Ikar

I agree with @BooksandTrees , as he brings up good points. If the relationship between you and the father of your kids is not working, then it is madness to continue it. Despite the financial security he provides. Despite some bits of affection he still might have for you. And, worst of all, despite your kids. I'm unsure into how much of a life or death scenario letting him go puts you, but it is obvious from your entries that every day you spend with him costs you a bit of your sanity, a bit of your honesty and a bit of your dignity and those are all valuable things to have.

The only people you should try to make happy are you and your bride, even if that would mean upsetting someone else. After all, you want to ideally marry only once in your life, so you might as well do it the best way according to you! Stay on the path 🙂

Do you have to take these hours? The rest of your post is just worrying about the negative effects of it. I wouldn't want to do 40 hours a week, despite the fact I enjoy what I do.

Day 277: I felt somewhat tired throughout the whole day, but I didn't let that affect me, except for getting up a bit later than usual and taking a nap in the afternoon. I worked out, read, visited my grandma and went to one seminar called "What is happiness?" in the community center I've already been to a few times, so I already knew the people. I coined the idea I perhaps could lead some English classes there every now and then (like once every 14 days), though it is still in the works. First, I need to figure out how my schedule for the next semester looks like on the uni, then make that work with regular job opportunities and perhaps then try to incorporate this into my schedule. I'm also putting in more work into the uni paper tomorrow.

Thanks! I generally socialize through my hobbies and interests, because the event itself screens for people who have at least a bit of a shared interest. Socializing on an event without a particular agenda is difficult for me, because there's no natural continuation to it, unless I really push for it. I'm not the guy to just crash into a group of 6 people and bring up a whole new topic. I feel a lot better when I can single out someone and talk to them on my own. 6 people in a group generally do not introduce one after another to the group 😄

Day 276: I got up, got Russian done, read a bit of NMMNG, baked a chicken, worked out, went to take the stats exam, read a bit more, went to do the groceries, sorted some small things around my paper I need to do by Monday and meditated using Headspace somewhere along the day. The exam went well and I felt overall quite happy about my day. I wanted to be social today, so I decided to get a beer on my own and hang out in the student's pub. I met a couple of people I already knew from before. It was an interesting experience to pick myself up and go somewhere to just primarily meet people.

I managed to uninstall the YT app from my phone and that did the trick for me. I can still use my regular Internet browsers to access the site, but it's much more time demanding.

That's right! In the army, they used to say that a gun is a soldier's mistress. If you treat her well, she won't give you any trouble.

About the whole texting thing, I could be biased, since I texted with my ex for about a month before we met in person, but I use messaging to just set up meetings nowadays, with the exception of friends abroad. I don't think it is desperate to text first or to wish good morning and good night (it's actually cute), but I'd just rather spend all the time texting with the woman herself in person. After all, if I am serious about my future date, I have more than enough revealing text on me here that I'd show her. I think there is a certain knack to be had when it comes to revealing these things. They have to come out naturally, in relation to the matter already being discussed. If they are not linked at all and you just start out with those, you are just trying to impress ("I gamed for 10 years 10 hours a day, but I don't anymore."), win sympathy ("My dog died yesterday.") or trying to get yourself an advantage in another underhanded way, even if the things you say are true. However, if somebody randomly asked me about my past, in order to be honest with myself and with them, I'd have to mention my addiction in the first couple of sentences.

Day 275: Today I cleaned my room, studied for the stat exam tomorrow, read and did some minor work on my webpage. I am also planning to get a gun license during spring; I talked and thought about it ever since I left the army and I think going to a shooting range from time to time would be a nice hobby for me. I went to an intro lesson to a course of classic philosophy in the evening. What stuck with me was that the lady there mentioned that Socrates thought that "astonishment is a stance of a man who truly loves wisdom". I was actually astonished by her gesticulation as she was lecturing. I have recently found out that I am easy to impress by people in things I want to be better at myself and that I do not mind being a fool by starting out (badly).

I agree with @ElectroNugget . It all goes back to the idea that you held yourself to higher standards. You are no longer a doll that gets pushed around by others indefinitely, just so it can ultimately get to the addiction's tit. Chances are that at the point you snap out of the addiction, not a lot of people surrounding you will appreciate it, because you will start standing up for yourself. But you will also get the opportunity to make new and better friends from (thus far) strangers and people currently at the fringes of your social network.

Day 274: I got my events into Excel for the next week, worked a bit on a paper and studied, worked out, read, took a nap and watched Reservoir Dogs in the evening.

I also like to write here and give my insights even for an hour or two, but it makes sense in my view, since if I am interested in something I reply and if I am not, then I do not. I also found out I could scavenge some cool ideas from the topics I've commented on in the past and use them as an inspiration for my blog, so I always know what to write about, even if a lot of the topics end up intertwined. I'm in a sort of a semi-auto mode. I know what I'd like to do during the day, but I don't have set times. I'm at the point where I would feel weird to not read anything for a few days in a row or to not clean my teeth before I go to bed. But I passed up a workout recently in order to be social without any feeling of guilt. I think this is an idea from NMMNG, but I think it was coming together for me even before I read about it. How do your male FRIENDSHIPS look like? Back in the day when I was gaming and watching Twitch all the time, I could not connect with anyone, because my interests were too narrowed to a bunch of niche games and just about everything else felt like a chore to me. Since I quit gaming, I found out that connecting well with men is the cornerstone for connecting well with women. If I ask a guy about his interests and he mentions IT, paragliding, watching Netflix, economics, biology and attending medieval tournaments (that is quite a big list of passions to just mention off the top of your head), I will have a bad time connecting with him, because I don't do any of these. Since I am not trying to impress him, I can easily leave and let us both find ourselves a better fit. Ideally, I think I want to create this more intellectual connection with a woman, but there's always gonna be some sexual tension, for better or for worse.

Yesterday, I managed to lock about a two second long gaze with a girl when I was standing at the till. I got chills up the spine instantly, as people do not hold eye contact this long and I play the game of looking passersby in the eyes quite often. Even though that is all there was to it in the end, I noticed this social interaction between me and her. I'm aware and vigilant. Day 273: I got up late. I worked through my mail, wrote, worked out, visited my father with my brother and had a very brief glance over a couple of Excel files for the statistics exam on Tuesday.

I think it was Glover in NMMNG who mentioned the idea of just focusing on the act and enjoying process itself. It seems to make sense to me, because that is how it is with everything in life if you want to be good at it and not hate it. We're wired to want sex, but it is much more than just ejaculating or having an orgasm. Then there's the dilemma that when I eventually switch from masturbation to sex, I should suddenly NOT be fantasizing about anything, because I will have this woman in front of me. I would feel like I disrespect her if I wasn't into her at least physically, so I don't see a point to be fantasizing. Since I know you are in a committed long-term relationship, I'm quite interested about your opinions and experience on this topic, if you decide to share it either here or in PM 🙂 Haha, since you already mentioned the word "primate", I will use it as well! If quitting games was the most liberating experience I had up to that point, realizing that we are akin to other animals (primates) was the most liberating experience I had up to this point. Sure, other animals did not invent atom bombs, computers or the European Central Bank, but they can still plan ahead, feel pain and be overall conscious, if to a lesser extent than us. I like your thinking. I hope you will be able to connect with a woman who will support your lifestyle and goals soon!

Yes and no. It's not as much about what it actually is you masturbate to, rather than your relationship/attachment towards it. Not watching porn while masturbating is good, but not fantasizing while masturbating is even better. You want to focus on the act itself. But to be truly in the moment... that is an art.

I am not sure if it was Manson who wrote this, but I remembered that if something over time can turn into a light version porn, then it will, because then it is more likely to capture attention. But it's already been established that the best way to sell something to someone is by identifying their insecurities. I guess the most resilient to this are people who are in good long-term relationships that are based off of something higher than primal instincts, but these people will always be in the minority, as putting that relationship together must be extremely difficult. After all, when some women find out that their partner is watching porn, the relationship is over at that point. Do you plan to not masturbate forever? What are your plans? How do you define success? I love the attack chopper by the way 😄

Day 272: I did my laundry, worked out and went out for a class of English conversation.

@Alexanderle Great post! I'm glad I got to remind myself the some of the basics of self-care and attitude towards failure after reading your post. @Erik2.0 If you can, try to find other like-minded individuals who share your interest, in order to ease your anxiety in that particular area, even if you are both just starting out. It can be drawing, working out or going out, whatever, but once you team up with somebody else, you gain extra incentive to do these things again and not back down. I find this especially effective if you already have some kind of a foothold in the area on your own (i.e. working out, but irregularly or reading about social skills, but not going out enough), rather than conjuring up a plan to be great in something you have never done before.

Great! I recently met a guy who enjoys being in and studying social situations to the core and we seem to agree on the fundamentals of approaching women and psychology of dating. It's been inspiring to hang out with him so far, because I always felt a bit anxious/lazy to get myself more involved in social situations around women.

Day 271: I had a slow and lazy day, although I worked out, visited my grandma and tried to sort some things out regarding my car. I also posted a new blog article.

I think the only comparable alternative to what I am doing is being an English teacher on state schools, but I'd need a uni diploma for that and I'm at least 3 years away from that. It would probably pay around the same, plus I'd have to deal with other things besides teaching. Since I study already, I don't even want a "normal" job. It's a hobby for me at this point and my university studies are unrelated to it. Thanks for the wishes!

Day 270: Day 3/3 of the interviews. I had a Skype interview in the morning that went well, although I prefer personal ones. The afternoon one was very interesting. I certainly proved my English is great and they mentioned that. But at one point, I got (at that point unconsciously) crept out at the implied level of cooperation they seemed to have with other language schools in the area. They said they wanted references from the schools themselves (not from me or people I actually taught?). I dug in afterwards and didn't tell them anything else regarding the topic, they likely took it as if I am untrustworthy (or not a "player") and rejected me. I feel that as a freelancer, I am not obliged to give detailed info about my other ongoing employments, be it references from the "middle man" (what they said they wanted) or pay (what I thought they wanted). Could there be some kind of an oligopoly going on in the area, to keep the non-organized masses of lecturers on low pay? Or am I just paranoid? Maybe a bit of both. I'd like to escape the mire of language schools, but I have to make a name for myself first... What a war. I finished reading Gulag Archipelago. What a book it was. I think Chapter IV from volume I and the whole second part from volume II were the ones that impressed me the most. I also went for a jog.

I don't know you, but it's better if you know yourself instead! As for confidence/anxiety (extroversion/neuroticism), it's decided even before any touch takes place; if you are in a place with new women, do you walk up to them to talk to them or vice versa? How often do you meet new women? Grabbing a woman by her hand and dragging her somewhere within an hour of meeting her doesn't necessarily mean success, as they make it out to be in the articles you are reading. As long as you do your actions to get the results you want, it's fine. I agree with Jay on this one, just because if "women of my age aren't exactly prizes", you blame the women and absolve yourself of the responsibility to ever date one again. I would even argue it is easier for a man in his 40s to land a date than for a man in his 20s, assuming they have the same skill-set/personality/competence level, just because the age is a indicator of maturity, even if only a physical one.

I like what Cam regarding the topic of parents. He took extreme ownership of the fact that he was addicted to games and said that your parents want you to succeed (similarly to their level, but preferably a bit better, though it's hard for them to help us achieve better than they did, if they don't have the tools for it) and survive (live). I agree it's the best thing to do consciously, because actively blaming someone else for not having the life you want is pathetic. The unconscious does not like that at all though, because if I started gaming excessively when I was 12, I think most people would agree it was my parents' responsibility to spot that and remedy the situation. When I started taking more responsibility for myself, I eventually got my act together (as far as gaming goes) when I was 21. It took almost a decade and I think the time I spent away from home up until that point helped me get the experience to kick gaming.