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Ikar

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Everything posted by Ikar

  1. The great thing about this is that if both parties are humble, then they are both oriented towards solving the problem, rather than playing some blame game. In a strange way, we are not only responsible for our own behavior, but also for everyone else's. We influence the people we are in contact with as well who in turn influence other people... and the whole world. The trick is figuring out how much responsibility we are able to handle. If you feel like you should cut your contribution here partially or completely, then do it. I won't hold a grudge against you.
  2. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I agree. It's a bummer that the event was a bit remote, so I don't think I'll be able to see these people for a while, but it was still good networking on my part. Happy 2020!
  3. As our lives get better (in our case primarily initiated by quitting games), we also gradually seek out better people to bond with. I ramped up the time reading, working out, talking to people and naturally I want a girl with similar attitude (so she treats herself and her body well) and preferably with a couple of similar interests. I'd also want to be able to see her at about once a week on a regular basis. As for contribution to others, you always contribute as much as you contribute to yourself. There was not much I could contribute to the world when I was an addict, other than resentment and disdain. It's fine to build up romance, but only on the solid foundations of practicality. I wrote the text below a couple of days ago and put it in here, as I think it connects to love/relationships as well.
  4. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 253: I spent about two hours writing emails today. I visited my friend afterwards; he was sorting out his books and materials he needed to get rid of and I got to check out and take some of his older materials he used for English.
  5. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I was, for two years.
  6. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 252: I went to a hiking event today, organized by a friend from the army I did not see for over a year. There were about 20 people. I did not know anyone there from before, but I still had fun and got to know a couple of people, either during the hike itself or the drinks afterwards. It was a good event and I enjoyed it. I am planning to start planning for the new week/year tomorrow. I have a couple of ideas and even resolutions I'd like to get after.
  7. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 251: I got up quite late again. I read and then attended an exhibition of nativity scenes with my parents and another couple of their friends. I returned to my place and I had lunch afterwards. I watched a fair bit of Peep Show, starring Mitchell and Webb. It's about two incompatible guys living together and their woes, especially with women, so it cracks me up quite a bit. I searched for job openings for a few hours and I cleaned my room a bit.
  8. I remember I picked this book up on Christmas 2017 after I had finished Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins, which was the first book I read after leaving high school. I never finished 4HW though. What are your thoughts on it? I like that idea. Thanks for sharing it, I had to remind myself of that as well.
  9. I feel you on "outgrowing" this forum. I'm 35 weeks into quitting games myself. I also commented a lot early on. I actually don't recall giving tips on quitting gaming specifically, but I always liked to discuss philosophy, psychology, relationships, sex etc. I have to admit there are likely better forums for that or, even better, just talk about these things with people IRL on various events, seminars or just by chance. The amount of information conveyed/received per unit of time is much higher. It's rough to build a good social circle. I think I am fairly lucky this overall. I have a job that is my hobby, nobody interferes me during it and I have a great mentor as well. I even found out I am not 100% introverted, asocial and whatever other traits most people would assign to a gaming addict. I agree that using this forum as a hobby (and try to find friends this way) would be strange. I am currently working on my first blog post, because I feel my thoughts are so various and many that giving them "just" a paragraph in my daily reports feels insufficient. Good luck! @Amphibian220 Interesting take on the matter. I wouldn't write "human beings are lonely by design", but I think that if you have a couple of good friends outside of work, you are probably going to see them perhaps once a week, so that way you can keep up with what's going on in your lives well.
  10. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 250: Yesterday turned out fine and I had an interesting conversation where I put my listening skills to use. It gave me something to think about and write into my blog post I am preparing. I ran/walked outside, did Duolingo and wrote and read for hours today. I do want to do more "practical" things tomorrow though, like cleaning my room, searching for job adverts or setting up my website.
  11. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 249: I got up super late. We visited grandma for lunch today and I played Scrabble with mom. I read some articles on the internet regarding the psychology of human sex. Other than that, I feel like I did not do anything and I actually got a slight headache. Could it be because of my lack of routines I normally have when I am alone? I am back on the dorms and there's a party going on with the Erasmus students, so I am going to join the fray. I don't plan to get wasted, but one never knows...
  12. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    All I do is trying to share my perspective on things, sometimes people agree, sometimes people disagree. I'm glad you found my input meaningful ?
  13. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 248: I read and did some minor stuff during the morning. I'm sleeping over at my parents' tonight, because it's the Christmas Eve. Peaceful holidays everyone ?
  14. I got a cool idea recently regarding sex. I just imagine having sex means having children 100% nine months after it. Surely, a few hundred years ago, even without pills or condoms, the likelihood of that wasn't 100%, but today we're at a point where having sex and having children are almost two separate things. I don't think our brains are emotionally able to grasp that. I think they equate the two things above. It would explain why sex is addictive. It's difficult to walk away from a (once) functional sexual relationship. I believe sex can create a long-term relationship, but whether that relationship will be truly functional or not is decided before sex happens. Functionality is decided on compatibility (common interests, shared values etc.) and after that on putting in the effort from both sides constantly. Sex is a good glue, but the pieces should fit properly before it's used.
  15. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 247: I took a long walk and went shopping. I wrote a bit, got my blog online and read too. The link for my blog is in the spoiler below, but there's nothing in it yet!
  16. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 246: A couple guys from my former HS class and I hiked a mountain, so that and transport took us the whole morning and afternoon. I attended my former class' meeting in the evening.
  17. Hehe, the way you put it sounds a bit funny, but it's true. I think at least having a car license is something that is never wasted. I think it is like working out, knowing how to cook, keeping your flat/room relatively clean or having a job that you like and you are good at. It shows a general level of competence and I'd say women crave that. Good observation. I think I was in the same spot. On one hand, I was sort of happy that nobody really wanted anything from me, on the other hand it felt strange and I was likely to be disgruntled if I was asked to do something.
  18. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 245: I read in the morning, did a bit of paperwork and researched events for the next week. I went to the cinema with several of my former classmates and friends in the afternoon, went to play billiard afterwards and had a good time socializing.
  19. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 243: I did a bit of work on the paper to prepare me for today, although I did most of it today. I read a bit as well. In the evening, I went to play bowling with my friend and a bunch of other people. We drank a bit more than I'd like, but I managed to win a round! I slept over at friend's place afterwards. Day 244: I got up somewhat late and felt I drank the night before, although it was minor. I got to my dorms and continued writing the paper... up until now. I felt good and steady while writing it, without any stress. I submitted it before the deadline. I'll be okay if I'll have to re-work it a bit. I feel content right now. I hope to catch up on other things I've been writing soon.
  20. This strikes me as the second case of yours in a couple of days where you go really out of your way to comply with/help someone else. The first thoughts I got regarding the drunk was to either shove them into the nearest motel or into their car, while taking the keys away from them, so they can pick them up the next day. If they were a real friend of mine and I wouldn't be drunk myself, I'd drive them over to my place or stayed with them. I feel these are the examples that reinforce the thought you had that people are useless, irresponsible and stupid. It's a sound idea to be this care-taking around babies, but not around adults, as you'll just get used and abused. Don't be selfish. Be assertive. I think "No More Mr Nice Guy" by R. Glover would be an excellent book for you.
  21. The guy mentioned that in general women are sexually viewed as objects and men as subjects. I agree that this idea is flawed. I think there's no correlation between women doing most of the verbal rejections and them wanting sex. I think the exception to that might be ugly girls (or those who think they are ugly). Men do rejections visually. I think transposing this to men would mean something silly like "men don't ask out most woman they meet, so that means they mostly don't want sex". All in all, I think women want sex the same amount as men do. Look up Crumb (1995), if you are interested in this particular sons/mother familial pathology. I saw it a few months ago and it was great. Thanks for sharing @BooksandTrees and @Vidar. I consider myself lucky I did not have my parents actively messing up my own relationships.
  22. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 242: I got up on time. I also got a new alarm track. I had a short English Skype class and I had to drive to take care of an errand, so that was all for my morning. I took a peek at one biology presentation that was held nearby for a bit. I read Gulag for about 2 hours. I also decided to go for a jog and ran 6 kilometers in 30 minutes, which is pretty good. I've always been proud of my legs, as no matter what I did, they have always been strong. I wanted to work on my paper for uni today, but I did not do much. It should take a couple of hours and I technically have two days to finish it, but I'd like to get it done tomorrow. It felt like I used up all my willpower and focus on reading/running.
  23. I think just a year ago, if someone asked me, I'd have said arrogant like "I have it all figured out." I was unemployed, out of shape by this point, in a faltering relationship. I think that was as far as it could get from "having it all figured out" now. I am a funny guy!
  24. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 241: About 45 minutes later after the first alarm. I wrote a bit in the morning and got Duolingo done. I went teaching and then visited my grandma. No Ejaculation: 0 days
  25. "Really, that's on me to figure out (which is kind of messed up when you think about it.) I don't have a background in X, Y, Z, so being able to research all of that and figure it out was very cool." Sounds a lot like life with that small change I made. Good job!
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