Ikar

@seriousjay From what you wrote, it does seem you have anxiety well entrenched in your life and it just happened to manifest in this scenario. I don't know what you've been through in life, but it seems like you indeed have severe anxiety. Spiraling from "a girl didn't write me back" -> "I won't have a partner in my life" is pretty brutal. Your feelings might not be your fault, but they are your responsibility. If you think you need a psychologist/dating coach to help you out in these areas, then by all means do it. @Amphibian220 What a quirky way to meet women! How did that work out for you?

Day 262: I did my Duolingo, worked on the weekly/monthly reports, cleared my email, scanned for local events, visited my grandma, read and worked out. It'd all be perfect, only if I didn't I get up about 2 hours later than I set my alarm for. I did all these tasks above and decided I'd rather get caught up in them than to study for the exam on Friday. The mornings are the roughest part of the day.

Haha, I got this idea 2,5 years ago and decided to stick with it, but I am at the point where I would just blurt out some basic sentences. I got to read Solzhenitsyn way later. I like Slavic women though, it just so happened all the Slavic nations got a taste of socialism and the mentality of it for long years after. It's difficult.

31/12/2019 - 06/12/2019 Daily habits: read - 7/7 journal - 6/7 brush teeth twice a day (morning + evening) - 3/7 Duolingo Russian - 7/7 record data into excel (more diligently) - 5/7 schoolwork/studying at home - 5/7 - might want to increase the duration, so I study for a longer period of time waking up early and going to bed early - 3/7 - this one is quite a struggle so far, but I need to realize I really need all the time I can get during the day Semi-daily habits: work out 4 times a week - 6/4 - I really enjoy it, so I could just work out daily meditate 2 times a week - 1/2 - this is going to be tough hot meal prepping for multiple days - done Weekly habits: write a blog article - I have a feeling like all my concepts are not interesting enough, but that's a lie, I just have to get down to it plan the week - I don't have troubles planning daily ad hoc, but I know this would probably be more efficient, so I just have to get down to it visit either grandma/brother/family - done go out socially/see a friend IRL - I oddly enough did not manage this to the extent I wanted since New Year, I do already have an event lined up for the next 7 days though clean my room (sounds sound - perhaps I could organize the room more?) - done

I'm using the template I used the last time for the big summary. It's been about 6-7 weeks since then. "L" will stand for the plan last term for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. "N" will stand for the plan next term. Books: L: Keep on the habit of spending at least an hour a day with a book. Re-read some bits of “Models” and finish “Gulag Archipelago”. T: I read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover and a few days ago, I finished "Gulag Archipelago" volume II. I already got the last volume III. I think I read a bit less than an hour daily, but the habit is ingrained at this point. N: Finish “Gulag Archipelago”. I got my hands on a printed copy of "The Game" by Neil Strauss, so I will probably get after that and then glance over "No More Mr Nice Guy" and "Models" by Mark Manson, to make sure my philosophy/psychology/dating game is up to speed. English - Personal: L: --- T: Teaching 10 hours/week. N: I plan to study the materials my mentor gave me a couple of days ago, as I feel I need some of the academic knowledge of English, as the next logical step in my effort to further improve my English. English - Teaching: L: I’m up to some 10 hours a week, split into two days. It’s paid well enough, so I can live off that without going into negative numbers, while having accommodation, food and some fun. T: I'm currently networking and seeing what's available for this year. It might take a few weeks to get this sorted out properly. I am an official entity on the market since this January too, so that might help out. N: I want to get my 10-15 hours a week, with a higher pay than before. Dating: L: I think I am more receptive of the signs women are giving me. I also think I know what behaviors in women I am after and if/how they differ from mine. The action plans/goals described in “Models” seem very solid. I’ll stick to that, as I don’t find anything impossible there. T: Even though I did not pursue the goals/plans by the "Models" book explicitly, moving to the uni dorms made some of them very easy for me to accomplish automatically. On New Year's Eve university party, I got chatting with one girl, found some common ground and then we touched and kissed. It felt nice to give and receive some sexual energy after several months. N: We've arranged to talk on Monday. I want to see whether we were just emotionally charged and tipsy or whether there is some rationality and compatibility. The sex has to wait. 6/1 - Got flaked on, but that's not a problem for me. She has the last chance. Family: L: I’m sad about the mom/dad dynamic. I’m not sad about how that affected me though. I’m sad about the fact that it seems to me as if they were together only so they are not alone. There’s a walloping difference between that and WANTING to be together. I will maintain the relationships as they are, but assert myself, as I am currently doing by moving. I plan to visit my parents for lunches on weekends. T: I think I see my parents on average more than once a week. I also see my brother and grandma a few times a month. N: Maintain the relationships as they are, I'm happy with them as they are! University: L: I think the difficulty ramped up a little, but I also got better at managing my time, so I can spread out studying/assignments better over longer spans of time. Finish the degree in about a year and a half. Join the university's social life. I feel like the university plays a staple, but secondary role in my life. I don’t love it, but I also don’t hate it. It’s alright. It will get more important once I am at the dorms, as I'll be more connected in the network. T: I don't think I am quite there yet with investing time on point into preparing for exams and papers, but I feel more connected with university via living on the dorms (there's a lot of independence I enjoy through that) and I attended a several local events already. N: Nail the exams and papers the the next couple of weeks. I have to put more time in now the exam term is here. Uni provides me with many benefits and freedom and I don't think I am there yet emotionally/mentally to appreciate it to the full extent. Being social: L: I had the intention to move not too long ago after I got back from Iceland. T: I think by moving, I made it so I go out to an event at least once a week, instead of once a month when I was living with my parents. I don't count teaching here. The proximity really makes a difference. N: I think I would be okay going out socially every other day, let's say for the whole evening, depending on my current work/study load, as by default I am at mine reading, writing, working out etc. It's work-in-progress to balance this. Exercise/movement: L: I’m back on my army weight. I cycle short/medium distances. I am not too inclined to exercise when the weather outside is bad, since I don’t have a strict routine. I know weight is not all there’s to it, but I never set up any other measures to objectively evaluate my fitness. I’m skinny/fit. There is a gym on the dorms, so I will be using that for the winter. I’m also planning on joining some sports team. T: I managed to hit the gym almost every day the past week and I am enjoying it, simply by riding the bike, doing situps, pullups and pushups. Before that it was (compounded) legs workout about twice a week, but nothing regular. P: I think I can work out every day. It's about an hour of daily activity that never gets lost. I keep track of my workouts too. Russian: I am still on track on Duolingo (some 120 days streak), but it feels to be an end in itself, unless I decide to make it social. Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude: I will get a weekly report with the state of my habits done today as well.

Dating anxiety is like any other anxiety and anxiety is too much attachment what others think if you fail at something. If you just started skiing and you are a beginner, you have to face the fact you're gonna suck at it for a while. You'll be afraid that you ram into a tree, that people will make fun of you, because you fall too often/have bad technique etc. But in reality, those things happen far less often than you think they will and simply because you'll get better at anything over time. @BooksandTrees put it well. You have to realize there are so many stages to a relationship between "girl didn't reply to my message on an app" and "truly functional relationship" that the rejection rate is truly 99%. It's not about you. It's a statistic. Don't be anxious just because you wanted to take it one step further and she didn't respond to that. I recently read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover and "Models: Attract Women through Honesty" and both are great books on the topic.

Day 261: I read, cleaned the rest of my room, did the groceries, took the exam, worked out and then wrote. No Ejaculation: 0 days (anywhere between 9-12 days sounds probable, but I didn't write it down anywhere since the last time)

Day 260: I studied, read, worked out and cleaned my room and I'll finish the rest of it tomorrow. I have an exam tomorrow afternoon and I'm gonna talk to the girl in the evening. I felt more at ease, especially the second part of the day. I feel my ability to create/think of things and ideas is bouncing back.

Day 259: I tried meditating today, because I still feel somewhat restless. I also feel like my creativity took a hit, but at least I get less distracted while doing some more of the "boring" tasks. I visited my parents, cooked, worked out and studied.

Day 258: I feel like today's been a bit slower and off focus. I have exams coming up on uni and I have to clear up a situation with one girl (I think that's a good issue to have though), so at least I know the causes of being somewhat nervous. I did Russian, worked through mail, read a lot of GA, worked out, worked on my monthly report, went to the shop, to uni and also went for a lunch with my brother.

I recently found out I have so many outlets I do irregularly I am genuinely excited to do. My plan now is to do them in a more disciplined matter and oust more of the not-as-productive ones. I am also still struggling with making university a part of my identity, but I am to realizing it's not only about passing exams. If it was, then analogically gaming would be about literally clicking and using the keyboard in given sequences. It wouldn't be very fun. Remember the things/people you admire or are grateful for on the university and let that motivate you!

Cheers! Welcome back to the forum ?

Day 257: I read, did some paperwork, borrowed new books, wrote emails, studied a bit for the upcoming exam, worked on my monthly report and worked out in the gym. I also posted an article on my blog a couple of days ago and worked on another post today already.

Day 255: Good day. I got most of my assignments done in the morning, even though it was a bit of a struggle. I visited my parents and afterwards went to the New Year's Eve party. Day 256: I took today off, because the party dragged on till morning, so I just read a little, did my languages and slept. Getting back after it tomorrow.

@Amphibian220 Musk's work hours are his personal life. He's all out on that and that's why we know him - he's the extreme, not the norm. As for a good job, Manson put it here nicely.

Day 254: I spent today in solitude and it hit the spot. I planned my next week, wrote a real ton (here and blog), did Duolingo, read Solzhenitsyn and went for a jog. I really feel I can rest my head satisfied today with all the work I put in. Tomorrow I am visiting my parents in the afternoon and heading back to the dorms in the evening for a bit of a party.

Resolutions! I was never big on them and this is the first time I mean them seriously, to the extent I am even writing them down. They are not completely arbitrary, as I already am involved in most of them, but I think the organization and planning can be improved. Currently, I am using my schedule just to make sure I am not supposed to be in two places at once. Daily habits: read (currently: daily with ~ 80% reliability) journal (daily with 95% reliability) brush teeth twice (daily with 95% reliability, BUT just once a day) Duolingo - Russian (daily with 90% reliability) record data into excel (more diligently) schoolwork/studying at home (this will get pushed down to weekly after the exam term) equalize waking up and going to bed (I generally fluctuate between 22-00 and 6-8, so I sleep around 7 fixed hours a night) Semi-daily habits: work out 4 times a week - 2 times legs and 2 times arms/upper torso (this one is a bit trickier, but I think if I compound all the hikes, jogs and cycling since I got home from Iceland, I think I am there with my legs workout two times a week already) meditate 2 times a week (I'll rather start slowly on this one) hot meal prepping (I do this already, but I think I have to do it more and more efficiently; shopping is exactly where I want it) Weekly habits: write a blog article (I am almost finished with my first one) plan the week (duh!) visit either grandma/brother/family (95% reliability) go out socially/see a friend IRL - other than my job and uni at least once a week (I currently exceed this) clean my room (sounds sound - perhaps I could organize the room more?) Semi-weekly habits: masturbate (I got to 11 days yesterday, double digits for the fourth time, so I think I can get to 14 and having the certainty set up will help me - in the future, I want to carry this certainty over into a sexual relationship with a woman) Monthly habits: monthly reports (to appreciate the progress, I did those more regularly before Iceland and I want to do one for the past month soon) I might come up with more, but I think this is good for the general outline. I want to teach between 10-20 hours a week, but I have to set that up from scratch for the next year first. I can do this.

I read Ferriss doesn't live that lifestyle of a digital nomad anymore and that he's more settled now. I think there is a minority of people who could live like he did permanently though. After all, it's not about what is in the book, it is about what thoughts the book gave you in your unique circumstances. As for responsibility, duty and hedonism, this is my take on it; unless someone has money saved up to quit their "corporate job" outright, they have to, at least initially, put in MORE hours of work, be it on setting up a side business or planning on how to navigate their life overall. There has to be a plan in place and following it and sticking to it when going gets tough requires more discipline and willpower than sitting in the "corporate job" that they supposedly hate. I think it's a good idea to take the book as a cook book. There's a few things to taste and try to make, but most of it gets likely ditched. So even if we all got to have 4-hour workweeks in which we could make all the money we need, as the sensational title of the book suggests, there would still be 164 hours a week to do something with, in a way that doesn't make you a drug addict or soulless, but that would be a topic for a completely different book! ?

The great thing about this is that if both parties are humble, then they are both oriented towards solving the problem, rather than playing some blame game. In a strange way, we are not only responsible for our own behavior, but also for everyone else's. We influence the people we are in contact with as well who in turn influence other people... and the whole world. The trick is figuring out how much responsibility we are able to handle. If you feel like you should cut your contribution here partially or completely, then do it. I won't hold a grudge against you.

I agree. It's a bummer that the event was a bit remote, so I don't think I'll be able to see these people for a while, but it was still good networking on my part. Happy 2020!

As our lives get better (in our case primarily initiated by quitting games), we also gradually seek out better people to bond with. I ramped up the time reading, working out, talking to people and naturally I want a girl with similar attitude (so she treats herself and her body well) and preferably with a couple of similar interests. I'd also want to be able to see her at about once a week on a regular basis. As for contribution to others, you always contribute as much as you contribute to yourself. There was not much I could contribute to the world when I was an addict, other than resentment and disdain. It's fine to build up romance, but only on the solid foundations of practicality. I wrote the text below a couple of days ago and put it in here, as I think it connects to love/relationships as well.

Day 253: I spent about two hours writing emails today. I visited my friend afterwards; he was sorting out his books and materials he needed to get rid of and I got to check out and take some of his older materials he used for English.

I was, for two years.

Day 252: I went to a hiking event today, organized by a friend from the army I did not see for over a year. There were about 20 people. I did not know anyone there from before, but I still had fun and got to know a couple of people, either during the hike itself or the drinks afterwards. It was a good event and I enjoyed it. I am planning to start planning for the new week/year tomorrow. I have a couple of ideas and even resolutions I'd like to get after.

Day 251: I got up quite late again. I read and then attended an exhibition of nativity scenes with my parents and another couple of their friends. I returned to my place and I had lunch afterwards. I watched a fair bit of Peep Show, starring Mitchell and Webb. It's about two incompatible guys living together and their woes, especially with women, so it cracks me up quite a bit. I searched for job openings for a few hours and I cleaned my room a bit.