Jump to content

NEW VIDEO: The Dark Side of Gaming (Documentary)

Recommended Posts

Posted

- Male, in his 30s

- Played video games since childhood (approximately 20 years)

- Accumulated nearly 15,000 hours in video games

- Video games have caused significant disruptions in many aspects of my life(much of my teenage life has been ruined)

- I will update this journal whenever I experience a craving for gaming, as a reminder to myself.

  • Like 4
Posted
11 hours ago, dvaball said:

- Male, in his 30s

- Played video games since childhood (approximately 20 years)

- Accumulated nearly 15,000 hours in video games

- Video games have caused significant disruptions in many aspects of my life(much of my teenage life has been ruined)

- I will update this journal whenever I experience a craving for gaming, as a reminder to myself.

Teenaged life, unless in a really bad scene (hard drugs and stuff), I think is hard to survive anyway. At least you're here 🤙 - welcome!

  • Like 2
Posted

Welcome, glad to have you here! Played a similar amount of hours, but there is still more to life. Look forward to hearing you take back control of your life, however non-linear and confusing that path may be ❤️

 

  • Like 1
  • 1 month later...
Posted (edited)

$total hours played = 15

#relapse 1

Yesterday, I gave in to my cravings and ended up playing an ARPG game for 15 hours straight. This was the first time I played a video game since my commitment on April 6th and I had to take a day off work because of this relapse.

Before this incident, my life was gradually getting back on track. I had been going to the gym, meal prepping, and consistently completing my to-do lists. Things were genuinely improving. But then, out of nowhere, the urge to game overwhelmed me.

This relapse shows how uncontrollable my gaming addiction is. It reinforces my belief that complete abstinence is the only viable solution for me. Playing in moderation isn’t achievable; it only leads to stronger cravings and inevitable relapse.

Thankfully, many character progression games offer a character deletion option, which I’ve used often when I realize I’ve lost control. Deleting my character helps to effectively curb my urge to play.

Even though I slipped up, 53 days of not gaming is probably the longest I've ever gone. I hope this update would serves as a reminder to myself and others facing similar challenges to never give up and to continue striving for a better life.

I will update this journal again if I experience another urge.
 

Edited by dvaball
  • Like 2
Posted


Welcome to this self accountability forum.

But let me ask you this, in this 53 day stretch of not playing video games what were you focused on and thinking about, were you fired up about a goal of some sort? Like winning a sports tournament etc?

  • Like 1
  • 3 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

#total hours played = 190 hours

 

I had many relapses after my post on May 29th, and now I feel pretty bad and hopeless.

First, I want to be honest with myself: I have a serious problem, and I'm struggling. I will write down the amount of time I played during each relapse as much as I can remember.

 

#relapse 2

1. Right after I posted on May 29th, that night I gave in to my cravings and emailed support to undelete my characters. I played until 5:00 am. After waking up, I played all day from around 10:00 am until 3 or 4 am. My thoughts were still filled with the game, as if I was still playing in my imagination.

My addiction is so bad that I can only sleep 4 to 5 hours before waking up due to cravings and then can't fall asleep again. I've heard that heavily addicted smokers smoke a cigarette first thing in the morning; now I understand those feelings too.

I also took 2 days off work. This relapse lasted for about 3 or 4 days until I managed to delete my character again and quit playing.

 

#relapse 3

2. Not long after the first relapse (about 1 week), I started to crave again. I resisted the temptation for 5 days, but I watched YouTube and thought about things I wanted to do in the game during that time, which might technically count as playing as well. Anyway, I emailed support to undelete my character again. The second relapse also hit me hard; it lasted about 6 days (June 12th to June 18th) with only 5 hours of sleep per day and I couldn't concentrate at work at all. All I could think about was gaming while in the office.

 

#relapse 4

3. Three days after the second relapse, I emailed support to undelete my character again, and the cycle began again. A few hours before this post, I somehow managed to get my account gone for good, and I am amazingly relieved.

As you can see, my addiction is very bad. Anyone who says game addiction isn't real, I disagree. It's FUCKING REAL and should be treated as a mental disorder the same way gambling and drug addiction are.

But I still never give up. I hope one day I will win this fight, despite the glimmer of hope.

Edited by dvaball
  • Like 1
Posted
On 6/5/2024 at 2:33 PM, Amphibian220 said:


Welcome to this self accountability forum.

But let me ask you this, in this 53 day stretch of not playing video games what were you focused on and thinking about, were you fired up about a goal of some sort? Like winning a sports tournament etc?

I was focusing on obtaining a healthy, balanced lifestyle. I always have goals and things I want to achieve, but I just couldn't follow my dreams long enough. I don't want to solely blame gaming; it's not the only factor why I failed, but it definitely plays a crucial part.

Attaining a sports tournament has also been one of my passions since childhood. I know very well how motivated I felt when I knew there would be a competition in a few weeks and I was one of the contestants, not just a viewer. Unfortunately, motivation is temporary; what truly drives you is discipline, and I lack that. Throughout my life, I can safely say I've never been a disciplined person, even though I swear to myself I always wanted to be. This lack of discipline has been accumulating, and the longer I'm undisciplined, the harder it is to change.

I also enjoy coding and mathematics. I have read that people who like these disciplines tend to be more prone to video game addiction. Modern video games are designed to provide instant rewards, so when I have to choose between gaming and coding, my brain often chooses the game. However, deep down, I know it should have been coding.

Posted
16 hours ago, dvaball said:

#total hours played = 190 hours

 

I had many relapses after my post on May 29th, and now I feel pretty bad and hopeless.

First, I want to be honest with myself: I have a serious problem, and I'm struggling. I will write down the amount of time I played during each relapse as much as I can remember.

1. Right after I posted on May 29th, that night I gave in to my cravings and emailed support to undelete my characters. I played until 5:00 am. After waking up, I played all day from around 10:00 am until 3 or 4 am. My thoughts were still filled with the game, as if I was still playing in my imagination.

My addiction is so bad that I can only sleep 4 to 5 hours before waking up due to cravings and then can't fall asleep again. I've heard that heavily addicted smokers smoke a cigarette first thing in the morning; now I understand those feelings too.

I also took 2 days off work. This relapse lasted for about 3 or 4 days until I managed to delete my character again and quit playing.

2. Not long after the first relapse (about 1 week), I started to crave again. I resisted the temptation for 5 days, but I watched YouTube and thought about things I wanted to do in the game during that time, which might technically count as playing as well. Anyway, I emailed support to undelete my character again. The second relapse also hit me hard; it lasted about 6 days (June 12th to June 18th) with only 5 hours of sleep per day and I couldn't concentrate at work at all. All I could think about was gaming while in the office.

3. Three days after the second relapse, I emailed support to undelete my character again, and the cycle began again. A few hours before this post, I somehow managed to get my account gone for good, and I am amazingly relieved.

As you can see, my addiction is very bad. Anyone who says game addiction isn't real, I disagree. It's FUCKING REAL and should be treated as a mental disorder the same way gambling and drug addiction are.

But I still never give up. I hope one day I will win this fight, despite the glimmer of hope.

Hey man, I've relapsed a few times. Can't say I won't this time but I'm pretty confident because the reasons that pushed me to stop are stronger than ever this time. So maybe you could dig onto these first.

What made you stop in the first place? Why did you want to stop 2 months ago?

Reminding this yourself all the time is so important.

By example, one of my reasons is I didn't feel I had the time for anything than just work, and I hated this feeling of being in a "Work, Sleep, Repeat". I usually played for hours, so it became my main activity after work. Also, time passed so fast when playing that now every other activity felt so slow in comparison. These 2 things made me immensely frustrated of how little time I had on my hands.

Not saying this is your reason. If it is, that's great. But my point is, you have to find something that makes you really reluctant to play. 

In the case of an ARPG, I don't know. What game are we talking about? PoE? Diablo? V Rising?

In any way, these games are great but what's the end goal of them?

In the end you're mostly just optimising your characters for marginal gains. There are other reasons to play though:

- If you are trying to compete with the best on the servers, then you're in for 18 hours a day, 7 days a week, during the whole league/season... Or you will just be a wannabe. Try to imagine the people who are the best on a server... What are their life like? What do they look like? What do they even smell like? Do you want to be these people?

- If you are just trying to use OP builds, then what's the point? What's the point of feeling OP? You don't feel OP in real life so you need a game to make you feel this way? (this is not an attack, this was my feeling playing competitive FPS and destroying lobbies, probably filled with kids/nolifers...) Are you really missing out on playing the best builds of this season? Unless you played every season on the game, you probably already missed thousands of builds anyways...

- If you are just trying to theorycraft... What are you crafting for? It's virtual crafting, virtual creation of value. The value is only real in that realm, to people you might not even admire in real life? Who do you admire in real life, who would you want to be like? Would this person admire your craft?

Again, there are multiple reasons you might be playing, but what are yours? What are your deep reasons for playing this game, and are these reasons actually sufficient enough to justify playing that much?

You might need to find these reasons and then put them to the test to your actual values in life. Will these reasons make you someone more valuable in your own eyes?

We're in this together brother.

I have a competitive FPS addiction and for me, it's the feeling of being better than anyone else that's so addictive. But then again... feeling better than whom? People who don't take showers? Kids that have nothing else to do? Mostly depressed people or people just playing for fun after work? What's so mighty about feeling better than these people then...

Posted (edited)

your answer is ciphered in a way. You have to try to recollect why sport and brotherhood you turned away from.
 

Was your discipline already affected by the addiction? Was there some conditioning i.e. fear of losing, of being disliked, that led to the gaming becoming stronger.


Do you experience low energy after abstaining from the video game for some time? If that happens, which is most likely the case, you have to slog through it and set up a daily routine with a replacement treat.

If it is not going to be a video game, it has to be a sport where you can get some thrills every evening outside your home.

My gaming habit was so disruptive that I had to run out of the house after school to prevent myself from playing. So ridding myself of access to the game did it. I felt a total waste, laying in bed feeling that I lost an opportunity, but seeing peers content with life Without playing games gave me a new perspective. 
 

hope this better helps you to decipher your answer.

Edited by Amphibian220
  • Like 1
  • 1 month later...
  • 3 weeks later...
Posted


#total hours played = 208 +44 + 72 = 324 hours

#relapse 7

- Mixed = 72 hours

I'm feeling completely lost and hopeless. Will I ever conquer this addiction in my lifetime? I need to build a stronger mentality before it's too late
I'm almost at the halfway point of my life.

Pray for me; this time, I must and will be cured of this G-Virus.

Posted (edited)

#total hours played = 208 +44 + 72 + 22 = 346 hours

#relapse 8 - This will be the last one I swear

- Ragnarok online = 22 hours

Edited by dvaball
Posted

I think you should analyze your relapses. If you look back at them, you can detect a repeating pattern of fear, worry, denial or self justification. Once you look better at these thoughts, you can find underlying reasons that cause you to go back to gaming. These underlying reasons can be effectively targeted to create new habits.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
On 9/1/2024 at 10:49 AM, Amphibian220 said:

I think you should analyze your relapses. If you look back at them, you can detect a repeating pattern of fear, worry, denial or self justification. Once you look better at these thoughts, you can find underlying reasons that cause you to go back to gaming. These underlying reasons can be effectively targeted to create new habits.

Thank you for reminding me. After reading your comments, I realized that one thing I always struggle with is self-loathing. Whenever I experience those feelings, I tend to go back to gaming, and the loop continues. It has certainly become a habit, and changing habits is very hard. However, I know I have no other choice. I've been struggling with this for more than 10 years, and I understand that changing habits formed over such a long time cannot happen in just a few days.

#total hours played = 208 +44 + 72 + 22 + 66 = 400 hours
 
#relapse 9

- mixed = 66 hours

which means 6 days straight about 11 hours each day from #relapse 8

I have nothing to say to my journey anymore. All I need to do right now is fight and fight and fight and get over this shit as fast as possible

Edited by dvaball
Posted (edited)
On 9/7/2024 at 1:05 PM, dvaball said:

 I know I have no other choice. I've been struggling with this for more than 10 years, and I understand that changing habits formed over such a long time cannot happen in just a few days.

I have nothing to say to my journey anymore. 

You have a choice that you have consciously taken to be free of games. Knowing this, makes quitting an exciting option: you joined because you are no longer in denial.

The habits are responsible for getting certain needs met. You have to identify what they (the needs) are and find replacement habits for them. This approach will reformat the habits in a way where you will struggle some, but you will also regain control of your life and become a healthy person.

One of powerful choices that absentee gamers tell themselves they cannot afford is to ask for help. Asking for help (be it joining a health group, academic institution, work environment or a mentor) feels expensive to a gamer who has been trained by games to think he cannot afford anything.

try to understand that as a young person you are the most valued and expensive member of your community. You can create a lot of benefits for your people. With this in mind, the corrupt thinking starts to self destruct. Asking for targeted help will open up potential to have sustained improvement without replapses.

Edited by Amphibian220
  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
On 6/24/2024 at 11:15 AM, dvaball said:

#total hours played = 190 hours

 

I had many relapses after my post on May 29th, and now I feel pretty bad and hopeless.

First, I want to be honest with myself: I have a serious problem, and I'm struggling. I will write down the amount of time I played during each relapse as much as I can remember.

 

#relapse 2

1. Right after I posted on May 29th, that night I gave in to my cravings and emailed support to undelete my characters. I played until 5:00 am. After waking up, I played all day from around 10:00 am until 3 or 4 am. My thoughts were still filled with the game, as if I was still playing in my imagination.

My addiction is so bad that I can only sleep 4 to 5 hours before waking up due to cravings and then can't fall asleep again. I've heard that heavily addicted smokers smoke a cigarette first thing in the morning; now I understand those feelings too.

I also took 2 days off work. This relapse lasted for about 3 or 4 days until I managed to delete my character again and quit playing.

 

#relapse 3

2. Not long after the first relapse (about 1 week), I started to crave again. I resisted the temptation for 5 days, but I watched YouTube and thought about things I wanted to do in the game during that time, which might technically count as playing as well. Anyway, I emailed support to undelete my character again. The second relapse also hit me hard; it lasted about 6 days (June 12th to June 18th) with only 5 hours of sleep per day and I couldn't concentrate at work at all. All I could think about was gaming while in the office.

 

#relapse 4

3. Three days after the second relapse, I emailed support to undelete my character again, and the cycle began again. A few hours before this post, I somehow managed to get my account gone for good, and I am amazingly relieved.

As you can see, my addiction is very bad. Anyone who says game addiction isn't real, I disagree. It's FUCKING REAL and should be treated as a mental disorder the same way gambling and drug addiction are.

But I still never give up. I hope one day I will win this fight, despite the glimmer of hope.


Hey dvaball, 


I am sorry to hear you have been going through so much trouble. My story is similar to yours. I spent most of my childhood and teenage years playing video games, and I am still struggling to let it go for good. I am 37 and have a 6-year-old son. However, I should say that I have made significant progress in my life just by trying to avoid video games. I have been trying for six years now since my kid was born, and during these six years, with all the relapses, I made significant progress in my career and health.
DO NOT GIVE UP. Relapsing is just part of the process. We have spent most of our lives playing video games, so, understandably, these relapses happen. There are undoubtedly additions, habits, nostalgic feelings, etc. It is going to take a significant effort to fight this gaming addiction. 
I agree that discipline is important (as you have mentioned in one of your posts), but people aren't born with discipline. We should start small and create new habits through repetition. Whenever we relapse, we should get back on our feet asap and try again. Ultimately, we are going to win. 
We possess limited willpower every day. Stress, anxiety, sleep deprivation, etc., negatively affect our willpower, so it is easier to fail when we are exhausted, hungry, tired, etc. Try to start your day with something small, like making your bed and building some momentum.
 
Another trick that has helped me is visualization. Try to visualize yourself in future. I visualize myself with a perfect body and do this every day to stay motivated. The visualization helps me to believe in myself; it helps me stay focused on my goals and motivated. Try to spend some time visualizing what your life could be and do it so much that you start to believe it in your unconscious mind. 

We have hard time relating  to our future. We think that there would another guy, not me, 10 years from now. But through visualization, we can shrink the time between ourselves and our future. This enable us to stay motivated and focused on what matter for us. 

Do this visualization excercise. It is fun and enjoyable. 

By the way, I enjoy coding and mathematics just like you and I believe we may share quite a lot of other interests as well. 

 

Hope it helps, 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Mohammad

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...