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Osei's Journal.


Osei

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After listening to an abridged audiobook version of 'The Slight Edge' I came to the conclusion that it is time. (Thanks for the recommendation Cam)
I have little to say as of now and again this is just me solidifying the process. I'll probably edit this post for a future index and introduction and might reserve 1 or 2 more.

Currently I'm quite tired and am just going to catch up on a little sleep deprivation I've been building up over the course of "quite some time". So guess I'll be back in a few!

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Day 3

This is my third day without playing a game and so far I haven't thought about gaming that much. I do notice however that I've been quite tired and irritable. I also woke up quite early for work today. On the bright side, I was there very early as well and was more relaxed opening shop. I've been quite restless in terms of sleeping these last few weeks and like I mentioned before also took a quick nap after I finished work today. My main focus now is sleeping to balance out my current emotional state caused by sleep deprivation. I've also decided to go back to the gym starting tomorrow morning.

I would like to share something I learned today while listening to 'the slight edge' audiobook. I always told my environment that I felt like I was stagnant in life and not moving forward. Today the book taught me that you are never in a static position. You either go up or down and by not consciously taking action it's most likely you are moving towards the latter. The magnitude of small actions daily have always eluded me, but I'm beginning to scratch the surface of how very important these baby steps actually are.

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Happy you enjoyed The Slight Edge. It's one of the best. 

Today the book taught me that you are never in a static position. You either go up or down and by not consciously taking action it's most likely you are moving towards the latter. The magnitude of small actions daily have always eluded me, but I'm beginning to scratch the surface of how very important these baby steps actually are.

This is where the magic happens. If you follow the small actions each day that lead to "success"... success is INEVITABLE. :)

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Day 4

Today I helped out at my work with a side project before my actual shift started so I had to rise early again. I actually woke up at 6 am so I could prepare a good meal to start the day. For my job I have to interact with quite a bit of people. At the end of my shift the colleague that was going to take over in honesty told me that my breath smelled like garlic. Ofcourse that's not a nice thing to hear about yourself, but I appreciated the honesty immensely. I did in fact that morning ate a meal containing garlic, onions, minced meat and eggs. It was basically set in stone that I was going to have bad breath, but I wasn't aware of that fact till after my working day concluded. I was somewhat baffled that no one else I interacted with told me anything, but yeh...life.

One of the things I started doing these past few days is listen to podcasts while I'm commuting to work. I haven't actively done anything else, but at least I'm consciously selecting some of the noise I'm exposed to.

I had a good conversation with a colleague of mine who is depressed. There are quite a few similarities I share. He told me the following about him coming off the meds, which I felt very much applied to my own situation too. "When you lower the dose you are going to feel a bit worse for a time. As long as you are able to get through it, it's not wrong to feel that way. Remember that feeling bad and relapsing are not the same thing." (I might have changed it up a bit, but it was something along those lines.)

I also want to share a song that really depicts the way I see myself:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qFP-dsl2Z0

My interpretation: It's about deceiving yourself and others by presenting the one you think you ought to be instead of being honest to oneself. Being able to accept the you as you are now instead of spouting all that hot air.

Not being able to accept my past for me I believe is the underlying root of my desire to find distractions that make me feel better on short terms. Anyways I was almost going to give up on making an entry today, because I had no inspiration. I'm pleasantly surprised. All in all I haven't been thinking about gaming 'that' much. This guy's still quite petulant and tired, but let's just say there's nothing wrong with that.

 

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Not being able to accept my past for me I believe is the underlying root of my desire to find distractions that make me feel better on short terms.  

One of the best things that has helped me stop self-sabotaging was learning how to forgive myself for my past (I did the best I could, even if I'd prefer it happened another way) and being kind to myself now. Although you can't change the past, being hard on yourself about it isn't really serving you in any way other than discouraging you from making progress forward. For me, focusing on ENCOURAGEMENT (recognizing myself for doing the small positive things each day) has made a big difference in my motivation to continue doing so.

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 Anyways I was almost going to give up on making an entry today, because I had no inspiration. I'm pleasantly surprised.

Hi Osei,

the main thing is keeping it up. Don't feel obliged to write something with a big meaning behind it. For me the journal is two things. First of all i check my status quo. What goals do i have? What did I do yesterday? Why didn't i do some things i wanted to do?. Secondly i use it as a place for my gratidude journal wich is a very rewarding habbit for me to increase my general level of contentment. If something else meaningfull comes to mind while writing it is fine, but if not it is still worthwhile because it leads my mind on the right track.

 

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Day 5

Quite the ordinary day today. Went to work and felt a bit more self-concious today in my interaction with the members I was interacting with. Felt a strong urge to compensate the way I see myself in my presentation towards others. After I got home I made the decision to start eating according to a certain regimen I feel will really jibe with me. I need to however be cautious and prepare beforehand to make sure I get enough daily macro nutrients. I browsed a bit on the sites I usually go to, but noticed it didn't feel the same. I am more aware of the fact that I'm trying to be entertained which makes the actual experience less pleasurable (I even started to question music wondering if it was distracting my 'being in the now'). I was just opening and closing tabs hoping I would find something I could do online, going through my bookmarks hoping to find anything at all. By default in behaviour I also went to the Twitch website, but refrained from actually watching any videos. Then I decided to lay down for a bit and rest for a bit.

Now forward on to the challenging part of the day: A package was delivered for me whilst I was sleeping. The contents of the box was a smartphone which I recently purchased. The first thing my brain wanted to do was install the 'Hearthstone' game, but I haven't done so far and am not planning do so (even though my scumbag brain is actively trying to convince me it is bound to happen..). Now I'm just going look for a few time managing apps instead. If you have any app suggestions or tips on smartphone usage in general I would love to hear them. So far I'm thinking khanacademy and duolingo :)

Today's song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc7JLP1PJeg

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 Anyways I was almost going to give up on making an entry today, because I had no inspiration. I'm pleasantly surprised.

Hi Osei,

the main thing is keeping it up. Don't feel obliged to write something with a big meaning behind it. For me the journal is two things. First of all i check my status quo. What goals do i have? What did I do yesterday? Why didn't i do some things i wanted to do?. Secondly i use it as a place for my gratidude journal wich is a very rewarding habbit for me to increase my general level of contentment. If something else meaningfull comes to mind while writing it is fine, but if not it is still worthwhile because it leads my mind on the right track.

 

You are very much right so. And just making an entry is my foremost priority. In a while the strategy will evolve into incorporating the following focus points: my goals and a summary of the the actual day regarding these goals. I really like your gratitude part and did an assignment from Cam's 'Challenge' program regarding gratitude a few days ago. I found it really hard to do and also felt like it was a confirmation on the 'what can you do for me' attitude I currently seem to have. I also started carrying a writing pad with me for ideas, but am yet to actively use it. ¬¬

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