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Abdul's Journal


Abdul

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Day 27 Overview

Not too much to say today. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since I decided to quit gaming. I will probably talk about that a lot in my journal tomorrow.

Books

The Code of the Extraordinary Mind:  6/10 +1

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages +6

Habits

Meditation: YES – 5 min

Guitar: YES – 17 min

Exercise: YES - Running

Programming: NO

Time Allocation

Youtube: 40 Minutes

Random Browsing: 20 minutes

Twitch: 1 hour

Anime/TV: Minutes

Gratefulness

1)    Good health ^_^

2)    Meditation

3)    Contacts! They are so much better than glasses. (picking up 2 week trial tomorrow)

Goals for Tomorrow

1) Read Gorilla Mindset & Cracking the Coding Interview

2) Programming

3) Running

4) No zit picking!

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Day 29 Overview

I had begun to realize that I was spending a little too much time sleeping. Over the past couple of months, I got used to sleeping for 10-11 hours. Last night, I decided to reduce that to about 7 hours. I ended up waking up today at 7:30AM and had an alright day.

 

Books

Ego is the Enemy: 0/26 Chapters

The Code of the Extraordinary Mind:  10/10 +4 COMPLETED

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 10 min

Guitar: YES – 15 min

Exercise: YES - Running

Programming: YES – 1 hour & 15min

Time Allocation

Youtube: 40 Minutes

Random Browsing: 20 minutes

Twitch: 4 Hours

Anime/TV: 20 Minutes

Goals for Tomorrow

1) Read "Ego is the Enemy"

3) Yoga?

4) No zit picking!

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Day 31 Overview

This week has had both negative and positive moments to it. I started the week with incredibly successful days where productivity went through the roof. I also experienced days where I became incredibly lazy trying to find anything to distract me from being productive. These “lazy days” often involve me slipping into places I did not really enjoy. While I have not really talked too much about it in my journal posts, it has been an incredible struggle to deal with no Porn / noFap.

From the ages of 12 to approx. 20, I perceived masturbating and porn as being incredibly sinful (religion). The “sinful nature” of porn and masturbating resulted in constantly feeling guilty of being sinful 24/7. This guilt coupled with gaming made me feel really worthless and unsuccessful. Eventually I became much less religious and the guilt played less of a role in my life. When I relapsed with porn this weekend, I was really frustrated with myself over being unable to control this addictive behavior.

However, I have noticed that whenever I end up relapsing with porn/noFap, I neglect to reflect on it in my journal posts. Not only that, but I avoid doing any kind of self-reflecting and just move on to the next day trying my best to forget what happened. I am not really sure why I don’t reflect on it in my journal posts to be completely honest. Guilt? Fear of being judged?

The Problem: I blocked a ton of porn sites on my PC and phone a few weeks ago. Since then, I have masturbated 5 times and watched porn 4 times. In the situations where I watched porn, I spent 15min trying to figure out how to bypass the admin pass (on k9 web protection) I threw away so I could access the site and watch porn. Looking back at this, I am amazed at how I mindlessly followed my desires without ever questioning WHY I was so desperate to watch porn or even taking a step back to re-gain control of myself. In the end, I created a “safety net” to prevent porn usage which fooled me into thinking I was safe from relapsing.

The Solution: I have on numerous occasions over the past few years used web filters to block porn and it has had no effect in controlling urges to watch porn. The best solution would be to drop these web filters and attempt to live life without so many safety nets. Therefore, I have decided that I will be removing all the software on my PC/Phone that blocks porn websites and Reddit. I don’t need a program to block a website that is threat to my future. I will work on building my self-control so that even if I stumble across naked images while browsing the internet, I won’t falter on my path of having full control over myself and my desires.

The Commitment: From this moment on, any time I experience any kind of relapse or anything that threatens my growth, I should post about it in a journal post. If I am unable to do so, I have to at the very least do some self-reflecting.

 

*I was planning on posting a list of goals for my next semester in college last weekend, but I decided to wait until early August.

Progress

Porn/NoFap: 1 Days

Gaming: 31 Days

Books

Ego is the Enemy: 2/28 Chapters +2

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 5 min

Guitar: YES – 30 min

Exercise: YES – Abs workout

Programming: NO

Time Allocation

Youtube: 50 Minutes

Random Browsing: 20 minutes

Twitch: 0 Hours

Anime/TV: 40 Minutes

Gratefulness

1)    Self-reflection

2)    Meditation

3)    Cam’s new video

Goals for Tomorrow

1) Read Ego is the Enemy & Cracking the Coding Interview

2) Start thinking of goals for the Fall 2016 semester.

3) Yoga? Running? Walking?

4) No zit picking!

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Day 32 Overview

Progress

Porn/NoFap: 2 Days

Gaming: 32 Days

Books

How to Win Friends and Influence People: 4% Complete

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 8 min

Guitar: YES – 30 min

Exercise: YES – Running – 45min

Programming: NO

Time Allocation

Youtube: 50 Minutes

Random Browsing: 20 minutes

Twitch: 0 Hours

Anime/TV: Minutes

Goals for Tomorrow

1) Read Ego is the Enemy & Cracking the Coding Interview

2) Start thinking of goals for the Fall 2016 semester.

3) Yoga? Running? Walking?

4) No zit picking!

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Day 33 Overview

2 days after removing porn/reddit blocking software, I have been overcome with the urge to spend my time unproductively.  The goal for the next few weeks is enhance my self-control and my productivity. Unfortunately, I wasted too much time today when I could have used that time much better. I got stressed out from the early morning and didn't properly deal with it which eventually effected my productivity throughout the day. Hoping for a productive day tomorrow! xD

I have also been paying attention to my thoughts from the start of the day to the end of the day and how those thoughts contribute to my lack of control with porn. Hopefully being aware of these thoughts will allow me to better confront urges to watch porn.

Porn/NoFap - 0 Days

7/27/2016 - Just wasted time browsing the internet until I caved into watching porn. ¬¬ 

Books

How to Win Friends and Influence People: 13% Complete

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 8 min

Guitar: NO

Exercise: NO

Programming: NO

Time Allocation

Youtube: 3 Hours

Random Browsing: 1 Hour

Twitch: 0 Hours

Anime/TV: Minutes

Goals for Tomorrow

1) Read How to Win Friends and Influence People

2) Start thinking of goals for the Fall 2016 semester.

3) Yoga? Running? Walking?

4) No zit picking!

5) BE PRODUCTIVE!!!

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Day 34 Overview

Porn/NoFap – 1 Days

Books

How to Win Friends and Influence People: 31% Complete

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 5 min

Guitar: YES – 30 min

Exercise: YES – Walking – 32min

Programming: NO

Time Allocation

Youtube: 50 Minutes

Random Browsing: 20 minutes

Twitch: 1 Hours

Anime/TV: 20 Minutes

Gratefulness

1)    Good Health

Goals for Tomorrow

1) How to Win Friends and Influence People

2) Start thinking of goals for the Fall 2016 semester.

3) No zit picking!

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Great job on your habits! Let's get programming in tomorrow and have a perfect day!

Won't be able to do programming until Monday. Had to re-format my desktop pc and I will most likely be installing everything tomorrow night.

 

Day 35 Overview

Porn/NoFap – 2 Days

Books

How to Win Friends and Influence People: 38% Complete

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 5 min

Guitar: YES – 15 min

Exercise: YES – Walking + Abs workout

Programming: NO

Time Allocation

Youtube: 30 Minutes

Random Browsing: 20 minutes

Twitch: 2 Hours

Anime/TV: 20 Minutes

Gratefulness

1)    Good Health

Goals for Tomorrow

1) How to Win Friends and Influence People

2) Start thinking of goals for the Fall 2016 semester.

3) No zit picking!

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Day 36 Overview

Porn/NoFap – 3 Days

Books

How to Win Friends and Influence People: 41% Complete

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 5 min

Guitar: YES – 20 min

Exercise: NO

Programming: NO

Time Allocation

Youtube: 20 Minutes

Random Browsing: 20 minutes

Twitch: 3 Hours

Anime/TV: 20 Minutes

Gratefulness

1)    Cookies

Goals for Tomorrow

1) How to Win Friends and Influence People

2) Start thinking of goals for the Fall 2016 semester.

3) No zit picking!

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Any thoughts on your new goals for the fall? 

I have been working on those goals + a few other things. I should be posting that stuff tomorrow night. :D

 

Day 38 Overview

Porn/NoFap – 5 Days

Books

This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab – 0% Complete

How to Win Friends and Influence People: 100% Complete

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 5 min

Guitar: YES – 11 min

Exercise: YES – Walking – 18 min

Programming: YES1 Hour

Time Allocation

Youtube: 30 Minutes

Random Browsing: 30 minutes

Twitch: 25 Minutes

Anime/TV: 40 Minutes

Gratefulness

1)    Good Health

2)    Realizing that my ability to resist things that wrongly impact my life is increasing.

Goals for Tomorrow

1) This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

2) Start thinking of goals for the Fall 2016 semester.

3) No zit picking!

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Credit Hours Completed: 73
Credit Hours Left: ~47

Fall 2016: 6 classes 
Spring 2017: 5 classes
Fall 2017: 3-4 classes (graduation?)

Current GPA: 2.77

1)    2.77 GPA to 3.0+ GPA

2)    Enhance study techniques 

*Will probably expand on this list before classes start on the 22nd. 

------------------------------------------------------

Here is the general routine for when college starts:

Morning Routine:

·         Wake up at 6:45am

·         Get Dressed + Wash Face + Put on Contacts

·         Meditate for 5-10 minutes

·         Eat breakfast

·         Leave home at 7:30am – drop off siblings @ school(25min drive) and head to classes(10-15min drive)

·         Once I arrive @ college parking lot, look at the journal entry I made the previous night to determine the day’s goals.

Daily Routine:

·         *Find a schedule app on android to setup a calendar to better keep track of my days --- Google Calendar?

·         My classes usually start past 10:30AM this semester, so I will have at least a few hours to get some studying done before any classes start. I will need to eliminate any distractions and stay focused.

Nightly Routine:

·         Daily journal entry

·         Take out contacts / Wash Face

·         Sleep by 10:30-11:00pm

 

 

Day 39 Overview

Porn/NoFap – 6 Days

Books

This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab – 4% Complete

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 5 min

Guitar: YES – 12 min

Exercise: YES – Walking

Programming: NO

Time Allocation

Youtube: 20 Minutes

Random Browsing: 30 minutes

Twitch: 0 Minutes

Anime/TV: Minutes

Gratefulness

1) Ice cream <3

2) Family

Goals for Tomorrow

1) This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

2) Go Hiking! 

3) No zit picking!

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 Day 40 Overview

Porn/NoFap – 7 Days

Books

This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab – 9% Complete

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 5 min

Guitar: YES – 10 min

Exercise: YES – Walking

Programming: NO

Time Allocation

Youtube: 20 Minutes

Random Browsing: 30 minutes

Twitch: 1 Hour

Anime/TV: Minutes

Goals for Tomorrow

1) This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

2) Hiking!

3) No zit picking!

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Hiking is awesome! :)

Yep! xD

 

Day 42 Overview

Porn/NoFap – 0 Days - Making some progress at least. I managed to go 9 days without porn/masturbating. What did me in what seeing a few nude pics on Tuesday-Wednesday. Need to work on having a less sexually powered brain. :P

Books

This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab – 11% Complete

Cracking the Coding Interview: 32/687 Pages

Habits

Meditation: YES – 5 min

Guitar: YES – 10 min

Exercise: YES – Walking

Programming: NO

Time Allocation

Youtube: 40 Minutes

Random Browsing: 1 Hour

Twitch: 1 Hour

Anime/TV: 20 Minutes

Gratefulness

1)    Getting the opportunity to go hiking with family.

2)    books

Goals for Tomorrow

1) This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

2) Be more productive – get some programming in?

3) 10+ Minute Meditation

4) Ab Workout

5) Sleep 7 hours rather than 11+ hours :ph34r:

6) No zit picking!

 

Edited by Abdul
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  • 4 weeks later...

I am back!

 

I stopped keeping up with my daily journal entries about 4 weeks ago when I decided that I would try “gaming with moderation”. Surprisingly, it actually turned out rather well. I managed to limit my gaming to around 40 minutes per day for several days. On the 3th day, I began to notice that I wasn’t really enjoying the games I was playing. This sensation was similar to how I felt before I started my daily journals.  On the 4th day I tried switching games, but I ended up with that same sensation.  I would play a game, but it didn’t really seem as enjoyable as playing guitar or reading books. At this stage in my life, I don’t really see any point in wasting my time playing something I don’t even enjoy anymore. It is now time to take another step forward in bettering myself. It has been 23 days since I stopped playing video games after I relapsed. 

When I joined Game Quitters, my goal was to avoid playing video games for 1-2 months. Recollecting all my memories from childhood to adulthood, I do not really remember ever having a hobby that wasn’t gaming. During these 2 months, I managed to obtain a hobby that wasn’t gaming. It started with knitting which eventually lead to playing the guitar, reading, and programming.  Unfortunately two weeks ago my amplifier broke down and I ended up returning my guitar to Amazon so they could refund me.  

A few days after I was refunded, I had to assist my father with fixing his car. It actually took longer than expected because of a stubborn axle, but the car was fixed. I grabbed a donut to eat and right after finishing, I realized that my tooth felt odd. A few seconds later, I realized that the tooth I got a root canal on broke off (1/3rd of it). Through the rush of nervousness, I managed to call the dentist and schedule an appointment for the next day. I found out that my insurance wouldn’t be covering my tooth buildup + crown ($980) and had to borrow some cash from my brother (managed to pay it back a few days later).

I had a lot of time to think while laying down waiting for them to fix my tooth and realized how decisions I made years before impacted I will be making in the days to come.  When I first got the root canal 4 years ago, I had the option and the money to get a crown. However, I ended up deciding that I would get a gaming computer. Instead of getting a job during the summer, I spent way too much time at home. A lot of the decisions I made in the past effected how I would be able to pay for college, books, etc now. Thankfully, I was able to get a $1000 grant and managed to pay for everything.

Problems & Solutions

Problem #1: I am having trouble keeping track of when assignments are due and how to schedule my day.

Solution #1:  I installed a to-do list app on android today and also bought a large calendar a few days ago to keep track of assignments on a larger scale.

 

Problem #2:  I had returned a broken guitar for a refund which eventually went towards fixing my tooth ($130). I now have one less hobby to occupy my day.

Solution #2:  Considering that I now go to college full time, I am usually on campus from 8AM to 5PM. The remaining time usually goes to exercising, reading, and more studying. I now have less time to focus on all the hobbies I had during the summer.  I will drop guitar playing until I start having more time & money available (winter/summer break).

 

Problem #3: Since starting college, I have been overcome with laziness and procrastination.

Solution #3: Stop using Reddit and Youtube.

 

Problem #4:  I am still watching League of Legends Pro Play (LCS) on Twitch. The problem isn’t necessary that I spend time watching stuff on Twitch, but rather that I watch it LIVE. When it comes on during the weekends, I usually sit in anticipation and usually waste hours being unproductive.

Solution #4: I will avoid watching it live from now on. Instead, I will just watch it a few hours after it ends. This allows me to skip any boring/unnecessary parts and avoid wasting too much time.  I can use this as a “reward” after a good weekend of studying.

 

Problem #5:  I am still addicted to porn and fapping. I always seem to allow the urges to overcome my rational thoughts. I at least managed to go a full week without porn. Hopefully this time it will be for the rest of my life.

Solution #5:  I need to fight the thoughts that want to derail my progress.

 

 

 

 

Edited by Abdul
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