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Got to 11 Weeks...


Davo36
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Yep, got to 11 weeks through the 12 week program and fell off the wagon.

As I've said in other threads, I've been really depressed at times recently.  I understand this could be a reaction (or common effect or whatever) to giving up gaming but man it's hit me hard.  Had depression around 4 years ago quite badly and it's exactly like that.  Not a place I enjoy being.

So anyway, had one day last week where I didn't know what to do with myself, couldn't see how to get through the day and so started watching streams on Twitch.  And then of course installed the only game I ever play, StarCraft 2.  And I've been playing it for the last week.

And man the first few days were wonderful!  The depression instantly went away (I have noticed this before) and I was really enjoying myself.  Getting lots of other stuff done too.  Lots of energy, felt really positive etc.

But of course it went the way it always does, which is that within a week, I'm staying up to 2am playing it, getting really shitty when I lose and craving that winning feeling.  So that when I win, or lose, I instantly start another game to either take away the bad losing feelings or get the winning feeling again.

So uninstalled this morning. Again.

The whole time I was watching myself do it, very aware of what I was doing and trying to take in how it all felt etc.  And as I said above, at first it's like a Godsend, then after a while it's OK, then an all encompassing obsession which is not enjoyable at all.

Oh well, back on the wagon, wish me luck.

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Yeah gamiing feels like a patch sometimes. It covers the reasons you feel bad for some time,but unfortunately it can't heal you.

Any ideas where your depression came from? Did you cover the basics? Healthy eating,exercise and enough sleep? Did you try to go to a doctor because of it? Some people had pretty good results with taking antidepressants for  a limited time(this helps basically to rewire your brain for happiness). Just some things to try out at your next detox. Don't worry we all went through several relapses over time. The main thing is to learn from it and make things better next time.

 

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Thanks for sharing and good to have you back. It takes a lot of courage to post and be open about your experiences. But that vulnerability will transform your life.

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Thanks for the comments guys, it's good to have someone to talk to about it.

I have seen my GP and have an appointment to see the psychiatrist who sorted me out last time.

As background I was eating well, exercising frequently, doing a gratitude journal and meditating daily.  Nothing bad happened in my life, on paper, my life is awesome.  So, frustrating that I was doing all the right things and ended up feeling like crap.  Still eating well and exercising often but given up on the journal and meditation for now but might get back into them at some point.

Also, have tried around 5 antidepressants in the past - none of them worked, but I do take a supplement called 5-HTP which does help quite a lot. 

Anyway, I'll come right, off to the gym for a workout and nice breakfast now :)

 

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