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My Journey to escape to a more efficient life


diAmond64
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Hi there my name is A, 

 

I've always struggled with games, at a young age of 6 until now. It's made me isolate from people, including my family. I've become incredibly anxious and depressed, I've resorted to cheating in college to perform well and I've noticed that I'm not open to other peoples ideas or opinions - adopting a "my way or the highway" mindset. I've also gotten horrible sleep because of gaming. I want to change all of that. Not only do I want to do better in college, and be kinder and more social with people, I want to eat healthier, write novels, read more, learn multiple languages, learn instruments, and learn how to paint and cook. Establishing these hobbies and skill sets will make me a much happier person and escape this traumatizing cycle where i feel like I've let anyone who expects great things from me down. I'm just tired of letting people down, I want to be something they and I can be proud of. I don't wanna be known as the person who just lays on their ass all day. 

This is the first thing the site said I should do on my way to recovery, I guess the next thing to do is to make a routine that I can work on everyday. Hopefully that will keep me busy enough to abstain from games. 

 

I have a more in depth discussion of my story here if you wanna read it:

Have a good night

A

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Unfortunately I relapsed again. Watched gaming youtube videos and junk, instead of creating, or focusing on my goals.

 

Imma redefine them in my notes as well as write them here

 

I wanna 

eat healthier

take basic care of myself (through putting on my medicine, taking my pills, and exercising)

I also want to learn French, Spanish, Arabic, German, Italian and Russian

I want to write 

and I want to play the drums, piano and saxophone

I want to paint

and I want to cook

 

If I want to quit gaming and constantly consuming the internet I need to gain hobbies besides going to classes and doing homework. Tonight Imma actually make a daily routine that incorporates some of these hobbies, this also might help improve my time management.

Have a good night!

A

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Hi,

sounds like a good plan. Maybe you can start with one or two things from the list and replace watching videos with these new things. Once they've become a routine, you can add more things. If you start too many new hobbies at once, it might become overwhelming and lead to frustration.  In your introduction you mentioned praying as an additional goal. Do you have a church with people of your age nearby? That's also a good way to make friends and get away from playing or watching videos in the freetime. 

Regards

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@Seneca123i do however, i don't have a car so it's like a 20 minute walk from where i live. Though that might be a good way to utilize my days (taking a walk) so i'll think about it

Day 1 + 2 

 

Still streamed youtube videos 😞 but it was non gaming content so thats good. I also played no games today so thats good. need to start getting to my goals. one positive today though, i ran to get someplace i was late to and enjoyed it. might take up running again. about to see a play as well! 

have a good day

A

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Day 3 

 

Didn't play video games or watch game content, but I still just laid around. I think I know why though. When I realized games were bad for me and tried quitting before, I just laid around. I would write down a to do list or goals but wouldn't fulfill it, I think that's cause I didn't have a why. I didn't know my purpose for doing these things. I just kind of expected me to do them, full on, no stop. However that wasn't the case. Now I have written down reasons for why I want to obtain these goals, and what they mean to me. Hopefully this will lead me in the right direction. One of those goals was praying to God, so might as well do it here to start. 

I pray that the Lord provides me with strength and knowledge to continue to fight through these urges.

 

Have a good day

A

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Day 4 

 

No games and my video streaming dropped a lot, and I didn't really think about games at all. Still didn't get to my goals, but I'm happy with my progress!

 

Have a great night

A

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20 hours ago, diAmond64 said:

Still didn't get to my goals, but I'm happy with my progress!

life itself is such a work in progress and it's great you find happiness with that it will surely be a help in the long run

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Day 5 + 6

 

I'm getting frustrated - although I'm not playing games or watching as much youtube, I'm not working towards my goals. I've noticed that with me starting them and actually putting them into action is always the hardest part - even if it is as simple as getting out of bed in the morning. It's been a cycle like this for years, I've just been lazy and haven't actually started acting towards my goals. Not sure what I can do to make it easier. I'm just frustrated of talking all this talk and not actually doing anything about it, I defined my why but what do I have to do to actually do it? I'm tired of wasting all this time. 

Have a good evening 

A

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Day 7

 

No games - no game related content. I noticed why I haven't been working towards my goals yet. I think it's cause I have weak discipline which accordingly relates to my "need" for instant gratification; it's hard for me to just sit in silence. Since I haven't been playing games, I've been replacing it with non-gaming content on Youtube, Web Surfing and Music - all of which can be fun, but like games if you do any of these activities too much (i did), it distracts you from your goals and tasks for the day.

Deleted the YouTube app off my phone and I closed my Spotify account - I did this to try and gain discipline and be more present in the moment instead of speeding through each day like society has built up for me to believe. It's okay to take things slow! 

Have a good night

A

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Day 8 

 

No games - no game related content. I have been working on an essay that's due at 11:59 PM, making good progress, should hopefully be done by 10 or so. I had a small binge on youtube, and instagram today. Managed to stay away from music, though trying to be present in the moment and sitting in silence has proven to be difficult. I guess I need to prioritize distracting myself from these urges with productive, thought provoking activities, such as reading or writing this essay.

6 days until my Spotify account closes for good

Have a good night 

A

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Posted (edited)

Day 9 + Day 10 + Day 11

 

No games no game related content. 

Today (day 11) I was productive I put in a morning routine. So far I woke up at 7:00 AM - First time in a while, it was nice! I have been drinking a lot of water, meditated, prayed, studied and did well on schoolwork, and had breakfast. This evening, I am going to support my friend who is trying to become student trustee as well as write and learn French.

While today has been good so far, I am absolutely pissed. My college literally doesn't give 2 shits about the students of the school, specifically the POC's, Homosexual/Transgender students and students with disabilities. White people here are incredibly entitled and there are so many of them who will outwardly be racist, homophobic/transphobic and ableist than try to "cover it up" by being hella nice or in [black students face] try to show their not racist by walking up and talking to every POC they see, shaking their hands and shit. What has the school done about this? NOTHING! Absolutely fucking nothing. They blatantly ignore everything that's happening and when we complain about it they resort us to black professors, yet there's barely any black professors or professors of color left because of this racist shitspace. In terms of LGBTQ+, all the gay or trans people I know are insecure about their identity here, and the issue of homophobia, and transphobia here is also not handled and LGBTQ+ have no support/ the issues are not openly spoken about and LGBTQ+ students aren't fully represented, sure theres a resource center but that shits so small and in the very back of campus so it's like a 10 minute walk to get there, it's like they're trying to promote straight pride, and in the terms of ableism. The school's environment and architecture is just overall ableist by itself. Let's say someone had to use a wheelchair to get around. NONE OF THE BUILDINGS HAVE WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE PATHWAYS, there are just stairs. And externally only like 3 buildings have wheelchair ramps. And again, the school does jackshit about this, they treat POC's LGBTQ+ and disabled students like shit, then try to promote their school saying they're a safe space when literally our concerns are the LAST of their needs. I get there's hate like this all across America but honestly, how fucking hard is it for you to even address that these things are an issue? It shouldn't be. Instead they're wasting their platform and money on a stupid ass event nobody cares about. How are you gonna trick people into coming here when you want to see a whole bunch of your students suffer? Fucking disgusting. I've literally tried speaking to my parents about transferring and I discussed these issues with them and they literally said "stop focusing so much on identity," and "theres racism everywhere in America, what's the difference?"

anyway Imma hype up that friend in hopes she gets elected and that she yells in those ignorant administrators faces and tell em to fix their shit.

have a good night

A

Edited by diAmond64
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Day 12- Day 16

 

Been lacking on my goals, no games or game related content though. 

We'll see how today goes

Yesterday I quit social media because all it is is checking in on others lives and not focusing on your own. The other thing is most people use it, which i feel like ruins their uniqueness cause they're seeing what gets a lot of likes then they post that, or to fit in with their friends and be "liked" or feel accepted, they might form opinions that they don't necessarily agree with like for example, someone may be the only one who dislikes Billie Eilish in their group but instead of saying that and saying why they follow all billie eilish news and act like a fan, so they're not disliked. This is at least what I experienced with social media and what goes around at my college. Sadly, everyone is afraid of being themselves for fear of being disliked. On top of that most people are closed off and if someone has a different opinion then them (let's say on cookies) the person who hates cookies will be slammed down. I think social media has played a lot in causing this due to the stigma of posting stuff to get likes and the way news is controlled (showing only the stuff you like).

I just didn't need all that negativity in my life

Have a good day

A

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Good insight! Social media can be a waste of time and there is so much fake stuff going on. I only use whatsapp nowadays and sometimes I think even THAT is enough to distract me from things that really matter in my everyday life. As someone who doesnt use facebook, instagram, snapchat or twitter, I can tell you: it is easy to live without and you dont miss anything of vital importance. You might think that you miss something because a lot of your colleagues spend time on social media. And yeah, maybe thats true to some degree. But there are other and better ways to socialize out there. I recommend choosing activities where you REALLY interact with your counterpart, not just in an superficial way by using a screen. 🙂

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Just wanted to say that your process is kinda normal. I read a lot of journals here over the years, and almost everyone who quits games (even with success) doesnt straight go to fulfilling their goals now. Its more like you described it. Quitted -> feeling like shit -> 0 motivation and of course no discipline to fulfill your goals -> laziness 

Most important thing: Dont think ‘hey this is useless, I waste all my time doing nothing AND feeling bad!I could also game in that time and at least feel good’ -> this will lead to an endless cycle where you never escape from stage 2(eg getting your work done). So definitely keep distance from gaming etc. even sitting on your bed doing nothing is better than that. From high dopamin gaming to zero-fun-studying is a big jump. But going from laziness to studying is much easier. 

Try promodoros and choose one specific timeframe in the day where you will start to do your work for x hours. Start slow and expand it slowly. Built a habit, this takes several months. Remind yourself that it will get easy AND fun suddenly, out of nowhere. You just have to wait and endure.

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