CornishGameHen

I hear ya. Yeah, sometimes trying too hard to be creative can seem 'forced', if you know what I mean? And everyone's on their best behavior on the first date, that sometimes it's hard to assess whether the person you're with is bored or not..lol. One thing you should never do is ask, "Are you bored?" Or "I'm sorry if you're bored". Never do that. I think you're on the right path to dating. It sounds like you're using a dating site? If so, that can tailor your dates to a better match, or so I hope. I've never used a dating site before, but have heard about eHarmony in the past, and matching same interests, etc. My sister met her husband on an online dating site, so it's probably just a numbers game. Like, date many people and you'll eventually find the right person. That's a great idea, to use Photofeeler and upgrade a picture, find your photogenic side. It's amazing what websites are out there now lol. I honestly didn't know about that one! Cheers! Wishing you best luck in the dating world!

Hello there. Well, I think you're really learning something here. Time and money are valuable resources. I went through a similar experience in my early 20's. I attended a church back then, and there were many weddings, many baby showers, etc. I did not want to feel bad for not attending most of them, so I went.....and I spent. lol. After that ordeal, I just began asserting myself and declined several social invitations after that. I was also getting pretty burned out. I've learned to listen to my energy levels too. I'm a bit different than most people, I presume, because I really don't want to be going out every single night to be social. It can be very draining to me. I gain more from one-to-one friendships, or smaller groups. One of my favourite memories was spending time with my university roommate who was a painter. We sat in front of the university building and sketched together while eating lunch. Pretty cool experience, didn't cost a pretty penny, and we enjoyed each other's company. I think that's what I like, the bonding and conversations that you get from a more intimate setting. As for dating, yeah, it can be expensive paying for meals. You'll figure it out. You've gotta be creative with dates. It's not all about eating out in restaurants or coffee shops.

? Great start so far!

Quit Gaming Day 7 no urge to game Sleep slept poorly, kept waking up went to bed at 9:30 pm last night, woke up twice woke up at 7:45 a.m. today with a head cold Exercise stretched yesterday, still sore after doing a brisk walk outside the night before got a massage instead Reading currently reading The Fleece and Fiber Source Book, lol I'm weird I like to read about sheep and the process of making wool! 20 minutes skimming through book, 1/4 of the way into it Computer use 45 minutes on Game Quitters, much improved compared to 1-2 hours, cutting down on journal reading and other topics. 1 hour watching documentary 20 minutes watching three sewing tutorials. Thank God I found tutorials that are less than five minutes long. Social Activities none yesterday, still unwinding from meet-up group this week, and also a long day at work enjoyed my solitary time to do projects Other Tasks 1 and 1/2 hours of sewing, and re-doing part of a botched project arrrrgggghhh!!! 30 minutes knitting Positive Thoughts I'm grateful for my job, as it allows me to live a comfortable life, with a roof over my head, food on the table, and a small measure of financial security. I have a feeling of contentment. Everything else is the cherry on top. Additional Thoughts I think I found a very good balance with indoor and outdoor activities. This is a considerably different lifestyle compared to my university years. I went to school far away from home, and thought I could forge a new 'me'. So, I joined many different social clubs, hiking (I really loved this group), attended all sorts of interesting school theater plays, listened to some interesting special speakers, joined in a few pub crawls, shared an apartment with a super cool roommate, and just had a ball. The first couple years of university were an amazing and unforgettable experience. I did not play video games throughout my university years. During that time I didn't even know much about video games. Yeah, so that was my late twenties; my university days. ? Currently, I'm a bit more settled down. And I think this is a good thing. Perhaps it's a maturing with age. I also began to understand myself more, and what makes me tick. I have an introversion in my genetic make-up. It's a physiological phenomenon. I enjoy my own company, I need more time to recuperate after socializing, and I don't like noisy places or bright flashing lights. I even have a preference for certain sports. I enjoy badminton, ping-pong, tennis, hiking, and speed walking. This meant developing a strategy in adopting these hobbies and physical activities into my life, without jeopardizing my internal equilibrium, for lack of a better phrase. I discovered that I enjoy solitary hobbies, while listening to relaxing music, or listening to an audiobook. It has a very calming effect. I also make sure my home is comfortable. I like cleanliness and orderliness. I often keep a fragrance candle burning in the background. Right now, my fave candle scents are associated with the Fall season; pumpkin spice, apple spice, cinnamon, vanilla, etc. I like a cozy atmosphere too, and a natural-aesthetic; hard wood floors, natural textiles, soft shades of blues and greens, very earthy tones in my decor. This is to calm my visual senses too when I come home after a long day at work. It truly is a 'home'. As for activities, I made sure I joined a social group that is close to home, and within a familiar environment again. My knitting group is only five minutes drive away, and the event is no longer than two hours, once a week. I am looking into joining a hiking group soon, but will do this only once every two weeks. I do not want to over-load myself with activities and burn out. I think this is the proper balance for me. Plus I love going outside and walking, versus being inside a noisy gym. Or I'll do yoga at home in my cozy environment. I'm happy as a clam. ? Speaking of social activities, my coworkers invited me to go across the border to a casino after work this Friday. I agreed to go. I don't gamble, but it's a night out with a couple of people that I get along with at work. Why the heck not? I don't want to spend my money gambling, so I'll put in a $20 bill, and watch them play. The environment may be a bit noisy too, so I am preparing myself for this, and expect myself to require more time to recuperate afterwards.

Random Thoughts Personal Blog I am thinking about starting my own personal blog which can be viewed by family and friends only. The blog will be about sewing or knitting projects. I like the idea of a blog because I can post pictures of what I'm crafting, and over time I'll be able to see how I've improved. Also, I'd rather not post too many pictures of what I sew on this forum. Less time on GQ forums It feels like I've done a crash course in GQ forums the last few days. I've read as much as I can absorb in such a short period of time. I'm considering cutting back on the forums significantly, which ultimately means that I won't be posting on others' journals that much. I can easily spend an entire afternoon just reading journals. It's been amazing to read, however, and I am still amazed at this community's support system. But I think I want to peal back a bit for now. Having said all that, I'm going to post irregularly to this journal, up to my 30 day no-gaming mark. It won't be a daily thing. I'm keeping busy with a handful of projects that are long over-due. I don't want to procrastinate on them anymore. ?

Welcome @ksets! Glad to see another healthcare worker here. I work in the rehabilitation department. In my first year of work after graduation, I briefly worked in the ICU helping patients who had dysphagia by assessing their seating posture and providing specialty equipment as needed. I can understand how stressful the ICU can be. I hope you find this community helpful. It has been supportive for me. ?

Welcome @awalkingcane. ? I hope you find some valuable resources and support here. I can attest that this forum is very supportive. No pressure, but perhaps you'd like to start a journal as well, either a private one or on this forum. It helps with processing your thoughts, at the very least.

Hello @LordArjuna, I took the time to read most of your journal. Thank you for sharing. I found the above quote caught my attention. That's a brilliant strategy. It's not all about positive affirmations, but to look closely at our own thought patterns by writing them down. And that includes the stream of thoughts which may have negative under-tones. And then, as you said, you can look at them objectively and move past them. I don't know if you realize this, but you're doing a form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I was taught this from my therapist years ago, and we spent nine weeks working on changing mal-adaptive thought patterns. I 'still' use it to this day when things get super bad. So, kudos to you for figuring this out on your own, and learning from it. I keep a private journal too, wherein I feel safe writing about some things that trouble me most. It's my safe place. I've kept the journal entries that had some extreme thoughts because it gives me perspective and helps remind me that those 'states of mind' will pass. And yeah, some things I wrote are a bit extreme and scary, after reviewing them. Anyway, I truly hope I helped by sharing. Sounds like you're doing well by focusing on the exercise part. That is something I'd like to increase too. I used to run, both solo, and also with groups of people. I joined The Running Room three times the last ten years and even ran a 10K five years ago. It's been a while. Right now, I'm speed walking around my local track.

@LordArjuna I didn't mind if you kept the post up. I apologize, I think I over-reacted too. I haven't read your journal yet, and maybe it would have been better if I did, so that I could understand your perspective better! I understand now when you explained what you meant. I extend an olive branch to you, my friend. ?

@goodvibes Thank you for this. Very thoughtful response. Yeah, I'm here to hash out some personal demons too, I suppose. It will come out in my journal. It's a form of therapy for me. Processing all of my thoughts and emotions related to them is a lot of work, and it's not done over a short period of time. Yeah I came across some posts from people who are also casual gamers, or game moderately. You're right, this forum is a mixture of both. I think it would be cool to have a sub-section for people who aren't necessarily addicted to games, but who want to quit due to negative experiences with gaming. Or people that just want to keep their gaming in check. And I love this forum. I can't believe how many insightful people post here. It's beyond inspirational and uplifting to me. I know that people may also disagree with some things I write, perhaps, but that's a learning curve for me too. To not react badly if people don't necessarily agree. Thanks for the input, it is greatly appreciated! :)

That's true, @Ikar. Work can be a great way to meet people too, or at least net-work through your coworkers. I had a few crushes only to discover that they were dating someone already lol. I wish there were more males where I work too. Unfortunately, there are more women where I work. But you never know, I could end up meeting a coworker's friend or family member, etc. I will keep the possibilities open. Oh I understand about your job setting. Yes, pros and cons. I'm assuming that you find social outlets somewhere else, like in hobbies, or sports, etc?

Quit Gaming Day 6 no urge to login to my games Sleep went to bed at 10:30 pm last night, woke up once or twice at 1:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m. reading a boring sewing technique manual helped lull me to sleep lol. I think I was asleep within fifteen minutes. woke up today at 6:45 a.m. approximately 7 hours of sleep, possibly less as sleep was interrupted Exercise yesterday I walked for an hour around race track in the early evening I tried going to the gym too after work, but was very noisy, loud music. I had to leave. Maybe next time I'll bring earplugs. Reading I seem to like reading books about information rather than novels Currently I am reading The Fleece and Fiber Sourcebook Concentration with reading is about 30 minutes, I hope to increase this Computer use 1 hour browsing GQ forums and responding to posts, lots or reflective thinking going on 1 hour watching documentary on Youtube Hobbies made some turkey soup yesterday 1 hour knitting 30 minutes reading Social Activities none yesterday, but all good. I enjoyed my resting time in solitude. Other Tasks 1 and 1/2 hours house cleaning; vacuumed, dusted, sorted out things to donate, gathered up plastic bottles to recycle, laundry, dishes Positive Thoughts I am grateful for free time to finish projects

Despite the antibiotic effects, you did really well. You kept focused on tasks and that's an accomplishment. Good stuff, keep going. ?

Woo hooo! That's fantastic, @BooksandTrees. One entire year without gaming is a grand accomplishment. ?

Welcome, Lucas. ? Canadian here too, btw. You'll find this forum extremely helpful, along with writing a journal.

? I like that phrase "design your life or someone else will design it for you". It's very empowering and gives you a sense of control over your life. We're not subject to fate, by any means. And yup, I totally understand about stumbling through life and dealing with whatever comes. One example for me was trying to do too much because that's what I thought was expected of me at my job. I have since cut back on that, went part-time instead, and now I can use my time off as quality time, or to recuperate from work-place stress. Keep up the good work and mindset! It was great to read your journey so far. ?

@LordArjuna Hey there, I reread your response and understand where you are coming from about labeling ourselves. I do think that people can be adaptable and can oscillate between introversion and extroversion in their lifetime. However, there is a difference of how much energy one derives or depletes from social interaction, hence the description of introversion versus extroversion. Not as labels or how people interpret their environment, but more of a sensory input phenomenon. For example, I can be extroverted at my job for the purpose of building rapport with colleagues and patients, but I have noticed how fatiguing it is at the end of the day. I just want to get away from noise, the sound of phone rings, and be in solitude for a long time. I have to recuperate and I do not feel like socializing at all. I retreat into the safety and comfort of my shell, so to speak. Now, some years ago I read the book The Introvert Advantage. It really appealed to me because I always wondered why I felt wired like this; my sensory input during socializing was different than the more outgoing people. Why did I require more solitary time to myself than others? Neurologically, I believe that I may be quite sensitive to sensory stimuli as well. Much like experiencing a silent migraine in which sensory stimuli is amplified. So just think upon this for a moment. There are physiological influences that may predetermine how one interacts with others in the real world.

Random Thoughts I really don't think I'm addicted to gaming, at this point. I don't really feel an urge to game. I left gaming due to boredom and also largely because I was becoming irritable. I've read several journals in my short time here, and many people describe very intense cravings after being off games for a while. I don't experience those sensations. I wonder if this is also because I never grew up with games. I didn't even own Atari, the popular console back in the day. We just played outside, on swing-sets, or used our imagination and pretended we were in a dinosaur park, or a huge castle, etc. We'd watch movies on VHS. And then our parents enrolled us in after-school activities like Girl Scouts, piano lessons, badminton, soccer, and even ping-pong tournaments. Of course, we did not have internet either back in my days of childhood. I remember playing Bingo and Monopoly, or checkers, chess, Lego, Scrabble, Trivia Pursuit. Lots of table top games, from what I can recall. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This journey for me isn't about complete abstinence from gaming. I worried that I would discourage people here. But like Cam mentioned in a video, there are people who can game in moderation, so we can leave them in peace to play their games. Furthermore, I didn't even play online computer games very much throughout the week. I was too tired from work to go beyond two hours of gaming each night, and I'd skip other nights and not game at all. What I'm getting at, is that ultimately I was not happy with my life, whether gaming was in it or not. I think if it wasn't gaming, I'd probably be addicted to just watching movies all night after work. Gaming filled up that void, which I'm now replacing with more social activities. Just the right amount of social interaction that I can handle, otherwise I'd feel overwhelmed. So, overall, this experiment has been very rewarding and eye-opening. I'm not sure if the experiment is over just yet. I still have a few more weeks to go to complete my one-month abstinence. But I'll continue to write in my journal when I can, and read others' posts. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I wonder if this forum can also be used for people who want to quit video games for a short time, in order to reprioritize their lives, and not necessarily to quit gaming altogether if they do not have an addiction. At least that was my sole purpose in coming here. I've been so grateful to communicate with the forum members through journals, and have given my viewpoints about social anxiety as well and how I cope. I'm very grateful for Game Quitters.

@BooksandTrees I would like to read this. I think it will help me. The other friends I gamed with haven't kept in touch, except for these two individuals who I talk to occasionally. If distance were not a factor I would probably invite these two gamer friends to dinner or something. But most gamers don't really extend themselves beyond a gaming relationship. That is true.

Peace.

Hi @LordArjuna. I know you meant well despite it bordering on psycho-analysis. Yes I also know that introversion is separate from shyness or social anxiety; I do not relate these terms as being identical. I really am an introvert. I'm not ashamed of my nature either. I don't feel energized socializing. I like my own company too. But yes I also cope with social anxiety and I understand my social anxiety very well. Please read my post about social anxiety in the General section, which I posted earlier today before your response here. I have had therapy and have learned from it. Which is why I'm using that therapy now to cope when my SA acts up. In my career I do much public speaking, as I teach classes for patients awaiting surgery. I feel very confident about public speaking but my SA does creep up especially if I isolate when I'm experiencing depression. I feel like I have to defend myself but it is what it is. I know my triggers and I have the tools to cope. Not all days are good but when I succeed I feel good about myself. Like my attempt at socializing with people yesterday was, in my eyes, a success.

I'm curious about this. Are MMORPG's more difficult to abstain from, versus Single Player Games?

Thanks, @Ikar! I like how you describe dating opportunities as being organic. It really seems that way to me. I mean, we do live in an age of technology and ease of communication through online services, but it just doesn't feel natural to me. Natural? Is that the right word to use? lol. I don't know. My last two boyfriends were people I met in school. My first love was my highschool sweetheart, he was the class clown. We were like the best of friends. My second relationship, I met him at university. He was kind of the 'hidden' relationship. Nobody in my immediate family knew I was dating someone at Uni, as I lived far away from family while attending school. Both relationships were long-term, my first one being the longest of five years. But point is, I met them in an environment that was an atmosphere for building relationships. At school, you saw them often. So, heck...you start a friendship, get to know each other, and start going out! lol. I guess It was easier then. Nowadays, you post your profile and selfie, and play a game of 'go-fish-for-a-potential-match'. No thank you. It is not for me. At this point in my life, I am not seeking to date people. Yes, I'll put myself out there in social situations, but I'm going to let the chips fall where they may. Being content and doing things that make me happiest is what I'm going to keep doing until I die, whether or not I'm single or with a partner.

@Icandothis Greetings! We are all brave for posting, but thank you for that positivity. :) You hit the nail spot-on about stepping out into real life communities. Real person interaction by far surpasses any online communication. It's all about a person's 'presence' if you know what I mean? I'm a empathic person, and I can pick up on someone's vibes just by standing a few feet away from them, and observing their facial reactions, their body posture, their tone of voice, and even the delayed answers to questions I ask. It's all observatory communication and interaction. That is something a computer screen will never allow us to do, unless we Skype. But even Skyping has nothing on face-to-face interpersonal relationships. It's all about 'presence', I tell you. Have yourself an amazing day. I'll be reading your journal soon and will comment there too. :)

@BooksandTrees Thank you for your thoughtful response. To be a clan leader in Runescape must have felt exhilarating. I haven't played RS to that extent, and only just started this year. I think I was up to my neck in chopping down all those oak trees lol. Yeah, so you were leagues beyond my level. What I've noticed is that gamers on this forum are able to multi-task a variety of things, they have many hobbies, and are goal-oriented. I mean, if there was one thing that came out of gaming which was positive, it's those traits. Especially the goal-setting. Can you imagine all the potential that gamers have that is stuck in gaming? I mean, you guys are high achievers. I'm not trying to boost anyone's ego, or even my own. It's just an anecdotal observation. I can see your point about online gaming friends and the alcoholism analogy. I think it does apply to a majority of my online friends. Except....and there is always an exception lol.....there was one person who doesn't play online games very much anymore. We had kept in touch out-of-game on Discord and we'd talk about non-gaming topics. What he cooked, the crafts I made, his job, my job, whatever came up. We have since parted ways, but I think that was a true friendship. I might reconnect with him again, as I thought he was a very good person to converse with. We also met each other in real life too, and I had a great time. I have another gaming friend who I sometimes speak to on the phone or text. What I'm trying to say is that not all gaming friends will leave you. I guess it's a matter of keeping in touch in different ways. Maybe my outcome is rare? I don't know. I don't have a large social circle online. And thanks for pointing out the female gamers in this forum! I appreciate it. I've read @Catherine17 journal and have yet to reply. I think she's done a fantastic job handling university while abstaining from gaming. It is very inspirational. I've also connected with @Icandothis who is very sweet and has an upbeat personality. I have yet to respond to her journal as well. I take the time to read their personal journeys and do my best to contribute a thoughtful response. Cheers, and I hope you have a fantastic day. :)