23, M.
Day 1
Another attempt to make my life actually mine.
Since my brother got a PS5, things escalated quickly. A glimpse of stress and here I am playing. I quitted gaming and relapsed many times, but I want to stop this forever.
When I start gaming, I become impatient, and in constant need of stimuli. This brings to low attention span as well. Maybe some people are able to manage their time, but I can't.
I can play music, sing, I've got tons of books to read; I go swimming and have a dog I could bring to the park, yet gaming is the only things in my life that keeps me hooked.
Even the relatively high number of women I've had sex with in the last months couldn't keep me hooked as gaming does. That's how bad it is.
There is nothing I irrationally desire, but I think the idea itself of something that keeps me costantly attracted is wrong.
Gaming makes me forget this, as it makes me forget my loneliness, my boredom, my responsibilities, my feelings of emptiness, and myself.
So, my solution? Cold turkey stop, and more importantly, force myself to be bored out of my fucking mind. Boredom haunts me since childhood, but it's time to accept it. Embracing it will probably teach me how to stop sitting on my ass.
This is some things I would like to do instead:
Read. So many books I've bought and didn't read yet.
Swim. I already go swimming twice a week, but I want it to be more. 3 times at least.
Walking my dog. I've got the most beautiful and kind dog ever, yet I don't walk her as often as I should.
Meditate. Not necessarily daily, but at least once a week.
Making friends and going out. This is very critical, and happily I'm on the right track about this.
Updating this journal/Write.
I'll try not to spend my day surfing on Reddit instead of gaming, that would not be helpful.
As a fickle person, this will be hard. I'm still going to try though. I quitted already, more than once, so I can do it again. Let's be positive.