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Two "personalities"/mindsets


coccinust
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I've just deleted everything after playing mount and blade/kongergate for 3 hours(again).

my short backstory: I was practically raised on the PC since i was 8, playing RS/MMO's for the next few years before switching to LoL, which is what I've managed to not play for 3 weeks-ish. I've done nothing for my life, even though I usually get the best grades in my year.

I enjoy it when I'm at the computer, yet the moment I stop (even to get a drink) I immediately feel bad and disgusted at my actions. I vow to never play games again, and I set out to delete everything related to gaming on my PC. This happened last week as well, and I feel I'll eventually enter a full relapse. It doesn't help that most of my friends are addicted to mobile games, but I've tried tuning them out.

It sort of feels like I have two people inside: one that doesn't want to do anything, and the other one that wants to do everything. Everytime I'm at the PC though, it's always the procrastinator/gamer that surfaces, and the motivated one only appears once I get off the PC (especially when i'm trying to sleep, angry at why i didn't do anything that day, then promising myself to do better tommorow, but I never do (i can't remember most of what i think at night, and it takes me 30minutes to wear out my thoughts before i can fall asleep).

I can't really get off the PC, since i have to get answers/papers for the exams in May, but I've been going outside more with my friends lately.

What should I do guys? Thank you!

 

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First of all. Stay away from LoL. This was my first step to quitting games. Even if you think it doesn't matter if you play other games, trust me it matters! LoL's reward system is just crazy. One thing wich helped me alot was writing a daily journal( it feels today like this was the most important step for me). It has to be honest of course or it won't help you abit. I personally have a trigger(stress) where i always relapsed. Identifying your personal triggers and creating coping strategies is a good idea(something like: I go out for a walk if I feels stressed and WANT to play right now, but if it is raining I play a little bit piano or read.).

Edited by WorkInProgress
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This is a natural part of your process. You're learning more about the role gaming plays in your life. This article by Mark Manson can be enlightening about how "relapse" can be caused by your identity.

One thing is that although it's not ideal to have to use the computer so much, gaming is just something that fulfills certain needs you have. So every time you are going to game, something is missing in your life. Dig deeper than just "games" and think more about whether it's something social, or you're bored, or you're stressed and so forth and see what it causing you to game.

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