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Everything posted by cordharel

  1. Hey all just giving a quick update... It's new years eve and nothing is going on as my wife just went to bed with the baby while outside people are shooting rockets into the sky :-) I am here at my computer just relaxing and doing stuff like learning a little python and surfing a little, it's totally fine. I just wanted to say that it's my day 32 and I have a really hard time as my brain constantly tells me to play video games and everything I see makes me wanna play games. It's really really hard. My brain tells me to play let's say Tropico but I don't want to and then I get sad hmm it's hard to describe so I just say it's very hard at the moment. I think about video games and how awesome they are, living a role in a roleplaying game, exploring foreign countries, or building a city... my brain just gets all those memories from the last years and wants me to play again.
  2. Days 20 Well you know Windows for me equals Steam equal ~700 games in Steam I am feeling okay. Maybe the feeling of boredom slowly goes away. I will try to have a project in the upcoming holiday time and create some blog entries on my blog (it's in German so it's not for you ) I am really looking forward for christmas I love giving away presents
  3. Okay after some more hours of installing just Java JRE and PyCharm I have learned two things today: 1. Ubuntu no! 2. Linux Mint yes!
  4. Thank you guys. Day 16: I might just be going crazy. My stupid ubuntu now only has sound on my left speaker and I have spent the last 3 hours trying to get it work again. In the end Ubuntu disabled my keyboard. I needed to reinstall this thing. Imagine a lot of swearing words in those sentences that I left out on purpose. But hey, listen to all those IT students in my class! "Oh linux is so great, Windows sucks hard, ooohhh Linux Linux ooohhh only newbies use Windows". I can't remember having such stupid issues with windows.
  5. It's day 13 and I am just a little pissed because... ahh I don't know maybe because I need to face reality and can not escape into games who knows... I would love to do something with Machine Learning but magically I can not find the time to spend on my computer as I have spent it when I was gaming.
  6. Hey all It's day 11 and it's going good so far. Sometimes I feel... I don't know... like other people already said... maybe "empty"? But it's hard to tell as I have lots of enjoyment with my little baby daughter, still... Today we had a couple as visitors and the husband said something like this: "Yes yes I also used to play video games in my past... but well... you know somehow they just got boring with time". Never in my entire life have I ever felt the feeling of "oh well you know gaming just got boring when I got older" It's weird and fascinating that this feeling happens for some people and for others it doesn't, isn't it?
  7. Hey guys a little update. I rather like to keep it short than having long texts. So it's day 6 and I feel great. Because I installed Ubuntu Linux I never had any cravings because they would not make any sense as I can't just go onto my laptop and play Steam games. Looool do you know what's really interesting and what I just realized? I just watched Cam's new video "ProGamer Opens up About Why He Quit Professional Gaming" I was listening BUT I was also constantly trying to switch to Steam to check out the games in the store like I used to do 1'000'000 times in Windows. Well of course it wasn't possible but I realized my behaviour. I usually watched looooots of youtube videos about gaming and while doing so I switched to Steam to search for new games that could satisfy me. So interesting. I want to focus now on the videos only so I try to maximise them so I don't switch to another tab to look at whatever let's say reddit or 9gag. But in real life everything is going great. I felt sooo empowered this morning and the feeling stayed the whole day till now. I did Yoga in the evening and feel great now. Music advice: If you ever need power in any situation of your life check out GLORYHAMMER - Rise Of The Chaos Wizards So long
  8. Hey I also wish you all the best! It's interesting to read. Uhm might I ask what a "organ failure survivor" is? Like was this at birth or later and is this still affecting your life? You don't need to answer if it makes you feel uncomfortably. If you're interested into mechanical mods you might also be interested in something like the Arduino.
  9. Very interesting to read. I hope you can do it! The beginning is often exciting so I hope you can stay away from games in the long term.
  10. Hey guys thank you all! I try to go through the forum but I can't spend too much time on my computer as I have a little girl (Baby Lea!) and she is super cute and 18 months old Well I would love to get a new PASSION because gaming used to be my passion for the whole life. But right now I just want to focus on not playing. I can still see about passion in the future, nothing really super-interests me right now. I am currently unsubscribing all my gaming newsletters and youtube subscriptions. But installing Linux was probably the best decision ever to get away from my evil beloved Steam library!
  11. I have been here before. I have been at this point in my life so many times before. I want to quit games. Again. I wanted to do it so many times before. I always went back. I just installed Ubuntu Linux on my gaming pc after going out with a friend and drinking tequilla. Yes yes, tequilla sometimes helps to make some decisions! What? I had steam running in windows and was still needed to finish ELEX? And what about those 690 games in my steam library? Fuck that shit. I really want to do it but I don't know if I am able to. Lord of the Tux, please help me! I am so interested in artificial intelligence (AI) and machine learning. Please please if I only knew about AI what I do about gaming I'd be the king! No party this time just the cold truth. Yes I am addicted to games. It's not harming my life that much but then again it's not making me happy. I am 33 now with a beloved daughter and at the end of my field of study in IT. I can do it with gaming, no doubt. But gaming does make me sad. Cam says it in his mails. I think I could become so much more without gaming. But am I able to do it? Only time will tell. I really really would love to. Really!
  12. Day 21: Thanks Cam I will read it asap! What I am trying now is one of those brain memory apps for the phone. I realized that for years I sucked up alot of information into my brain but I also kinda overloaded it. I really have problems to TALK about anything that I read or learned. So what I will try now is reading about something and then summarize it verbally. I really think my memory is so bad because I used to play so many games and there memory was not an issue because every moment was unique and new and the past was not important. I can't even tell you what happened some days ago! What was I doing? I don't know... I used to live in the "now and here" for so long without thinking about the past! I also want to train to speak about IT stuff - You know I want to become a software architect and I want to be able to talk about IT stuff with other people. I did not need (or was not interested) to do that in the past. Except for that everything is fine. Haven't played games yet. Yesterday was my birthday (thanks Phoenix!) but I was not really in the mood to party hard or anything. But my girlfriend was so awesome - She knows what I am going through and the threw a private party for me... like... we ate together, talked a little bit while listening to music and played a funny board game for two people. Then we watched a movie together before going to bed. All without drinking alcohol as I am really not into alcohol. That's something I am proud of. Things I am thankful for and that I can remember: - Very cool shopping saturday with my girlfiend - we bought a lot of pregnant woman pants - Chinese food. I love "poulet szechuan" - I have the feeling I start to enjoy my work much more (?) than when I used to play games Recently time just flies by I didn't even have time to read all the journals. Want to get up to date as soon as possible. Regards, Cor
  13. This reminds me of myself whe I tried to quit smoking in the age of 22. Many times I said, after some days without cigarettes, "Oh I know I want to quit smoking... But why shouldnt I? Smoking is so good and it helps me relax" and so I would start smoking again. Just try it again as long as you dont stop wanting to quit games its all fine. Someday you will do it! Just dont give up! uhm by the way yes I stopped smoking in the end ;-)
  14. Thats such a great idea I should once bake a cake... my girlfriend loves cake Bread looks good... what about the taste?
  15. Ah right... well.. that's a really nice thing to do then. When we had a party some guys used to draw a lot of hair and a fake beard onto this drunken, poor man's face with a marker. Later this poor guy went to the bathroom and was so confused when he saw himself in the mirror, still insanely drunk Hmm yes. That reminds me that I always wished for friends like you and always received "friends" like them
  16. You don't need too high expectations about your own journal. It's all fine. You could even just write one single word and it would be okay. And you don't even need to finish your
  17. How do you burn a soup??? <<<< Haha best quote I have read today What I do not get: What is a notebook grade? Is it a text you have written on your notebook?
  18. Haha thank you I am now an expert in seeing alien-like shapes in my girlfriend's stomach Day 14: Yes it's already day 14 and I am actually feeling really good and... uhm... "normal"? I am having a great time at work. Maybe because it's now my main thing of attraction. When I used to play games I would just work because "I need to" and quickly go back in the evening to my beloved Dota 2. There are two things that I noticed: 1. I am dreaming about normal things Normal = non gaming things. This does not mean I did only dream about games but I just felt that I am having normal/intense dreams about humans. It's hard to explain. By the way: When I was addicted to games I had never problems to fall asleep. I would just think about one particular game scene and my brain was kinda in a loop and busy and soon after I would sleep. That's really interesting and funny in my opinion. I could even fall asleep when my girlfriend read in a book with the lamp/light on! For example I loved to "busy" my brain with thoughts like "what's the better game? HoN or LoL?" and similar questions. Even now after I stopped playing games I can still sleep really quickly - I just "busy" my brain with a thought that would not annoy me or get me emotionally involed. So this would be my advice for people that have problems to fall asleep: Try to think about something that would not use intense thinking and do it in an endless loop. Also never doubt that you will fall asleep. My girlfriend used to say things like "Oh when the light is on I cannot sleep!" or "Oh I think about work I cannot sleep" while I never even thought about this. I knew I would sleep so I slept. I know it's easier said than done 2. My thoughts are not confused anymore When I played so much Dota 2 my was really confused afterwards... or maybe the whole time... People in real life thought I am a big weirdo because I was just not interested in normal topics (politics, cars, work, football, baseball, ... ...) but just living in my own world. And because my thoughts were so confused I also had some problems talking to people calmly. I often confused topics or did not catch what they would tell me. And I also could not think one simple sentence in my mind! Oh my god you cannot imagine how bad that was! I could not put one single normal sentence together! Well when I talked it was no problem. Sentences would flow out of my mouth. In the end I still needed to function as application engineer or student haha. But I was unable to put them together in my brain. And today I realized that has changed after 14 days. I am sure. And I hope it will get better. I am now able to put sentences together in my brain. Word by word. Haha that must sound ridiculous for you. But it is a big thing for me! So yes things are going good for now. I am planning to buy myself a camera, the Lumix TZ61 to make babies of my picture... I mean pictures of my baby! Behaviour I want to improve - It's actually my memory. It's horrible! I can't even remember what happened yesterday or this morning! I used to live in "now and here". I really want to improve my memory! Cor
  19. Hi Bassitone You should totally try to do something off the computer as surfing the web can lead to the same feeling as gaming does. I mean you feel it yourself I guess what gives you that addicted feeling and what not. Anyway welcome I am interested to hear your future plans and actions!
  20. Good to hear your stomach is better. Also cats are awesome!
  21. I really love to see other people NOT drink for a variety. Sometimes I feel like people drink alcohol on every occasion. Haha what does that mean you washed him? I imagine some cruel joke but maybe you really just washed him with water and soap?
  22. Oh my god that's the worst thing that can happen! If you have a bad headache but you can't do anything about it because you are at work. If I am at home I would just go to bed for one or two hours but at work you just can't. I had this problem yesterday for two hours straight and I am just happy I didn't have a meeting. Afterwards I felt good again, even great. So I wish you no more headaches anymore! By the way I also love Celtic Music. Do you have any bands that you can recommend? I would recommend "BrunuhVille" if you are into calm music that you may use to meditate.
  23. Wow congrats on those squads. I can confirm what you wrote: I also feel much better since I gained some kilos. Used to have problem with my circular flow but eating more plus some jogging really helps. Do you use linux for work or private? I just tried linux several times but as I always needed to be able to play games I always stuck to windows.
  24. Hey Richard Your story really touched me. I really hope we all can help to make you happy with your life again! I am sure your degree is worth a job somewhere! And don't think of your gaming time as time wasted. It was a time of your life and now you can find joy in new activities - like saying goodbye to an old friend.
  25. Welcome Florian! What are three behaviors I'd like to change? <<< Oh right I also wanted to do that... I should include this in my own journal. I think I know your feeling and I am in the same situation - Even if I am just SAYING that I want to quit my job for some time someday... since I am doing my field of study in IT for the next 3 years... As a kid I wanted to become an IT guy. Today I sometimes wished I had something else to turn on in the morning than a computer... So I hope you can clear your mind and find what really makes you happy!