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play_time_is_over

No Games, No Reddit. play_time_is_over.

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Dude, I'll give you brutal truth: you don't know anything for sure until 10 first dates (about 2 months). You're strangers to each other during that time, and you need to do many different things properly to be asked by her about stable relationship.

Sometimes she can runaway from you even on 9th date and never ever call you again. That's brutal, but that's truth.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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There can be a million reasons why she's busy. She could even be busy! One of the best things you want to start cultivating is not to take things so personally. If you look at how you responded, you instantly made it about you. "She doesn't like me" "She doesn't want to hang out with me" "I'm not good enough"...

She never said any of that. YOU SAID THAT. And you said it because it allows you to play victim, feel sorry for yourself and give validate what you already believe.

Until you shift the way you perceive events and the belief you have about what's possible, you'll continue to repeat this same cycle.

So the question is. Do you want to continue this experience? Do you want to be crushed every time you don't get a second date (FOR WHATEVER REASON)?

If not, we can get to work! :)

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There can be a million reasons why she's busy. She could even be busy! One of the best things you want to start cultivating is not to take things so personally. If you look at how you responded, you instantly made it about you. "She doesn't like me" "She doesn't want to hang out with me" "I'm not good enough"...

She never said any of that. YOU SAID THAT. And you said it because it allows you to play victim, feel sorry for yourself and give validate what you already believe.

Until you shift the way you perceive events and the belief you have about what's possible, you'll continue to repeat this same cycle.

So the question is. Do you want to continue this experience? Do you want to be crushed every time you don't get a second date (FOR WHATEVER REASON)?

If not, we can get to work! :)

fucking hell cam that is amazing advice. "it allows you to play victim, feel sorry for yourself and give validate what you already believe." I need to drill this into my skull and realise what I'm doing. Maybe I'm being depressed because I secretly want to be or something, because it's easy.

I'm going to the doctors in 1 hour, get a blood test and maybe get referral to a psychologist for anti-depressants. I'm mere seconds away from playing cs:go again - my mood right now is making it crazy difficult to do anything properly or constructive. I think I have low T, or underactive thyroid or something.

even just taking them as a placebo or something may help.

Edited by play_time_is_over

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 I need to drill this into my skull and realise what I'm doing. Maybe I'm being depressed because I secretly want to be or something, because it's easy.

I'm going to the doctors in 1 hour, get a blood test and maybe get referral to a psychologist for anti-depressants. I'm mere seconds away from playing cs:go again - my mood right now is making it crazy difficult to do anything properly or constructive. I think I have low T, or underactive thyroid or something.

Yes, you need to continue to practice this mindset and internalize it. It won't happen automatically.

Although I'm not a doctor and this is not professional advice, I would encourage you away from anti-depressants unless absolutely necessary, and instead go to the gym and work off that steam. Anti-depressants come with a lot of side-effects like insomnia and being numb to our emotions. They should be an absolute last resort and although I know you can feel like you're going a bit mad right now, it will pass. Look into things like underactive thyroid maybe, but anti-depressants are a bandaid solution 99% of the time that create other problems instead. 

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I agree with you, but I can't help my mood. I only feel happy maybe once every 14 days. On those days it's just awesome, heaps of people talk to me, I have awesome conversations with girls.

The only thing stopping me from self-medicating is an empty bank account. Phenibut 2x a week means at least twice a week I will feel good, and modafinil if I'm feeling good enough to study.

I work out 9-12hrs a week while counting calories and eating balanced meals. I have a lot of goals and opportunities and my fingertips but my bad mood too often derails me. Like I will be hardcore coding for my product then I will just totally drop it for a week because I'm catatonic and can't do anything. I'm willing to sacrifice the next 3 months of my life to getting this product done, which means my mood can not affect my progress. 

I think to be successful you need to be willing to do whatever it takes, for athletes that mean steroids and for me that means mood enhancers and nootropics. I don't need to be happy right now, so long as I am in the mindset where I can work.

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Hey Cam thanks for the concern. Eggs, brocolli, chicken, coffee, milk, cottage cheese, tuna, steak, lamb. Occasionally KFC or subway.

I have been having diet soda with aspartame which I heard can be bad for you.

I been thinking over your words and your right. Im in a victim mentality. I feel better today. Rejection and disappointment is a part of life - and facing it will toughen me up.

Ive been in captivity, but now Im in the wild and we have to toughen up. Its that raw vitality of a predator I need to infuse into my body.

Does a lion hesitate to chase a prey because he is anxious he might fail? Does he cry if he doesn't get it. No, he is just living,  survivng.

I welcome rejection, I seek it. The goal isnt to be so good you cant be rejected, but to be real enough to not let it bother you.

Goes beyond women,  uni starts next monday I'm just going to go super sayian on that shit.. be tough is my goal!!!

Oh also looking back on my r/stipgaming posts - I havent been achieving many goals lately, contributes to low feelings.

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Yes, exactly. You're on the right track.

Are you meditating each morning? If not, I would add that as well and a 10 point gratitude list. Helps you focus on the good in your life instead. :)

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3 days until I hit 90 days. This has been a pretty bad week / didn't do much.

Tomorrow is Hajime class and to be honest Im slightly shitting my pants. My partner is easily the fittest guy in the dojo so I will be shown no mercy.

2.5 hours of intensive cardio non-stop.

30 minutes of staic leg poses. (Holding 1 legged squats for 2.5 mins x 10)

45 minutes of non stop technique (hit down and up again)

45 minutes of general exercise/torture (frog hops, non stop rolling, break falls, duck walks the worst!! 

300-500 pushups.

300-500 break falls.

I'm actually dreading it. However after that I will start my meds so it will be like a super-primer to jump back into uni. My mood does elevate but only for a day or two, not a sustainable solution.

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Physical strength can lead to mental strength. Tomorrow has less to do with the physical activity, and more about you training your mindset and determination. :)

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Yes I agree Cam I realise it now. I'm seeing tommorow as a barometer. It is a measurment of far I am willing to go to improve my life. I have to give it everything I have and then I will know all that I have to give.

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Yes I agree Cam I realise it now. I'm seeing tommorow as a barometer. It is a measurment of far I am willing to go to improve my life. I have to give it everything I have and then I will know all that I have to give.

You sound very motivated. Awesome and have fun with your martial arts class! Keep it up. 

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Class is over, it was hard but not as hard as I remember it - all my gym is paying off but right now I am so tired and ready to sleep.

At least I start work on Monday and meds tomorrow to keep my mind distracted.

I think I'm realising my problem with dating and women in general is that I'm coming off as asexual. I'm not letting my natural sexuality run it's course. What I mean by that is I wont be flirty and touch girls because for some reason I think it's wrong - I'm just a husk of a man which is quite normal for ex-gamers I think at the start. That isn't to say I want to be overtly sexual, but I want to show girls I am interested and not just a robot or a "friend".

Confidence is something that is earnt through achievement. If I keep working hard at the gym and uni I know it will come.

 

My ideal scenario on a daily basis would be:

1.5 hours of gym / martial arts

30 minutes of hitting up girls and arranging dates.

6+ hours of uni work

2+ hours of socialising or relaxation.

Then working 12 hours during the week while I study.

 

I was in a relationship for 2 years and pretty much gave up on myself from day 1. So that's 2 years of bad habits and thoughts building up. It's foolish to think it will be gone in 3 months but if I try really hard I think I can get to a good place in 9 - 12 months.

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Woke up at 6:50am for my first day at work! Also my only day!!! we worked too fast and finished everything. Still I had a lot of anxiety about today and overcame it and went in with confidence so I'm glad.

2nd day of anti-depressants.

Really tired, gym tomorrow and VR meetup. Will try organise some dates as well. I don't want to be depressed but I'm even more afraid of being comfortable in a mediocre life.

 

Today is officilally 90 days game free :) There's been some tough times on this road, and I almost relapsed - glad I didn't.

Edited by play_time_is_over

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Congrats with 90 days detox !

Big support for your anti depress. Took those pills 3 years ago for 6 months. Lot of people go through that once in their life (I discovered that there were many people around me who took that and never spoke about that, and I would have never thought they would). It's just a phase for most.

Most important is not to feel guilty. Don't talk about it to people who may judge you, but talk to the others. You should feel better and better day after day, and the fact that you do a lot of sport will help a lot to create additional serotonine. And remember that the best time of this anti-depress is after you stop it !

One side effect on me has been on my libido to go down and changing the pills did not help much. But don't worry, it's coming back on tracks after you stop, and I am even  happier than ever sexually. One anectode that still make me smile today is that a girl with whom I could not be very efficient by using my male attribute told be in the end after being very satisfied: you are a very good lesbian ! Of course it was a bit sad, but overall it helped me master other very useful skills ;-)

Congrats again for your detox, big respect !

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Today was awesome. Indian girl is texting me throughout the day and I went on a date tonight with a really awesome Brazilian girl. She is 18 too >:))))

 

Found out I got high distinction for my research paper and can get it published - got an internship as well. Been going to the gym like crazy this week and being at uni all day working. Got my gearVR (for development). The future is looking good. This anti-depressants are amazing. Plus hanging with my mate is really good for me.

Having a goodnlife doesn't require one to be super tougu.. you just have to ve tough enough. Tough enough to not play games, not cheat your diet, not skip the gym, bot sleep in. Just that tough enough - and everything falls into place.

 

I'm just enjoying life so much right now it's crazy! like when does it end? usually if I have a good day I crash the next but this is like 4 amazing days in a row.

Edited by play_time_is_over

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Hey dude, how's the past week been?

Hey Cam. It's been a testing week for sure. 

I had a date on Monday that I thought went really well - however afterwards I did not get a response from her. I had 3 dates cancelled on me as well. So I've been in 7 first dates, and contacted 3 girls for a 2nd date but so far nothing. Needless to say I feel like I'm doing something "wrong" without knowing what it is - however I wont really delve into it until I've asked at least 8 girls on a 2nd date.

The funny thing is, every girl will say "Guys only want sex". I legitmately would love to have a girlfriend. At the same time I'm trying hard not to come across as desperate and honestly I don't think I am coming across that way - I talk to enough that I'm never super focused on just one.

The only good thing is I've been busy at uni and starting to really get into my project. I start to think about it before falling asleep - that's when I know I'm getting in the zone. However long hours at uni have taken a toll on my health and diet.

I heard a song today that used to be in a custom map I played in cs:go. I must have heard that one song literally a thousand times. Hearing it flooded me with nostalgia.. wow I could just easily go one right now and immerse myself, with my friends, even thinking about it putting a smile on my face.

BUT I WONT!!!

 I like the pain of depriving myself of that pleasure. I enjoy proving to myself that I can endure it. I know this week has been bad, but I know in the future, quite soon in the future, I will be with an awesome girl, it will happen. In the meantime I keep working on myself in the gym and at uni.

 

CS:GO has been installed on my computer for probably 2 weeks now. It's fully installed - I can go play it whenever I want. Yet I haven't - for that I am proud. Truly quitting gaming is about that, being exposed to it and saying no. Even my friend at uni is trying to get me into games, I just say no and he says "I respect you more for that".

 

Respect is earned through hard work. Hard work is all that really matters in this world, the pain of hard work is the best feeling in the world!!! This week is just another trial but I will not be defeated. 100 days.

 

Cam I just want to say you are awesome - sometimes it feels like nobody would care if you didn't exist, just having someone ask how everything is going makes a world of difference. Thanks man - keep up the good work you are doing here.

Edited by play_time_is_over

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Date fron monday did eventually contact me and we met uo again tonightm i guess it went well i thibk she likes me but i sid not kiss her and I feel really bad for that.

Gaming has left me so stunted that im learning things i should have got past in my teens.

I've only ever kissed 5 girls - and slept with 4, strange numbers. However kissing for me is just one of those big barriers for me.........

.

 

 

Just keep trying, one day I will a story to tel my friends.

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Keep working at it. In 5 years you will realize a lot of this stuff you're being hard on yourself for isn't really that big of a deal. I lost my virginity when I was 13, but most of my friends didn't lose theirs until 18+. Doesn't really matter.

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Yea I guess I just want consitency. Last night was actually really good to be honest. I enjoyed hanging out with that girl, there was a bit of intimacy which I haven't felt in a long long time. I won't get good at dating until I go on 10+ I rekon. I've been on 8 first coffee dates and only 1 second date. However already my 1st dates have gotten a lot better. So it's just practise I guess.

My goal for 2016 is to go on 40x first dates, 8x 2nd dates.

Currently 8 and 1. If I keep up this pace I should get there.

Edited by play_time_is_over

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