Ikar

I remember I did a test named "The 5 Love Languages" some 18 months ago, but I think the landscape shifted on me so radically afterwards that the results I got from it are not valid anymore, much like the MBTI testing. I guess there is a test inside the book as well? I can confirm both the books are not actively trying to pursue you to become mean or evil 😄 All they do is to remind you to put yourself first, however it's sometimes not obvious what is the best way to do that. I think Peterson once hypothesized that, if it was a choice, losing mom or losing an arm both take a part of "you", but it's hard to tell which loss is "bigger", so sacrificing your arm for your mom might be actually putting yourself first. I also want to point out that @BooksandTrees posted a great reply, at least in my eyes.

Day 330: I read, did Duolingo, worked out, planned events for the next week, took a walk and went to the groceries. I also got my website up, even if it took me a while to get a handle on the registration, FTP server and whatnot. I went to play chess and talked with one guy I know on the dorms in the evening.

Why didn't you like the "Way of the Superior Man"? I didn't read it myself, so I can't comment on it. I read "Models: Attract Women through Honestly" by Manson and "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Glover and I like both of them, because they are not books about dating but books about life change, even if I don't follow them to the letter. They're both online somewhere. For whatever reason, this paragraph strikes me as written by someone who tries to be "too much in their head". We're animals too. We can get addicted, we want sex, food, water and sleep, regardless of what our conscious will wants. If you require your partner to be as "hardcore" into Christianity or "holy", you have to know it's a fairly exclusive condition and that it's going to take some time to find someone like that. I think people are not intentionally trying to be confusing about dating, but it just takes a lot of time/effort to figure the compatibility out. You can have a good conversation with a girl and you might not see her again afterwards. There's just so many variables to dating and relationships that rationality or logic or memory (all that is based on the emotional core anyway) has limited usefulness and it's used in a different way; i.e. noticing a girl has a new haircut or picking up some branch of the conversation you got into the last time, but didn't have time to explore it as much as you wanted to. If you like a girl, you just "know" it - you don't need to write a paper as to why you like her.

Day 329: I got up early, cooked, looked into some SEO, read, visited my family and had a jamming session with me on drums and two other guys on guitars. I also cycled about 20 kilometers.

Day 328: Yesterday we had quite the party, as it was the last one that could be legally held for the next several weeks. Going out thrice in three days in such a passion was quite the feat. Cold approaches, connecting with people and having fun - I did all of that. Now I am going to work on myself again in the upcoming days. I took a walk outside, took my car to the paint shop, had a light workout, read "The Red and the Black" and caught up with the GQ forum too. I did all that even though I felt hungover after yesterday and catching up on sleep during the day. These days I am especially grateful for my stalwart mindset and my ability to detach and also that I do not take myself too seriously. I even saw some sensible-looking posts on FB with people expressing gratitude for this newfound situation, so they could find time to go out into the nature, work out or meet the people closest to them. Life's good after all.

I guess another example that nicely demonstrates this was when there was Cold War, the socialist countries had their conscripts and supplies at the ready at all times, whereas the FGR's soldiers had their 40 hour workweeks and weekends off. Different worlds.

Peterson's lectures were very important at the beginning of my detox. It's true that he "only" puts the ideas of great philosophers into modern language, but I am of the opinion that most of how should one go about their lives in a good way is out there anyway. I started noticing this with myself as well. I am working out consistently for 10 weeks and I look better than before. I guess men can care about how they look as well! 😄

Eventually, there was just too much evidence piled up that gaming was hurting me in more ways than it was helping me. Once I understood that, it wasn't too difficult for me to stay away.

Day 325: I worked on my uni project, visited my grandma and worked out. I went out in the evening and stayed up late as a result. Day 326: I finished my uni project, worked out and went out again, although I didn't stay up as late as before. I got some classes to teach too, so I should have at least a few of them coming up. I went out as well. Day 327: I got up super early, because I needed to see my doctor for a medical check to get started on the gun license. I also got my teeth checked and they are all good; the only thing about them is that they catch color from tea. I went to visit my father at home and then got new black jeans, as all I've had up to this point were blue ones. Then I slept for an hour, worked on my web, had an extended stretch instead of working out and took an hour long walk. I'm going out again tonight, so that's why I am posting this now. And a bit of humor to top it off. Life's good after all.

I can definitely sense that those talks you guys have about common problems are bonding, cathartic and meaningful. I'm slowly figuring out how to have more of these with people I meet, so the experience can be mutually enriching and pleasant. I think you behaved like a good employer in this scenario. If it's the first complaint there has ever been on your guy, take note of it and be vigilant. I think if you gave in to the owner (i.e. apologetically said it won't happen again), you'd show yourself as incompetent, unworthy of respect and easily manipulated. I actually had a similar triangle a few months ago, where I was the employee, just like your comedian. My employer would just give me up, because the other company decided (retroactively) that the lessons I taught didn't happen. I got mad. I wrote all of them I wouldn't stand for such shit and they reconsidered their attitude. My employer didn't win any points with that and I'm happy I actually don't work for them anymore. As for the Holocaust joke itself (no matter how well it actually went for your guy), I think the true "joke" in all this is that "only" Holocaust reached the magnitude of general knowledge that it could be turned into a joke. I think nobody would make the joke about Stalin's USSR, Maoist China, the genocide of Armenians or the Rwandan one, because hardly anyone knows about these. It could be the portrait of the society we live in. In the end, you are right - it's not a pissing contest as for who had it worse. All those people tortured had it horrible.

Damn. It sure isn't easy to learn to regulate oneself, but I guess everybody on this forum knows that. I hope it works out for you again at some point, so you don't have to sacrifice your mental health for money.

I may have missed that at some point, but what kind of rehab did you go to? Did you ever consider living on your own or with a some of people that you'd like better? I'm 22 and I enjoy living on my own immensely, even though it's cheap university dorms with 80s socialist furniture 😄

It depends on your writing style, but I generally spend about an hour on a paragraph that is four or five lines long, both thinking it up and actually writing it. It's not easy by any means to find time for writing. I cleansed my FB and now there are only two ways I use it: 1) find events I could physically go to (I already established the weekly ones, but I still spend about half an hour during the weekend when I am planning my next week, searching if there are some one-timers as well) 2) organize myself and others to physically go somewhere That's it. No cat videos, no hot models, no narcissists in my feed.

Welcome back!

Day 324: I worked out, read, worked on my assignment for the uni and went for the philosophy class in the evening.

I got inspired at first and when I was halfway through, I decided to finish it. I'm a prose guy myself, but from time to time I encounter some poetry anyway. I'm happy you liked it 🙂

Day 323: I spammed the mails, did Duolingo, read, visited my parents and worked out. --- It's been over a year since I wrote a true poem for a woman, but this time I will try to write one for what all women I met so far meant to me; for the archetypal female I sometimes think of. Thank you.

I tried to make Russian and working out more social. In the case of Russian, I think I'd need to do it conversation-based at least two or three times a week and that either means sinking money by going to some language courses or barter (working out together/giving English classes) and neither seems realistic at the moment. In the case of working out, I don't even need anyone to go to the gym with me. Sometimes someone is there with me and sometimes not. Sometimes I get chatting with someone and sometimes not. The effects of it are so overwhelmingly positive that it takes me no effort to go there in the first place. I think I'd actually like to reinforce activities I have to do solo, such as writing. I got used to doing a lot of things on my own, I have my own room and I like it that way. In a weird way, it could actually be making me less likely to get involved romantically, because I know that a relationship is not a remedy for all my problems/insecurities anymore. My life is good enough as it is, so I don't need to desperately chase some golden glitter ahead of me.

It's a shame that you have the allergy. What's interesting is that dogs are often reflection of the people that have them. From what I recall, my ex was supposed to be in charge of her family's dachshund for a couple of years. That dog was unpredictable and aggressive towards literally any and all strangers, such as the postman or me. When I was at their house, I was generally confined to the area where it wasn't present. I literally had to ask to pee or to get a glass of water, otherwise either the dachshund or I was risking health. Coming to think of it, it was a fairly surreal situation. I imagine ten years down the road, this "chicks with dogs" category would slowly transform into "chicks with kids" category. I think of the dog as a mini-baby. Dogs also don't have the ability to participate in some weird subconscious psychological warfare. So I think if I meet a girl, with a dog I genuinely like, I think the chances that the girl will like me back is very high. I have a reason to believe it works that way with kids, as my older friend is currently dating a divorced single mom and we talked about this.

Day 322: I had a fine and lazy maintenance day. I planned my next week, worked out, wrote the monthly report, read "The Red and the Black", did the groceries, laundry, wrote a bit for my website and watched "Parasite" in the evening. The transformation from a comedy into a raw psychological thriller was great. --- Cleansing. Accepting voluntary sacrifice and transforming consciousness on a regular basis. No need to get hit by a truck again.

I keep on going out quite frequently and maintaining/creating new relationships. I also got some return on my attempts to further my English-teaching business. Life's good.

I'm using the template I used the last time. 10/2/20 - 7/3/20 "L" will stand for the (last) plan for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. "N" will stand for the plan next term. Books: L: I'm picking up "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. It's been about a year since I read "The Power of Now" and I remember I was fascinated by it, even though I hardly understood it. T: I actually didn't seriously read for about three weeks in February, I only started again when I picked up "1984". It gripped me nicely and I was even motivated to read at random times during the day. N: I got "The Red and the Black" from Stendhal and "Beyond Good and Evil" by Nietzsche. English - Personal (1) + Business (2): L1: I didn't study English, because if I studied, I studied for exams at the university. I've been keeping in shape by going to two English speaking events per week though. I write here and on my blog. L2: I was unable to set up any classes that would suit me, but I managed to at least take the shot at those interviews during the exam term, so they know about me. I sent out a lot of applications yesterday, so I plan to get some more interviews in February. T1: I've been keeping in shape by going to one or two English speaking events per week. I write here and on my blog. I want to be more consistent in writing though. T2: I'm setting up a pilot class for March/April in one community center. Just today I got an offer I took to have a course on Friday mornings. Aside from that, today I gave the go to get my business cards done, as well as the banner. I'm gonna wait with the car stickers, as my C3 is going to the paint shop to get rid of the rust. My website is still WiP - I simply need to write more. N1: I think I want to bond my personal progression together with my business progression. The idea I would study some obscure English grammar or did tests on the Internet just seems foreign to me. I'll just keep on doing what I've been doing up until now. N2: I'm gonna get my webpage up by mid-March. Word. It's already 50% done anyway. I am also going to spam more mails, even though I think everybody knows that I exist in this area at this point. Family: L: I've been talking over my parents' and brother's relationship with grandma every now and then. It's been quite helpful to help me understand my relationship behaviors as well. T: I think it's true to say that I find my family members more dear when I am more detached from them by living on the dorms. I get to see them just enough to be caught up on what are they up to. I think it works that way for most relationships, except for when people live together. N: Maintain the relationships as they are, I'm happy with them as they are! University: L: I have classes on Thursday evening and Friday morning and afternoon. I wanted to give myself a few hours a week to study/write papers outside of the lessons the last semester, but I never got around to doing it and scrambled to finish the papers, even though not as badly as the semester before that. I'll get after it this semester on Saturday mornings. T: The assignments were fairly minor so far, but there's one bigger one coming up next week. Otherwise it's fairly smooth sailing during the semester. N: Stick to doing assignments ahead of time. Being social: L: I had no lessons to teach, so my urge to go out and be social increased. I mostly see the same people every week on these events and all of them are either free or low-cost. They all complement my hobbies/things I want to get better at or maintain. It's also a good opportunity to network. I'm able to go out almost every day for a few hours, because I get enough me-time during the rest of the day. I imagine this sounds a lot like madness to people with a 9-5 job, but I am happy I put in the work on my projects whenever I want to and moneymaking currently doesn't concern me, as I have enough saved up for several months. T: It's been more of the same, as I am creating more connections and deepening current ones. I like the consistency of that. I can still be a bit sheepish at times though. I like to both talk to others and watch them. I'm vigilant. N: I'm happy with the current situation. Exercise/movement: L: I did the same pull-up, sit-up and bike routine all month. I'm gonna get into some mobility workout too, because I would like to be more flexible and less prone to injury. T: I put in some more exercises to mix up my workouts, as well as some stretching. N: I think I want to make my workouts even more diverse. Russian: I am still on track on Duolingo (177 days streak). Women/dating: L: My current thoughts on dating: If a woman interests me (unconscious decision = she looks good), I talked to her (conscious decision - determining whether she is at least remotely interested as well and not a total deadbeat), and I have the opportunity of seeing her regularly, it naturally comes to me that I want to spend more time with her to get to know her and ask her questions that I care about. Words have to be followed by actions and facts however. I said I wanted to exercise after leaving the army, but I never really got into it. It would be like saying "I love you" for the first time, but not going for any kind of touch whatsoever. It was strange. Fact-checking is boring and hard, but necessary in order to make the relationship work long-term. In a way, this diary is the best fact-check anyone could get on me, including both my actions and my thoughts, even if not 100% of them. However, I think neither emotionality nor fact-checking should lag behind each other too much. Manson's Models and Glover's NMMNG were both big help regarding this. I'd like to ease into the relationship. Let the sex be the icing on the cake, rather than the brute animistic force that forges the basis of the relationship. I might fail at remembering that in the heat of the moment, but I'd really like to have sex as the last objective checkpoint/barrier. I could write more, but I think it would be blog material with insights rather than something I'd like to to abide by. "When sex is good it's 10% of the relationship. When it's bad it's 90%." T: I'm currently talking to a few women. I get myself out there on a regular basis. I'm finding out what I like and what I do not like. It could be that I am still perhaps too rational and shy about this, but I am getting better. It's like entering the swimming pool with a descent. I feel more comfortable initiating conversations with men overall. N: Be cool with whatever the outcome is. That's how I learn. Projects/misc finished last month: business - ads, interviews, a few classes website (50%) Projects/misc upcoming this month: website (100%) money? gun license Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude:

Day 321: I went to uni, went for a stretch at the gym and went out. I knew a few people by sight from the university environment there, so even though I was initially a bit sheepish, it turned out fine and nobody ate me.

I like the discussion and I agree with both of you. I want to do my bachelor's thesis on the development of university education in the past several decades. It's interesting to see that in my country, as for data from 2011, the male vs. female uni educated population is about 7 to 10 in ages 25-29, while it was equal for people 10 years older than that. It could be the comparative risk-avoidance of females to males (uni graduates won't do poorly money-wise), it could be that the standardized education system favors feminine qualities (not stirring up ruckus and avoiding open conflict), it could be that males have more time to "grow up" (men don't have menopause)... a ton of factors to consider and there's no easy answer.

Day 320: I got after it with a lot of energy. I finished my concepts for the banner and business card and emailed them. I also did a bit of work-related writing and worked on my monthly report. I worked out, attended a short class at the university and went outside for an English speaking event. I had a super strange social interaction. On Day 313 (I wrote about it), I met this woman on an English speaking event who was fairly drunk and she told me all about how her life sucks, how she has two kids and how she's gonna be a single mother soon, that her partner is not ideal etc. I saw her yesterday as well, but I didn't talk to her, as I had other people I wanted to chat with. I came home and got a message from her on FB (she had to look me up) that she told me all about herself and that I didn't even say hi to her yesterday. I think I'll be saving my compassion for someone who is not begging for it or trying to guilt me into it.