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Smoked Detox Journal


Smoked Beef
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Hello everybody!

I'm happy I finally got myself to start this detox journal. In fact, I started the 90d detox seven days ago and immediatly ran into a wall. Moving away from the computer is incredibly hard if you have to work fourty hours a week with...well... a computer :( .  Okay, I realised two years ago that I have serious problems. Good thing is that I know what's lacking, bad thing though is that I basically am caught in a dead end that is this safe zone that video games gave me over 15 years. No quick load in real life I guess....

Alright, my goals for the next 90 days are the following:

  1. Embracing to be engaged in hobbies and activities: Usually I seem to be interested in new activities (currently the astronomy club), but when things get serious I tend to back away and hole up in my safe zone - that damn computer! That needs to end!
  2. Social skills - that's one if not the biggest issues of mine. I'm very shy *blushes*....huh, ok, that needs to end as well. I want to be a self-confident person. And a girlfriend would constantly drag me into reality. I'll try to improve on that. ;)
  3. Shifting my focus to my goals in life: This is not only the most crucial but also the most urgent one I need to achieve, otherwise I won't get my bachelors degree and that damn language certificate that means so much to me. I also feel that accomplishing this one will make me happier than fulfilling the other ones.
  4. I've started drinking recently because I couldn't handle my problems....this is bad. That's why I'm combining my 90d detox with the aim to stay dry for 90 days!

Okay that's it so far, I'll update this journal every two weeks. So, whoever is interested can take a sniff of how I'm beating the detox or the detox is beating me :)

I also want to thank Cam and the community! I've been watching the Gamequitters videos the past ten months and finding out that I'm not alone with my problems, that there's is this big international community of people helping each other in their struggle with this addiction motivated me to climb out of that dark hole I was stuck in. Thank you guys for that!

Kind regards

Smoked Beef

 

 

 

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Welcome Smoked Beef

I'm new too, but have found this community to be very helpful.  It's encouraging to me that so many others are beginning new lives, and improving themselves after quitting gaming for an extended time.  :)

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Gotta get some sense of humour somehow ;) 

I'm curious. Why did you choose to sign-up on the forums now after watching my videos for ten months? What's the difference between now and then? 

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Welcome Smoked Beef

I'm new too, but have found this community to be very helpful.  It's encouraging to me that so many others are beginning new lives, and improving themselves after quitting gaming for an extended time.  :)

Thank you, Dannigan!

So true :) , without someone giving an example of what is possible to achieve, it is even harder to get up and get things to change.

 

Gotta get some sense of humour somehow ;) 

I'm curious. Why did you choose to sign-up on the forums now after watching my videos for ten months? What's the difference between now and then? 

Hey Cam! I actually tried quitting in January last year and found out about Gamequitters in the following months. Watching your videos confirmed me in my decision not to play video games again. I then thought that I could get along in my life, but failed.

After my major relapse, that started last Octobre, I think it really is the time to be more active concerning this huge problem. So, I signed-up to share my experiences with you guys and to learn from others here on the forum. I hope that this will get me back on track, so that I can focus on my big goals in life :) 

Edited by Smoked Beef
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Hello everybody!

I'm happy I finally got myself to start this detox journal. In fact, I started the 90d detox seven days ago and immediatly ran into a wall. Moving away from the computer is incredibly hard if you have to work fourty hours a week with...well... a computer :( .  Okay, I realised two years ago that I have serious problems. Good thing is that I know what's lacking, bad thing though is that I basically am caught in a dead end that is this safe zone that video games gave me over 15 years. No quick load in real life I guess....

Alright, my goals for the next 90 days are the following:

  1. Embracing to be engaged in hobbies and activities: Usually I seem to be interested in new activities (currently the astronomy club), but when things get serious I tend to back away and hole up in my safe zone - that damn computer! That needs to end!
  2. Social skills - that's one if not the biggest issues of mine. I'm very shy *blushes*....huh, ok, that needs to end as well. I want to be a self-confident person. And a girlfriend would constantly drag me into reality. I'll try to improve on that. ;)
  3. Shifting my focus to my goals in life: This is not only the most crucial but also the most urgent one I need to achieve, otherwise I won't get my bachelors degree and that damn language certificate that means so much to me. I also feel that accomplishing this one will make me happier than fulfilling the other ones.
  4. I've started drinking recently because I couldn't handle my problems....this is bad. That's why I'm combining my 90d detox with the aim to stay dry for 90 days!

Okay that's it so far, I'll update this journal every two weeks. So, whoever is interested can take a sniff of how I'm beating the detox or the detox is beating me :)

I also want to thank Cam and the community! I've been watching the Gamequitters videos the past ten months and finding out that I'm not alone with my problems, that there's is this big international community of people helping each other in their struggle with this addiction motivated me to climb out of that dark hole I was stuck in. Thank you guys for that!

Kind regards

Smoked Beef

 

 

 

Good job on creating your journal and setting some fantastic goals! Your halfway there now. If your serious about kicking games it may be worth investing in a separate computer for work duty.

I did this last year, because I find it easier to write on a Laptop (well Chromebook) and it's now becoming useful for quitting games because I'm not always on my main computer where the temptation is.

Besides even if I tried I cant install any games on this Chromebook because it doesn't have a big enough hard drive ^_^. I'm looking forward to your next journal entry. :) 

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Hey guys!

Thank you for your responses!

Great to have a community to share the joy of achievement in this matter!

@Falky

I already have a laptop for work and a computer for private use. The problem is, that some games that I like are old. They'd run on any machine. But it surely helps that some important stuff of the company that I work for is on my laptop. It seems less like a playground then. :)

Hey Smoked Beef, also looking forward to more journal entries from you. Good luck for the next 90 days :D ! 

Hey Manley! Thanks for the support! B|

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey Guys!

I've completed my third week of the 90d detox now....nothing big has changed yet though. I still can't cope with my health issues and once I leave the computer, I can't get myself to do what needs to be done >:(. The first week of my thesis for the bachelors degree has passed like a minute and I barely achieved any progress. I really fell ashamed because the people of the company, who give me the possibility to work on a special project for my degree, are very kind to me. I feel like I'm constantly betraying myself and the people around me :( . I still feel disconnected from reality. I don't think I that I could really comprehend what matters in life.

Additionally, I failed my goal to stay dry for 90 days. I'm not drinking much though and I'm only drinking over the week-ends -  maybe I can moderate this bad habit, at least. Somehow, when I'm drinking I'm starting to see the scale and root of my suffering. Yes, this may sound very very weird and psycho to some of you, but this is really how it is! What I really got to understand in these first three weeks of the detox is that I need to sell my gaming rig - no matter the cost. I don't care how much I could do with this computer. To know that the possibility to buy a graphics card and just start gaming again exists is like a chain or weight that holds me back. It's like trying to run in chewing gum! I don't mind the lost cash either, my life is more important -  and I want to get it back on track!

Thanks to one of Cam's new vids, I have a new additional aim: I want to read books again! I have a lot of great literature in my bookshelf waiting to be explored. My PC and my addiction to  video games have told me up to now that spending an evening on the internet or in a video game is more rewarding than gaining real knowledge from good literature. I feel so disappointed by myself.

I had fun with gaming in my life, but I also have yet to see that this chapter of my life is concluded. I still think that I could have a fun time with my old gaming friends, but memories are memories. I hope I'll soon be mentally able to let it be that way.

 

 

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Reading is great! Even though we sometimes wish we could have made more progress, just remember that even being 3 weeks without games is a huge point of progress in itself, so don't be too hard on yourself (most of us are ;).)

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  • 8 months later...

Hello fellow Gamequitters!

I feel a little sorry for reviving this old thread again and for not contributing to the overall Gamequitters effort here on the forum for such a long time. Still, I want to tell you about the 'progress' I've made and, of course, ask for some tips...

My last post is from late March and some things have changed in my life -considering my surroundings. I now have my bachelor's degree in engineering for example. I'm kinda happy about that but that's not what's keeping my mind busy right now. I've now reached my biggets dream, that's studying physics. Over two to three years I told myself I'd make this the crown jewel of my future c.v. ...

So, I'm five weeks in now. Guess what - it's a little disaster. Well, how could that happen? While working on my engineering degree I still kept one of my old gaming friendships (we were a little bit more than just gaming friends but the thing that mainly connected us was playing pc games) and that dragged me back to my old gaming nature.

Just before the colloquium for my degree I planned to buy a new gaming rig.  Yup, it seems quite studip to myself, now that I'm reading my old posts here :(

The next months I got back to gaming with my friend and just swept my personal reality away. There is something though that I'll remember about ordering that gaming rig at that pc store. So, I parked my car and stayed for a little while at the parking lot. Eventually, I really thought about how this action would contribute to the future person that I want to be (of course it wouldn't at all). Well, after sitting five minutes in my car thinking about it I just got out and walked straight to the pc-store to order that stupid gaming rig. It's super strange. At that moment I really didn't know what made me go. Now I think that it was a combination of making promises to my gaming friend and not being strong enough to tell anybody the truth (in fact I made up things to my parents and lied to myself to justify the purchase of that rig).

As I wrote, I'm five weeks in now and I realize that this possibility to determine my future self might soon faint or be over. I've decided to sell my gaming rig once again (lol) and to get a tablet instead for university purposes. And I really need to stop drinking >:(, that §$!# is leading nowhere.

So, I was writing about asking you about some tips for that trainwreck I'm putting up right now :)

Did anybody of you make the same experiences? Especially about denying your own situation?

If yes, and if you did overcome this issue...well, how? I might stutter-type a little at this point, but I'm growing more desperate by the day I feel...exams are ten weeks ahead, yikes!

Edit: Oh yeah, I forgot! I've also got a new tinnitus sound on my left ear - what a refreshment..... btw I got that the day after I ordered that §%&§!§$% "§$%"&$% gaming rig. I wish I would've heared the warning shots earlier...

Edited by Smoked Beef
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yo, i was in the same boat. i bought a $3000 gaming laptop about 3 months ago. during that time, i wanted to quit gaming. i told my gaming friend about how I just bought a $3000 laptop and now I wanted to quit gaming. he made fun of me because he thought it was the stupidest thing.

in reality, i felt like i was being pulled in two different directions in ways that are more complicated than how my friend put it as "stupid". 

on one hand, you have this silent voice within you that tells you you haven't been living life the way you ACTUALLY want to. you've just been gaming. it's a way to dull and distract yourself from facing the real problem. i remember, i even used to smoke weed all the time to make the games i play a lot more interesting. 

after playing around 3000-4000 hours of Dota, I started to feel like the game was getting boring. then that's when we rely on novelty (new things) to add to the game to keep us interested. we wait for major events in the game (which they try to put up every couple months or so now), new updates too , smoking weed, etc... 

this has a negative effect on you. you KNOW THIS. for me, the negative effect was me getting depressed (spending 16+ hours a day in my house). Me losing contact with my friends, because I'd rather game. in my head I had a set of tapes that said "you're way behind your friends now in terms of social life, you don't have a girlfriend". These tapes made me feel like there was something inherently wrong with me, or that I was doomed for ever. It was a catch 22.

My gaming kept me from improving on this area in my life. at the same time when I reminded myself of this problem, it felt really bad. So I used gaming to distract myself.

We usually self-sabotage ourselves. I did it for a long ass time. In retrospect, I think I wasted the last 2 years of my life gaming. I could have spent all that time improving myself. BUT, the problem was that I didn't feel like there was another way.

Self-sabotaging, our habits - we often return to whatever we know works in alleviating painful feelings/emotions. These rivers run deep. The habits that we've formed for a long period of time. 

That episode you had where you reflected in the car. I've done that too. We all have that conscience in our heads that tell us not to game, and to move on. You have it. Yet sometimes, we still act on our bad habits and make poor decision. I remember doing that. I remember sitting in my car and telling myself this purchase is stupid, but at the same time I still stepped our and purchased the laptop.

You already know what you have to do to fix this shit. You KNOW. Because you said it yourself - you wanted to sell your gaming rig the moment you bought it. So what's the difference in us telling you what to do? The only difference comes - if you act on it.

Because you've made the wrong decision (Just like all of us) so many times (i.e. purchasing games, gaming rig, spending time gaming) - it can seem like an inevitable thing. It may seem like you don't have a choice in gaming, that it pulls you. But that's because you've made the small decisions to game over time, and you've strengthened that habit. 
HOWEVER, you are still capable of making decision the other way. It should make logical sense, despite being clouded by emotions, that you can decide to sell your rig. If that's too big a choice, then start with something smaller. Start with small decisions, and use the momentum to bring you towards QUITTING. Instead of making small choices that bring you toward gaming. Use the resources here and the videos and all of us here. 

Theres a quote from the Slight Edge it's the small decisions that are "easy to do, and easy not to do" that will bring you towards success. You just have to keep making the right small decisions. And don't be confused by multiple decisions either. Be ruthless in your honesty towards yourself and your behavior, and then ACT. 

 

AHHAHA

 long ass post. but I remember making that $3000 purchase. :) I haven't gamed for 37 days and counting. Join us in our strugggggle 

---- actually, you struggle in the beginning, but the goal is to live the life you ultimately wanted. you should be ENJOYING and living a life that you genuinely find WAY BETTER than your life gaming

 

check our the slight edge book, it's sick..

Edited by Tatu92
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Good on you for returning. I relate to your sense of 'denying your own situations' sometimes when I am up late on a Sunday night on the internet. I think to myself "I should go to sleep, I'll feel great for work tomorrow" but sometimes I'll proceed to mindlessly browse the internet anyway. I'm working on it too, but I find it helps to take one day at a time :) 

It's been about 8 months since you first posted. Looking back to the personal progression you've made over the last 8 months, do you have any vision of where you'll be 8 months from now? Do the games or alcohol exist in that vision and if so, to what extent?

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you should be ENJOYING and living a life that you genuinely find WAY BETTER than your life gaming

I totally relate to this!

And nice to meet you Smoked Beef! I'll be following!

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Thank you Tatu92, Jeremias, Reno F and Cam so much for responding!

I'm just planning how to sell my gaming rig and will depend on notebook and tablet for my future work :)

And I do think I've made an important decision today: I don't want to be a loser anymore.

That might sound pretty dumb in all kind of ways :D. But when I now look back to my old posts and the state I've been in those times, I think my circumstances have been downing me so much that I was at the point feeling better in just worrying about the future than actually trying to go ahead and really do things. If you just worry about the future and get depressed, well, there are no mistakes you could do at the moment concerning future actions...just dream on about everything getting better some time far ahead.

From my personal point of view, to game has been the most terrible decision in my life. It has had physical and psychological suffurings entailed, the most vicious of them chase me to this day, for example my tinnitus on both of my ears. Still, I think that this time wasn't wasted. I now can tell anybody else who is currently experiencing similar things about my story and how I overcame that dark chapter of my life, so that they hopefully won't have to deal with those kinds of situations. That, I think, is at the moment the most optimistic point of view that I can take concerning this matter, and it surely is a point worth taking.

My personal horizon hasn't been expanded beyond the borders of my room for over one and a half decades. I've been looking through my window this summer and asked myself if I'll ever grasp reality. Now I know that it's there, still I did never know how to grasp it because I didn't know how and what it means to take the decision and the responsibility connected to it.

Well, now the die is cast :)  and I just have to thank you all, the community, for your help! And of course Cam, your vids have reached me already some two years ago and it's been a long road for me since. Also, drinking is over for me, at least for a year or more! I'll keep you posted, thank you all!

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