ceponatia

Yeah a bit part of this meal plan will be simply ensuring that I remember to eat every meal. I'm so bad about just eating dinner.

Oh I'm never going to give up... even with relapsing I still game waaaaay less than I was a month ago and get much more done. And I agree that trying to rush dating is too much... I'm taking a break. I did go on dates with two women this weekend and they just made me realize that I don't want to date. There were red flags early on in our app conversations but I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Nope, these women were trainwrecks. I think that focusing on my own personal life is fine and I will eventually meet people without the aid of these garbage apps (which I keep saying but then I go back to them when I'm bored. I won't this time). I'll have to pay more attention to why I relapse because the relapse happens way before I even game... it's usually early on in the day while I'm still at work. Kind of like I know what I need to do later in the day and I dread it so I think "meh I'll just game today and do it tomorrow". Always "tomorrow" lol. ------------ Yesterday was alright, actually. Went on one of those two dates (the other was Friday). This one was with a girl I was almost 100% certain I wasn't going to like but I went anyway just to get out of the house and have some social interaction. She was throwing up a lot of red flags during our conversations suggesting she was probably an alcoholic. Turned out to be the case. She was also not even remotely physically attractive and barely spoke so I made an excuse to leave pretty quickly and then blocked her on the app. Today I'm trying a new meal plan formed by some researchers at Harvard who claim that it gives you all of the vitamins and nutrients you need in a day. You can find it here and it looks pretty bland, I won't lie, but the beauty of it is that it's only 1,100 calories which isn't enough for basically anyone, so you can add meat and other things to it as you like. It'll need some tweaking over the next few days but I bought all of the ingredients listed and it only totaled $80 (could have been less but I splurged on wild caught salmon) which is far less than what I normally spend in a week on food.

Welcome to the club! You have a lot of good goals for yourself. I think that if you focus on eating better, getting quality sleep, and exercising, the mental health part will sort itself out. That's what's worked for me, anyway.

Not much to update for the day. Recommitted to QUITTING, did some chores finally, played around in Kontrol, and so on. Ahead of schedule with school for the week and it's my LAST WEEK AS A UNIVERSITY FRESHMAN WOOOOO. Went to the chiropractor yesterday because work has been killing my back these past couple weeks. He damn near gave me an orgasm, lmao. So much relief. One of the cracks was so deep I lost the ability to speak for a second. Some goals for this weekend: MEAL PREP / PLAN Sign up for new gym Saturday (and cancel old one) Possible date Ordering a new Korg Plenty more things I could do, those are just off the top of my head.

Last night sucked. I played Assassin's Creed for a couple hours and didn't eat dinner. Blaaaah. Still, I managed to get up an hour early today and hit the gym so I'm on schedule with my gym routine. Checking out a new gym Saturday that has free group fitness classes that look pretty intense (including boxing which I've always wanted to try). Still talking to a few women from online dating apps but my enthusiasm over dating is starting to rapidly fade as I get to know them better. It's not that they're bad people, just not the kind of people I'd want to spend my life with. One of them was hassling me because I was going to bed at 9:30. That would not work for me in a relationship... I love getting up early and getting stuff done. Anyway, onward and upward.

Yeah, I haven't committed to going out and meeting people yet but it's on the agenda. I'm quite good in conversation, I was mostly joking about taking minutes to reply. 😆 Online dating is trash tbh; the women I get messages from I'd never in a million years consider a serious relationship with but I'm not really in a position in my personal life right now to be attractive to the kind of woman I'm interested in. No rush.

Cool observation; seems to hold up. Whenever a new social media app pops up who quickly rises to the top? Women in bikinis and men with 12% body fat acting dumb. Lol. Didn't take long at all for "esports" commentary and streaming sites to become basically porn channels. I read an interesting article earlier today about how the world wasn't always like this... the ancients prized engineering and scientific skill over throwaway gimmicks like iphones and forgettable music. From a practical perspective, we haven't even advanced that far in the last 2,000 years. Electricity and computers certainly changed the game but what have we really done with them that ancient mathematicians weren't doing? (I'm purposefully being simplistic here, we could obviously list a million things that have enhanced people's lives but overall we use modern technology to produce an endless amount of toys that are designed to break every 6 months) Sorry I'm bored at work and went on a tangent. Lol.

@Redbeancooked I don't that's why I use online dating. Lol. Much easier when you can take however long you want to reply!

I admire how often you get out and do new things!

Thanks guys, I definitely feel like this time is much different from the others (like I'm actually doing homework, lol). My final assignment for the week is to create a LinkedIn profile; I am pretty confident that I can handle that, haha. Yesterday was an above average day: I set up a schedule for this weeks schoolwork and extra-curricular studying (A+ Certification and music). Tuesdays are like my Mondays just because that's how my uni schedule is. I've been talking to two women from online dating apps despite no longer using the apps... one from OkCupid and one from Tinder. Never had luck with Tinder in the past so this is interesting. The people there seem to be a bit more "adult" than from OkCupid and much less "Indian scammer" than Plenty of Fish. I also tried Hinge but it was a complete wash. Hinge was appealing because you have to actually quote something from their profile in your opening message so I figured it'd spark conversation but: Most of their profiles were boring as fuck They just ignored my messages anyway. One of the women I'm talking to is actually kind of my type. She got a little inquisitive about the fact that I live with my mother at 38 which I can't really say is unexpected. It's temporary and I lived on my own for 10 years prior to 2014 but nobody else has any reason to believe that. We moved on though and she seems to be okay with it for now, lol. The other woman is cute but not really my type. I might go on a date with her just to get some social practice. Is that bad? Lol. I don't think so. It's not like I'm using her for sex or promising I'm going to be her boyfriend or anything. Anyway, another busy day today. Hope everyone has a good one!

It passes! I'm sorry I can't be more help than that, just wanted to let you know someone is paying attention to your journal and I'm hoping for the best! I know this was several hours ago so if you did relapse, no worries. Just start again. We all do it. 🙂

Yeah that's true, being proud of what you do is important. Not much to report today... just checking in. It's my last week of class before I'm a college sophomore for the first time ever despite going to college 3 times prior to this. Lol. I'm definitely going to make it this time!

No, more depressed but not because of that. Last year was rough, lol. I only masturbate like once a week these days (used to be a lot more) so it doesn't really do anything to my mood either way I don't think.

The NoFap thing both intrigues and frustrates me. I suppose if you're a porn addict it makes sense, but it's very pervasive in the gaming community on Reddit and I just picture the originators of the idea as these muscle-bound jocks laughing their arses off at all the introverted nerds they've convinced that refraining from masturbation will somehow make them successful socially and desirable to women. I didn't masturbate for 6 months last year (for a completely unrelated reason) and I can readily report that I received absolutely no benefits from this, haha. But like I said, if you're addicted to porn or masturbate compulsively then yeah, go for it.

Well, it's the start of another workweek! I know I'll be game-free through Friday but I don't want to stop there. I had a bit of a lazy week last time and watched a lot of Netflix after work. Part of the issue is being so tired after work every day, so I'm going to try to take it a bit easier this week. I work unnecessarily hard because my self-worth comes from being the best at my job, even though nobody besides me cares. I work a union job, so it's not like I can even get a raise for being the best. I make as much money as the people who show up late every day and shop on Amazon their entire shifts. Love it. Today's plan is to get in an hour with Maschine after work, practice piano for just a few minutes because I haven't paid for a subscription of Yousician yet, so I can only learn one song and I'm already pretty proficient at it. Then I'll clean my room and head to bed. Just the right amount of activities, I think.

Man, rough weekend. Relapsed on caffeine HARD on Friday because I just felt too sick. I woke up Friday morning feeling like I had the worst flu of my life; it completely went away after one sip of coffee. I still want to quit but I think I'm going to have to taper off instead of going cold turkey. Hard to do when it's an addiction, though. Usually the first sip just makes me want more. Full disclosure for the sake of honesty and accountability: Gamed a lot Saturday, more than last week. Had to scramble to get homework done 2 hours before the deadline (online classes so I have til Midnight the day they're due). Noticed about half way through my session that not only was I not having fun, I was actually very angry and frustrated. Not a new realization but it was new how quickly I noticed. Part of it was due to slamming diet coke the whole time and getting anxiety from that. Also got back into online dating which I think is part of the reason I gamed so much... it destroys my self esteem so much that I feel like I need some kind of pick-me-up. I'm an average looking guy and have been told plenty of times that I'm "a catch" but online dating is just soul crushing. The beautiful women there get so much attention your message will likely never even be read so I just was getting messaged by complete savages all weekend. One woman asked me if I wanted to come over and bring her a case of beer. Yes that sounds like a great time, you land monster. So I'm deleting those apps. I do have ONE prospect from Tinder (the worst app of the lot, coincidentally) but she already seems like she's ghosted me so I'll just wait til the end of the day and delete that one too. I don't feel great right now, but I'm here.

Pretty much the same reason, to improve the loudness and quality of my voice. Also, being interested in music it would be nice to be able to sing at least a little bit. My voice is terrible right now, so I understand what you mean by being embarrassed to sing in front of the teacher! I imagine they get to hear lots of bad voices though, so that helps. Lol

Start by making a list of hobbies you've always wanted to try!

My focus will be more on networking and hardware so I'll probably never use Python again after college. Lol

Your post made me realize a bit about my own addiction. I've played games since I was a kid but I don't think I was really an addict until I moved back into my parents house from Savannah, Georgia, where I was staying with friends. When I lived in Savannah I had tons to do, loads of friends, and a beautiful city to explore. When I moved home I had no friends, no job, nothing. So I stayed inside and gamed all day because I didn't know what else to do. I think that the desire to moderate gameplay goes away the longer you're "clean". If you're developing new hobbies and friendships through the process, games eventually become something you don't even think about. I'm only at 5 days since my last game but I really haven't even thought about playing a game since last weekend. Normally I'd get home and immediately fire up my computer and plop down for the evening but now I read, play music, and clean up around the house. Weekends are still a huge struggle for me but I know that if I keep this up, it'll get better and better. Quitting is a process, not a one-off thing.

I agree with @talon32, try to mix some better hobbies in there. You don't want to trade game addiction for sex addiction. Don't want to cross into the realm of giving advice about things I don't understand so I'll leave it there. It sounds like you're doing awesome apart from that so you're definitely on the right track!

Lol we have a lot in common, hobby wise. I said above that I was considering acting classes but you've posted about singing classes and that's another thing I've been thinking about. It'd be way out of my comfort zone, too (I can't sing for crap). I'm studying programming in school for a degree in computer science and am learning piano. Guitar would be cool but I don't have the money for one right now because I'm going to be buying a bunch of synths. Let me know how the class went!

Tooth feels better although I'm paranoid about breaking the temporary crown so I'm only eating soft food. The dentist told me as long as I don't eat sticky food like candy I'll be okay, but will I really? lol. Day 3 of no caffeine and 5 days since the last time I played a game. Quitting caffeine is giving me some extra motivation to stay away from games because I know if I game I'll definitely drink soda / pop / fizzy drinks / what have you. The massive headache is gone and I don't feel as sleepy as I did the past 2 days. A lot of people who've quit caffeine said that they felt way more energetic but I haven't hit that point yet. I'm not dead tired but I'm not fully awake. Hydrated as f though... all I drink now is water. Last night kinda sucked but I was on Motrin 800 and had a rough day so I'm not getting down about it. After work I just ordered some middle eastern takeout and watched a couple movies and went to bed. I was excited all morning to get home and write some music but I just didn't have the energy. I'm looking forward to getting some new instruments, I found several that are under $200. I'm thinking of building a whole analogue studio to make some tracks the old fashioned way instead of using my PC. That'd be an interesting development. But in the end, to make the kind of music I truly want to make, I will eventually have to incorporate a DAW PC.

A few years ago I decided I wanted to FINALLY learn programming after years of dipping my feet in C++, and I bought a course on Udemy. It's pretty thorough but I only made it about 1/4 of the way through before I got frustrated. Now I have to learn it in college for my cybersecurity degree.

Ouch. Got the first step of a crown at the dentist today. They wrap cord around your tooth and push it below your gums to open them up. Excruciating pain! Today is day 2 of NO CAFFEINE which is actually pretty easy without gaming. Day 2 is worse than day 1 though. Pounding headache, very tired. Went on a "date" last night with a coworker that I get along with decently but I'm not really interested in romantically. I just crave social interaction lol. She's got 3 kids from different fathers, lives in abject poverty, and is an alcoholic. Not someone I'd ever want to date... but it passed the time. I think the feeling is mutual for her so no harm done. Still no gaming. Not even really thinking about it right now. I know I will on the weekend. For right now I'm kind of okay with just playing on Saturday but I will still make an effort to quit completely... I'm just not beating myself up over it. My music hobby is taking up more and more of my time so hopefully that'll just fill in the gaming spots. I'm buying a Korg Volca Keys to play around with. Very cheap intro analogue synth that still sounds pretty good.