MotivationalYoungin

Oh boy its been a while since I've last posted on here and looking back now makes me feel bad for being gone this long. Ever since the weekend of January 15th, I basically was gaming and watching Youtube videos that entire weekend. Honestly it wasn't healthy despite how much fun I had because I'm trying to reduce gaming as a whole while not cutting it out completely. But still it wasn't the right choice to be gaming for 4 days straight with a few non gaming things here and there. As for Youtube, I sometimes have to watch videos for some of my math assignments and I feel like that's partly the reason why I've been on Youtube more often than not nowadays. I'll admit I forgot how much fun I enjoyed watching Youtube and playing games occassionally but still they are not the main focus of my life anymore at this current point in time. I'm still working my way through college and the past week made me realize how much it sucks to not have a job and not being able to buy the required materials for my courses. At this point in time, I only really have access to one class and even then that access is about to expire again unless I got a physical copy of the book I need. The same goes for my other two classes as well since I'm locked out of them for the time being. I really regret how much money I spent over the years because if I saved up, I could've bought more important things instead of wasting them every single day on junk food and other stuff. Despite how much gaming occured over the past two weeks for me, I'm still doing other things that are more beneficial like reading, journaling, meditating, taking a walk sometimes, listening to music, etc. I'm really trying to step out of the gaming zone I've been in for a while and I'll admit its hard because I live with two other brothers who are addicted to gaming and so seeing them play really influences me a lot. But soon that needs to change as I'm still trying desperately to find a job, and am going to start looking for extracurriculars at my college to see if I can participate in any of them. Ultimately, I know for a fact that gaming isn't and will probably never not be a part of me, but soon I'll be 21 years old and I have to start looking at my life outside of the typical things I'm used to. But with all that being said, here's what happened between yesterday(the 22nd) and today(the 23rd) since I don't have time to recall every single day. January 22nd: Today was overall an average day. Today I just did a lot of assignments for my math course as I'm trying to bring my overall grade which is good but not great at this current point in time. I also finally updated my media thread as I talked about some stuff I've watched over this month so far. But even still the day wasn't really that great tbh. January 23rd: Today I didn't attend one of my classes seeing as how attendance is tied to just doing assignments and since I can't do any of them until the time being, I decided to just stay home. Plus attendance is an extra 5 points and I'm okay with missing one day of that. I continued my daily meditation which was very calm and relaxing even if I sometimes find it hard to breathe deeply. I ended up going for another walk with once again not much to see sadly and me spending money on unnecessary junk food, but I still did enjoy the walk regardless. I also continued reading "The Last Mile" getting through chapters 8-11 this time around. I didn't expect to get through the chapters so fast, but so far the book is very engaging and a fun read everytime. That's basically all from these past two days. In general, both were pretty average and I guess that's the best I can do at this point in time. Hopefully I don't disappear like I did once again because I really mean it when I say I want to branch out to other things in life. And gaming so much really holds me back from my true potential despite me not being able to do much about it at this current point in time. But I know things will get better for me even if it takes a while.

January 6th: For the first time in over a month, I finally returned to YouTube. I didn't really watch any videos, just removed some channels I don't really feel like watching content from. I'm not sure if I plan on using it as much as used to in the past, but probably not. January 7th: Once again I took a walk(not much to see), meditated, and started to read "The Last Mile" which I'm enjoying so far three chapters in. The college thing was really getting to me at this point because I really felt like I fucked up on the choice considering I had many more to choose from, but oh well. January 8th: I started my spring semester at Atlanta Technical College. The first day was pretty typical with not much going on and basically the second class of the day not happening due to the teacher not being there. I'm actually supposed to be attending Georgia State University, but applying there so late basically has me waiting for a while for a decision and I hope I get in. It has campus housing which will allow me to socialize more and have a more meaningful college experience. Worst case scenario, I'll have to attend ATC for the spring for now, and attend GSU in the fall. I'll have the decision by this Friday, so we'll see how it goes. I also played more Mario Wonder and once again I'm captivated by how much fun I'm having with it. I know video games have been on a downward spiral for a while now, but playing that game really feels so amazing and it's really fun to discover everything for the first time blind. Despite me loving it a ton, I'm still only trying to reduce playtime to like 2 days a week or 2-4 hours a week to not lose myself in the video game grind. Very interesting stuff from the past three days I would say. Tomorrow I have my pre appointment for Amazon and I hope I can get this job to finally have something else to do besides school and staying in the house all day. I also have another class tomorrow which I'm experiencing for the first time and it's 3 hours long 😪, so hopefully it's a good day tomorrow. Sorry for the long post, just felt like sharing my thoughts. 😅😅

January 4th and 5th: Between yesterday and today, I ended up finishing Astro's Playroom by accident and more Mario Wonder. Looking back while it was fun, playing them back to back days when I'm trying to reduce video game involvement wasn't exactly a great move. I mainly did it because the days had some rough and annoying parts to them and in reality I couldn't really see any other way to calm down than playing games. But I could've went about it in a better way. My attempts to apply to Georgia State University have been very annoying somewhat, which I didn't really expect. At this point, I'm just waiting on a decision and hopefully I get in and can still attend for the spring semester. I was hoping to start on the actual first day which is this coming Monday January 8, but I'm honestly just hoping I'm able to get in at all. Today(Friday) I finally finished "Hardcore Self Help: F**k Depression" which was a great listen and overall insight into depression and the many reasons as to why I'm heavily affected by it. With this being my first audiobook done, I'm going to be starting another one as soon as possible. I also started a little document titled "The Past Three Years" essentially detailing some stuff that's happened over the past 3 years of my life and why I'm not fully happy. It's not done yet since I have a lot more to say but I'm glad I decide to do something like this even if it's small. I also might be finally getting a job and it may be at Amazon which is one of the places I really wanted to work at. It's still to early to tell but I do hope I end up getting the job because it will be a huge next step in my journey. I felt the need to share about these two days in particular because it shows how easy it is for me to rely on games as a crutch when I'm bored or frustated. It isn't really a issue when I do it every once in a while but not all the damn time which I'm really trying to cut down on. These past two days were not perfect and were rough at some points, but they brought some small but huge next steps for me and I can't wait to see what else lies in store for me in the future.

Hey everyone. Happy New Year and hopefully it's a great one for us all. After a rough year in 2023, I'm going to try my damnest to make 2024 an actually great year for once. Going forward, I'm not going to be posting about every day simply because most of the time my days are boring with basically nothing to speak of. I started a new journal for the purposes of this year simply so I can document at least more days this time around. This first post is going to talk about the first two days of the year and what I've done in them. January 1st and 2nd: The first day of the year wasn't really all that exciting tbh. I wrote down some goals I'm hoping to accomplish by the end of the year and I'm making a commitment to daily journaling, but that's really it for yesterday at least. Today had a little bit more to offer. I watched the first John Wick movie which was a good watch from start to finish. I also started a new media thread for this year which is why I decided to start it with a movie. I also started to read "Gifted Hands" by Ben Carson, a book I haven't read in literal years. I'm only three chapters in, but it's a entertaining read so far. Reading more is one of my goals for this year, and I'm hoping to read a lot more books between now and next year. I actually almost ended up playing more of Astro's Playroom tonight, but decided against it for my better judgement. I'm still trying to commit to at least a few days a week of gaming, and so far I basically ended up doing that. Last week with Christmas and my brother's birthday was a different story and looking back I feel kinda bad for gaming for more hours than I originally planned on doing. It's usually been 2 hours a week and only one day, but I might just commit to 2-4 hours over 1-2 days a week. We'll see how it goes, but considering I start college next week, I know that gaming is not going to be a huge part of my life all the time anymore especially this year since I have some plans in mind I want to commit. That's basically all I have so far for the first two days of the year. Like I said, I'll only be talking about days where I've done meaningful stuff and/or things related to gaming, if possible. I'm really hoping to make this year something special, and whether or not video games will play a huge part in that role, we'll wait and see.

Tuesday: December 26, 2023 I ended up starting a new essay sort of called "2023 in Review". It's basically a look back at 2023 from my own personal view. So far I've wrote a lot and there's still more to come. I also finally got my first ever bank account with Chase and I'm very happy. I feel like a new chapter of my life has started with this next step even if it's something small at the end of the day. That was all the notable things the day provided. Everything else was the same and boring as usual, but it's whatever.

Monday: December 25, 2023 Today ended up being a decent and boring Christmas at the end of the day. I got a few gifts one of then being Super Mario Bros Wonder. I wasn't planning on playing it till next year due to me being on a break. Ultimately though after the rough year I've had, I'm grateful for the chance to even play it at all. So far, I'm really enjoying it and I'm glad I had asked for it. I've been on a downward spiral from games for a while now, but playing Mario Wonder today sorta reminds me why I love video games in the first place.

Sunday: December 24, 2023 On this Merry Christmas eve, I didn't do not a single thing. Mainly was just in bed all day with the occasional breaks to eat, shower, etc. Today I really didn't give a crap and didn't bother doing anything productive because there isn't much I could do at this point in my life. Sucks to say but it's the truth.

Saturday: December 23, 2023: I actually for sort of decent today, enough to do other things besides laying in bed all day. Ultimately though there wasn't really a whole lot I did compared to yesterday. I finally got back to Persona 5 Royal getting a bit more into the actual gameplay parts. I've been hesitant to get back to it because I was afraid of feeling of missing out(FOMO). I realized that I'm not trying to 100% it since I'm used to being a completionist, and that taking my time with the game is really the best thing I'm doing in regards to it. Like I said, barely anything today simply because I'm trying to fight this sickness I have. but hopefully I get through it soon.

Friday: December 22, 2023: My sickness is getting worse and it seems like everyone in my house is getting it in some way or another. It's definitely some kind of virus though giving that it's the holiday season, it kinda doesn't surprise me. I meditated once again for 3 days in a row and I might just meditate 2-3 days a week from now on. I also started the audiobook train by listening to "Hardcore Self Help: F**k Depression" by Robert Duff. So far its a definitely an important insight on my depression and the many factors that causes it. I would've finished it today but I decided to save the rest for next time as to not burn myself out. I also was going to play Persona 5 Royal, however I really felt weak and drained to do anything today tbh. That's a common thing for me unfortunately but it's even worse when I'm sick. Hopefully this cures up soon because i can't deal with it anymore. Decent day, though its could've been a lot better honestly.

Thursday: December 21, 2023 I meditated again which always gets me in a good mood and helps start my day. I continued to work "My Life Story" but even after glancing at another paper for inspiration, I'm having some trouble making the words come out in a way that doesn't make me want to delete the whole thing 😅. I also rewatched "Identity Thief" having not watched it in a long while, and it was still as good as I remember. I'm also getting more into the NBA than I thought, looking up teams and players, etc. It's a good thing actually since basketball is the only sport I actually kinda give a damn about. All in all, a solid day even if I was bored for a good part of the day. When I actually attempt to put in effort into stuff I want to achieve, the day turns out better simply because of it. Might end up meditating tomorrow and finally starting the audiobook train, but we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Wednesday: December 20, 2023 Today wasn't really a great day tbh. After barely getting sleep last night, I pretty much cancelled any things I planned to work on today which included finally starting to listen to audiobooks and continue my essay(sort of) about my life. My throat is getting worse, my body basically hurt everywhere, and it felt like I was about to develop headaches as well. I pretty much said screw it today and didn't really give a crap about my life. Only notable thing I did today was rewatch The Hate U Give, which is definitely a great movie no doubt. But that's really all to report for today seeing as how nothing else really happened. Guess that's just my life nowadays unfortunately.

Tuesday: December 19, 2023 I ended up going outside once again thinking it would be quick but it was quite a while actually. Later I rewatched The Darkest Minds, a film I first seen in high school. It was enjoyable and I think it holds up quite well even today. Not a whole lot today much like yesterday but still minor things here and there. I'm hunkering down on the college preparations seeing as how I have at least 2 weeks left to prepare before I start the semester on January 8th. I'm excited and nervous but more importantly glad I'll be able to do some productive things and hopefully make some new friends. I'm also still hoping for a job but every day is a step by step process.

I'm usually just watching TV or recently doing more word search puzzles since I truly enjoy myself. Most of the time I'm just there and time passes so fast I wonder if I actually exist or not. I actually did try therapy a few years ago but quit because I was too afraid to express my feelings. To be honest, I've been wanting to try it again for a while and maybe get some ADHD meds but I need the money first In order to do that. And thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I appreciate it and I know things will get better even if it takes time.

Monday: December 18, 2023 A new week, and another day of not much going on. I was able to get out the house due to grocery shopping and I did some rearranging with my clothes in my room, but those aren't really much to speak of. Trigger Warning: Most of the day I actually had thoughts of suicide which isn't nothing new for me unfortunately but it was an issue today as I look back on my life and perform the same tasks over and over again every single day. It made me wonder if I was better off dead to get out of the tedium of doing the same stuff like watching tv all the time due to having no outside life, but I obviously wouldn't be typing this if I was actually dead. I know things will get better but at this time I'm pretty much miserable. As for today, it wasn't bad but not great ether. Nothing new for Mondays let alone my whole life as of last year but it's still pretty disappointing.

Sunday: December 17, 2023: I ended up meditating again today seeing as how I needed it to start my day. After that, I took a walk and even though there isn't much to see around my area, I'm still glad I got outside the house. And I started my biography(sort of) writing about my life events up to this point in time. It's not perfect so far but it's a start and I'm excited to continue it in the future. I almost forgot that part of the whole reason I went for a walk was to sell of some of my games to Gamestop which is something I've wanted to do for weeks now. I got $63 out of it and it wasn't too bad. I didn't sell everything I had but this was a good step to decrease my video game addiction a little bit. Deep down part of me feels bad for selling the games, but the other part of me is glad that I'm actually taking steps to keep my addiction to a reasonable, sort of. Decent day overall but the second half was pretty dry and hopefully soon I can fix it to where I have less moments like that and am actually doing some productive or fun things. Update: Also finished my crossword puzzle book that I inherited from my grandmother who sadly passed away last year(RIP). Glad I finally finished it in her honor and definitely want to get some more books soon.

Saturday: December 16, 2023 There wasn't really much today compared to yesterday, if at all. I spent most of the day watching tv and doing more crossword puzzles, getting close to finishing the book I have at the moment. I also spent time outside for a bit, mostly watching other people play basketball but it was still nice. Like I said, not much happened today but that's okay.

Friday: December 16, 2023: Today was actually a pretty solid and a somewhat productive day. Yesterday I downloaded a app on my phone called Screen Time which allows me to set limits on specific apps. I also downloaded a to-do list on my phone which allows me to keep track of stuff I need to do for the day. It also gives you some important stuff which included drinking water, writing a gratitude journal, going to sleep on time, and a new one for me which is mediating. Thanks to a app called Calm, I mediated for what I believe is my very first time ever. It was only for 5 mins, but it felt so calming and relaxing that going forward I plan to do it at least two times a week for at least 5-20 mins. I'll have to see how many minutes works for me each day I perform it. I also finally wrote the second letter to one of my friends named Kheema. I had a lot to say about her and pretty much all of it was positive so nothing harsh. Speaking of friends, I plan to reach out to some old friends in the new year and hopefully do it more often throughout 2024 and maybe beyond. I say all the time I'm very lonely but in reality I've met people through high school and a lot of them means something to me and I neglect them like I'm destined to be lonely for the rest of my life. I feel like that 95% of the time, but come next year I really want to change that. And with me starting college again soon, I'm going to take the opportunity to actually make friends I can connect with. I also started a list of audiobooks I want to read. I may start now or next year but it's definitely going to be soon, that's for sure. All in all, a pretty solid day like I said. I could've done more but I'm just glad I did some stuff today with one of them being new for me. I'm taking every day step by step but I see now how video games has been holding me back from my true potential and I'm going to continue to try performing things to step outside of my comfort zone. It's really the only way I can improve as a person.

Thursday: December 14, 2023 I felt motivated to actually do some productive stuff but it didn't really plan out like that. I played more Persona 5 Royal having not playing last week, and honestly this week has been rough so I'm glad I got in a little bit of game time. Tomorrow I'm finally going to write that personal letter to a friend seeing as how I know what I want to say. And hopefully soon I get some more books to read/finally start reading audiobooks and listening to podcasts seeing as how I keep holding it off. Overall, not a good or bad day. It was aright.

Wednesday: December 13, 2023: I spent way too much on Tumblr after finally learning to use it. It's an addiction and I need to stop it before it gets worse. Once again, I found myself considering all the decisions I made up to this point both good and bad. I really just feel like a burden to most people and feel like I can't step outside of my comfort zone. Which is why I only end up finding myself just using devices or watching tv for the entire day and nothing more. Today was no different which is very sad.

It's both. I spent more time on there than interacting with irl people, which isn't healthy. But at the same time, I love interacting with people on there about stuff that isn't related to gaming at all. It's weird.

Tuesday: December 12, 2023 Today was very boring ngl. Nothing worth of note to report as I pretty much went back to my usual things like watching tv and talking to people on Discord. Speaking of Discord, I'm planning to take another small break as I feel like I returned to Discord very quickly and didn't give myself the time off I actually deserve from it. That's really all I have to report for today. I wish I had more to say but I don't sadly.

Monday: December 11, 2023 Today, I went to Georgia State University for a tour and already I love the place. It's very big, diverse, and also has campus housing which is a major consideration for me to attend. Living on campus will allow me to make more friends and also learn new things/explore more activities which will help me step away from more video games all the time. I'm definitely planning to go to this school now instead of my previous choice and hopefully I still have enough time to finish my application. I also learned how to make spaghetti and meatballs. Having barely cooked before, it was a great learning experience which I'm definitely looking forward to making more foods in the hopefully near future. Bonus also the food was very delicious which made me happy since I learned how to make the thing in the first place. I'm glad I was able to have some fun today considering how I barely got any sleep last night. It was probably because of how cold it was, but also my shoulders ended up hurting for basically the whole day. I tried to not let it affect me too much but it was and still is a problem. All in all, I'd say it was a solid day and considering how much I hate Mondays that's impressive. Today was another example that proved that once I'm not playing video games every day there's always new thing to learn and see throughout the whole world. Of course there are still things I want to do like maybe writing about my life and turning it into a story, but every day is a step by step process.

Sunday: December 10, 2023: I ended up being on Discord for way too much of the day. But most of the people i talk to isn't really related to video games all that much so take that if you will. Right as I'm writing this I thought about finally giving thought to an idea I had recently and start to maybe write a book about my life up to this point. I may end up going through with this to keep my mind occupied. I almost thought playing Persona 5 Royal even if it was for an hour or so but in the end I didn't bother with it. Honestly no reason why but it's whatever. Honestly the majority of the day was boring seeing as how I didn't really do much of anything really. I want to change this so at least every day can be somewhat memorable. Tomorrow I'm visiting another college to see if it is the right one for me. It has a housing program which is something I'm very interested in. After that, I'll see if I can try and do something productive or memorable.

Saturday: December 9, 2023 Despite me saying this yesterday, I never got around to writing the second letter today. I realized that I shouldn't try to rush and speak from the heart about someone who I care about very much. So it'll be a little bit before I'm finally ready to write it. I also received my journal for next year which I'll be using more often to write down more of thoughts as well as other stuff like reminders and stuff like that. I also watched Everything Everywhere All At Once which I thought was a great movie. I did think it went on a bit too long but it was enjoyable to watch from start to finish. I actually did use my switch today but it wasn't for me. It was for my brothers so they could play games while I'm not using it. I don't really count this seeing as how I didn't actually play a game. I almost did but didn't for my better judgement. I still want to start reading audiobooks and there is one I'm actually looking forward to reading. It's just a matter of when I'll get to it. I'm also trying to find new music to listen to that's not the usual stuff I binge. Today wasn't perfect but it was good at the end of the day. These days I always feel like my brain is on autopilot, but I try to make the best I can each and every day.

Friday: December 8, 2023 Another day of nothing worth of note. I just watched more TV as usual to try and take my mind off video games. I didn't play Persona 5 Royal not one time this past week and honestly I was going to play it today but I didn’t bother going through with it. I don't really know why but it's nothing that major. I also returned to Discord on my alternate account simply because the servers I'm in is not even about gaming most of the time. Part of me feels ashamed about it but I realized I want to continue talking to other people about things that aren't even gaming related. It's about another interest of mine which is too personal to get into. I also was supposed to write my other letter to my friend but I realized I have a lot more to say this time around so I'll get to it tomorrow. Im also starting to realize that the struggles with spending money all the time since no matter how many things you want, it's important to save money for when you really need it. Other than that, a generic Friday which isn't nothing new for me unfortunately but was hoping it could've been a great day at the very least. That sadly wasn't the case.