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Everything posted by Oxanasayuri

  1. A story named "Almost Relapsed" My husband was seeing, how I'm suffering today, invited me to the PC to play for an hour before his friends will come. I wasn't sure it's a good idea but...well, you know, I'm too weak yet πŸ™‚ BUT: when I came, I couldn't decide what to install (all my games was deleted) - some games like Rainbow Six Siege was too heavy, LOL and Blizzard accounts needed to be recovered in addition to installing. I have a lot of games on Steam, but...I didn't choose any of it. My subconscious told me - better I'll read a book (even I'm tired of it for 2 weeks).
  2. Wow, it was a strong story. It makes me think about my own more deeply. Feel sorry for you and your relationships. It seems that you are a kind, smart and successful guy. All will be fine!πŸ€—
  3. @WorkInProgressthank you for visiting me again! Unfortunately, I have no friendsπŸ˜… And my family lives quite far away to visit them often, so I go there once a month or like this. Family from my husband's side is much more close, but soon, if all goes well, 4 of 5 of them will move to the USA and Germany 😞They have good jobs and money, apparently, cause they hadn't spent their lives in games πŸ™„ But, anyway, thanks for advice! I'll think what to plan on such days (it wouldn't a problem if I have a child, would it?πŸ˜„)
  4. Yesterday I've started doing yoga in real classes - I liked it very much. Rather, it was yoga therapy - for people with problems with health and newbies (I'm both lol). Hope to go 2-3 times a week to improve health and reduce stress. Except for general yoga and therapy, there are a lot of interesting things like female breathing practices or qigong. Looking forward to trying! Want to buy a bicycle also πŸ™‚ Also today I've got the first injection of the COVID vaccine πŸ™‚ Feel well yet, hope, and will further. Still want to play. My husband doesn't leave me a chance to forget about it 😞 Soon, he will be at work for whole days (ambulance paramedic) and I'll be able to pay less attention to his games. I hope I WILL and WON'T play in secret from him at this time. This is, first of all, what I need. Yes? YES?
  5. I liked your answers very much - need to use this questionnaire for myself πŸ™‚ Could you tell me, is this exercise from the paid Respawn program on this site?
  6. @WorkInProgressthank you for your support!πŸ₯° Well, what about half a year - I meant about my sitting at home without a job πŸ™‚ I've got this diagnosis in March, but I guess that I have it muuch longer, maybe for a year or more, who knows? I know only that I was afraid to go to the specialist before. It was a shame to open my soul to smb unfamiliar. But in March I met with a psychiatrist, not a psychologist, because I was in so big mess! Was crying after even a little bad thought or word or even not bad. And he told me to take 4 different medicines during 4 months (only 1 was working, but it was during 2 weeks - BUT I was so productive and inspired that I've almost enroll to the Dutch University - just didn't have enough moneyπŸ˜„). By the way, my last medicine will end in few days and then...I don't know what will happen πŸ˜„Not so much has changed and second visit will cost a lot of money which I don't have. So I'm afraid I'll have some kind of withdrawal syndrome. The most stupid thing that I must be happy - I have a roof over my head, a cool husband and cat, even a little money, I live in the capital with big opportunities, I have the Internet to study everything I want. What wrongs with me, why I want to live in other worlds? Haha, because I can't struggle against real problems. Never could. Always give up, during all childhood and further for the whole life, all hobbies and sports and languages and books 😞 So it won't be a surprise if I quit quitting. Sorry for the big message. Just a cry of the soul.
  7. Hi! Yup, the scariest thing is these regrets at the end of life. Wish you the power of will! You can do it πŸ™‚
  8. Thank you, @Martinof! I'm really trying, but I feel like I'm on edge of failure 😞 Yup, relapsing won't solve any issue, moreover, I guess I'll hate myself more than before. It's a pity I can't play a couple of hours in a week as many people do 😞 One of the main barriers is that I'm sitting at home always, I'm unemployed. But I had so much stress on my last job, and now I have a depression diagnosis, that I'm afraid I won't be able to try again in the nearest time (pfff, half a year has passed, get a hold of yourself!).
  9. Good news: I do some little exercises up to 10 mins every day almost a week already (it's a high number cause it never happens usually) Not very good news: yesterday we presented to my husband a board game named Gwent - the game from the famous game Witcher 3. I haven't played Witcher games (unfortunately), so I have no strong feelings about it. But my mother-in-law mentioned that Gwent is kinda similar to Hearthstone. And then, a strong feeling of nostalgia, which is still in my mind now. I even had a dream at night about my returning to this game. But, like WOW, I've quitted it cause I'd stopped like it much - to play in whole power, you should donate to get legendaries or be in meta with your decks. So. My smart part tells me: you don't need this game, you've quitted it when you were playing all these games. But my weak part cries: wanna plaaaaaay please I don't have any cool thing now to doooo 😞 Feel like Gollum πŸ˜„
  10. My partner will give me a SPA day if I don't restore my deleted LOL account πŸ˜„ (I have 30 days overall to do it but already about 20). To be more precise, I argued with him about this and established a prize for myself. At least there is one clear incentive. Because I still have no clear goals, even small ones. Yes, I read more now, watch documentaries and walk, but often I just seat in an armchair and think about what can I do with my life aaaand...nothing. Sure, it's easier for my mind just to go to play without these problems 😞
  11. Haven't played any game for a week, it feels for me like a month minimum πŸ˜„ Harsh to go to bed early, to be productive during the day, cause my husband is playing games the biggest part of a day alone or with his fellow student 😞 Of course, we spend time together, but I can't don't think about games in this situation 😞
  12. Hi! Wow I reaaly like this post! Need to save somewhere to reread πŸ™‚ I wish you great vacation!
  13. Today I was a participant in a D&D game (you know, role-playing not in front of a computer πŸ™‚ ), which was held by my husband. I turned on some playlists named "D&D music" in Spotify and suddenly melody from World of Warcraft start playing. And DivinityOriginal Sin 2 (although I wasn't addicted to this game, I have it). Mamma mia, the Elwynn Forest theme woke up so many memories in my head. I was crushed, cause I understand, that I won't return there, but how it was cozy - to be there, just to feel the atmosphere around. But, I remembered the fact, that I haven't played in WOW for a long time! And I've quitted it - not because I needed to make my life better, no! Just cause I was bored after several new global updates! So, it was just nostalgia, right? Need to watch one of those videos about it. I still want to play LOL and TFT >_< Oh! I've started learning Dutch, cause I wanna move there someday πŸ™‚ Though, I do it in the Duolingo app and so similar to the game with a rating so I don't know if it's a good idea.
  14. @Amphibian220 hi and ty for visiting my diary πŸ™‚ I've got a specialist degree (like a bachelor now) as a historian-archivist, but I've graduated in 2014 and I had no interest in it then (my family made me to go there), so I can't really say that I have a degree... I've seldom worked in this area since graduation. My dream is to go to study again. But I have no money now. What about my interests... Well, most of all I like to travel (and of course, it's difficult now), nature, ecology, and sustainability (I'd like to go to study this area, by the way). I also like to learn languages, but I only speak English well now. I like board games. I like Asia and Japan especially. Fantasy genre (in movies, books, games, and so on). Today I'm totally alone and most of the day I was learning about the DSLR camera (couldn't do anything somewhy) and cleaning up my house and reading. But now I'm sitting in the chair and can't find a thing to do, just want to play to kill time eh eh eh 😞
  15. Haven't tried yet but know there is interesting site Meetup - some events and clubs are online there
  16. It's rather difficult. Although I don't want to play, my subconscious is telling me: "I wanna play Teamfight Tactic!" while your husband is playing guitar and you can't read calmly. I want it cause I'm tired to watch courses/read. I want to play ANYTHING cause I'm used to do it CONSTANTLY". It seems to me I need to find more ideas to spend time. I can't start to do any sport or walk a lot outside cause we have unusual heat in Moscow, +34C (yup, I know somewhere it's a rather nice temperature). But here it's difficult just to exist πŸ™‚ So maybe I'll start to learn something else at home. Waiting while relative will bring me a camera on weekends.
  17. Hi! I'd to say my honest opinion as a person who is kinda from another generation (29 y.o) - I've read your message and feel proud of you. You seem smart, adequate, and conscious guy. You already understand your problem and want to get rid of it. I agree with @a89529294 that you can find a hobby and think about yourself. Maybe to do some sport? Maybe to try something, that may be your future job someday? Maybe to try some online courses? Which interests except for games and streams do you have? If you want to socialize, why don't to join some club? Sorry, I don't know your whole life situation and it's just a suggestions. You know, you have a lot of time now to try, to decide, to make mistakes - use this time! Don't be like me, almost 30 y.o., without any money, confidence, plans πŸ™‚ All is going like a snowball. Your mindset - your time and interests - your studying - your choices - your job - your financial and mental state. If I just understood it in my 14 y.o. πŸ™‚ Please love yourself as a person and take care of yourself.
  18. Hi there! I've already introduced myself here so I won't repeat my story and just say that I'm so excited to imagine what to do with a lot of free time which I've got nowπŸ™‚ I've quitted games on 06/21/21 and one of my first thoughts was to make a new account in League of Legends instead deleted πŸ˜„ I felt desperate, but understand, that I must be strong and find meaning in my life. Yesterday I've started online courses in photography, although I have no camera - I'll borrow it from my relative. I like to take photos and I think I do it well even by phone and without courses haha, so maybe it will be one of my new hobbies, who knows? Also I reread Harry Potter books. I know I could choose something more serious and something that I haven't read yet but I felt to uncomfortable so I needed something that I really love. By the way, I've almost ended the first book for two days. Let's not count how many books I could read instead of years of gaming. Feel free to visit my diary, I'd glad to chat with somebody. Although I have a husband, he still plays games (a lot too, but he doesn't think he is addicted, well, maybe it's true, at least, he will have a good job soon), so I can't feel full support from him now. Also for me it will be a nice chance to practice my English (I'm from Russia). Peace!
  19. Hi! The path is rarely without some mistakes and failures. Accept it and go on πŸ™‚ You can do it!
  20. Hello everyone! My name is Oxana, 29 y.o. I've spent an enormous time of my life in games, for example, ~1700 hours in Rainbow Six Siege or ~2500 hours in League of Legends, World of Warcraft - who even knows? I don't work since last December and do nothing but play games, living on someone else's money. I have continuous depression. I don't know what to do in my life cause I have no talents or useful education, I'm scared, I'm lost. I have been escaping in games and it worked. But yesterday somewhy I've got up and understood that I need to quit. Or...must already? Cause I've had a lot of tries to quit games during several years. My record is 3 months without games but, man, how I was suffering without it. But today I have this channel, community, list of activities, and, I guess, bigger power of will. I really hope I'll be able to deal with it and make my life meaningful. Please support me.
  21. Hello, Gabe! I wish you a big power of will and good luck with your work! Video editing is cool!
  22. Be brave, we are with you!
  23. Hi! Feel close to you - almost a 30 y.o., have quitted games yesterday and want to start my own online store or something πŸ™‚ I wish us strength!