Ikar

When I wrote "no real benefits", I meant the additional job worries that seem to pervade into your free time. I didn't mean it in the way that you should quit it and live off of welfare or get a shittier job. Good thing you are improving and that you are aware!

Day 229: I spent about 7 hours total yesterday and today finishing my uni homework. It was a chore, but it's done. I had an intro English class with one girl in the department store. By a chance, we managed to run into my mom! It was funny, but it didn't derail me. The girl seemed somewhat introverted and shy, I'm used to more talkative women.

I'm new to this concept, but I am likely correct to say that this is not about age. It's about getting started and never stopping until death. In this specific example, I think I like to be in control of my environment too much, so I need to create opportunities for myself to escape my safe spaces and just let things happen.

I'd say that you give too much of a damn about your job, without getting any real benefit out of it. I currently work about a dozen of hours per week and it still makes me feel important, validated (both socially and knowledge-based) and even successful. It's my opinion, but I think your job safely got into the #1 spot of your life, influencing everything else, and if you aren't enthusiastic about that, then your relationship towards it likely needs a change.

I'm 22. What made you ask that?

Day 228: I've officially moved to the uni dorms. No more excuses about not being able to attend a seminar, a party or whatever else, because it's too far away and it wouldn't pay off.

I respect your ability to be honest if you think things are shitty. Just make sure you don't use your anger too much too consistently, otherwise the stress will kill you.

It's hard to trick the body to really ejaculate every day and enjoy it at the same time, at least for me. From my experience, it takes at least 5 days from ejaculation to ejaculation for me to truly enjoy it again. I think I could compare ejaculation to consummatory reward/behavior and whatever I do to get to it as approach reward/behavior. Consummatory reward is nice, but once I get it, it's gone. It's drinking water, having a nice hot bath or getting a diploma at school. Approach reward is better in the grander scheme of things. It is becoming good at something or progressing. It's approaching a woman and the sweet moments anticipation, whether it's the last time I'm talking to her or whether it's the beginning of a beautiful relationship. It's becoming better in English and being able to describe my life with even more colorfulness than before. I also feel more energetic and outgoing after not ejaculating as much. I think I could also add my expanded knowledge about relationship dynamics and sex in the past month to that. Thanks for sharing yourself!

Day 227: The few next following rows might be interesting for @BooksandTrees , @DaBest and other people on the forum who currently deal with their sexuality on their down. Even though I never watched porn as most people understand it, I was at some point dependent on other visual stimuli when masturbating, even when I was having sex with my ex-gf. Over time and after a bit of back-and-forth, I figured it if I used my own imagination, I could let it produce something novel every time. Yesterday, so after about 18 days when I was free of intentional ejaculation (and before or after one of the most suggestive sensual/sexual dreams I've had in a long time), I decided to just focus on what makes me feel good. I didn't watch anything or imagine anything. I was in the present moment and I simply jerked off. Finishing "No More Mr Nice Guy" yesterday made me think about shifting my perspective. Be it imaginary or real, I think I focused on pleasing the woman rather than myself and perhaps even boasted about it. I'll try to put myself first the next time in sexual matters. As for other news, teaching went well today and I am moving tomorrow to the uni dorms.

Day 226: I was teaching today. I was a bit anxious, but also somewhat enthusiastic. I read a bit during the day and pulled out some interesting quotes that resonated with me:

Day 225: Feeling a bit under the weather today, as I have a sore throat. I read more "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover, did a bit of paperwork and put together my schedule for the next week. No Ejaculation: 7 days It's kinda weird to admit that, but I have troubles getting out of bed because of this. I do have more energy throughout the day overall though and I think that's an improvement overall.

My observations and opinions are mostly based on the fact that most women decide to HAVE children. I'd rather take the stab in the dark and put you in the approx. 85% of the women who want to have/have children and take the 15% of making myself a fool by doing so, rather than to write something 100% ubiquitous without any real depth to it. Back to your case, I hope you've made it known to your SO about your intention of not having children. When I wrote "leader-less man", I meant a man who is out of touch about the realities of living a balanced life. If your SO has a job, gaming and the relationship with you as all there is to his life, his balance is (as you can already feel, because you seem to actively encourage him to do other things) fairly volatile. I don't think you are out there to "consume" him. What I'm thinking about is that I was in a relationship with a woman myself, where I let it define me from a large part, and whether there might be a chance your SO is doing the same with your relationship. Finishing the loop again, women who have children at least like to have the feeling that they can lean on men who have their backs, especially when taking care of the infants, in case they need the support. I've never heard, seen or read about a woman whose life goal was to be a single mom. I want to have a family eventually and a LOT of my worldview revolves around that, as you can see above. You decided to not have a family. We all have different worldviews and those create friction. I hope you can understand mine better now!

I don't think you necessarily need a lot of shared interests, though it's good to have a couple of them. I think what attracts a woman to a man is that she thinks the man's life is able to incorporate both her and the possible offspring into his life WITHOUT losing his baseline identity that made the woman attracted to him in the first place. One could say women are by and large attracted to security and trust. If he's ambition-less, unwilling to make any changes on his own and malleable (i.e. he will do everything to not lose you, but nothing to gain you), it's a rare woman who is willing to stay in a relationship with a leader-less man, who has no other options than to be with her. They call these men henpecked. Don't worry too much about your age. Yes, women are on a tighter biological clock, but I think it's not up until after 40 when they might start having issues having kids. It sucks to write that, but if you're already questioning whether to blow a couple of dollars on Reclaim, then you probably got your answer whether or not to stay in the relationship. I don't write this easily, but I think I was in the same relationship, just on the side of the male and despite the flaws of my ex, I believe she made the right decision when she broke up with me for both of us. If you're interested, a compact version of my story comparing the months before and after I quit gaming is here, to give you a hint about how I slowly began to turn my life around in a more meaningful direction. I'm content my insights have helped you so far ?

What makes you think that?

Day 224: I spent the most of my day in an English class, ran by my friend. I had a good chat with him afterwards as well. I spent about an hour on Twitch, while I was eating. Good day overall.

Day 222: I did a ton of errands yesterday. Emails, setting up a small car repair and paperwork. I exercised for a while too. I had to go to a bank and I listened to a podcast. I also visited my brother and talked with him for a while. I went outside afterwards, but I found out I got myself into a sports bar rather than a club. I chatted with a few guys and watched football on the TV. The ratio of guys/girls was about 5 to 1, so I spent about three hours there and then decided to go home. Day 223: I went to school today. The classes were quite nice. No Ejaculation: 5 days

They did call me before about it, but I was in the middle of watching Blackadder, so they caught me unawares. I wrote them to write me in the email what they told me in the call after about an hour, to double-check if I understood correctly. It was "just" pay for two hours of classes, but I'm not sure if it's ever reasonable to discuss money matters over phone, no matter how negligible they are. I believe they should be sent by (e)mail or personally by signing something. I enjoy lecturing and I think I could only find that out by quitting gaming. I do it for 10 hours a week, I could've had 15, but I thought I wouldn't want to overstretch myself. I always thought I was introverted, because I spent so much time at home by the computer (even though I streamed daily), but it seems I was wrong. Besides, I find the beginner classes fairly boring as I am basically just a translator for exercises in the book. But being skilled enough to create and cooperate in a situation like on Day 219... it's amazing. My main focus now is to put myself out there, do some networking and see what/who sticks. As for sex, I'm willing to consciously wait even several weeks before I get down to it. I think for most people, having sex implies relationship commitment, especially on the side of the woman. I don't have any hard numbers and nor do I think having sex is wrong, but I don't think it's very wise to commit to someone you've known for a few hours. I guess I could think up some elaborate reason that women can look good even without what I'd consider "too much skin showing", but I think it's just that deep down in the unconscious I feel terrified of my biology, so I think I just try to shove the responsibility away from me by resenting these very attractive-looking girls. I'll try to be more present the next time and force myself to at least approach them. I know I can't fight my biology. I'm not even afraid by rejection as a result, because the (unspoken) rejection is there by default if I don't act at all. I do not think I am experienced enough to really gauge the club environment yet. I plan to go there about once a week, perhaps later on with some friends I meet.

It'd seem like moving is a good idea, but do what makes you happier. Humans are bad at making objective comparisons anyway ?

I think a good idea is to think about what attracted you to him in the first place. What did he do to attract you to be with him? Did he always play 50+ hours a week? There ought be "Reclaim" program for loved ones for a couple dozen of bucks as well to help you out as well.

Day 221: In the morning, I had a Skype lesson and got the groceries. I also did a few tasks regarding my move, as a week from now, I will be in my new place. I got an email from one of the companies I work. Some other company refused to pay the company I work for (under their name), so my company said they wouldn't pay me for the classes I had. I promptly sent them an email that I will not stand for this bullshit and that they better sort it out. I'm not sure if this was some kind of a shit test, but I always check my pay on my bank account. When I talk to my company's representatives in person, I'll mention this, as I think they fucked up. I visited my grandma afterwards. I then decided I want to go out, as I felt somewhat lonely and restless. I remembered there would be a small self-help seminar in the area, so I decided to go there. It was called "Switch Off the Saboteurs in Your Head". A lot of the concepts I've heard today were already familiar and they resembled a bunch of the principles I already try to abide by. I felt a bit anxious to ask too much to not be too distracting, but I asked about half the questions/made the observations I wanted to and reacted when it was appropriate. After the seminar was over, I was approached by a woman in her 40s who was there with her daughter who was about 15. It seemed that she was impressed by my knowledge of books/historical events/psychology. I was equally surprised someone would walk up to me and express their interest in my statements/knowledge, outside of my English classes. I'm still a rookie in this! XXXXX I wrote the above statement in @Avnat Netzer 's journal this morning. For whatever reason, the "she looks too good to not be a slut" part seemed like the perfect example I could give, because it was based on my experience from last week's visit to the club. I was shocked by that actually being the case, so I wrote my friend about it in the evening and tried to understand this weird belief of mine. Here I have very attractive women and here me thinking they are "this kind of girls", without even talking to them. I'm happy I managed to detect this pathological pattern within me. The general implication of the above is this: Don't underestimate the ability of people to hate others, because they do better/are better/have success in something. It's a very solid excuse to not try and get better, as it takes the responsibility away from them. It's very appealing. They can't get rid of a pathological belief before they actually make themselves aware of them. I guess nobody can. I also noticed my disobedience levels are raising, for better or worse. It makes it easier to be spontaneous, but harder to stick to plans.

Sure enough, I also had several weeks without games when I was addicted, because I went to holidays, summer camps etc. Even if I was unskilled socially, I didn't even mind the rejections made by others (if I even noticed them), because I think I was always less of the anxious type and more of the socially-unaware type. It's a good thing the wedding planning keeps you busy, but it's gonna be over one day and you'll have to do something else. I think your reasons to be here are reasonable. I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact you wouldn't share with her the fact that you are trying to improve your life, by removing some of your dysfunctional behaviors (based off of guilt/anxiety) and rather share it anonymously on GQ. I'll try to analogize it to my situation as a single male. I think in my case would it mean that I would feel guilt (for considering a woman I'd like to approach physically/sexually attractive) and anxiety (making excuses to not approach her - i.e. she looks too good to not be a slut, she'll embarrass me in front of everyone/I'll look like a dumb-ass if she rejects me). Confidence helps me get through that and it's one of the things I think women love.

Day 220: I did a few small errands in the morning, read more of "No More Mr Nice Guy". The forums dedicated to the book are very helpful too. Daily comfort zone/female action: The last class was the most interesting today as well. I could say I did more of the same today, but perhaps I managed to show it in an even better way in the class. It's sometimes mentally challenging and I feel a bit anxious as well, but I also feel animated, confident and radiant and I think people sense it.

What I am thinking of is that gaming is an addiction as any else. Imagine that instead of a gaming problem, you'd have an alcohol problem, downing three beers each night. I think she would notice more easily you are not drinking anymore compared to quitting games. I observed a lot of the standing GQ members and the result of quitting games is a lot more than having X more hours to do other things. The main thing is that you also notice how your gaming lifestyle got you involved with similarly oriented people. If you are able to spend a couple of hours a day hopelessly sucked into something, people who associate with you will likely have some skeletons in their closet as well.

I'd recommend "Models: Attract Women Through Honesty" by Mark Manson who was a dating coach for a couple of years. I enjoyed reading it thoroughly. I remember that up until I met my ex, I had to deal with several/dozen of rejections (be it in person or through the Internet) before I met her. I think it had to do less with age/experience (I was 20 when I met her) and more with the total number of women I've shown my romantic/sexual interest in (somewhere in the low 10s), in proportion to quality of my lifestyle, not entirely but partly projected by my looks (gaming addicts don't have much going for them). I don't know where/how you approach women to date them, but you should be more resilient/less anxious about your dating capabilities, simply because two women rejecting you could easily fall into the area of statistical error. Take your time to soak the experience and keep your eyes peeled. There's bound to be a woman for every man ?

Day 219: I started the day off with an interesting English lecture. Only a single student came to it, mother of two, somewhere in her forties. She came up with a couple of difficult words I didn't know the translation for, so I have to look them up for the next time. I did not get derailed by that though and admitted that she got me! Afterwards, we had a conversation about basically anything. I'm not sure we got to the point, but she admitted being afraid of spiders anywhere and no matter how big. I got a bit puzzled by that at first, saying that I think spiders are quite cool creatures, unless they are crawling up my body. I somehow got the idea to relate to her though, as myself I am afraid of bees/wasps/hornets, telling her it probably goes back to when I was 4, playing in a sandpit, when something stung me so badly I remember crying for the next half an hour. After that, she mentioned that she thinks she was able to condition her kids to be afraid of spiders as well. I remembered an old Peterson video, with him giving an example of how kids model their mother's behavior and responses to novel situations. If a mother would freak out because of a mouse running around, the kids would freak out as well, because their mother tagged it as dangerous. I think it was a pretty cool class. In a way, I am proud she could share her vulnerability with me and vice versa. I really think there's a lot more to the classes, once the students are able to hold a decent conversation level of speaking. Throughout the day, I read 3 chapters of "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It's a fairly direct book and I can relate to the stories in it. Daily comfort zone/female action: In one of my other classes, I was able to introduce a new activity, with one of the students interpreting my English statements to Czech in real time. It was a small motivational speech, so the sentences revolved around that.