Ikar

It's alright, NMMNG isn't explicitly about where to find a date either. That's OK as well. I sometimes enjoy just watching people in groups or pairs interact with each other. Unless you start going to bars, you are probably meeting your future dates via work and hobbies. You have to choose the right venues for yourself, but you can obviously try new ones if you feel that something has sparked your interest.

@BooksandTrees It's alright. We are going to adjust for a couple of weeks. I actually wanted to write some people yesterday, yet I felt weird as to why would I write them if I normally meet them. I actually got myself into a point where I do not want to write with people I meet regularly, because the interactions are so much better in person. @Alexanderle I can attest to that relationship situation. I didn't get it back then, but anything longer than ONS spent together needs space, because there is dozen other things that (should) make "you" besides the relationship. I'm going to enjoy it once I get one again, though I hope it won't be as obsessive and compulsive as the last one!

Day 331: I went to a job interview to work on a summer camp, but halfway on my way there they called me that it's cancelled, because of the even more restrictive quarantine issued by the government. I was on my bike, so I took the opportunity to stay outside for a bit longer and cycled around a bit, as I just got my bike here and I do not know the bike routes here yet. I then read and laid in bed in a state of vigilance. I did German in Russian on Duolingo and sorted out mails. I had a good arm workout and I also did squats for the first time, although it was fairly easy, since my legs were always strong. I read a part of a long article on family, messed around with my web and cooked dinner. I also felt bored during the day. I think I need a bit of time to re-adjust to the newfound situation of being less social than before. I'll figure something out. --- It is a year since my ex and I split up. While it sucked in the moment (or a few weeks), it led to a chain of events where I understood as to why the relationship ended in the way it did and where I reconsidered the very axioms of how I go about my life. That eventually brought me here about a month later. I'm grateful for that realization.

I think there are two good ideas that go with this. First one is to honestly watch yourself, just writing down what you did. Binged on a series for three hours? Good. Worked out really hard for an hour? Good. That way you know where you're at. The second one is that you are already doing what you want at any given moment. There is just the argument whether you are doing it in the best possible way known to you, because your e.g. need for accomplishment can be fulfilled in an infinity of ways. I think any motivation to get you started is a good one, whether you e.g. work out to genuinely try to improve your health or to "just" impress girls. It's hard to tell what your majority motivation is before you actually get to the point where it's no longer valid. So maybe you find a girl and you quit working out. The bad news is afterwards you played a trick on her, because a chunk of you she fell for is not there anymore. I'd argue the best way to avert that is to discipline oneself go to the gym every day regardless, but I understand if everybody doesn't have time to do that 😄

I remember I did a test named "The 5 Love Languages" some 18 months ago, but I think the landscape shifted on me so radically afterwards that the results I got from it are not valid anymore, much like the MBTI testing. I guess there is a test inside the book as well? I can confirm both the books are not actively trying to pursue you to become mean or evil 😄 All they do is to remind you to put yourself first, however it's sometimes not obvious what is the best way to do that. I think Peterson once hypothesized that, if it was a choice, losing mom or losing an arm both take a part of "you", but it's hard to tell which loss is "bigger", so sacrificing your arm for your mom might be actually putting yourself first. I also want to point out that @BooksandTrees posted a great reply, at least in my eyes.

Day 330: I read, did Duolingo, worked out, planned events for the next week, took a walk and went to the groceries. I also got my website up, even if it took me a while to get a handle on the registration, FTP server and whatnot. I went to play chess and talked with one guy I know on the dorms in the evening.

Why didn't you like the "Way of the Superior Man"? I didn't read it myself, so I can't comment on it. I read "Models: Attract Women through Honestly" by Manson and "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Glover and I like both of them, because they are not books about dating but books about life change, even if I don't follow them to the letter. They're both online somewhere. For whatever reason, this paragraph strikes me as written by someone who tries to be "too much in their head". We're animals too. We can get addicted, we want sex, food, water and sleep, regardless of what our conscious will wants. If you require your partner to be as "hardcore" into Christianity or "holy", you have to know it's a fairly exclusive condition and that it's going to take some time to find someone like that. I think people are not intentionally trying to be confusing about dating, but it just takes a lot of time/effort to figure the compatibility out. You can have a good conversation with a girl and you might not see her again afterwards. There's just so many variables to dating and relationships that rationality or logic or memory (all that is based on the emotional core anyway) has limited usefulness and it's used in a different way; i.e. noticing a girl has a new haircut or picking up some branch of the conversation you got into the last time, but didn't have time to explore it as much as you wanted to. If you like a girl, you just "know" it - you don't need to write a paper as to why you like her.

Day 329: I got up early, cooked, looked into some SEO, read, visited my family and had a jamming session with me on drums and two other guys on guitars. I also cycled about 20 kilometers.

Day 328: Yesterday we had quite the party, as it was the last one that could be legally held for the next several weeks. Going out thrice in three days in such a passion was quite the feat. Cold approaches, connecting with people and having fun - I did all of that. Now I am going to work on myself again in the upcoming days. I took a walk outside, took my car to the paint shop, had a light workout, read "The Red and the Black" and caught up with the GQ forum too. I did all that even though I felt hungover after yesterday and catching up on sleep during the day. These days I am especially grateful for my stalwart mindset and my ability to detach and also that I do not take myself too seriously. I even saw some sensible-looking posts on FB with people expressing gratitude for this newfound situation, so they could find time to go out into the nature, work out or meet the people closest to them. Life's good after all.

I guess another example that nicely demonstrates this was when there was Cold War, the socialist countries had their conscripts and supplies at the ready at all times, whereas the FGR's soldiers had their 40 hour workweeks and weekends off. Different worlds.

Peterson's lectures were very important at the beginning of my detox. It's true that he "only" puts the ideas of great philosophers into modern language, but I am of the opinion that most of how should one go about their lives in a good way is out there anyway. I started noticing this with myself as well. I am working out consistently for 10 weeks and I look better than before. I guess men can care about how they look as well! 😄

Eventually, there was just too much evidence piled up that gaming was hurting me in more ways than it was helping me. Once I understood that, it wasn't too difficult for me to stay away.

Day 325: I worked on my uni project, visited my grandma and worked out. I went out in the evening and stayed up late as a result. Day 326: I finished my uni project, worked out and went out again, although I didn't stay up as late as before. I got some classes to teach too, so I should have at least a few of them coming up. I went out as well. Day 327: I got up super early, because I needed to see my doctor for a medical check to get started on the gun license. I also got my teeth checked and they are all good; the only thing about them is that they catch color from tea. I went to visit my father at home and then got new black jeans, as all I've had up to this point were blue ones. Then I slept for an hour, worked on my web, had an extended stretch instead of working out and took an hour long walk. I'm going out again tonight, so that's why I am posting this now. And a bit of humor to top it off. Life's good after all.

I can definitely sense that those talks you guys have about common problems are bonding, cathartic and meaningful. I'm slowly figuring out how to have more of these with people I meet, so the experience can be mutually enriching and pleasant. I think you behaved like a good employer in this scenario. If it's the first complaint there has ever been on your guy, take note of it and be vigilant. I think if you gave in to the owner (i.e. apologetically said it won't happen again), you'd show yourself as incompetent, unworthy of respect and easily manipulated. I actually had a similar triangle a few months ago, where I was the employee, just like your comedian. My employer would just give me up, because the other company decided (retroactively) that the lessons I taught didn't happen. I got mad. I wrote all of them I wouldn't stand for such shit and they reconsidered their attitude. My employer didn't win any points with that and I'm happy I actually don't work for them anymore. As for the Holocaust joke itself (no matter how well it actually went for your guy), I think the true "joke" in all this is that "only" Holocaust reached the magnitude of general knowledge that it could be turned into a joke. I think nobody would make the joke about Stalin's USSR, Maoist China, the genocide of Armenians or the Rwandan one, because hardly anyone knows about these. It could be the portrait of the society we live in. In the end, you are right - it's not a pissing contest as for who had it worse. All those people tortured had it horrible.

Damn. It sure isn't easy to learn to regulate oneself, but I guess everybody on this forum knows that. I hope it works out for you again at some point, so you don't have to sacrifice your mental health for money.

I may have missed that at some point, but what kind of rehab did you go to? Did you ever consider living on your own or with a some of people that you'd like better? I'm 22 and I enjoy living on my own immensely, even though it's cheap university dorms with 80s socialist furniture 😄

It depends on your writing style, but I generally spend about an hour on a paragraph that is four or five lines long, both thinking it up and actually writing it. It's not easy by any means to find time for writing. I cleansed my FB and now there are only two ways I use it: 1) find events I could physically go to (I already established the weekly ones, but I still spend about half an hour during the weekend when I am planning my next week, searching if there are some one-timers as well) 2) organize myself and others to physically go somewhere That's it. No cat videos, no hot models, no narcissists in my feed.

Welcome back!

Day 324: I worked out, read, worked on my assignment for the uni and went for the philosophy class in the evening.

I got inspired at first and when I was halfway through, I decided to finish it. I'm a prose guy myself, but from time to time I encounter some poetry anyway. I'm happy you liked it 🙂

Day 323: I spammed the mails, did Duolingo, read, visited my parents and worked out. --- It's been over a year since I wrote a true poem for a woman, but this time I will try to write one for what all women I met so far meant to me; for the archetypal female I sometimes think of. Thank you.

I tried to make Russian and working out more social. In the case of Russian, I think I'd need to do it conversation-based at least two or three times a week and that either means sinking money by going to some language courses or barter (working out together/giving English classes) and neither seems realistic at the moment. In the case of working out, I don't even need anyone to go to the gym with me. Sometimes someone is there with me and sometimes not. Sometimes I get chatting with someone and sometimes not. The effects of it are so overwhelmingly positive that it takes me no effort to go there in the first place. I think I'd actually like to reinforce activities I have to do solo, such as writing. I got used to doing a lot of things on my own, I have my own room and I like it that way. In a weird way, it could actually be making me less likely to get involved romantically, because I know that a relationship is not a remedy for all my problems/insecurities anymore. My life is good enough as it is, so I don't need to desperately chase some golden glitter ahead of me.

It's a shame that you have the allergy. What's interesting is that dogs are often reflection of the people that have them. From what I recall, my ex was supposed to be in charge of her family's dachshund for a couple of years. That dog was unpredictable and aggressive towards literally any and all strangers, such as the postman or me. When I was at their house, I was generally confined to the area where it wasn't present. I literally had to ask to pee or to get a glass of water, otherwise either the dachshund or I was risking health. Coming to think of it, it was a fairly surreal situation. I imagine ten years down the road, this "chicks with dogs" category would slowly transform into "chicks with kids" category. I think of the dog as a mini-baby. Dogs also don't have the ability to participate in some weird subconscious psychological warfare. So I think if I meet a girl, with a dog I genuinely like, I think the chances that the girl will like me back is very high. I have a reason to believe it works that way with kids, as my older friend is currently dating a divorced single mom and we talked about this.

Day 322: I had a fine and lazy maintenance day. I planned my next week, worked out, wrote the monthly report, read "The Red and the Black", did the groceries, laundry, wrote a bit for my website and watched "Parasite" in the evening. The transformation from a comedy into a raw psychological thriller was great. --- Cleansing. Accepting voluntary sacrifice and transforming consciousness on a regular basis. No need to get hit by a truck again.

I keep on going out quite frequently and maintaining/creating new relationships. I also got some return on my attempts to further my English-teaching business. Life's good.