Bagradain's Journal

[Bagradain]

Thursday, November 23.

Day without gaming streak: 1.

[Bagradain]

Friday, November 24.

Day without gaming streak: 2.

[Bagradain]

Saturday, November 25.

Day without gaming streak: 3.

1 relapse (RPG).

Wanted to see armor and weapons design.

Seeking solutions.

Edited November 25, 2023 by Bagradain

[BooksandTrees]

On 11/24/2023 at 6:00 PM, Bagradain said:

Seeking solutions.

For what? 

[Bagradain]

On 12/3/2023 at 8:40 PM, BooksandTrees said:

For what? 

Good morning.

To find something similar to beautiful armor and weapons design from game in real life of course.

[Bagradain]

Monday, December 11.

I found a new gamificated productivity app, started using it a few days ago.

Also, I succeeded at playing my favourite game no more than 1 hour per day.

[Amphibian220]

Does violence in video games make them attractive to you? 

This could explain the anger issue. Another point is video games give a great illusion of control and easy tasks to solve. Real life progress requires discipline, consistency, planning, resolution, courage. Games do not require any of this. Once you start detoxing, you realize you have to relearn life skills, so you have to have patience with it and ask safe people for help.

[Bagradain]

6 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Does violence in video games make them attractive to you? 

This could explain the anger issue. Another point is video games give a great illusion of control and easy tasks to solve. Real life progress requires discipline, consistency, planning, resolution, courage. Games do not require any of this. Once you start detoxing, you realize you have to relearn life skills, so you have to have patience with it and ask safe people for help.

Good evening.

Well, I really had problem with anger in my childhood, and was often releasing it while playing games, but now I learned to take a deep breath, meditate, listen calm music and using visualisation, so now I'm making progress even with my anger.

What I really like in games, it's a user interface (Level system), where you can track your progress.

And maybe good graphics and beautiful drawn items too🤔

Peace.

P.S. Now I realised that I playing my favourite game to get closer to my character's personality, to become a Knight in real life.

Why?

Knights never hurt a woman.

Knights will protect innocents in danger.

Knights respect and protect the law.

Knights are polite.

Edited December 11, 2023 by Bagradain

[Bagradain]

Saturday December 16, 2023

Today is the second day I haven't played games. I'm using a new gamified productivity app. I don't know about other people, but it helps me develop new habits.

I also read about escapism, and thought about it. I figured out why I hate real life.

All I wanted, and want now, is a normal family. When the parents divorced, everything fell apart. But this was unavoidable. And now it cannot be changed either. It's just that after this event, there were a lot of quarrels, fights, bad memories, tears, wasted time, bullying and psychologists in my life. It hurts me that everything happened like this.

Of course, this is only the past. However, I still think of myself as worthless (that's what they told me at school), and because of my disability, I think of myself as trash. I do not know why. All I know is that I hate real life and am constantly obsessed with changing my past. I don't even know how to live normally and what to do next.

I hope you're all well. 

Peace.