Bagradain's Journal

[Bagradain 4]

I can't believe I didn't played MMORPG for 14 days.

I'm doing everything I could to stay on the road: reading books, studying programming, running outside, talking with my girlfriend... I'm even going to try to join sword art school this week (I'm used to my Knight with sword avatar too much).

And, last but not least, I'm trying to get a job to feel more confident.

But life still feels meaningless. I'm always sad, bored, tired, close to relapse.

In my heart, I don't want to deal with my addiction. Playing MMORPG as a Knight, traveling to the different worlds is the best thing I ever experienced.

But with all my games I can't spend much time with my girlfriend, and this makes her sad. Seeing her like this makes me sad for some reason too.

She's looking so happy when hears about me holding one more new day without gaming... "You're my hero" - she says.

I don't think about myself now. I'm doing this for her. To make her happy. That's my only reason to continue.

I must succeed.

 

 

[BooksandTrees 4,141]

On 9/12/2023 at 7:09 PM, Bagradain said:

But with all my games I can't spend much time with my girlfriend, and this makes her sad. Seeing her like this makes me sad for some reason too.

This is something to think about every time. I've learned that I enjoy just sitting on the couch with my wife and relaxing. I read or write or we watch TV. I used to game all night. You're going to realize what gives you satisfaction and what you've been yearning for in life. 

Try thinking about what gaming brought you. Success? Independence? Progress? Purpose? What is missing from your life?