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dasvira

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Posts posted by dasvira

  1. Hello again everyone. I am back after a big relapse. I stopped this forum after new year because I was frustrated and ashamed from my relapse. And I apologize for simply leaving the forum without saying goodbye.

    I tried to go no gaming just by myself and did hold to it for a few weeks. But last month I started playing hearts of iron IV, just pirated it because I deleted my steam account and I am gaming pretty much all the time I am not working (sometimes till 04am). It affected my studies during February by a lot.

    Well, time to start again.

    Days without

    gaming: 00

    • Like 1
  2. Massive relapse between Christmas and new year.

    I gamed all the time from Christmas to now. Started playing videogames (cyberpunk+red dead redemption) with my cousins and I got totally hooked on it. I downloaded that shit in my PC and I was playing videogames all the time until Sunday, then I binged in the expanse season 5. If I was not watching shows or playing games I was surfing on Reddit or watching YouTube videos.

    I also drank wine and saw porn most of the days, and was waking up almost at midday most of the time. I simply gave up on my life during this last week.

    I actually planned leaving this forum for good. However, here I am again restarting my journey to get rid of my addictions hopping for a better outcome this time.

    • Like 2
  3. 4 hours ago, WhoCares said:

    Therapist told me that he can’t do anything and I need to see a doctor. Turns out I’m a psycho. Learning something new everyday lmao.

    Most people manage to overcome depression, most of the time it is only a temporary condition. I feel like seeing a psychiatric could really help you right now (specially if you are thinking about hurting yourself).

    • Like 2
  4. On 12/14/2020 at 3:39 AM, championeal said:

    Respawn talked about restful activities. Gaming is not restful. Reading is restful. Restful activities rejuvenate. I need to remember this when I feel like avoiding.

    This is also how I feel. Every time I game/watch TV/ see porn in order to blow off some stress I fell usually more tired and stressed afterwards.

     

    On 12/16/2020 at 3:38 AM, championeal said:

    Working on myself is definitely very fluid. I can tell I am changing, but the only thing I can say with finality at this point is that I don’t play games anymore. Everything else kind of feels up in the air. The days have been good. And I’m taking things day by day. I’m just trying to figure out where I’m going.

    I also crave for some more immediate success a lot of the time. Unfortunately many of us spent years building in bad habits who will simply not go away overnight. That being said, I feel MUCH better now after 35 days of a more or less successful detox then I was last month playing games all the time.

  5. I also have problems adequating my commitment to change myself with my social life. Notably, I feel like if I am ever invited to watch TV, games or drink (only one glass of wine), I would do so even if not to be rude and look like I am judgmental. Internally, however, I would do my best not to get hooked on those things.

    I wonder if your family and friends know about your intentions of quitting games?

    • Like 1
  6. Another week goes by.

    I have been studying most of the time (stopped counting, but at a minimum of 11h every single day, apart from today), even if that meant that I wouldn't exercise/read/meditate/journaling on a day. My studying are going very well, but my mental health not so much... I am not sure it is sustainable in the long run to study this much. I kept internet surfing to a minimum (I spent 05 consecutive days without any surfing), but I saw porn twice along the week...

    Yesterday however I drank like half a bottle of wine (mainly due of stress I think) and saw porn afterwards. I overslept until 6:30 today, saw porn in the morning and have been surfing on reddit literally the entire day, started to see some streams of cyberpunk 2077 and felt an enormous urge to play it (thank god my steam account is deleted FOREVER). I even thought about abandoning this journal, but I feel like being held accountable makes me live more responsibly.

     

    I found that my previous diet was bat-shit-crazy restrictive and I wouldn't be able to continue it in the long run. I am following a simple 1500kcal diet (and I don't eat anything with I pass that threshold). Stuck to it everyday with the exeption of today. I am 100,1kg (-1,1kg this week).

     

     

    PLANNED ROUTINE (MON-SAT):

    4:30 wake up.

    5:00-6:00 walk with my dog.

    6:00-6:30: 20-40min reading (alternate days)

    6:30-6:50: 20min meditation.

    TOLERANCE

    7:30-9:00: study.

    9:00 - 11:00: PW meal (25g of protein, from tuna, egg or cheese). Weight lifting.

    11:00-12:30: lunch.

    until 20:30-21:00: study (I take a 20 min nap after my first 30 min study session). Dinner in between at 17:00 or so.

     

    Good habits (consecutive days):

    - Got out of my bed in less than 5min: 00 (prev. max: 05)

    - Diet: 00 (prev max 12)

     

    Bad habits (days without):

    - gaming: 35

    - TV / streaming: 35

    - Alcohol: 0 (prev max 16)

    - Porn: 01 (prev. max.: 11)

    - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00 (prev. max.: 5)

    • Like 2
  7. Another week passed by.

     

    PORN: This week masturbated 03 times (but I was careful to be quick and efficient about it and only took <15min LOL). Honestly, I kind of quit my commitment of quitting porn during some days and started to "cut corners". At least I fap quickly once a day, my lust is satiated and don't bother for the entire day, which is not true about TV/Games/surfing/food because once I have a little taste of it I always want more and waste my entire day hooked on that kind of shit...

    As I said a few days ago, I don't think porn affect my life in the same way that my addiction to technology does. However, I journaled how I felt and I still think that porn doesn't really make me any good. I reckon that I feel sleepy and sad just after ejaculating. I am not sure how honest I am being about my commitment to quit porn, but I will at least keep journaling about my porn habits. I am considering joining NoFap.

     

    CAFFEINE: I tried to quit caffeine coldturkey (I had already reduced my consumption of it by half), as I result I felt like a complete zombie on Monday and Tuesday and I did basically nothing on those days and only studied for 1-2 hours. I can't really afford an entire week only to detox, so I cut my caffeine consumption by about 30-50% at morning (I had already reduced it by 50% to only a big mug at morning two weeks ago, so I only consuming 25-35% as much caffeine as I used to before I started journaling this month). I am not sure I want to quit caffeine completely, but I still want to reduce my intake of it a little bit more.

     

    DIET: I was 1,62m and 111kg at the beginning of the month. I lift weights heavy since 8 years so I have a pretty solid muscle mass, that being said I got rather fat on the last 4 years(6 months ago 42% body fat, now I would guess I am about 36% or 37%). I was already dieting on the beginning of the month an dropped to 106kg at the beginning of this week.

    Early this week I started a diet based on intermittent fasting (20hours fasting - 4 hours of feeding window before gym and lunch 9:00-13:00); and ketogenic diet very low carbs (<30g), 150g of protein, fats are unrestricted though I usually keep it relatively low at around 50-70g. That is a pretty hypo-caloric diet, and while it isn't a traditional keto diet (which usually has less protein and more fats) I do some urinary keto test so and, apparently, I am in ketosis so I see no reason to change it. I pretend to fast on Sundays and only consume water and electrolytes (so I would do an almost 48h fast from Saturday to Monday).

    The keto flu is REAL! I have been urinating like crazy this week and dropped 5kg mostly of water retention (from 106kg to 101kg on Friday), and I am drinking A LOT of water every day. On Friday I was starting to feel bad with nausea and malaise. I have hypertension (nothing serious) and 2 hours after I took my daily anti-hypertensive pills yesterday, I got a mild hypotensive crisis my BP=110/40 and CF=110, I vomited twice and felt really bad. After that I drunk 1L of a homemade isotonic solution of NaCl and K, took 40 min to nap and in less than an hour I was as good as new. Today I reduced my anti-hypertensive drugs and my blood pressure is normal.

     

    EXERCISE: 60min of slow walking at 5:00-6:00 with my dog (unless it is raining, which happens often). 60-90min of weigh lifting 9:30-11:00.

     

    SURFING: I didn't surf at all for 4 days during this week, but I still surfed in 3 days, specially yesterday that I spent 1:30 in social media.

     

    OUT OF BED: Waking up 4:30, got out of bed before 4:35 3/7 days this week, in 3/7 I took a maximum of 15 min to wake up. Today I decided to sleep over to 6:00 because I will be fasting and reducing caffeine so I need to be well rested. First thing I do in the morning is wearing my wristwatch.

     

    TV/Games: I realize I am now almost a full month without TV, streaming or games. I feel so much better without that kind of shit. I had absolutely no cravings for it during this week. While it is true that I have quit it before in the past and so far I have always relapsed, I feel something different now. I really believe that this will be my final and successful attempt of quitting it for good. That being said, the definitive prove will only come if I am able to hold on and not relapse.

     

    READING: I finished the Enchiridion (handbook) of Epictetus and a small collection of his discourses this week, this my second reading of his handbook and I didn't enjoy it in my first read 5 years ago. Now that I am more mature I really liked it and it has some great passages (and is a quick read).

    I am reading the "Heart of Buddha Teachings" by Thich Nhat Hahn for the third time. I really like this book and it was THE book who rescued me from nihilism 7 years ago. I don't agree with everything in it, but AFAIK it is the most accessible and comprehensible book of Buddhist teachings. Contrary to most monks of an Asian background, the author is quite open minded and ecumenical with other Buddhist schools and western philosophy in general. Also he preaches only what he lives himself, which I think is admirable.

     

    STUDY: not terrible, but not close to my goals either. They were pretty uneven and there were days I studied for 9:00 hours and days I studied for only 1:00 (when I was in caffeine abstinence or Keto flu...). On average I studied for 4:23min everyday, using a modified pomodoro method.

     

    MY IDEAL ROUTINE (MON-SAT):

    4:30 wake up.

    5:00-6:00 walk with my dog.

    6:00-6:30: 30min reading

    6:30-6:50: 20min meditation.

    40 min of tolerance because I am not a machine

    7:30-9:00: study.

    9:00 - 11:00: PW meal (25g of protein, from tuna, egg or cheese). Weight lifting.

    11:00-12:30: lunch.

    until 20:30-21:00: study (I take a 20 min nap after my first 30 min study session).

     

    I pretend to stick to this routine during my next week.

     

    Good habits (consecutive days):

    - Got out of my bed in less than 5min: 00 (prev. max:04)

    - Diet: 04

     

    Bad habits (days without):

    - gaming: 28

    - TV / streaming: 28

    - Alcohol: 10

    - Porn: 01 (prev. max.: 11)

    - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00 (prev. max.: 3)

    • Like 1
  8. Thanks for your concer @Pochatok, but unfortunately I kind of have to study all my free time and sacrifice quite a little bit (and a lot of money...) if I wanna a shot at doing well boards and immigrating to the USA... I am already 26 yo, two years since graduation and with no residency, so there I have some sense of urgency of matching in 1-2 years. Otherwise, I will be stuck in Brazil forever...

    Thanks @Mohammad!

    Woke up 4:30, and I want to keep waking up at this hour everyday.

    Unfortunately I mastubated in the morning, because of lack of self control. I did surf for about 1:40h in total (wiki, reddit). Time really flies when you are in the 'rabit hole'.

    Studies improving: 6:38 minutes total (24pp + 5:07 of classes). I see a big improvement in my studies this week, compared to my last week.

     

    I decided that from now on I will only post here once a week on sundays. I realize that I sometimes struggle to keep to my hard limit of a max of 30 min per day in this site, I can barely write my journal in time and I have to rush reading over other peoples journals. I will instead dedicate 1:30h on sundays to journaling about my week/ seeing what is going on in others journals. I will keep journaling in my private notebook however.

     

    Good habits (consecutive days):

    - Got out of my bed in less than 5min: 02

    - Intermittent fasting: 02

     

    Bad habits (days without):

    - gaming: 22

    - TV / streaming: 22

    - Alcohol: 04

    - Porn: 00 (prev. max.: 11)

    - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00 (prev. max.: 2)

    • Like 2
  9. 5 hours ago, Mohammad said:

    I am behind screen 7-8 hours a day for my work and study, and so it is unbearable to spend a few more hours to play after work. I know it is very risky for my health if I do so. I am spending at least two hours daily reading book and 30 mints doing workout.

     

    1 hour ago, Jason70 said:

    This literally is what I am dealing with. Since my college is fully remote, i have to spend time on a screen for so long and I just hate it. I'm glad you realized that playing after all that time would be a risk and I'm glad you're attempting to balance the time by reading and exercising. 

     

    Second, I spent all my day behind a computer and sometimes I kind of have to visit youtube/ wiki to solve a doubt or two and I always end falling in the rabbit hole.

     

     

    I think exercising and reading are two great hobbies to substitute games with. I am also reading, meditating and exercising everyday.

    • Like 1
  10. Thanks @Jason70 and @Pochatok! Getting social support from this community is really motivating.

     

    --------------------------------

     

    Did some surfing today and almost masturbated. First time was in the morning I surfed 30 min in wiki in astronomy content stuff that I have no use for. Second time was when I almost convinced myself of masturbating, I decided to open videos about no FAP (who weren't really helpful, since they were making some absurd claims about it), then I didn't resist the urge and clicked on trashy video for 15min with a chinese guy making crappy invasive questions to chinese passers by. Thankfully, no masturbation.

     

    I will start counting the days I adhere to mi diet (intermitent fasting). Lost a lot of weight when I was doing it, however I became very inconsistent with it since I had my big gaming relapse. Also, counting my streak is really helpful to resist the urges I encounter in life, specially when I get a particularly long streak going.

     

    WU: 5:30

    Studies going fine, even if they could be better. Even if I should have managed my time better, my study was of very high quality overall.  5:14 (14pp + 5:08 of classes)

     

    Good habits (consecutive days):

    - Got out of my bed in less than 5min: 01

    - Intermittent fasting: 01

     

    Bad habits (days without):

    - gaming: 21

    - TV / streaming: 21

    - Porn: 03 (prev. max.: 11)

    - Alcohol: 03

    - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00 (prev. max.: 2)

    • Like 1
  11. When I was searching a legitimate doubt on the internet about what materials I should study next, I gave in to temptation to surf in the internet forum I was seeing. The duration of this event was about 2:00. Of it, 1:30 hours was legitimate research that directed all my studies for the next week. 30min however were from surfing in a forum of my career (it may not be the worst kind of surfing, but still will count it as surfing for consistency sake). It sucks to break a streak, but on the bright side, I only surfed 30min in the last 3 days.

     

    I had to go out of home in order to deal with some shitty bureaucracy and I took about 2:30 hours to get done with it.

     

    I was waking up everyday at 5:30 or 6:00, and last week I got out of bed pretty quickly. This week, however, I realize that I am taking an average of 30min just to get out of bed. I want to discipline myself to get out of bed ASAP and I will start a counter about it.

     

    Also I don't think I have a problem with substances. But I will talk a little about them today.

    I sometimes take half a sleeping pill if, if I have an insomnia crisis usually this happened 2-3 a week, but I am 2 weeks without a crisis. my sleep improved A LOT, since I started quitting games/TV. I also restricted my caffeine consumption to a single cup in the morning.

    I started drinking alcohol 1 year ago, a single glass most of nights (NEVER drinked before my 25). I never really abused it. That being said, I am quitting it coldturkey today and those are my reasoning

    1. It is unhealthy (even if a glass at night won't probably do a lot of damage...)
    2. I sometimes drink to reduce my anxiety.
    3. It is somewhat expensive (even if I only buy cheap wine).
    4. I am already addicted to loots of thing, so it doesn't seems wise to engage with one of the most addictive substances.

     

    Studies are solid considering everything: 5:16 total, and I have been quite productive today.

    Good habits (consecutive days):

    - Got out of my bed in less than 5min: 00

     

    Bad habits (days without):

    - gaming: 20

    - TV / streaming: 20

    - Porn: 02 (prev. max.: 11)

    - Alcohol: 02

    - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00 (prev. max.: 2)

    • Like 4
  12. @WhoCares I am glad you are back! I believe you will succeed in overcoming this terrible addiction. However, if you can't do it, I think there is no point in stopping trying to abandon video games, even if only to damage control eventual relapses.

     

     

    9 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

    A gamer can go a number of years without noticing it! Thats why take it easy when you play again, but do written entries to find out what is really giving you that stress or worry that is activating the habit of escaping by playing a video game? Another really good tip for you. If you do play, try to not get too mentally involved. For a change, look at the buttons you are pressing when you play, the noises outside on the street or in the room. Try to look at yourself from a third person perspective, so the gaming process fades out into the background and you are more aware of yourself and how banal and simple the algorithm of this game is.

    That is very good advice, other-izing helps me to deal psicologically with many hardships in my life. Here is an excerpt of Massimo Piugliucci that i read recently:

     

    6. Other-ize. “We can familiarize ourselves with the will of nature by calling to mind our common experiences. When a friend breaks a glass, we are quick to say, ‘Oh, bad luck.’ It’s only reasonable, then, that when a glass of your own breaks, you accept it in the same patient spirit. Moving on to graver things: when somebody’s wife or child dies, to a man we all routinely say, ‘Well, that’s part of life.’ But if one of our own family is involved, then right away it’s ‘Poor, poor me!’ We would do better to remember how we react when a similar loss afflicts others.”

    This exercise is a fascinating one: Epictetus reminds us here of just how differently we regard an event that has affected other people when the same event affects us. Naturally, it is far easier to maintain equanimity (which, again, is not to be confused with emotional impassivity!) when little inconveniences, or even disasters, happen to others rather than to ourselves. But why, really? What makes us think that we are the universe’s special darlings, or that we ought to be?

    Of course, even if we can bring ourselves to realize and internalize (which is far more difficult) that we are just like everyone else on the planet and should have the same attitude about an occurrence when it happens to others as when it happens to ourselves, we could still flip the argument on the Stoic and say that the right thing to do is to feel the same degree of pain and empathy for everyone’s misfortunes as we do for our own. The Stoic has two responses to this argument—one based on empirical evidence, and the other from philosophical principles. The empirical fact is that human beings are simply incapable, physiologically, of that much empathy. To feel truly sorry and distraught for every life lost on planet Earth as we normally feel when our own loved ones die is, simply put, inhuman. The philosophical argument is that we are, if not entirely right, at least closer to the truth when we say to other people, “I’m truly sorry, but it is a fact of life,” than when we tell ourselves, “Poor me! Poor me!” Accidents, injuries, disease, and death are unavoidable, and while it is understandable to be distraught over them (presumably in proportion to their gravity—breaking a glass is not the same thing as losing one’s spouse!), we can take comfort in knowing that they are in the normal order of things. The universe isn’t after anyone—or at least, it isn’t after any one of us in particular!

    I found both interpretations of the “other-ize” exercise useful in a number of recent experiences. Sometimes I tend to dismiss the feelings of people who are close to me on the grounds that they are overreacting to whatever is happening to them. But Epictetus reminds me that I tend to feel differently when similar things—like a cutting comment from a friend or a colleague—happen to me. By the same token, when it is my turn to be on the receiving end, I now instantly recall that pretty much everyone I know has experienced whatever it is that is upsetting me at the moment, or will experience it at some point in their lives. This constant habit of adjusting my own reactions to others’ misfortunes and putting my problems in context by remembering that they are common to the broader humanity is—I think—gradually helping me see things with an equanimity that I definitely lacked before I got interested in Stoicism.

    • Like 2
  13. 40 minutes ago, Lampshade said:

    I guess I just feel like I think more clearly (especially around attractive people)if I ejaculate a couple times/week and the partner isn't always available. Any experience with that?

    My experience is the opposite I think, I noticed that stopping/ reducing masturbation has made me less lustful. That being said, I am also making a conscious effort not to be lustful (and see people with dignity) and not engage in daydreaming, wishfulthinking (and a lot of my fantasies involve the opposite gender in some form).

     

    40 minutes ago, Lampshade said:

    That's pretty intense. Grats! You're right about the burnout risk though. I find a lot of us go pretty hard on other things when we first quit gaming though. Suddenly there's a lot more time and energy available.

    Yep, that was exactly my experience (as described on previous entries). Once I stopped gaming and TV/ streaming, I started to try to procrastinate in any other way, mainly internet surfing, daydreaming and reading. Now (with almost 19 days without TV/Games/streaming, much less surfing than what I started with and only minimal porn) I feel my self much more motivated, less stressed and I have a MUCH easier time focusing in my studies and other tasks. My studies are improving constantly (even if irregularly) in both quality and quantity.

     

    ---------------------

     

    No relapses, but a bit of time management issues.

    I finished "How to be a Stoic" and, as I approached the end of the book I was really liking the final few chapters and appendix. I ended binging on the book and reading it for about 3:20 until I finished it. I had a legitimate doubt about a product I planned to buy and resolved to see reviews on internet forums about it and used 25min on that (I don't consider it surfing because it was a legitimate doubt, didn't feel compulsive and I was not clicking any links or seeing anything else. It was more like a problem of bad time management).

     

    Study: 6:04 (4:40 hours of classes; 46 questions; 11 new pages + about 50 reviewed pages).

     

    Days without:

    - gaming: 19

    - TV / streaming: 19

    - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 02

    - Porn: 01 (prev. max.: 11)

    • Like 1
  14. 12 hours ago, Lampshade said:

    Anyways, I think I start to care less about my daily habits because when I start them there's a feeling of hope that once they are down and I'm doing them for a while, that I'll be happy. Like if I do these 5-things in the morning I'll have won and everything will be good (I'm so grateful for this journal, because that sounded logical in my head but ridiculous when written). That doesn't happen, I lose out on the hope and they feel pointless. Yes it leads to me being in good shape, hygienic, and feeling like I look good but it doesn't take long before I get used to the new state-of-affairs and it no longer makes me feel good. This happens all across the board in life. For a month or so water was dripping down the chimney of my woodstove. Over the weekend I got up and fixed it and it POURED yesterday. We had been so used to water getting in the house when it rained that yesterday we felt so luxurious because our house wasn't leaking.

    That feels like the good old hedonic thread mill, human greed is unlimited man... It is better to simply ackowlege the fact that there is nothing that will make us perfectly and permanently happy and that life is just a cycle of ups and downs. (I am sorry for not having anything more practical about how to improve your situation).

  15. I get your struggles. I have not the best relationship with my sisters either. Also in the last few years I was under pressure to amass the money necessary, to pay the costs of immigration (it gets expesive when 1 US $ = 6 BRL). Unfortunately, life is unfair and sometimes unpleasant. However, giving in to gaming or any other compulsion won't make it any better. I sincerely, hope you the best in your journey.

     

    PS: I like how you pick things to be grateful about everyday.

    • Like 1
  16. Thanks @championeal I actually did not know this 'rabbit hole' idiom, it describes very well how I feel sometimes.

     

    -------------------------------------------------

     

    Absolutely no surfing today (zero, nothing)!

     

    I did masturbate/ saw porn after lunch and overall it didn't impact my mood or performance (besides the 30min I spent in the act). I can't claim it was because of a strong compulsion or anything, I rather fooled myself into believing that masturbating once a week is fine. To be quite honest, I do think that faping once a week or ever two weeks is kind of 'ok', it is certainly better than fapping everyday or every other day like I was doing before start posting here. However after thinking about the matter for some time, there are some considerations I would like to do about masturbation:

    1) It is a waste of time (like 30 min).

    2) It doesn't make me feel any better (after the immediate pleasure of orgasm).

    3) It is embarrassing: As much as people try to 'normalize' it, deep down I still feel that a grown-ass man fapping to porn is kinda of depressing. Furthermore, people are not usually ashamed of their gaming or TV habbit, but I don't really meet anyone that speak about what kind of porn they like to watch.

    4) It gets in the way of self-discipline. With I am really serious about changing my habits, I simply must NOT do what doesn't bring me any benefit and stop giving in to my cravings.

    5) It makes me see woman in an unhealthy way (this is a polemic one, and I appreciate any input). Since I started to seriously moderate on masturbation I realize I see woman differently. I am now much less lustful, a beautiful girl (for example in the gym) simply does not mess with my head as much and I have less sexual fantasies. Furthermore, I believe we live in an hypersexualized society, that values eroticism over seeing the opposite sex with dignity and as sentient individuals, who are means on their own end. I also think that promiscuity and sexual 'misconduct' is a terrible way to live your life, it may help you to spread your genes, but rarely it is conductive to a good life. Finally, if I am to be practical, at least 99% (at least!) of my erotic fantasies and romantic passion in the have never lead me to anything, they have never become a reality nor did they add anything good to my life. They only served to add to my confusion, greedy and craving to my mind.

    With all of that being said among with the fact that I can't think about a single (serious) benefit of masturbation, makes pretty clear to me that no masturbation at all is better than masturbation in 'moderation'. So I am recommitting to not masturbate again (or do it the minimum possible, should I fail).

     

     

    On other hand studies were pretty solid today: 7:28h (I count only concentrated study time) ( 5:50h of classes + 27 exercises + maybe 70-100pp reviewing what I read in the previous week). If I could study everyday as I studied today I am confident I would achieve my goals. I reckon that 10 hours a day is a bit too naive and idealistic. 07 hours of concentrated study time seems doable, sufficient and realistic. I am a human being, I can easily burn-out if I don't feel happy with other aspects of my life. Unfortunately, I can't be 100% efficient in everything I do. I will do my best and hope for the best as fate reveals itself, but I will try to be equanimous if my preferred outcome doesn't happen.

    Days without:

    - gaming: 18

    - TV / streaming: 18

    - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 01

    - Porn: 00 (prev. max.: 11)

     

    • Like 1
  17. Today I had to deal with my problematic intelectual hubris and excessive curiosity. There is an entry of my personal diary that I think is worth sharing and will take some extra time typing it today:

     

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    Today, I talked with a friend about physics during my workout session before lunch. While I can only resolve very basic math and physics problems (like the four basic operations and very basic kinetic exercises), since my abilities with numbers ironed since I got out from high school; I still find the more theoretical parts of physics fascinating and even liberating. Just thinking about how (in my limited understanding) life on earth will be impossible in about a billion years, that the sun will someday explode and (finally) even our entire universe as we know it will - in an astronomically distant future - be torn apart bits by bits (first galaxies, then systems, then planets and finally matter itself) makes me put my worries, ambitions and fears into a complete new perspective of impermanence. With that thought, I feel humbled before the greatness of Nature, and my worries loses their grip on me. Furthermore, by thinking about how everything at microscopic scale shares the same essence (be it the microcords or whatever) and at the end of the day we ironically are just particles trying to understand particles, makes me feel connected with Nature and my Ego loses it's grip on me.

    Even if those aspirations of understanding the Universe and put life in perspective are wholesome, in excess they can be quite dangerous. After coming home I entered youtube and started seeing a class about the theory of the Big Bang, after that I started a class about the stars' lifecycle, then about what came before the Big Bang and the genesis of the universe(s), then about multiple dimensions and the dilatation phenomenon, then about the microcords, then I gone wild clicking the links youtube offered me and started to see less academic and more useless curiosities about the world (comparison about star sizes, feasibility of mars colonization, atomic bombs etc.). When I noticed it, I wasted over 5 hours surfing in the internet and feeding my endless curiosity.

    My time is my most precious resource and it is the only good I must be greedy with. Understanding nature is great, but I for sure have more pressing matters to study and learn. It is more important to do my own bed than to know about the theory of the microcords. Figuring out the doing of the Universe is an impossible task for a human being. However, becoming self-disciplined, being diligent with my responsibilities and doing my best with the place fate reserved to me are much more realistic and achievable goals. Therefore, from now on, I will get my priorities in life straight and I shall be careful not to feed my curiosity and intellectual hubris.

     

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    Considering this very major distraction, my studies were actually not THAT bad.

    I studied for 8 'pomodoros' = 4:11h (revision of previous week + 62 textbook pages + 24 exercises).

     

    Days without:

    - gaming: 17

    - TV / streaming: 17

    - Porn: 05

    - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00

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  18. Something that works really well for my acne is a combination of a sulphur soap every day a + mud mascara (I use a local brazilian vulcanic mascara that is similar in composition to the USA bentonite one) twice a week. The evidence for both of those is kind of anecdotal (there aren't many studies about it), but many people (including me) swear they worked better than traditional first therapies against acne (like topic retinoids and benzoyl peroxides). They are also much cheaper!

    • Like 1