Ikar

How do your social circles look like? Do you have a social hobby outside of school/work, assuming these are not your passions? When/how do you meet attractive women in person? Give yourself venues to meet other people, preferably with shared interests. I think it's extremely difficult to try and have a romantic relationship without having a solid footing in the social environment as a whole, so nurture male friendships as well. Neediness and desperation come from the mindset that you have only X options and no matter how much that X actually is, you think that X is woefully low. It is scarcity mindset. I don't know what your age group is, but take a walk around some place for half an hour, like university campus or a department store, notice good-looking women and count them. It doesn't matter whether there's a guy right next to her holding her hand. Just count. All these suggestions/questions are fairly general, but I hope they will help you take stock of how are you currently doing in the social (dating) environment!

You are doing a stellar job in taking your life back from the unhealthy environment you have been conditioned to believe was normal. We have all ben there. Keep up the fight!

Day 235: About an hour later after the first alarm. In the morning, I did Duolingo, cleaned the rest of my room, read and watched a bit of Peterson on relationships. In the afternoon, I went to one of the companies I work for to do some paperwork and I dropped them a hint I expect a raise the following year, as I'm signed only till the end of December, the other company pays me more and also because I'm reluctant about adding more hours, so I might as well get paid more and I feel I have a bit of a leeway in this. I went to get a haircut afterwards and visited my grandma. After that, I went to a seminar regarding stress management. I just did the funny exercise introduced by @DaBest !

The trouble with that is that I'm not sure if there's something as instantly gratifying as masturbation. For example, I love reading a book for about an hour and figuring out some links and connections it might have in my life, but the instant pull and incentive to do that is not as strong. By not ejaculating, I effectively made it so that my sexual appetite is not inhibited for days, but just a couple of hours. I do get more energy for my days overall because of that though. I think I started noticing staying in bed longer about a month ago. Who knows, maybe I am using it as a defense mechanism to not become too horny when I am out on some event. I prefer events with some more particular agenda, where I can put forth my knowledge and experience regarding a particular topic. I like to voice my opinions, when I feel it's appropriate. If a woman starts eyeing because of that, great, but it's not my primary goal and I'll enjoy the event regardless. I think Glover wrote there are two ways of stopping a behavior: consciously quitting it OR consciously overdoing it. I might explore doing the latter, after trying out what @DaBest wrote below. That sounds so freaking dumb and dorky it might just work on our slightly oversized animal brains and it makes me giggle just thinking about it. I'll start doing that today! I think all of that - bodybuilding, grooming, better clothing - are symptoms of an improved lifestyle and also a more balanced one. I have a few ideas myself on how to continue improving mine, mainly considering some adjustments to my Internet time and setting up some plans to exercise regularly during the winter. Thanks for your comments!

Day 234: This was mentioned by other GQers on the forum. I also really struggle getting out of bed when my alarm rings. What works is having some kind of a commitment to other people to get me out of bed immediately, but that doesn't happen daily. The other thing that worked was being a gaming addict, but I don't consider this a viable solution for this problem anymore! I won't dwell on this too much, as I think it's a symptom of my (I think so far too stationary and shut-in) lifestyle. I stay in bed and masturbate (but not ejaculate). This week I really managed to pack with social activities, so I'll try to keep being social and see what changes over the next few weeks. Related to that, I want to form a bigger number solid IRL friendships and find my next girlfriend. I'm also putting more effort into how I dress and I'm getting the first custom haircut of my life tomorrow. I think it was about time that my exterior reflects my interior, at least to some degree. It's been about a week since my move and I still feel somewhat cumbersome with taking responsibility for cooking and cleaning more, but I both cooked and tidied my room a bit today, so I think I'm doing okay for starting out again. I had a blast on Iceland while taking care of myself. As for today, I was supposed to teach in the hospital complex, but a shooting took place there just few hours before I should've had showed up, so the classes got cancelled. I took the unexpected day off and did a few productive things instead: I unpacked the stuff I brought from my parents' yesterday, did Duolingo, read Gulag Archipelago, put an hour or two into my uni homework and took a walk in the dark around the neighborhood for an hour. It gives me the kicks to go alone somewhere I've never been to before! Some yesterday's and today's events on the forum reminded me the importance of healthy doubt and experimentation. No Ejaculation: 8 days

Day 233: I packed a few more things from my parents' house to use in my college flat in the morning. I went to check up my ears to the hospital to see if they were blocked. To my surprise, the doctor said that everything was alright. The classes were a bit of a struggle today. I could say I wasn't able to maintain the focus I normally do, so I was less receptive and less creative than usual. I hope this passes (preferably overnight? ? ), because I have this damned cold for the last week and I'm looking forward to getting rid of all its symptoms. I did a bit of shopping, wrote, caught up on Mandalorian and got my schedule done for the week. I did not read today, but I read about 60 pages of Gulag Archipelago in the past two days.

@Phoenixking Wonderful post. I'm not sure if I would be able to compose a better answer than you did, had the questions been handed to me. I'm still gonna drop my thoughts on marriage, sex and religion/philosophy. I think today it's hard to justify being married and not having kids (on the way) at the same time. As it is, it really is the "paper for official breakup" (the two likely hate each other at the point of no return), perhaps a bit more financially convenient (though some countries have good benefits for "fake" single moms). I think the only legal certainty of marriage therefore lies in that the child has to be taken care of by parents. At least that is how the situation seems to me in central Europe. I don't think marriage is bad or good. I think it's a tool, that unfortunately gets misused my most people. I believe they use it as a gun barrel pointed to their head, loaded with social stigma, so they rather stay in a bad relationship than to divorce. After all, I believe if that wasn't true, I think this forum would not have to exist, because our childhoods would be perfect and we all, with the help of our parents, would squash our gaming addictions in their infancy. I think @BooksandTrees made a similar remark at some point regarding family. I want to get married some day. But I'd rather use marriage as one of the many reasons, rather than THE reason to stay with my wife and solve our problems together. Sex is great. I want it, because I didn't have it for several months and there's nothing like it. But it really creates such emotional connection between the two that it blinds them to virtually anything else. I think if it doesn't affect them emotionally and doesn't glue them together (for some time anyway), then there's something wrong with the person. It's a point of no return and if you think about it, it is exactly that for any other animal but human, because we invented contraceptive methods. So while I want it, I know I have to wait for the right time and the right woman. I considered becoming religious after quitting games (because "coming clean" for the first week felt like a religious experience), but the more time passed by, the more I thought I can set up better rules for myself, rather than to use some particular book as the main source of them. I think as long as I am conscious of "what I sow is what I reap" (which is on the same level as is the believer being aware of his sin on his way to vestry - he sowed poorly and reaped badly), I'm good to go.

Day 232: Staying over at my parents' for the night, as I had to charge my battery in the car for the winter and they have the charger. Other than that, the day was okay. I even felt bored for a bit, so it might be a sign that I might want to become a bit more organized, be more active and go past the basic maintenance. I got a bunch of events I am gonna attend the next week, so I should have a good one, especially if I manage to throw in the uni homework.

Day 231: I think I was in my bed for about 10 hours, which is a fairly long time for me, but it's hard to get up and start the day with a stuffed nose. I have been watching Twitch here and there the past couple of days while eating. I thought of this and figured I'd probably be better off watching some "motivational kick" from Peterson, Willink or not watching anything at all in the mornings. At home, I'd just turn on the radio in the kitchen and sat there until I finished my oats, no matter how long it took, so I'll have to think of something similar here. I did Duolingo, wrote a bit and then went to attend a guided tour, organized by a student organization. It turned out only me and the guide showed up, so we talked a bit and we went to check out the residues of the coal mining activity in the nearby area. He was knowledgeable about biology and chemistry in general, though I admitted to him that my strengths lie elsewhere, so later on we got talking about more general topics. In the end, we were surprised nobody else showed up, but it was an interesting walk around the surroundings regardless. I also set up my FB feed in a way to show me potentially interesting seminars, debates and other things in the area. No Ejaculation: 5 days

Never had the idea you were such a lucid dreamer! I can hardly ever remember my dreams and if I do, they are vague enough to be described in a few sentences. I think you can be a great leader (if you've already lead big clans) and a great achiever (if you were the best in NHL) IRL, just because you've achieved both of these in the virtual world. You might hate both these achievements nowadays, but I think if you can transmute these achievements into reality, you will fulfill your ambitions and rightfully garner the respect of men and the love of women.

Day 230: I wanted to go out after the classes at school, but while I don't feel horrible, I have a runny nose and I have to blow it every couple of minutes, so I decided I would not go out. I read for about an hour and just stayed indoors and warm.

I caught a cold at the start of the week and I'm still under its influence. I will go out for a beer tonight and see who I can find to chat with though.

There's a great book on that called "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. The comparison I'd make would be that if one is addicted to gaming, they'll go out of their way and subordinate everything to it. Nice guy is a man who does the same, except the fact he substitutes gaming for a woman. It'd explain why @BooksandTrees or I ended up with fairly manipulative, controlling and even dominant women in the past. They couldn't help to manipulate us and we couldn't help not being manipulated. I think the counter to that is simply having options. You have the option to play games, but you don't have to (and you'll be fine). You have the option to date the woman you've had sex with, but you don't have to (and you'll be fine - although this one is a bit trickier, as we have to deal with our sexuality somehow). I believe as long as one has options he can conceive of and realistically carry out, then he's good to go. Welcome to the forum!

When I wrote "no real benefits", I meant the additional job worries that seem to pervade into your free time. I didn't mean it in the way that you should quit it and live off of welfare or get a shittier job. Good thing you are improving and that you are aware!

Day 229: I spent about 7 hours total yesterday and today finishing my uni homework. It was a chore, but it's done. I had an intro English class with one girl in the department store. By a chance, we managed to run into my mom! It was funny, but it didn't derail me. The girl seemed somewhat introverted and shy, I'm used to more talkative women.

I'm new to this concept, but I am likely correct to say that this is not about age. It's about getting started and never stopping until death. In this specific example, I think I like to be in control of my environment too much, so I need to create opportunities for myself to escape my safe spaces and just let things happen.

I'd say that you give too much of a damn about your job, without getting any real benefit out of it. I currently work about a dozen of hours per week and it still makes me feel important, validated (both socially and knowledge-based) and even successful. It's my opinion, but I think your job safely got into the #1 spot of your life, influencing everything else, and if you aren't enthusiastic about that, then your relationship towards it likely needs a change.

I'm 22. What made you ask that?

Day 228: I've officially moved to the uni dorms. No more excuses about not being able to attend a seminar, a party or whatever else, because it's too far away and it wouldn't pay off.

I respect your ability to be honest if you think things are shitty. Just make sure you don't use your anger too much too consistently, otherwise the stress will kill you.

It's hard to trick the body to really ejaculate every day and enjoy it at the same time, at least for me. From my experience, it takes at least 5 days from ejaculation to ejaculation for me to truly enjoy it again. I think I could compare ejaculation to consummatory reward/behavior and whatever I do to get to it as approach reward/behavior. Consummatory reward is nice, but once I get it, it's gone. It's drinking water, having a nice hot bath or getting a diploma at school. Approach reward is better in the grander scheme of things. It is becoming good at something or progressing. It's approaching a woman and the sweet moments anticipation, whether it's the last time I'm talking to her or whether it's the beginning of a beautiful relationship. It's becoming better in English and being able to describe my life with even more colorfulness than before. I also feel more energetic and outgoing after not ejaculating as much. I think I could also add my expanded knowledge about relationship dynamics and sex in the past month to that. Thanks for sharing yourself!

Day 227: The few next following rows might be interesting for @BooksandTrees , @DaBest and other people on the forum who currently deal with their sexuality on their down. Even though I never watched porn as most people understand it, I was at some point dependent on other visual stimuli when masturbating, even when I was having sex with my ex-gf. Over time and after a bit of back-and-forth, I figured it if I used my own imagination, I could let it produce something novel every time. Yesterday, so after about 18 days when I was free of intentional ejaculation (and before or after one of the most suggestive sensual/sexual dreams I've had in a long time), I decided to just focus on what makes me feel good. I didn't watch anything or imagine anything. I was in the present moment and I simply jerked off. Finishing "No More Mr Nice Guy" yesterday made me think about shifting my perspective. Be it imaginary or real, I think I focused on pleasing the woman rather than myself and perhaps even boasted about it. I'll try to put myself first the next time in sexual matters. As for other news, teaching went well today and I am moving tomorrow to the uni dorms.

Day 226: I was teaching today. I was a bit anxious, but also somewhat enthusiastic. I read a bit during the day and pulled out some interesting quotes that resonated with me:

Day 225: Feeling a bit under the weather today, as I have a sore throat. I read more "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover, did a bit of paperwork and put together my schedule for the next week. No Ejaculation: 7 days It's kinda weird to admit that, but I have troubles getting out of bed because of this. I do have more energy throughout the day overall though and I think that's an improvement overall.

My observations and opinions are mostly based on the fact that most women decide to HAVE children. I'd rather take the stab in the dark and put you in the approx. 85% of the women who want to have/have children and take the 15% of making myself a fool by doing so, rather than to write something 100% ubiquitous without any real depth to it. Back to your case, I hope you've made it known to your SO about your intention of not having children. When I wrote "leader-less man", I meant a man who is out of touch about the realities of living a balanced life. If your SO has a job, gaming and the relationship with you as all there is to his life, his balance is (as you can already feel, because you seem to actively encourage him to do other things) fairly volatile. I don't think you are out there to "consume" him. What I'm thinking about is that I was in a relationship with a woman myself, where I let it define me from a large part, and whether there might be a chance your SO is doing the same with your relationship. Finishing the loop again, women who have children at least like to have the feeling that they can lean on men who have their backs, especially when taking care of the infants, in case they need the support. I've never heard, seen or read about a woman whose life goal was to be a single mom. I want to have a family eventually and a LOT of my worldview revolves around that, as you can see above. You decided to not have a family. We all have different worldviews and those create friction. I hope you can understand mine better now!