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Daily Journal(First Entry: December 4, 2023)


MotivationalYoungin

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Monday: December 4, 2023

I'm still committed to putting less time in video games. IE: for example, 1-2 hours of video games on 2-3 days a week. I'm still not fully getting used to that role as I keep downloading games on my phone and playing them for longer than I should. I'm also still researching games and even listening to soundtracks though I don't really count listening to video game music as part of my addiction.

Last week I made the decision to start Persona 5 Royal since it's a game I bought recently and have been looking forward to playing. I started it right after deciding to reduce my involvement playing video games and it works very well for this game especially since it encourages me to take my time with it and not rush it all the way through. 

Even though I'm bored while not playing them, I'm still looking to do other things that doesn't involve them as well as not watching tv all day. Honestly at this point in my life there isn't really a lot I can do to escape them since I don't have a job yet and I start college again next month. But each and every day there can always be something I can do to avoid feeling like video games is the only meaningful thing I can do with my life. Like tomorrow, I may finally start writing a letter to a great friend of mine. Or maybe finally looking into which audiobooks or podcasts I can listen to which would be fun. Stuff like this will definitely help keep my brain active and make video games something that doesn't need to be performed every day or every week for that matter.

Edited by MotivationalYoungin
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11 hours ago, Ace92 said:

Sounds like you're off to a great start in reducing your video game usage. Audiobooks/books/podcasts are also something i want to look into. Do you have any idea of which ones you'd want to listen to?

Bless,

ace

Not sure yet. Probably some that are about self-care and maybe some motivational ones as well if that makes sense so I can make better things out of my life.

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Tuesday: December 5. 2023

Actually did a little bit of things today. I actually walked a little bit today to try and see a little bit of the area(even though it's just roads and you really need a car to get around). I wrote one of two letters talking about two good friends of mine which I wanted to for a while. And this is minor, but I continued binge watching the Spy Kids franchise one of my favorites growing up. I finished 2 and 3 today and am planning to do 4 possibly on Thursday. Also thought about getting more into basketball and still need to start looking into audiobooks/podcasts as well.

Even though I didn't play any games today, I kinda felt like I broke the rule by looking up things game related and even getting two free games off the Epic Games Store. I shouldn't really be doing that because it only makes me feel more motivated to actually touch a game which isn't the whole point of all. Even though I'm not necessarily trying to completely abandon video games, I don't need to touch them every day and looking them up kinda defeats the purpose in some way. It also got me thinking if I should go back to Discord to servers that aren't targeted towards gaming even though the platform is specifically built with gaming in mind. I'm honestly not sure but I'm still gonna continue my break from it just to be on the safe side.

All in all, today wasn't a bad day at all. It wasn't perfect by any means, but it was at least decent I would say good even. I still want to get out there and do more things, but I'm taking every day one step at a time. Not sure what I'll do tomorrow but I'll figure it out when we get there.

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Wednesday: December 6, 2023

Today was mostly boring and dry tbh. I've been thinking about cutting out habits I'm used to doing like using my phone when taking a shower or using it while eating. I'm going to try and reduce these habits even if it takes a while to get there. 

I mainly spent the day doing crossword puzzles and watching Netflix which is nothing new for me unfortunately. I realize now how sad my life is since I'm mainly in the house all day and nothing else.

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Thursday: December 7, 2023:

Another day with nothing worth of note. Didn't really do any new stuff today tbh. I've been trying to spend my money on other stuff that's not video games which is the first thing I'll spend it on in the past. I ended up buying some new PJs to wear cause of the holiday season as well as a journal for next year so I can write more of my thoughts rather than typing them down like I'm used to doing. I also watched Spy Kids 4 which was as great as I remember it and restarted my rewatch of Empire since I had stopped a few months ago. But these aren't really that important tbh since it's just more tv. 

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9 hours ago, MotivationalYoungin said:

But these aren't really that important tbh since it's just more tv. 

When I first quit gaming I started looking back to things that made me happy. It's kind of weird, but I didn't even associate anything that made me happy with the 15 years of gaming. I instantly went back to legos. So it takes some trial and error. 

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Friday: December 8, 2023

Another day of nothing worth of note. I just watched more TV as usual to try and take my mind off video games. I didn't play Persona 5 Royal not one time this past week and honestly I was going to play it today but I didn’t bother going through with it.

I don't really know why but it's nothing that major. I also returned to Discord on my alternate account simply because the servers I'm in is not even about gaming most of the time. Part of me feels ashamed about it but I realized I want to continue talking to other people about things that aren't even gaming related. It's about another interest of mine which is too personal to get into. I also was supposed to write my other letter to my friend but I realized I have a lot more to say this time around so I'll get to it tomorrow.

Im also starting to realize that the struggles with spending money all the time since no matter how many things you want, it's important to save money for when you really need it. Other than that, a generic Friday which isn't nothing new for me unfortunately but was hoping it could've been a great day at the very least. That sadly wasn't the case. 

 

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Saturday: December 9, 2023

Despite me saying this yesterday, I never got around to writing the second letter today. I realized that I shouldn't try to rush and speak from the heart about someone who I care about very much. So it'll be a little bit before I'm finally ready to write it. I also received my journal for next year which I'll be using more often to write down more of thoughts as well as other stuff like reminders and stuff like that. I also watched Everything Everywhere All At Once which I thought was a great movie. I did think it went on a bit too long but it was enjoyable to watch from start to finish.

I actually did use my switch today but it wasn't for me. It was for my brothers so they could play games while I'm not using it. I don't really count this seeing as how I didn't actually play a game. I almost did but didn't for my better judgement. I still want to start reading audiobooks and there is one I'm actually looking forward to reading. It's just a matter of when I'll get to it. I'm also trying to find new music to listen to that's not the usual stuff I binge.

Today wasn't perfect but it was good at the end of the day. These days I always feel like my brain is on autopilot, but I try to make the best I can each and every day.

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Sunday: December 10, 2023: 

I ended up being on Discord for way too much of the day. But most of the people i talk to isn't really related to video games all that much so take that if you will. Right as I'm writing this I thought about finally giving thought to an idea I had recently and start to maybe write a book about my life up to this point. I may end up going through with this to keep my mind occupied.

I almost thought playing Persona 5 Royal even if it was for an hour or so but in the end I didn't bother with it. Honestly no reason why but it's whatever. Honestly the majority of the day was boring seeing as how I didn't really do much of anything really. I want to change this so at least every day can be somewhat memorable.

Tomorrow I'm visiting another college to see if it is the right one for me. It has a housing program which is something I'm very interested in. After that, I'll see if I can try and do something productive or memorable.

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Monday: December 11, 2023

Today, I went to Georgia State University for a tour and already I love the place. It's very big, diverse, and also has campus housing which is a major consideration for me to attend. Living on campus will allow me to make more friends and also learn new things/explore more activities which will help me step away from more video games all the time. I'm definitely planning to go to this school now instead of my previous choice and hopefully I still have enough time to finish my application. 

I also learned how to make spaghetti and meatballs. Having barely cooked before, it was a great learning experience which I'm definitely looking forward to making more foods in the hopefully near future. Bonus also the food was very delicious which made me happy since I learned how to make the thing in the first place.

I'm glad I was able to have some fun today considering how I barely got any sleep last night. It was probably because of how cold it was, but also my shoulders ended up hurting for basically the whole day. I tried to not let it affect me too much but it was and still is a problem. 

All in all, I'd say it was a solid day and considering how much I hate Mondays that's impressive. Today was another example that proved that once I'm not playing video games every day there's always new thing to learn and see throughout the whole world. Of course there are still things I want to do like maybe writing about my life and turning it into a story, but every day is a step by step process.

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Tuesday: December 12, 2023

Today was very boring ngl. Nothing worth of note to report as I pretty much went back to my usual things like watching tv and talking to people on Discord. Speaking of Discord, I'm planning to take another small break as I feel like I returned to Discord very quickly and didn't give myself the time off I actually deserve from it. That's really all I have to report for today. I wish I had more to say but I don't sadly.

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1 hour ago, FDRx7 said:

Do you feel like Discord is replacing in-person connection, or that it is simply another mode of comfort for you?

It's both. I spent more time on there than interacting with irl people, which isn't healthy. But at the same time, I love interacting with people on there about stuff that isn't related to gaming at all. It's weird.

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Wednesday: December 13, 2023:

I spent way too much on Tumblr after finally learning to use it. It's an addiction and I need to stop it before it gets worse. Once again, I found myself considering all the decisions I made up to this point both good and bad. I really just feel like a burden to most people and feel like I can't step outside of my comfort zone. Which is why I only end up finding myself just using devices or watching tv for the entire day and nothing more. Today was no different which is very sad.

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Thursday: December 14, 2023

I felt motivated to actually do some productive stuff but it didn't really plan out like that. I played more Persona 5 Royal having not playing last week, and honestly this week has been rough so I'm glad I got in a little bit of game time. Tomorrow I'm finally going to write that personal letter to a friend seeing as how I know what I want to say. And hopefully soon I get some more books to read/finally start reading audiobooks and listening to podcasts seeing as how I keep holding it off. Overall, not a good or bad day. It was aright.

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Friday: December 16, 2023: 

Today was actually a pretty solid and a somewhat productive day. Yesterday I downloaded a app on my phone called Screen Time which allows me to set limits on specific apps. I also downloaded a to-do list on my phone which allows me to keep track of stuff I need to do for the day. It also gives you some important stuff which included drinking water, writing a gratitude journal, going to sleep on time, and a new one for me which is mediating. 

Thanks to a app called Calm, I mediated for what I believe is my very first time ever. It was only for 5 mins, but it felt so calming and relaxing that going forward I plan to do it at least two times a week for at least 5-20 mins. I'll have to see how many minutes works for me each day I perform it. I also finally wrote the second letter to one of my friends named Kheema. I had a lot to say about her and pretty much all of it was positive so nothing harsh. 

Speaking of friends, I plan to reach out to some old friends in the new year and hopefully do it more often throughout 2024 and maybe beyond. I say all the time I'm very lonely but in reality I've met people through high school and a lot of them means something to me and I neglect them like I'm destined to be lonely for the rest of my life. I feel like that 95% of the time, but come next year I really want to change that. And with me starting college again soon, I'm going to take the opportunity to actually make friends I can connect with. I also started a list of audiobooks I want to read. I may start now or next year but it's definitely going to be soon, that's for sure.

All in all, a pretty solid day like I said. I could've done more but I'm just glad I did some stuff today with one of them being new for me. I'm taking every day step by step but I see now how video games has been holding me back from my true potential and I'm going to continue to try performing things to step outside of my comfort zone. It's really the only way I can improve as a person.

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Saturday: December 16, 2023

There wasn't really much today compared to yesterday, if at all. I spent most of the day watching tv and doing more crossword puzzles, getting close to finishing the book I have at the moment. I also spent time outside for a bit, mostly watching other people play basketball but it was still nice. Like I said, not much happened today but that's okay.

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Sunday: December 17, 2023: 

I ended up meditating again today seeing as how I needed it to start my day. After that, I took a walk and even though there isn't much to see around my area, I'm still glad I got outside the house. And I started my biography(sort of) writing about my life events up to this point in time. It's not perfect so far but it's a start and I'm excited to continue it in the future.

I almost forgot that part of the whole reason I went for a walk was to sell of some of my games to Gamestop which is something I've wanted to do for weeks now. I got $63 out of it and it wasn't too bad. I didn't sell everything I had but this was a good step to decrease my video game addiction a little bit. Deep down part of me feels bad for selling the games, but the other part of me is glad that I'm actually taking steps to keep my addiction to a reasonable, sort of. Decent day overall but the second half was pretty dry and hopefully soon I can fix it to where I have less  moments like that and am actually doing some productive or fun things.

Update: Also finished my crossword puzzle book that I inherited from my grandmother who sadly passed away last year(RIP). Glad I finally finished it in her honor and definitely want to get some more books soon.

Edited by MotivationalYoungin
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Monday: December 18, 2023

A new week, and another day of not much going on. I was able to get out the house due to grocery shopping and I did some rearranging with my clothes in my room, but those aren't really much to speak of.

Trigger Warning: Most of the day I actually had thoughts of suicide which isn't nothing new for me unfortunately but it was an issue today as I look back on my life and perform the same tasks over and over again every single day. It made me wonder if I was better off dead to get out of the tedium of doing the same stuff like watching tv all the time due to having no outside life, but I obviously wouldn't be typing this if I was actually dead. I know things will get better but at this time I'm pretty much miserable. 

As for today, it wasn't bad but not great ether. Nothing new for Mondays let alone my whole life as of last year but it's still pretty disappointing.

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On 12/17/2023 at 9:35 PM, MotivationalYoungin said:

the second half was pretty dry and hopefully soon I can fix it to where I have less  moments like that and am actually doing some productive or fun things.

What do you find that you are doing in moments like this? How are you filling the time?

 

11 hours ago, MotivationalYoungin said:

I know things will get better but at this time I'm pretty much miserable.

Hey, I’ve been there before with the same feelings. It will get better, I promise. Don’t feed those thoughts. See them, and let them pass. If you are able to, consider going to therapy. It truly makes a difference to talk to someone who can pull you out of your rut. Remember that you matter and things will turn around. The first few weeks of the detox can be tough, but persist. You will be okay! And this community is here for you.

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2 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

What do you find that you are doing in moments like this? How are you filling the time?

 

Hey, I’ve been there before with the same feelings. It will get better, I promise. Don’t feed those thoughts. See them, and let them pass. If you are able to, consider going to therapy. It truly makes a difference to talk to someone who can pull you out of your rut. Remember that you matter and things will turn around. The first few weeks of the detox can be tough, but persist. You will be okay! And this community is here for you.

I'm usually just watching TV or recently doing more word search puzzles since I truly enjoy myself. Most of the time I'm just there and time passes so fast I wonder if I actually exist or not. I actually did try therapy a few years ago but quit because I was too afraid to express my feelings. To be honest, I've been wanting to try it again for a while and maybe get some ADHD meds but I need the money first In order to do that. And thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I appreciate it and I know things will get better even if it takes time. 

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Tuesday: December 19, 2023

I ended up going outside once again thinking it would be quick but it was quite a while actually. Later I rewatched The Darkest Minds, a film I first seen in high school. It was enjoyable and I think it holds up quite well even today. Not a whole lot today much like yesterday but still minor things here and there. I'm hunkering down on the college preparations seeing as how I have at least 2 weeks left to prepare before I start the semester on January 8th.

I'm excited and nervous but more importantly glad I'll be able to do some productive things and hopefully make some new friends. I'm also still hoping for a job but every day is a step by step process.

Edited by MotivationalYoungin
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Wednesday: December 20, 2023

Today wasn't really a great day tbh. After barely getting sleep last night, I pretty much cancelled any things I planned to work on today which included finally starting to listen to audiobooks and continue my essay(sort of) about my life. My throat is getting worse, my body basically hurt everywhere, and it felt like I was about to develop headaches as well. I pretty much said screw it today and didn't really give a crap about my life. 

Only notable thing I did today was rewatch The Hate U Give, which is definitely a great movie no doubt. But that's really all to report for today seeing as how nothing else really happened. Guess that's just my life nowadays unfortunately.

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