Icandothis

Wow!!! Congratulations!!!!

Guys...... guess what!! I was able to talk with the director of a community resource center. They have a full daycare program for kids of families in need. The program would be FREE!!!! This would remove a huge barrier for me as daycare costs 1500 where I live. Having care would allow me to look for jobs in my trained field and take really any job to start on the path of empowering my self. I am in an extremely unhealthy relationship so I am hoping this works out. Would you pray, send positive energy, good intentions that my family gets accepted into this program? It would mean so much to us. Thank you so much for being here.

My life is a series of inhales and exhales. Inhale- hands to sky exhale- bow inhale- low lunge exhale- chaturanga inhale- cobra exhale- down dog inhale- low lunge exhale- bow inhale- hands to sky exhale- hands to heart inhale- unload forks exhale- into cupboard inhale- spoons exhale- cupboard inhale-knives exhale- cupboard inhale- plates exhale- cupboard inhale- cups exhale- cupboard inhale- close dishwasher exhale- handstand!!!!!! And if you are still with me today, I often don’t know what to write. This is what my life looks like. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe the next breath. Do the next thing. There is beauty in the moment. Every moment. Thank you for being here.

It’s good to know exactly what you want in a partner. If I ever date again, I would like to find a man who is open to doing acro yoga; that should limit the field really fast! Have a beautiful day!

Ahhh- we are so excited you are back! It takes so much courage to show vulnerability and come just as you are! You are learning and growing. Don’t ever lose sight of your dream. My last doctor went back to medical school at 40 and graduated at 48. Actually so I worked for a health care system and many many physicians and clinicians started at a point much older than you! We need you. So glad you are here!

One step at a time. When we do anything new the mind sees it as danger; it will resist change at all cost. This is why transformation is so difficult. I have this quote... it’s quite silly but helpful, “little by little, a little becomes a lot”. Can you work on the 3D modeling techniques for a small time every day? Maybe 15 minutes a day as to not get overwhelmed? So sorry about your move. Moving is just a pain no matter what. I end up getting rid of so much stuff just because I don’t want to pack and move it. But that is awesome about your bonus! Maybe it’s a sign that this is meant to be.... or maybe it means nothing. It’s all about our perspective I guess. You’re going through so much right now, it’s ok to be sad, angry, upset and bitter. It would be weird if you did not feel that way. We have to keep doing the next thing, the next moment. Proud of you!

Day 75 I think. I am grieving a big loss of a beautiful being in my life. Everything has been quiet and I have been very still. I have reached out for help from the “safe” people i know. I feel held and supported. I am reaching out to a couple government organizations, in regards to what benefits I can receive. Just dealing with these companies is frustrating because there are long wait times and dead ends. I am feeling at peace. Trusting God and showing vulnerability to others. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

Yes! See if you are experiencing something, you can be sure you’re not alone! I am so glad for this turn of events. This new condo sounds beautiful!!! And the having nature nearby would be amazing! Let us know how the showing goes! I believe in good things coming for all of us!

Thank you @ismailkanaan and @BooksandTrees for being here. It really means the world to me. Yes, we don’t heal in isolation. We heal as a community and as a collective. I went to therapy yesterday, and I am feeling so much better today. I believe I read a thread where a user was trying to decide if therapy would help. If you are on the fence, please just go in for a consult. There is something so powerful about being seen and heard by another human being. Thank you all truly for seeing me and listening. Truly.

Thank you for the explanation on flex time. Yes these additional degrees are long term plans and goals. Thank you for the tips. I am hoping something comes up. Even if it is in AP or payroll. Then I could transition to a different office when the kids get a bit older. Right now I need the empowerment and connections. It’s a bit daunting, but I keep remembering that I have years of experience and excel at what I do. My managers and really the whole management team loved me from the different companies I worked for. But on the same note, I asked both companies for part time work and they both declined saying a part time position is not available in that speciality. Just keep trusting that it will work out. I am doing my best and I feel like I have already succeeded. Thank you!

Hi! I know you can! When I first started here, I remember reading your journal and things were going really well for you. You have hit a bit of a rough patch, but the puzzle pieces will slowly come into place. I don’t know who designed apartment homes, but they are the absolute worst living situation for people. My son runs across our apartment floor with his ball, and our neighbor starts banging on the ceiling!!! Living in a place where you can sleep and have a quiet calm space is a priority. When we are tired, our whole mental perception is skewed for the negative. Are they fixing system that is causing so much noise? I really hope you get some good sleep soon!! Yeah, the whole friends things I am up in the air about. Your right.... a handful of close friendships that you can have deep meaningful interactions with would be nice. I truly hope you are having a better day and that you are a little less lonely. We are in this together.

Thank you so much for your response @BooksandTrees Could I ask you are question? When you say flex hours, what exactly does this mean? Right now, I need to find a job that is only 3 days a week, as my schedule with my kids and their doctor and therapy appointments is very extensive. But all the jobs in my field are 40 hours, M-F. Any jobs that are less hours are not in my field and pay extremely low. I was thinking about going into counseling or physical therapy. There I could work a couple of days a week and still maintain the same pay rate. How long did it take your Aunt to get on section 8? Where I live, the waitlist is closed. There is public housing, but I have heard it’s awful... I mean just dangerous for kids to be in. I am just in a crappy situation. And I have been burying my head in the sand for too long now. But thank you for your help. I really appreciate it. Truly.

Hi! I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I feel like we all cry a lot. Most people I know cry everyday. I think it’s a symptom of the society we live in. I mean we are so disconnected and yet at the same time so overexposed. I wish I could find my tribe of people. Those who would have my back, those I could turn to when times got rough. From life experience I have learned that people will be there for you when things are going great. And the minute the s$&@ hits the fan, all your “friends” are gone. Mostly I have learned to trust myself and the higher power I believe in. I too am very analytical and think and think and think. When I started meditating I felt a lot better. My meditation teacher taught me to see a thought as a cloud in the sky, and just let it pass your awareness without getting attached. Just want to say you are not alone, you are loved and you have a purpose. I hope this helps my friend.

Day 64 I need a job. Or some sort of income. I am not even sure where to start. I worked in finance for a long time, but have been staying at home for many years. The jobs I had in finance, I worked many hours, and are not really conducive to having kids. Do I just start applying to jobs? Do I go back to school? Do I learn a new trade online on my own? I was supposed to have a meeting with a career coach last Wednesday, but that meeting got canceled due to last minute daycare changes. I need to reschedule this meeting and then hopefully I will have more clarity on the next steps I need to take. Otherwise I am doing pretty well. I have more family in town. One of the men made a really nasty comment to me. I have been doing my best to not internalize. I just say to myself.... wow that person is broken or really hurting. It feels really freeing. What was beautiful about my day My kids!!! They have been so sweet. I have been doing Kirtan the past couple of mornings and it has been really beautiful. Also doing free flow yoga to this music. Thank you for listening.

You being here means everything. Thank you!!!

Wow! Look at everything you have accomplished in less than a year! Small changes everyday, have led to big shifts in your life! So proud of you!!!!

Hi- thinking about you today. Sending energy and peace my friend.

Hi! Thank you for sharing your journey. I relate to much of what you say.... I think many of us on here do! A couple posts up you talk about fear. The fear and shame of not succeeding or measuring up to others. Then using video games as a way to numb the pain. I think this pattern is so common and it’s great that you have recognized this! Connecting with your highest truth, I see that you pray, and connecting with others is the best way to see that we are not alone in this. You are doing so amazing, I will be following along. And good luck with the wedding planning! Have a beautiful day my friend.

Hi! Thank you for sharing your journey. I read through a couple pages when I first started, it was great inspiration. Your aquarium sounds very beautiful. It must be so fun just watching the fish and how they interact with each other. And the colors sound stunning. Have a beautiful day my friend. ?

Day 63 Just for today I will not react when others abuse me. I will not accept their anger; they can keep it. Just for today I will protect my peace, calm, stillness, love and joy. What was beautiful about my day the sweet laughter of my kids.

Y’all...... we did it!!!!!! 2 months!!!! “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection” “Now to Him who is able to do infinitely more than all we ask or imagine”

Thank you @BooksandTrees, I truly appreciate it! Yes, I agree, having financially stability is the key for me. To have my own voice and power. Btw- I hope you are doing well today! Today is a good day. Not much to report. Just sorta living life. Thank you for listening. Have a beautiful day my friends!!!

Hi!! Congrats on your big move!! I think living on campus will be great for you! From my experience, I was able to walk to club meetings and campus events. Just hang out with others in the dorm. Walk to sporting events. But this could be a double edged sword. You have to make sure you keep your focus on school and working and pick just a couple of activities that you would like to invest your time and energy in. You sound very logical and level headed so you will be fine! Congats my friend!!!!!

Hi I am so sorry about your Dad. He is clearly disrespecting your boundaries, it’s so understandable that you are frustrated! You have an amazing ability to hold space and truly listen to others... I am so sorry your dad is taking advantage of this. Good luck with preparing for your exam! This must be an amazing step in your career! Be proud of yourself for having the courage and tenacity to exceed in all your goals. Thank you for sharing your journey. I hope you have a really great day!!