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Sarma's Journal


Sarma
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Today is my third day without gaming in my 90 day detox goal. I've been kind of all around with my emotions. Every time i enter my room a craving for playing games start, but im not gonna let it take over. My stomach feels unusual most of the time, probably because im doing the things i dont do. I'm trying to talk with my brother and sister more than i did before because they would usually walk into my room wanting to talk with me but i would just ignore and keep gaming :(. I asked them to watch a movie together on Sunday, but we didn't because it was kind of late. Btw my sister is the one that bought me the respawn book, because i dont have a way of paying since im 15 years old. She really loves me and i feel like shes the only one who understands the situation. I'm gonna try and call friends to go out on the weekend( school days), but i'm scared of my social skills. That about wraps it up!

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You've made best choice for living a better life! Keep strong and post regurarly. We are here to help you, don't hesitate to post in hard times, together, we will overcome hard days :)

 

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Day 5

So today i made a daily routine that i will try and do everytime. Yesterday i started learning how to beatbox! It looks really amazing to do but also very hard. After i get home from school i try and rest for a max of 30 mins and then either beatbox or study. But my habits of just watching youtube and playing games kick in and im trying hard to overcome that. Yesterday in school we had class about informatics and computing, since its the end of the school year soon we've pretty much done everything we have for the year, so our teacher let us play games. Everyone wanted to play cs 1.6. I was so scared at that point, i didn't wanna say no because everyone was playing and i would be bored. Also i would smash anyone while we play so someone always wanted me on the team. So i played even tho my gut was saying dont do it. We played for about 15-20 mins, and i felt devastated after that. But after some time passed by it didn't give me any urge to play games again, yes it was a fun game with my friends but it was fine. Playing a game of cs once a week for 20 mins doesn't seem so hurting. We had a free class later on in the day and we all went out and played football! Even tho i didn't want to play i forced my self to play ( damn you dopamine). After about 5 mins i started to enjoy my self. I was moving around trying to get the ball i was sweating in the sunny day and it felt amazing. But i need to start talking more when im in company, since i feel like ppl think of me as boring, so i want to talk to them about a lot of stuff, im always looking for stuff to say even tho it usually is quiet.

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Hi Sarma! Beatboxing could be cool! Just practice 15-30 minutes a day and over a few weeks and months you'll improve a lot! Next time your classmates want to play, what could you do instead?

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Hi Sarma! Beatboxing could be cool! Just practice 15-30 minutes a day and over a few weeks and months you'll improve a lot! Next time your classmates want to play, what could you do instead?

I really don't know what i could do. Maybe i should just scroll the internet? Oh, and Cam since i'm in high school. Is it okay to leave studying for sundays and rest and go out with friends on fridays and saturdays. Or should i spread out my time to study a bit everyday?

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Hi Sarma! Beatboxing could be cool! Just practice 15-30 minutes a day and over a few weeks and months you'll improve a lot! Next time your classmates want to play, what could you do instead?

I really don't know what i could do. Maybe i should just scroll the internet? Oh, and Cam since i'm in high school. Is it okay to leave studying for sundays and rest and go out with friends on fridays and saturdays. Or should i spread out my time to study a bit everyday?

Everyone is different. Find what works for you. Also, Thomas Frank is a great channel for studying tips.

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Day 7 

Its been a week since i've quit games. It's mostly been as i wanted to for this week. Today tho i feel like i'm returning to my old habits. I didn't complete my morning and afternoon goals, and i feel really sad about it. After i write this im gonna study biology for school and then i will beatbox a bit. Then i will get ready for bed by watching a bit of anime. I'm gonna try and wake up tomorrow early at 7-7:30 am and workout. Then i'm gonna study physics. After that im going to school. Yesterday and the day before were really good days. On friday in the morning i got up early to workout and do the rest of my morning routine, and after school i decided to meet up with to friends from primary school. We went to a place called Kalemegdan( you can find it here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belgrade_Fortress). It's quite a beautiful place and you most go there if you come to Serbia. We hanged out together for like half the day and i will post pictures here with one of my friends when we were on Kalemegdan. When i got home i ate and pretty much just watched anime till i went to sleep. I didn't beatbox which i was kind of sad about, but i really wanted to watch this anime. I need to limit my time watching anime tho, because im scared it could become a complete replacement for gaming. Saturday was also quite fine i did my morning routine, after that i went to math class to a private teacher. When i got home i studied. In the evening i called my friend to go out to eat something and talk. It was just the 2 of us and usually i dont talk that much but here i talked a lot more, i wasn't asked to say something rather i was starting the conversation. Yes, there were times of silence but im happy for how the conversation left, and i hope i can keep improving my social skills. If you guys have any tips for talking please say, i appreciate it. I'm gonna share a photo of me and the son of my brother from today.

Screenshot_2016-06-05-20-46-37[1].png

Screenshot_2016-06-05-20-47-04[1].png

Edited by Sarma
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Its nice to hear you progressing! Don't give up and keep it this way. Cause already we can see that you living a better life each day!

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Day 9

Hey guys ! So today i had my first craving since i've started the detox, or rather its happening as im writting this. I thought about it a bit more and i realized i don't wanna comeback and now the craving is going away. I've been mostly happy these past few days and i know gaming isn't gonna bring happiness. I got the craving probably because my friends found a tournament in League of Legends, and they really wanted me to come back because i was one of their best players. I said they should give me time to think about it. I am thinking of making gaming into like a mentally engaging activity and implement it into my daily plan. Also limit my time gaming everyday to 2-3hrs. I'm really lost right now. I don't understand what actually interests me and what doesn't. I wanna tell my friends i don't want to play, but i wanna go with them to the tournament because it's to have fun. I don't wanna play just because i wanna game but because of them, to have fun with them a bit. I don't wanna say no because i feel like i'm slowly moving away from them everyday, because we used to play games a lot 2-3 weeks ago. And yeah i know you are probably gonna lose some friends while in the detox, but this a lot of my friends, its like 10 of us that all have fun together. One of them is also my best friend. I guess this has to happen...

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey everyone! It's been almost a month since i've posted here and it's because i've relapsed :(. It was because i felt empty even tho i was having a lot of fun. Ever since i relapsed i felt like shit. So today i deleted all of my games again, and i am going to continue my journey where i left of. Now i completely understand that i dont want to game at all. No game interests me and its like going to school, you are forced to. It feels like im forced to game or rather that im addicted. It ain't fun i feel like shit everyday and i finally truly realize that. I think a relapse must happen. It teaches you that you dont have to game. I think that if you dont relapse you wont be able to truly quit games. But don't listen to me i haven't completed my relapse 9_9. Thank you all for being this community. You give me strengh to do this. I know that i'm not alone.

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Tomorrow's gonna be a week since i quit gaming once again after a relapse. I've been going out with friends a lot more and helps to not think about gaming. At home i finally watched the 6th season of The Walking Dead. I could never watch it because i was gaming all the time. I've been having mixed thoughts ever since i quit again, probably because its summer brake and i have more free time. Yesterday i thought of playing Assassin's creed because i was very bored. So i downloaded it. So before installing i said i'm gonna gonna wait a bit and do something else and see if i wanna play. So i haven't installed the game, i've done other things and i kind of avoided playing it. I'm feeling really weird right now, i have this feeling like im actually avoiding games to do something else. I can't imagine a world without gaming and i'm feeling sad and happy at the same time. I watched a a gameplay video today to check if i feel anything towards the game and actually i felt nothing. It was like i was some kid who was watching a clip about politics. I'm starting to imagine how im gonna grow up and talk to my kids about how i used to game and how epic it was. 

Edited by Sarma
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  • 2 months later...

I got the game quitters challenge yesterday and im gonna try and post my experience from these 30 days everyday. 

Day 1

 • Write a letter to yourself about how you’re currently feeling and why it’s important
to you to move on from games. Why do you want to make this change in your life?

Since i quit gaming i have felt happy. Before that i would keep playing games and feel depressed. I always said in my head gaming is not the problem. I should move on because i'm just not interested in playing games anymore. I started playing when i was 5 years old. I had a blast, but we all get bored of something after sometime. So at this point its something i've been doing for years so naturally i keep doing it. My brain doesn't want me to keep doing gaming for the rest of my life so its telling me i should stop and experience the world out there. I want to quit so i can have a ton of friends that i can rely on everyday. I want to have better social skills so i can keep conversations going. I want to have a girlfriend. I want to be more confident in myself.

• Write one or two sentences describing how you believe other people currently
perceive you.

I think people perceive me as a weird and stupid guy. As someone who's a laughing stock.

• Write one or two sentences describing how you’d like to be perceived by others.

I would like to be perceived as a good guy, a friend you can rely on. Someone who's outgoing.

• List three of your behaviors or characteristics you would like to change.

Shy, often argue with people, i change moods often, thoughtless

• Determine how many more days you have left to live.

16433 days to live whats the point of this?

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Day 2

Three goals I want to accomplish right now:

Get a girlfriend

Improve my social skills

Go out more

take each goal and brainstorm ideas for a project:

I dont understand what im supposed to write here. Can someone help?

 

 

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Hi Sarma. Great goals! Now what you want to do is choose one of them and turn it into a project - something tangible that you can work on that will help you reach those goals.

So maybe you set a goal of meeting 30 new people in the next 30 days. Having 30 new conversations with strangers. Or approaching 1 new girl each day. Or to go out to 4 new places, 1 per week. Make sense?

Watch this video for more on goals.

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Hi Sarma, I thought I'd pop in and check out your journal.

Seems you're doing well to be continuing after a relapse, it takes a lot of courage to start again.

Break time from school was a big factor in my two relapses, it's a time where you'll have an abundance of time that prompts us to think we need to kill time. Quitting gaming is the first step, but by the end of the detox the idea is you'll have become a better person through getting into new activities, developing your social skills etc, so I'd say look forward to 'the new you' that you can create for yourself.

In my experience, the most significant change in myself was my mentality towards and how I use my time now. Previously if I had spare time, it was time to kill through playing video games. Now I see my spare time as time to invest in myself and making my life richer, and I see weeks of holidays as an opportunity to do amazing things.

Something I remember that was important to me keeping away from games was that at the end of the day, any progress made in gaming was worthless in real life, so could count as a day wasted. That time is precious and can be used better in an unlimited number of ways.

I hope this helps you to get through your summer break without gaming easier, best of luck for your 30 day challenge! :D

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