MuMuMelon

Thanks for sharing your story. It really sounds like you are on the right path. You are aware of the addictive nature of video games and have pulled yourself away from them. You should be proud. Sometimes it's not easy to admit that something as simple as "gaming" could be addictive. You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Keep it up, and if you ever feel the urge to relapse you know where we are.

Day 62! Good stuff man! It's good that you have a list of habits. That seems like a very useful took in staying focused. I have kinda just been going where the wind takes me for this first while but I think i'll need to get more serious with my scheduling in the future.

Day 42 Yesterday was a bit of a day... Everything was going fine. Got up early, meditated, went to work and finished early. When I got home I had a nice, relaxing bath. Then the email came. One of the (many things) that I had put aside to play video games and generally just waste my life away, was my taxes. I'm embarrassed to say the last year that I filed, but needless to say it's been a while. Turns out to work in film in Toronto you need to be caught up on your taxes in order for American production companies to apply for tax credits. Up until yesterday things had been fine. Every time a production asked for my NOA (notice of assessment) from the previous year I could just give them different forms of ID instead. It always worked out so I just assumed that these forms of ID were just as valid as an NOA. Turns out not so much. The email basically states that until I get this sorted I can't work in film in Ontario until I do. Ouch. I immediately had to call my boss and explain to him why I wouldn't be able to come into work the following day (today). It gets even more complicated then that. My wife has been reluctant for me to do my taxes as well. We are both behind. She isn't as bad off as me but....she has her own business, working from home. Essentially, in order for me to do my taxes she has to get all her stuff in order and do her taxes at the same time. We're in a bit of a pickle. Old me would have lost my mind. I would have been angry, scared, upset. I wasn't. My wife got super sad and started to blame herself for the situation but I calmly let her know that none of it is her fault and that we will get through this together. I did my best to turn it into a positive. On the bright side, when we're done and this is behind us, we won't have the stress looming over us anymore, and we can move forward. Honestly, in a way I'm excited. Immediately after getting this news I sat down to do some breath work with an online MeetUp group. This is a first for me. My first meetup and my first real attempt at breath work. What an experience. It sounds hokey but it is hard work to make yourself breath like your running or doing vigorous exercise, just while sitting in a chair. It really gets your energy flowing and allows you to quickly achieve a meditative state. Really wonderful. Another thing to add to my daily routine. When I finished with the session, I thanked the host and went back to talk to Adrienne. She was crying and upset. I just grabbed her and gave her a big hug and said not to worry, everything will be okay. And for once I truly believed it myself. I wasn't just saying it to make her feel better. I know it's going to be okay. This is just a hiccup and we will move past this. This is giving me a chance to get caught up and focused. Sure, it's a nuisance at the moment but when it's done life will be simpler, and I won't let us fall into this situation again. After that, I went back to my computer and finally did something I'd been dreading since I quit. I contacted all my gaming friends on Discord and told them what was up. I told them why they hadn't seen me in a while and that I miss them, but if they wan't to see me again it will have to IRL. They are a good bunch and were all very supportive. It really felt good hearing there understanding responses. After that I organized two bags of receipts and bills for my future adventure in taxes. Pretty sure I have everything I need in order. DAY 43 Got up around five and went into another room to meditate for an hour. After that I got up and went back to bed. What's the rush? I have the day off anyway. Ended up rolling out of bed around 11, had a light breakfast and then went for a short hike. My boss gave me the name of his accountant (so nice) so I gave her a call. No answer but I left a message on her machine. Then I contacted a friend about getting together this weekend. (Feels so strange to say that these days.) After that I called a car detailing place and arranged for them to come by on the following weekend to detail my car. Never had that done before so I'm pretty excited, and the prices are reasonable. I do my best to keep it looking good, but I got it used and I think the upholstery could really use some work. Started to rain so I headed home. Made a nice bean salad for lunch and then watched some youtube videos on plant medicines. Very interesting stuff. Then at 2:22 I joined in on another breath work Meetup session. This was even more intense then the first. By the time the session was over I felt like I'd worked out pretty hard. I was sweating and my body temperature was up. The weird thing is that it was also a very relaxing experience. If you haven't experienced anything like this I can't suggest is highly enough. I started this journey by reading about a man named Wim Hof. A truly extraordinary man. In a book of his he explains a breathing exercise that he does and it's just wonderful. (You can find it on youtube as well - Wim Hof breathing) Really energizes you and relaxes you at the same time. However, it's a lot like exercise for me. It's a challenge to do on your own or without a coach. At least in the beginning. Joining these meetup groups has made it a lot easier. I am so grateful that people are willing to give up their time to teach it. Made a nice dinner after that. Got some Tuna steaks on sale last week and cooked them up. New experience for me. They are so good! So much better then canned Tuna. Might be the nicest cut of meat I've ever had. I will definitely be having those again. After that I checked my email and saw that the accountant had responded to my by email. I emailed her back and now I'm typing this journal entry. It's been a pretty wild couple of days. Not much has happened but so much has happened. I'm starting to feel like I'm almost being guided towards new interests. Meditation, breath work, yoga. All these things are pretty new to me but I'm really drawn to them. They just make me feel so much better. I am grateful. I am grateful for my wife, my family and friends, to strangers willing to part with their time out of sheer goodwill, grateful for learning to take things as they come with calm and focus and I am very grateful to Cam and this community. You guys rock! I wish you all success in your journeys and I hope you find peace in yourselves.

Day 41 Morning meditation today was kind of intense. I did a 45 minute session and everything was normal. However, somewhere around near the end of that time images of my mother came flooding into my mind. (My Mom died roughly 8 years ago to heart disease/cancer.) I didn't spend nearly enough time with her during this phase of her life and I deeply regret it. She was really into Soap Operas. She loved them. I always remember that she would disappear into her "stories" and be relatively uncommunicative. Suddenly I was struck with the parallels between her love of Soap Operas and my obsession with video games. I saw all the time that I'd dedicated to this useless pastime instead of spending it with my Wife, my Mother or my friends. I saw all this and I couldn't hold back my tears. I certainly wasn't expecting these kind of results from meditation but...here we are. After that I did some more reading. So close to finishing The Urban Monk. Honestly, I've enjoyed it so much I'll definitely be reading it again in the near future. So much good advice and just positive ways of looking at life. Reading it during this time has been wonderful. Later in the day I met up with an a friend from work who I haven't seen in over a year. We went for a hike near a ravine by my place. We took our time, chatted and just had a nice time catching up. Turns out he's leaving to go to BC in a couple of weeks to pursue a new career. I'll be sad to see him go but I'm glad that he's going after his dreams. Regardless, it was really nice seeing him again. After the walk, I came home and my wife and I cooked up a batch of nachos. We enjoyed that together and chatted for a bit and just enjoyed each others company. Our relationship has most certainly improved since I made all these changes. More and more I'm seeing how I was bringing so much negativity and stagnation to things. It's no wonder we were in such a rut. Things over the last month have been better then they've been in years. I know we still have a long way to go but I'm excited to see where things are headed. I am absolutely finding a better version of myself because of all of this. I'm so glad I came here. Take good care everybody.

Day 40! Helped my Dad move into his new place today. Other then that I didn't get up to much. Read a little more of The Urban Monk. Nearly done. I don't read a lot of books so I'm always happy when I finish one. Rib was a little sore after the move so I gave it some cold and hot therapy earlier. Took the edge of anyway. Off to bed. Very tired. Night all.

Right on! I wish you all the best in this journey. Nothing but good can come of this.

I think comparing quitting video games to quitting smoking is a fair comparison. They both provide instant gratification at the expense of your time (one more severely). The thing is that buying a VR headset in nothing more then buying more video games. The newest, most ambitious games to date. The kind of games that will likely be even more addictive then they already currently are. I understand your desire to want a VR headset but I don't think it's a good idea to buy one. Ask yourself why you want one? Is it just to play games? Do you think owning one will make you think about gaming more? or less? I can see that you've already come to a conclusion. I just wanted to chime in, even if I'm a little late. Good luck!

Hey again gang! Day 39 today! Okay, recently @BooksandTrees and @User_11_11_2002 asked me about how I meditate. I typed up an answer last night but just as I was finishing up my last paragraph I accidentally hit the back button on my phone and made the message disappear. It's safe to say that I lost my zen momentarily when I realized what I had done. Anyway, today is another day, so here we go again. (Incidentally, my wife told me to write my e-mails/messages in my notes app from now on. That way I can't accidentally delete them. Great advice. Wish I'd thought of that before.) I should start with a disclaimer that I am in no way a seasoned practitioner of meditation. I have basically zero prior knowledge. Besides these last couple of months I think I've tried meditation roughly 10 times in my life. A far cry from the daily routine I've gotten into as of late. (I really wish I had started sooner.) So please take what I say with that in mind. I have barely scratched the surface of styles of meditation. Almost all of the information I have discovered on meditation I got from Youtube videos and the internet. Mainly Youtube though. Okay, so to begin, I get myself into a comfortable, seated position. I use a cushy desk chair. Often, people tell you to sit cross legged on the floor but I find my legs start to fall asleep after a few minutes and that really makes it hard concentrate (not concentrate?). I usually play some music but not always. If I do I try to find relaxing music on youtube or spotify that specifically fits the length of the meditation I intend to attempt. When I first started I aimed for 15 - 20 minutes. Lately I've been sitting in the 30 - 45 minute range. I've always been able to find music on Youtube that specifically fits the times I'm aiming for. After I've started my music and am sitting comfortably, with my back straight (but not rigid), I take 10 deep breaths. I breath deeply into my belly and then let the air expand all through my lungs, followed by a slow exhale. After ten breaths like this I let my breathing go back to normal. Then I start doing something called "body scanning". It's something I've discovered through watching videos. There are lots of way to go about doing it but what I do is imagine an energy or warmth, slowly seeping it's way into my body, starting with my toes. Every place I imagine that energy touching, I relax that part of my body to the best of my ability. Slowly I continue the scan up my body. I try to feel that energy seeping deep into my flesh, tendons, skin, etc. I try to feel every single tiny part of my body, even for just a few moments. I continue this scan until I get to the top of my head. If there is a part of my body (usually my shoulders and neck) that are tight or stiff I'll spend extra time there relaxing those muscles. Often I'll forget what I'm doing or get lost in thought. Whenever I do I just get back to completing the scan. By the time I've reached the top of my head I'm usually in a meditative state. To me, that kind of feels like a place halfway between sleep and wakefulness but it's also accompanied by a sense of calm. It's kind of hard to describe. Originally, I listened to Youtube videos that coach you through body scanning. After a few times of doing this I found it easier to do on my own. Sometimes I find others peoples voices to be a distraction. Although, the more I meditate the easier it seems to be to ignore outside sounds. After I finish scanning I just allow myself to stay in this state. Often thoughts will come up, or emotions. When I notice that I'm having a thought or feeling I try to acknowledge that thought or feeling and then "come back to center". To me, "center" is a physical space right between my eyes. Every time I drift I attempt to come back to that place. Sounds weird I know. I continue this practice usually until the music stops, although lately I've been enjoying the silence that follows and stay attempt to stay in this state longer. I have noticed that the more I meditate the easier it becomes to enter a state of calm and the easier it is to focus away from distraction. Anyway, I hope that helps. Also, I sincerely hope you give this a try. I've found that it's really helping my mood and just general well being overall. It didn't happen all at once, but over time I'm really started to notice an improvement. Okay...JOURNAL STUFF! Today was a nice day. I didn't really give myself enough time in the morning to do both Yoga and meditation, so I chose meditation. It really is becoming a wonderful way to start the day. After a 30 minute session I had a quick shower and headed off to work feeling nice and refreshed. It was a quick day at work. We pushed hard to hit a certain point and finished up at two. Always nice to drive home and not be stuck in traffic. I'm from Toronto. You may have heard that our traffic sucks. That is not untrue. Did some back stretches when I got home as my lower back has been stiff lately. (Might be overdoing it on the yoga....something to consider). These stretches are simple and seem to help a lot. I plan on finishing off The Urban Monk today, learn a bit more about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and maybe play a board game before bed. I've got an early morning to help my father move into a new place. He doesn't have much stuff so it won't be too bad. I'll likely add more before bed. Have a good night everybody! Additions: Okay, so I re-injured my rib today doing stretches. Just bloody stretching! I was doing stretches to help my lower and back and then hurt my rib. Mentally I don't feel old but sometimes I just have to accept that my body isn't keeping up with my mind. Anyway, I'll get over this. Just hope it doesn't hurt too much while I help my Dad move tomorrow. (Thank goodness he doesn't have that much stuff.) Didn't get up to too much else after that. Ran a couple of errands with my wife. Did some light grocery shopping, dishes, and laundry. Another thing I've been taking more pride in since I quit vids is keeping the apartment tidy. Usually I was content to just do things at the last minute, leave the dishes until tomorrow, etc. Not these days. I do the dishes consistently and I try to keep the apartment tidy as often as I can. I always make the bed in the morning too. Sadly, this is more or less new for me but I feel better now that I'm doing these things. Okay, I'm off to meditate, nurse my rib and do some light reading before bed. May the quit be with you!

Day 38 Hey @BooksandTrees, and @User_11_11_2002. I just finished accidentally deleting a detailed explanation of how I meditate and a journal entry that followed. Needless to say I'm a little annoyed. Starting tomorrow I will not be using my phone to do my journals... I will type up how I mediate again tomorrow, but for now I have to get some sleep. Hope everybody is staying strong.

Ignore this...

Day 37 Another good day. I really tried to put myself into my work today. Day went smooth and efficiently. Got a lot of work done. No desire to play vids today. Well, I guess that's not entirely true. I did see an ad for the new Star Wars game that's coming out. It was the last game that I ore-ordered and I was really looking forward to it. I saw the ad and had a quick pang of regret over not being able to play it when it comes out. I got over it quickly though. When I got back from work I did some Yoga, back stretches and meditated for 30 minutes. I'm finding meditation to be really motivating. I also find that it's helping with my moods. Also, the more I meditate the more I want to. I don't think I've missed a day of meditation since I started down this road of quitting. Well, I'm off to bed. Another early morning tomorrow. I plan to get up early enough to get some exercise in before work. Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow!

I don't know your story in much detail but reading your last diary entry sounded very promising. I'm glad you are finding this kind of serenity in your life.

Welcome and good luck! Looking forward to hearing about your progress.

Day 36 - still quit and feeling fine! Today was my first day back to work since all this Covid business. Only two weeks of work scheduled at the moment but it looks like the film industry is slowly getting the wheels moving. We are one of three productions in my Union that are up and running so I'm grateful for the work. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I just couldn't sleep last not. Tossing and turning all night. Sucked. Still, I forced myself out of bed at 4:30 to get in some yoga and meditation before I left for work. By the time I left the house I was feeling refreshed. When I got home though I crashed hard. As a result i didn't get much else done today. I'm a little disappointed as i did have plans. Oh well, at least i got to spend some time with my wife. We ate a nice meal together and then played a game of Carcassone (one of my favourite board games). Being at work was interesting. Almost everybody there smokes. They've all seen me quit smoking and start again numerous times. I don't intend to let that happen again this time. I'm feeling good lately. I still have a long way to go to improve my lung capacity but I'm definitely feeling stronger in general. I don't want to lose that feeling. I really do think the meditation is helping me stay off the games, smokes and weed. I haven't been thinking about playing video games lately and that in itself is strange. My head is feeling much clearer. I know that i still have a long way to go but I'm actually starting to enjoy the process. I wish like hell I'd decided to do this soooooo much earlier in my life but....well, I guess now was the time I was meant to do it. Hope everybody is doing well. These are tough times and I wish you all the best.

Hope you feel better. That sounds pretty intense.

92 Weeks! Right on!

There has been some definite improvement in our relationship. We communicate more and more clearly. We spend more time together as of late and things are just a lot easier since I'm not simply plopping myself in front of the TV all day. Things aren't perfect but are certainly looking up. I'm trying to stay positive during this intense transition phase but it's not always easy. She has been so incredibly supportive through all this. Unfortunately, we have spent years kind of doing our thing. This has been my biggest hurdle. Intimacy has improved but is in an ackward stage of almost starting over. It's nice that we're trying but it feels weird at times. Haggis is a trick taking game for 2-3 people. The best way I can describe it is that its like Euchre but plays well with two. It has some interesting mechanics, like playing a bomb (specific combo of cards) can win the trick, but that trick ends up going to the opponent. Some cards have point values on them and those points are scored at the end of the round. There is also a betting mechanic at the beginning of each round.

Day 33 Pretty chill day today. Kind of overdid it on the exercise yesterday so I only meditated and did a short yoga session. Other then that I spent the day with my wife. We went out for a nice lunch on a patio (our first meal out in the wild since covid) which was a little surreal. After that I did some dishes and some laundry. Then I learned a card game called Haggis and we played a few rounds together. Pretty fun little trick taking game that plays well with two. Now we are going to watch some more episodes of Umbrella Acadamy on Netflix. So far the second season is off to a good start. Doing my best to stay focused and not try to anticipate the future. Today I am just trying to enjoy the now. Hope you all are too!

Day 32 Today was another good day, although I think I've been overdoing it on the exercise. I tweaked my lower back a little bit today doing some stretches. Going to take tomorrow off to recover. Started my CBT course today. It seems good but I think the class may be geared towards therapists that are looking to add another type of therapy to their repertoire. Whatever, I bought the course, so I'm going to finish it. It is interesting to learn. I'm sure I'll get some use out of it in the end. It's nice to just learn something for the sake of learning. Twice today I had some cravings to play games. I saw this YouTube video of a guy hiding from the cops. The music from Metal Gear Solid Played in the background. Just hearing that music really made me want to play. The funny thing is I wasn't even a fan of Metal Gear. Later in the day I got thinking of God of War and I really wanted to play that too. I really liked those games. I find it strange that I seem to be having more cravings the further along I go. I don't feel like I'm going to break or anything. I'm just surprised at how potent those memories were. I'm glad I found this site. Just being able to talk about this stuff makes everything a little easier. Stay strong all you ex-gamers!

Hey @Phoenixking, what your SO is going through sounds stressful AF. Sorry she's going through that. Not much is normal these days. 11pm to 5am! It's crazy to me that that's legal. How are you supposed to function like a normal human being the following day? Sorry you two are going through a stressful time.

Day 31 Thanks @Erik2.0! I don't know what the deal is. Yesterday I was feeling great, like I was coming to terms with my new life. Today, I'm angry at the world (to be fair things are a little f'd up out there) and more or less just miserable. The only peace that I've had today was when I meditated and did Yoga. So about an hour. I mean, don't get wrong I'm grateful for any amount of time where my mind isn't being sucked down a dark hole. And I know it's only been a month and this is most likely normal. I just don't like it is all. Okay, complaining over. After my morning Yoga and meditation session I went on my usual two hour walk. I've been trying out some new "barefoot" shoes so my walks have been a little slower then normal. I'm nearly finished a book I've been reading called The Urban Monk. It's been a surprisingly good read. I don't normally go in for "self help" types of books but I've found that every bit of wisdom he passes on is a gem. He certainly doesn't feel as though he's holding anything back. It feels genuine. Yesterday, I purchased a course on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy from Udemy. This course speaks to me more then wanting to learn Spanish at the moment. Starting tomorrow I'm going to begin this class. Also, I'm going to stop putting so much on my plate for the following day. I keep making plans for myself that are nearly impossible to achieve. From now on, only one class per day. That's achievable, even after I go back to work starting on the 4th. My focus has been not so focused to say the least. I'm going to seriously try to work on that. I'm going to make the classes a priority. I will get them done earlier in the day so they are easier to achieve. Expect my thoughts on my first class tomorrow. Good luck everybody. Keep your quit on!

Day 30 I woke up this morning with the strangest thought - what if Mr.Rogers was a phone scammer? For some reason that was hilarious to me. So a good start to the day. Another day of running around doing errands. My father is getting a divorce and my wife and I have been driving around the city picking up useful items that people are donating. Managed to get him an electric kettle and a DVD player today. He really is moving out with basically nothing, so I'm glad we can do this for him. I owe it all to my wife. She has been awesome during this. As soon as she heard my father was moving into an apartment she started putting feelers out for things he might need in online groups and whatnot. People have been extremely generous is response. Really kinda makes these tough times more bearable. I'm still quit. No vids, no weed, no smokes. Starting to feel better than I have in a long time. Me flexibility is really improving due to the yoga. I'm seriously considering joining a class when everything is officially up and running. I'm still not doing great at completing the goals I've been setting out for myself but I'm trying. Getting lots of exercise everyday at least. Hope everybody is doing good.

Day 29 I meant to work on FL Studio and some Spanish lessons today but I got back from my Dad's later then expected and when I got home my wife wanted to run some errands. After that she asked me if I wanted to go on a walk. We don't get too much time to spend together so I said yes. To my surprise she wanted to go for a lengthy walk. (Usually she only wants to go on short walks) Took us about an hour and a half. We got in about a half an hour ago and I'm beat. I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't get to my goals for the day but I'm glad I got to spend spend some time with my wife. Hope everybody had a good day.

Day 28 Did a bunch of errands today. Running around picking up stuff for my father who's moving on the 1st of August. Managed to get some Yoga in this morning. I'm trying to do it everyday. I'm going to do some meditation tonight before bed as well. I tidied up around the apartment and cooked some healthy meals - oatmeal with almond butter and raspberries for breakfast, and a nice chicken soup with Kimchi for dinner. I had a sandwich when we were out, for lunch, which was tasty, but wasn't the healthiest. Tomorrow I'm going to visit my Dad for the afternoon. When I get back I'm going to work on learning FL Studio some more and take another Spanish lesson or two. Might have to re-watch lesson 1 as I fear I've forgotten most of it. Anyway, off to get some meditation on. Hope everybody is doing well and staying quit!

Hey there, @Some Yahoo. I understand where you are coming from. For the first couple of weeks after quitting I was hit with the feeling that nothing will be as exciting as video games. I mean you just can't do the things you do in video games in real life. Racing a car, flying a jet, battling the galaxy! It's been hard for me to accept that that kind of excitement really doesn't exist in the real world, outside of very intense occupations. I'm starting to come to terms with that but I still have trouble focusing as well. I have some hobbies picked out, things that I really want to learn. It's just that every time I sit down to do them I feel like I have to muscle through the tedium. Very frustrating. I still feel satisfaction when I do complete a goal that I set out to do, it's just I don't get the same kind of quick hit satisfaction that gaming provides. Unfortunately, I can also relate to "erasing myself from society". I can't tell you how many times I've missed a potentially very fun time with friends to play some vids. Now at 44, I realize that I haven't really fostered many relationships at all. I'm grateful for the few friends that stuck around but I know I pushed so many more away. I'm not saying this to made you feel any worse. I just thought you should know that I can relate. Hope things get a little easier for you.