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NEW INTERVIEW: How Pauline Narvas Overcame Gaming Addiction to Become a Programmer and Build an Incredible Life!

dandielionous

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Everything posted by dandielionous

  1. Day 16 10:50 AM Yesterday was a totally non-productive day. By the time I finally felt like moving it was 2:30 in the afternoon. I thought about it for another hour then gave up the idea all together. I was very busy the day before. I went to see neighbors, went to wal-mart, went to post office, saw friends etc. Then yesterday I was totally non-productive. I have noticed this about myself before while keeping this journal. I am trying to go from a total sedentary state to where I was almost two and a half years ago when I was not gaming. I have to say, "Well that didn't work!" lol I must not be too gentle on myself. Just sitting in front of the computer doing other activities than gaming. But not too hard. Trying to fix everything in one day. @hycniejsy Hycniejsy has accepted my challenge for staying non-gaming for two weeks until January 4th. I am not really fond of issuing challenges. I have never issued a challenge before. But I feel two weeks is one I can handle. My approach is to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. I am not out of the woods yet. I am still sitting in front of the computer the majority of the day. I have times I tear up for no reason. Then the next second I feel exhilarated. The horrible truth is after Christmas I will have to work on quitting smoking too. This is very hard for me. I have smoked 50 years. To me the main thing here is prioritized is stop gaming. If I do nothing else all day long I can not game. As long as I do not game, my day has been a success. I must remember that. I must remember to stay in the present. Right here, right now, this moment, this second, I am right here right now. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Upon Self Help Books I have read many, many, maaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyy, self help books. I read self help and religious books and every other kind of book until I knew all the words they would say before they said them. Finally, one day I came across a phrase in the Mormon Bible I believe it was a quote from Jesus. It said,"Why do you look for me in books when I am with you?" Now I have tried in the last few days to research this quote. I can find no reference to it through Google. But this helped me a lot. Because I realized if I was walking outside reading a book, totally concerned with trying to be like some book was telling me to be, I would miss a fairy sitting in a tulip. (Yes I would love to see a fairy! Not saying there are any but if there are I would like to see it! ) If Jesus or God or Gandhi or my Dead Mother were walking down the road toward me I wouldn't see it. I think self-help books have a place but eventually we have to realize the authors are just people like us. I feel I need to make contact with the Kingdom of God which lies within me. I need to listen to his voice on the wind. I need to thank Gaiya as her warmth comes up from the earth. I need to touch a tree and understand it's communicating with God. So yes I feel self-help books have a place. I just feel eventually we must grow out of them. As Bug Bunny would say, "T-t-that's all folks!"
  2. @hycniejsy My problem with the 1000 days goal is much simpler. It's not working!
  3. I'm not sure what you're doing here. You're looking to quit gaming or make a documentary about people who are quitting gaming?
  4. @AlexTheGrape Thank you for the photos! I have been downloading your photos to use for desktop picitures etc. Thank you for the encouragement. Reading your journal was like reading a coming of age story. Have you ever read the Diary of Anne Frank? I would give you a link but my internet is not working that well. ;( I believe it's available for a free download. I think there is also a movie.
  5. Wow @Robert Arctor @gankylosaurus why don't I just give up right now! Gees you two are depressing.
  6. Day 15 7:50 AM I feel the world lie quiet around me as Christmas approaches. Thank you God for all you've given me.
  7. @MmmWatermelon My apologizes I did not mean it to be a personal attack against you.
  8. @AlexTheGrape I have made it a goal to read one journal a day! I have come to understand that reading a journal the length of your's makes that an unrealistic goal. So I have changed that goal to limit the length of time I spend reading a journal each day and how late at night I can read a journal. I stayed up after 2 AM two nights reading your journal. So... DING! DING! DING! You are today's Grand Prize Winner! I have read your journal! wd
  9. 5:41 PM @Cam Adair Thank you for the Good Job! It means a lot that someone sees my small victories. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I look at my house and my yard. I see so many things I need to do. I defeat myself before I start. I must remember to celebrate my small victories. I went to the Post Office again today. I am getting up, getting dressed, taking a bath, brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, writing in this journal. I went to the grocery store. Something I rarely do. I made the right choice this time. Instead of fast food from the convenience store that costs too much and my body doesn't really want. I am writing in this journal. I am reading other journals. I have made 14 days. I am getting back some clarity... huh... what forgot what I was saying! lol (jkng) Time takes time. Everything on time and everything with time. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I feel tearful. I have felt tearful for about the last hour and a half. I think of how much I have fucked up. I think of the amends I need to make to people who were really good friends. I think of the amends I wish I could make to those who are dead and gone. I would sit down in the morning for just an hour... Days would go by. I know in my heart I can not play games. This isn't the first time I have lost everything behind playing a game. It takes a long time to repair a person's life after they after ran themselves just about as far down as they can. When I think of going back to gaming... I feel hate coming to me. I feel my whole interior changing. I feel vicious and evil. I am not that person. I am a person who has a temper. I am a strong person. I am a brave person. I am not afraid. I am independent. I don't like to ask things from others and I'm honest to a fault. I wonder how much of the fight/flight response the gaming developers are tapping into. I am a person who will fight. This is a negative emotion. Hate is a negative emotion. That book Hooked talks about tapping into negative emotions hooks people more. I wonder if people who will fight and have tempers get addicted more than introverts and people who do not have tempers. Okay not tearful anymore. I am not alone.
  10. @gankylosaurus Well really gankylosaurus let's say you never officially tried the 90 days before because you never introduced yourself. Aaaaand since this is the first time you are writing a journal? Let's just say this is the first time you have officially tried! Soooooooo ready, set, go!
  11. @sjoti I see a lot of people who feel after 90 days that they are strong enough to take care of their own lives. But what about us that are behind you. We need your experience, strength and hope.
  12. Hey, I tried it. I was working with AA, CGAA and OLGAnon sponsors. And we did this kind of lists. Didn't work for me, because I don't have any problems with changing clothes, brushing teeth and so on. Btw. My goals are not for the week or the month. They are for 1000 days (almost 3 years!) So, do you think they're wrong for now? Or should I just tick each day for next 3 years that I swept floor and combed my hair? Anyways, thanks for the advice. You could always try Day ! I didn't have my head up my ass. Day 2 I didn't have my head up my ass. Day 3 etc. I think you get the idea.
  13. @hycniejsy I challenge you to two weeks of non-gaming! and just to be fair that will be two weeks from now for me too That would put us at the 4th of January.... So Okay I challenge you to not game until the 4th of January! Do you Accept my Challenge!
  14. @phpsmith I got 5 days! I posted this here when I first started Gratz On 5 days!
  15. @MmmWatermelon On around 60 days lol I used to live with a man who made his living by gambling on chess. He gave up his college, family, home for chess. He was very close to a Grand Master. He played on the street in New York City in Times Square. There used to be a long row of backgammon and chess boards there run by Bobby D. Every once in a while the police would come along and tear it down. Most of the men who played there didn't have homes. One of the men would climb over top of a building down into an abandoned building to sleep at night. They found him froze to death with $900 on his person. My Ex would come to bed with Chess books on strategy and a little practice chess board that had pockets on it so the pieces wouldn't fall out. It rolled up. You know how that makes a woman feel when a man brings a chess board to bed every night? I would seriously look at how many hours a day you study chess, play chess and ask yourself what is the end goal here?
  16. Day 14 (Two Weeks! Cheer!) 10:50 AM Well I have exhibited very bad behavior. I made a goal to read one journal a day. That was going pretty well until I started reading @AlexTheGrape Journal. Then my gaming behavior reared it's ugly head. I started pushing through to finish the journal. lol I didn't realize at first it was 51 pages. lol So I worked as hard as I could the first night, second night, I am up to my fifth day or fourth not sure on reading Alex's journal. lol The past two nights I have sat up until after 2 AM reading his journal! So I see that I am going to have to set some type of limit on time for reading journals. But I am definitely going to have to shut it down by 10 PM. So I make it a goal to read an hour or two of journals a day. Unless the journal is a quick little niblet. I did go to the Post Office yesterday. I will continue trying to do that every day. And walk to the harbor on Sunday.
  17. You men are like the blind leading the blind! loolololololoooololol I was a pvper. I was a solo player. And I pvpd because I wanted to kick your ass! I hate digging and crafting! One of the major problems I had in the game was men couldn't seem to accept the idea of a female pvper! So put that in your pipes and smoke it! @Cam Adair and I live alone!
  18. @Tatu92 I notice a lot of the younger players that have been playing most of their lives struggle with this. While I consistently have to struggle to shut my mouth.
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