyyyy it's a party it's a party it's a party heyyyy.

Cravings are fairly random but you are right that the more clear you are on why you are doing what you're doing the less likely you will be tempted by distractions.

Excited to follow your journal.

[Tom]

Hey Cor, nice reading your journal. Happy you don't have cravings

[cordharel]

Well you know... I have already tried to stop gaming several times... and then went back again after some days/weeks because gaming is awesome and I wanted to feel the rush any everything. But my mind is already kinda used to it. So the hardest part will be to not play games in some weeks I think. Right now I am very convinced that this is the right path to go.

And I called my journal "Party Journal" because I hope this path will be more and more a party haha

Edited October 15, 2015 by cordharel

[gankylosaurus]

Cor's Party Journal - where the only party not allowed is a raid party!

On a more serious note, I got cravings for the first time a couple days ago, around the two week mark. They'll happen. It got even worse after I unsubscribed from YT channels that were mostly about games and gaming, too.

Congrats on the treadmill! I'll probably eventually want one, especially during the winter months when I don't want to run on the trail, but I don't think I can manage it anytime soon in my tiny apartment. Running is great, and I wholly support multitasking while running - I listen to audiobooks when I run.

Good luck!

[cordharel]

Day 5: I am happy to say that it's all fine until today. I did not have cravings or anything - In fact I did not think a single second about dota 2 or any other game! I thought alot about my school (that I enjoy a lot) and a little bit about my work.

Yesterday my girlfriend and I watched the two movies of "the collector". They were not bad but nowhere near the awesomeness of "SAW".

I also watched Star Wars Episode 1 on my threadmill but I don't think it's such a masterpiece. I started Episode 2 and I already like it more...

Today on Sunday I am learning Javascript for my school. Since I am no longer playing I like to study as it brings me forward. My girlfriend tried to play The Sims 3 (she didn't play for several months) but she got so angry and depressed by the game's advertisements of Sims 4 and that one single addon costs 40 Euros - The price of a full game. Let me say that again: The price of an addon for Sims 3, a game that came out loooooong time ago and already has a successor, costs 40 freaking Euros! WTF? Shame on you EA!

She now plays "Craft the world" - The perfect game for a girlfriend that occasionally plays on the computer haha! I don't mind her playing as this neat game is not what I used to play.

In school I watched some guys play league of legends and thought: "Wow gaming really IS a timewaster..."

Today I fantasize a little about how awesome it would be to be a Commander and command units in a war... but don't worry I will not start to play anything. I tried some wargames or paradox games in the last weeks but never got into them. Everytime I played them I thought "well... it's okay... ilttle bit boring... I could just play some dota instead"

Cor

Edited October 18, 2015 by cordharel

[Phoenix]

Hey Cordharel,

Awesome you got yourself a threadmill for running while you watch tv, talk about multitasking haha.
Spending 40 euro's on an addon is crazy I know. Better spend it on something usefull.
League of legends is a dangerous game, cause it's so addictive. Actually pretty much like any other game, but it's very popular. I know cause I used to play it for 2 years. There are ranks you can build up to but it takes time to develop the skill needed to get there. Stay strong and don't relapse

[Cam Adair]

Great to hear about your day.

[cordharel]

Day 6: I really had a great day at work! I feel so great! Had some tough meetings with some business guys

Uhm I don't really have some more news but as you all seem to be so interested in my threadmill I may share a video with you that I haven't shared with anyone yet...

Looking back now it all seems to surreal... really... it feels like an eternity...

Today I am still using the threadmill and I totally love it but I only watch movies with it and don't play games anymore haha

Please be nice to me I am a camera newbie and only made 3 videos so far

Edited October 19, 2015 by cordharel

[Cam Adair]

Great video!

[cordharel]

1 Week 1 Day: Hey my friends I have some news. I have been to the psychologist and it was a great experience.

First I just told her my general story that I am playing since childhood and everything. Then she asked me many questions like "What is your favourite game? Why? What do you love about it?" or "What do you expect from these sessions?" or "If you stop playing now how do you expect your life in half a year?"

It was so cool to finally have a person to talk to, to tell all your thoughts about why you game or what you love about it. And then when you don't know what to say anymore to hear some questions to keep you going maybe into a new direction. 

She said she usually recommends to moderate gaming and not to full stop, but I told her I already quit 8 days ago and I will continue with it. It's a very good offer of my school and like I said the first five times are free but even if I would need more I think it would be totally worth the money.

Just by going to a professional it gives the whole thing a totally different dimension in my opinion. I am serious now! Not like these other times where I would stop playing and then start again because "why the hell shouldn't I? Games are awesome!...." 

[Cam Adair]

Happy you had a good experience. I've been to many in the past and encourage others to do so as well. It helps a lot to just speak with someone you know has your back.

[Tom]

Hey Cor, you are over your first week! Congratulations! Great to read that you are finding the best strategies. Keep going

[cordharel]

Day 10: Yes Tom it's already more than one week and today I actually feel good. I just watched "untracable", this horror movie where a guy kidnaps people, places them in traps and then puts it online and then the more people view the video the faster the poor guy dies... Really scary but also good movie if you are into horror.

Yesterday I was SO sad! Really. I came home from school and I was so pissed and sad at real life. Like... I got out of school and walked around in town a little bit... getting out and trying to find maybe a restaurant or a coffee shop... or to find a cool spot in real life. 

And the sad thing is: Right now in the whole town there is no single place I want to be! I was into a comic book store where I used to go when I was younger. But I am not into comics anymore. The only store I would like to go is the bookstore but I already have enough books to read so I did not go. I also used to go to electronics store but really nothing is interesting me.

And the people? To be honest I just saw so many weird people in town! I don't know... And I just hoped that I would not know anyone so I don't need to chat with one of them...

The only good thing that saved the day was that my treasure came home to me and talked to me about her work and everything and by the way I don't know if I have mentioned it already but my girlfriend is pregnant in week 12! 

Uhm yes I won't go into much details what we did afterwards but it was really cool and afterwards we just laid in bed listening to really romantic music like this one: Hmm I just realize inserting a link does not work anymore so there you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOCIgpb4Yd0

So yes today I am feeling better and I also love to have other people going the same way... it really helps me... I often have ups and down when I am alone right now...

- What is a behavior I'd like to change next?
I realized that my whole life, or better, my thought concentrate a lot about myself, my feeling, my hobbies, my everything. I want to say less "I" and be more interested in other people and ask them about their day. 

All the best guys!

Cor

 

 

Edited October 23, 2015 by cordharel

[SpiNips]

Congrats!  

[Tom]

Sometimes you just need to be alone with your own thoughts I guess. When I feel like you feel, I grab some music and just walk aimlessly. Turns out my feet usually know where I want to go.

Congratulations to you and to your girlfriend! 

[gankylosaurus]

Ups and downs are an unfortunate part of life. Sometimes you just have to nurture the down times. Let them happen, but don't let them define you. Also, if you push yourself to do more than you can handle, the down times only get worse.

I feel you on wanting to say "I" less, but don't forget your own importance to the world at the same time. There are extremes at both ends of everything.

And congrats on the impending fatherhood!

[Cam Adair]

Congrats!! That's very exciting. Ups and downs are normal. They are neither good nor bad. It's all about that equanimity, baby.

[wookieshark88]

I finally caught up on reading your journal.  Congratulations!  The game quitters daddy club is growing!  If you have any questions or want to talk about fatherhood, just ask.  I'm an expert at 0 - 7 months, but am clueless for everything beyond that!

[cordharel]

Haha thank you I am now an expert in seeing alien-like shapes in my girlfriend's stomach 

Day 14: Yes it's already day 14 and I am actually feeling really good and... uhm... "normal"? I am having a great time at work. Maybe because it's now my main thing of attraction. When I used to play games I would just work because "I need to" and quickly go back in the evening to my beloved Dota 2. 

There are two things that I noticed:

1. I am dreaming about normal things

Normal = non gaming things. This does not mean I did only dream about games but I just felt that I am having normal/intense dreams about humans. It's hard to explain. 

By the way: When I was addicted to games I had never problems to fall asleep. I would just think about one particular game scene and my brain was kinda in a loop and busy and soon after I would sleep. That's really interesting and funny in my opinion. I could even fall asleep when my girlfriend read in a book with the lamp/light on!  For example I loved to "busy" my brain with thoughts like "what's the better game? HoN or LoL?" and similar questions.

Even now after I stopped playing games I can still sleep really quickly - I just "busy" my brain with a thought that would not annoy me or get me emotionally involed. 

So this would be my advice for people that have problems to fall asleep: Try to think about something that would not use intense thinking and do it in an endless loop. Also never doubt that you will fall asleep. My girlfriend used to say things like "Oh when the light is on I cannot sleep!" or "Oh I think about work I cannot sleep" while I never even thought about this. I knew I would sleep so I slept. I know it's easier said than done 

 

2. My thoughts are not confused anymore

When I played so much Dota 2 my was really confused afterwards... or maybe the whole time... People in real life thought I am a big weirdo because I was just not interested in normal topics (politics, cars, work, football, baseball, ... ...) but just living in my own world. And because my thoughts were so confused I also had some problems talking to people calmly. I often confused topics or did not catch what they would tell me.

And I also could not think one simple sentence in my mind! Oh my god you cannot imagine how bad that was! I could not put one single normal sentence together! 

Well when I talked it was no problem. Sentences would flow out of my mouth. In the end I still needed to function as application engineer or student haha. But I was unable to put them together in my brain.

And today I realized that has changed after 14 days. I am sure. And I hope it will get better. I am now able to put sentences together in my brain. Word by word. 

Haha that must sound ridiculous for you. But it is a big thing for me! 

So yes things are going good for now. I am planning to buy myself a camera, the Lumix TZ61 to make babies of my picture... I mean pictures of my baby! 

 

Behaviour I want to improve
- It's actually my memory. It's horrible! I can't even remember what happened yesterday or this morning! I used to live in "now and here". I really want to improve my memory!

Cor

Edited October 27, 2015 by cordharel

[Phoenix]

Happy birthday Cordharel!

[Cam Adair]

Hey Cordharel! Have you found anything to improve your memory? I know my friend Phil has a popular post on it here.

[cordharel]

Day 21: Thanks Cam I will read it asap! What I am trying now is one of those brain memory apps for the phone. I realized that for years I sucked up alot of information into my brain but I also kinda overloaded it. I really have problems to TALK about anything that I read or learned.

So what I will try now is reading about something and then summarize it verbally.

I really think my memory is so bad because I used to play so many games and there memory was not an issue because every moment was unique and new and the past was not important. 

I can't even tell you what happened some days ago! What was I doing? I don't know... I used to live in the "now and here" for so long without thinking about the past! 

I also want to train to speak about IT stuff - You know I want to become a software architect and I want to be able to talk about IT stuff with other people. I did not need (or was not interested) to do that in the past.

Except for that everything is fine. Haven't played games yet. Yesterday was my birthday (thanks Phoenix!) but I was not really in the mood to party hard or anything. But my girlfriend was so awesome - She knows what I am going through and the threw a private party for me... like... we ate together, talked a little bit while listening to music and played a funny board game for two people. Then we watched a movie together before going to bed. 

All without drinking alcohol as I am really not into alcohol. That's something I am proud of.

Things I am thankful for and that I can remember:
- Very cool shopping saturday with my girlfiend - we bought a lot of pregnant woman pants
- Chinese food. I love "poulet szechuan"
- I have the feeling I start to enjoy my work much more (?) than when I used to play games

Recently time just flies by I didn't even have time to read all the journals. Want to get up to date as soon as possible.

Regards, Cor

[wookieshark88]

I bought a new camera when I had my baby too!  Great timing on quitting games!  You're going to be in top mental shape by the time the baby is born!

Edited November 4, 2015 by wookieshark88
Wording it better

[Cam Adair]

The sober life is the life for me!