starsandart

@BooksandTrees Thank you for this response, it was really delightful to read it and feel so understood! I like that schedule suggestion, and I'll give it a go. I have a lot of trouble with sticking to any kind of routine or schedule...I have to keep trying for weeks before it will stick. BUT when I've been able to do it, it really has helped me get more out of life.

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. Today is day 1 and I'm committing to quitting and working on the underlying cause of my behavior.

Day: 1 I feel: Anxious, frustrated, compelled to repeat the behavior that is not serving me well. Jounal: I'm quitting today for good. I previously was spending a lot of time listening to audiobook while playing a mindless game on my phone. A LOT OF TIME. I use this behavior to escape my life, to dissociate, to have alone time, to have "quiet" from the outside world when family members are loud....but the more I do it the more difficult doing the things I'm "taking a break" from becomes. Focusing on real life things becomes too hard to even attempt. It becomes procrastination times 100 and I feel anxious when I stop and do other things. I've deleted this game a bunch of times. Today is the last time. I'm spending the day planning to be successful with this. So I feel super anxious today. I am reading the book and I like the "success is when preparation meets opportunity" quote. I feel really lost in my life. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I recently joined a 12 step program to help me deal with childhood abuse/neglect issues. I'm in therapy. I've changed careers multiple times. I've dropped in and out of school. I've got a masters in a field I'm not working in but still care about. As a child I always wanted to be an artist. I taught myself to draw. I learned to play an instrument I no longer practice, and I own several I never learned. I currently work as a programmer and I'm in school part time online for that but I'm not sure why...I'm not making much money and my work isn't being valued. I really want to start making more money, so I can have a I realize that this intermittent addiction to a game whenever things get stressful or boring is stopping me from finding something I really want to spend time on. Just talked to my partner that reminded me that I just need to worry about today when I told him I don't want to waste the rest of this year doing nothing. I was asking him how successful people handle the feeling of being bored. He said to ask a successful person, so I asked him. He said he tries to learn something new, or if he has to do something boring, to learn as much about it as possible. I have a lot of difficulty recognizing some kinds of boredom.