6 April 2024 will be the last day I play video games in my entire life.

[dvaball]

- Male, in his 30s

- Played video games since childhood (approximately 20 years)

- Accumulated nearly 15,000 hours in video games

- Video games have caused significant disruptions in many aspects of my life(much of my teenage life has been ruined)

- I will update this journal whenever I experience a craving for gaming, as a reminder to myself.

[wheatbiscuit]

11 hours ago, dvaball said:

- Male, in his 30s

- Played video games since childhood (approximately 20 years)

- Accumulated nearly 15,000 hours in video games

- Video games have caused significant disruptions in many aspects of my life(much of my teenage life has been ruined)

- I will update this journal whenever I experience a craving for gaming, as a reminder to myself.

Teenaged life, unless in a really bad scene (hard drugs and stuff), I think is hard to survive anyway. At least you're here 🤙 - welcome!

[Pochatok]

Welcome, glad to have you here! Played a similar amount of hours, but there is still more to life. Look forward to hearing you take back control of your life, however non-linear and confusing that path may be ❤️

 

[dvaball]

$total hours played = 15

Yesterday, I gave in to my cravings and ended up playing an ARPG game for 15 hours straight. This was the first time I played a video game since my commitment on April 6th and I had to take a day off work because of this relapse.

Before this incident, my life was gradually getting back on track. I had been going to the gym, meal prepping, and consistently completing my to-do lists. Things were genuinely improving. But then, out of nowhere, the urge to game overwhelmed me.

This relapse shows how uncontrollable my gaming addiction is. It reinforces my belief that complete abstinence is the only viable solution for me. Playing in moderation isn’t achievable; it only leads to stronger cravings and inevitable relapse.

Thankfully, many character progression games offer a character deletion option, which I’ve used often when I realize I’ve lost control. Deleting my character helps to effectively curb my urge to play.

Even though I slipped up, 53 days of not gaming is probably the longest I've ever gone. I hope this update would serves as a reminder to myself and others facing similar challenges to never give up and to continue striving for a better life.

I will update this journal again if I experience another urge.
 

Edited June 25 by dvaball

[Amphibian220]

Welcome to this self accountability forum.

But let me ask you this, in this 53 day stretch of not playing video games what were you focused on and thinking about, were you fired up about a goal of some sort? Like winning a sports tournament etc?

[dvaball]

#total hours played = 190 hours

 

I had many relapses after my post on May 29th, and now I feel pretty bad and hopeless.

First, I want to be honest with myself: I have a serious problem, and I'm struggling. I will write down the amount of time I played during each relapse as much as I can remember.

1. Right after I posted on May 29th, that night I gave in to my cravings and emailed support to undelete my characters. I played until 5:00 am. After waking up, I played all day from around 10:00 am until 3 or 4 am. My thoughts were still filled with the game, as if I was still playing in my imagination.

My addiction is so bad that I can only sleep 4 to 5 hours before waking up due to cravings and then can't fall asleep again. I've heard that heavily addicted smokers smoke a cigarette first thing in the morning; now I understand those feelings too.

I also took 2 days off work. This relapse lasted for about 3 or 4 days until I managed to delete my character again and quit playing.

2. Not long after the first relapse (about 1 week), I started to crave again. I resisted the temptation for 5 days, but I watched YouTube and thought about things I wanted to do in the game during that time, which might technically count as playing as well. Anyway, I emailed support to undelete my character again. The second relapse also hit me hard; it lasted about 6 days (June 12th to June 18th) with only 5 hours of sleep per day and I couldn't concentrate at work at all. All I could think about was gaming while in the office.

3. Three days after the second relapse, I emailed support to undelete my character again, and the cycle began again. A few hours before this post, I somehow managed to get my account gone for good, and I am amazingly relieved.

As you can see, my addiction is very bad. Anyone who says game addiction isn't real, I disagree. It's FUCKING REAL and should be treated as a mental disorder the same way gambling and drug addiction are.

But I still never give up. I hope one day I will win this fight, despite the glimmer of hope.

Edited June 25 by dvaball

[dvaball]

On 6/5/2024 at 2:33 PM, Amphibian220 said:

Welcome to this self accountability forum.

But let me ask you this, in this 53 day stretch of not playing video games what were you focused on and thinking about, were you fired up about a goal of some sort? Like winning a sports tournament etc?

I was focusing on obtaining a healthy, balanced lifestyle. I always have goals and things I want to achieve, but I just couldn't follow my dreams long enough. I don't want to solely blame gaming; it's not the only factor why I failed, but it definitely plays a crucial part.

Attaining a sports tournament has also been one of my passions since childhood. I know very well how motivated I felt when I knew there would be a competition in a few weeks and I was one of the contestants, not just a viewer. Unfortunately, motivation is temporary; what truly drives you is discipline, and I lack that. Throughout my life, I can safely say I've never been a disciplined person, even though I swear to myself I always wanted to be. This lack of discipline has been accumulating, and the longer I'm undisciplined, the harder it is to change.

I also enjoy coding and mathematics. I have read that people who like these disciplines tend to be more prone to video game addiction. Modern video games are designed to provide instant rewards, so when I have to choose between gaming and coding, my brain often chooses the game. However, deep down, I know it should have been coding.

[Celgost]

16 hours ago, dvaball said:

#total hours played = 190 hours

 

I had many relapses after my post on May 29th, and now I feel pretty bad and hopeless.

First, I want to be honest with myself: I have a serious problem, and I'm struggling. I will write down the amount of time I played during each relapse as much as I can remember.

1. Right after I posted on May 29th, that night I gave in to my cravings and emailed support to undelete my characters. I played until 5:00 am. After waking up, I played all day from around 10:00 am until 3 or 4 am. My thoughts were still filled with the game, as if I was still playing in my imagination.

My addiction is so bad that I can only sleep 4 to 5 hours before waking up due to cravings and then can't fall asleep again. I've heard that heavily addicted smokers smoke a cigarette first thing in the morning; now I understand those feelings too.

I also took 2 days off work. This relapse lasted for about 3 or 4 days until I managed to delete my character again and quit playing.

2. Not long after the first relapse (about 1 week), I started to crave again. I resisted the temptation for 5 days, but I watched YouTube and thought about things I wanted to do in the game during that time, which might technically count as playing as well. Anyway, I emailed support to undelete my character again. The second relapse also hit me hard; it lasted about 6 days (June 12th to June 18th) with only 5 hours of sleep per day and I couldn't concentrate at work at all. All I could think about was gaming while in the office.

3. Three days after the second relapse, I emailed support to undelete my character again, and the cycle began again. A few hours before this post, I somehow managed to get my account gone for good, and I am amazingly relieved.

As you can see, my addiction is very bad. Anyone who says game addiction isn't real, I disagree. It's FUCKING REAL and should be treated as a mental disorder the same way gambling and drug addiction are.

But I still never give up. I hope one day I will win this fight, despite the glimmer of hope.

Hey man, I've relapsed a few times. Can't say I won't this time but I'm pretty confident because the reasons that pushed me to stop are stronger than ever this time. So maybe you could dig onto these first.

What made you stop in the first place? Why did you want to stop 2 months ago?

Reminding this yourself all the time is so important.

By example, one of my reasons is I didn't feel I had the time for anything than just work, and I hated this feeling of being in a "Work, Sleep, Repeat". I usually played for hours, so it became my main activity after work. Also, time passed so fast when playing that now every other activity felt so slow in comparison. These 2 things made me immensely frustrated of how little time I had on my hands.

Not saying this is your reason. If it is, that's great. But my point is, you have to find something that makes you really reluctant to play. 

In the case of an ARPG, I don't know. What game are we talking about? PoE? Diablo? V Rising?

In any way, these games are great but what's the end goal of them?

In the end you're mostly just optimising your characters for marginal gains. There are other reasons to play though:

- If you are trying to compete with the best on the servers, then you're in for 18 hours a day, 7 days a week, during the whole league/season... Or you will just be a wannabe. Try to imagine the people who are the best on a server... What are their life like? What do they look like? What do they even smell like? Do you want to be these people?

- If you are just trying to use OP builds, then what's the point? What's the point of feeling OP? You don't feel OP in real life so you need a game to make you feel this way? (this is not an attack, this was my feeling playing competitive FPS and destroying lobbies, probably filled with kids/nolifers...) Are you really missing out on playing the best builds of this season? Unless you played every season on the game, you probably already missed thousands of builds anyways...

- If you are just trying to theorycraft... What are you crafting for? It's virtual crafting, virtual creation of value. The value is only real in that realm, to people you might not even admire in real life? Who do you admire in real life, who would you want to be like? Would this person admire your craft?

Again, there are multiple reasons you might be playing, but what are yours? What are your deep reasons for playing this game, and are these reasons actually sufficient enough to justify playing that much?

You might need to find these reasons and then put them to the test to your actual values in life. Will these reasons make you someone more valuable in your own eyes?

We're in this together brother.

I have a competitive FPS addiction and for me, it's the feeling of being better than anyone else that's so addictive. But then again... feeling better than whom? People who don't take showers? Kids that have nothing else to do? Mostly depressed people or people just playing for fun after work? What's so mighty about feeling better than these people then...

[Amphibian220]

your answer is ciphered in a way. You have to try to recollect why sport and brotherhood you turned away from.
 

Was your discipline already affected by the addiction? Was there some conditioning i.e. fear of losing, of being disliked, that led to the gaming becoming stronger.

Do you experience low energy after abstaining from the video game for some time? If that happens, which is most likely the case, you have to slog through it and set up a daily routine with a replacement treat.

If it is not going to be a video game, it has to be a sport where you can get some thrills every evening outside your home.

My gaming habit was so disruptive that I had to run out of the house after school to prevent myself from playing. So ridding myself of access to the game did it. I felt a total waste, laying in bed feeling that I lost an opportunity, but seeing peers content with life Without playing games gave me a new perspective. 
 

hope this better helps you to decipher your answer.

Edited June 27 by Amphibian220