Ikar

24 hours a day. I think I had that feeling my days are shortening about a month into quitting. There's always something to do. Got two hours? Hit the gym. Got half an hour? Clean the room. Even then, I sometimes like to be "creatively bored" when I think of new ideas and activities. I started getting up at 6 consistently at the beginning of quarantine. I notice I am hardcore about it even now, because whenever I am out, I make an effort to hit the sack around midnight, so I get up before 8. People sometimes almost reflexively ask me/poke fun at me as to why I get up so early and don't drink much and I tell them every time: "Because that's how I want it." I am not a fan of making schedules in advance for myself, but I write what I do every day every 30 minutes. Sometimes there are weeks where my ideally "daily" habits turn into "1-2x a week" habits (e.g. no time to take a walk in the park + read), so its a good reminder as to whether I am doing what am I supposed to do. I don't think anything can be seriously considered as a habit if it's done less than once a week. I got rid of YT from my phone about 9 months ago and effectively ended my "sex video coupled with masturbation" habit. Using the browser was too much hassle for me 😄

Two weeks ago, I checked out an online game about financial literacy a couple of times, because it was relevant to the book I was reading. I also checked out the landing scene from MoH:AA I got to remember the date of the D-Day landing from and I checked out the Wiki pages of Worms games. When I quit in April '19, I got rid of the games on my computer and blocked Twitch. I ended up blocking the site with the game, even though I don't remember trying to access it since. It honestly felt reflexive. I agree watching gaming content regularly (e.g. at least once a week) is like shooting yourself in the foot, since it's the closest thing to gaming itself. It's like a difference between smoking cigarettes and smoking cigarettes using using only matches while standing in the shadow. Wouldn't it be easier to not buy any cigarettes?

I agree with @BooksandTrees . I think one only ever gets the first chance to repair and rethink the way they want their future romantic relationships to be after they fail their first one and what got them to fail it was imitating their parents, regardless of whether it worked for them well or not. I wouldn't worry about looking for certain types of women as a pre-condition, whether she does this or does that. It makes more sense to find a woman you enjoy spending your time with and then figure out why do you think that is. Be aware of the things that peeve you about her too. She won't be perfect. But to even find some eligible woman, you need to get to know people and broaden your horizons. There's also one thorny thing - to date someone who reminds you of your mom, you need to become someone like your dad. He dated her. They created your family. They are both responsible for how things are now. It's naive to adore one and detest the other. It might be possible you only ever get a different outlook once you live on your own though.

Day 424: I studied, watched a Forex stream, read Martin Luther King's letter from Birmingham jail, read, visited my grandma, taught an English class and played desktops in the evening. --- I had a new student join me on this class. She seemed excited and said she would be back next week. Day 425: I watched a Forex stream, met with "Girl A" for a small chat, studied, wrote my friend and worked out. --- My mind was racing after meeting "Girl A", because I always get inspired and write down at least a few thoughts afterwards, but it's hard to focus on anything else. I tried a few things, but in the evening I decided to masturbate after 12 days and I relieved myself from the stimulation. I came up with a plan for approaching the relationship I have with her. Whatever the result may be, I am grateful I met her. Day 426: I taught an English class, worked out, went to the shop, wrote the exam and went out in the evening. --- One of my former high school classmates (I see him once every few months) told me he noticed a shift in my behavior for the better since I quit high school. I told him that he's correct and that I am happier too.

That's great attitude and I practice it as well, whenever it comes to setting up things with others and them failing to show up. I think anyone who is quitting games eventually needs to make the decision to leave some of the old people behind, because they are part of the reason why one got addicted in the first place. It's terrifying to make a solo run for it to discover people you click better with, but literally your life is at stake.

I never watched porn per se, though I watched a substitute up until 9 months ago or so. I never felt angry about it. I just figured there's no point in doing things the same old way once I started talking with women more and using my time in a smarter way.

Day 423: I did Duolingo, studied for the exam on Friday, went through mails, watched a Forex stream, did the dishes, checked up on my bike, worked out, went for a walk and read, did the laundry and went out for dinner with a friend. --- I find the past two days that I have some time to be bored and just exist, which is actually welcome overall after the hectic term. I might start getting creative again. I'm consolidating and recharging. I'm also on a no masturbation streak since Friday 5th, even though it was close on Thursday 11th.

I think most people do not bother with going after someone from the get-go, at least not until they think it's the best choice. The best example could be your Xes (as is in my case), although maybe you could find some from professional life as well. Hence, I am not worried about getting hurt by someone until I let them close to me and if I let them close to me, there have to be good reasons as to why I did that in the first place. If those good reasons turn out to be wrong reasons, then it's learning experience for me. I also love figuring people out, though not primarily to protect myself (so that when they trespass some boundary, I can think "I knew it.", because everybody will do that at some point), but to find out if I can trust them long-term with some reasonable percentage (so that when they trespass some boundary, I can give them the benefit of the doubt). So once I "detect" a vulnerability in a person, I realize I found something that I myself had gone through and that I am familiar with. Some of it can be learnt, especially the physical signs (e.g. you read multiple times that biting fingers is a sign of nervousness/imbalance), but you can also learn it if you did it yourself, quit and then become more sensitive to such sign in others. Regardless, it's up to you whether you will love or hate this vulnerability you have detected in others. I think it's better to love it, at least at first, before you figure out more about the person. It's why both love and hate are so intensely entwined.

Day 422: I drove my car to have it serviced, drove it back, took a nap, cooked, played with the band and attended the philosophy seminar. I also managed to blow the tire on my bike after having it fixed, so I'll have to look into that tomorrow, because blowing a tire twice in two weeks is not usual.

I can see that and I like it, although I come from the extreme of gaming 10 hours a day and not doing anything novel.

Day 419: I taught an English class in the morning, had a meeting regarding autumn excursion with the uni, had the exam and in the evening I went to a shooting range to get some information regarding the gun license. Day 420: I got through mails and went to spend the day at the English outdoor event organized by my friend. Day 421: I came back from the English outdoor, visited my parents, moved my drums to the test room with my band-mates, planned the next week and checked out e-mails. --- I decided to postpone getting the gun license by a month (starting early July) and the business idea (same date, even though I might get rejected because of that). I mentioned the reasons above - doing everything at once just makes me feel stressed. The weekend event was nice. I met some like-minded people, some known and some unknown, and I was happy to do something I am great at and help others during it too.

The idea is I am not used to it and my lifestyle would fall apart if I were to keep overwhelming myself. I like being stable and balanced, perhaps even at the cost of sometimes being rigid.

I had a good night today as well, after 3 or 4 choppy ones 🙂

Hang on tight. We'll get through this rough patch successfully.

Happy birthday! Love the reaction of your kids 😄

Thank you for the soothing words. I remember. I'm slowing down for a while. I think a bit of compassion is just what I need now, though I enjoy stepping on the gas pedal most of the times.

For the dating apps to work (regardless of what you're looking for) you need to put together a good dating profile. The skill you gain from being good at dating apps is how to build a good dating profile, meaning you can shoot photos that make you look good, but anyone whose passion isn't photography to an extent will have a hard time doing that. Similarly, I think going to pubs is a good idea if you enjoy meeting a lot of people and like to party, dance, play darts etc. But if not, going there just to pick up girls seems purposeless and I think it's better to find a hobby that fuels your passion, whatever it may be.

Day 418: I think I have several indicators I currently posses the emotional fortitude of a 2 year-old baby. I let myself get overwhelmed. I know I still get things done, even though inefficiently. There's been nothing fatal that I made in these past few days, though I have to cut some of my load at least until the end of the exam term and the end of my classes (both should be done by the end of June). My weekend should be fun, though I might need more days when I relax at this point.

Day 417: I studied for the exam, watched a Forex stream, worked out, let my bike get repaired, wrote mails regarding the gun license, visited my grandma, taught an English class and just relaxed in the evening. I feel pretty beat after the day, so I'm looking forward towards getting some sleep.

As we know, any animal, unless it gets hijacked or otherwise tricked, follows the rule that is to survive. Humans are the exception for that, only a few individuals at a time would die for their ideals. I'll use the uninhabited island in a metaphor. Imagine your uninhabited island as you in your deep addiction before you came on GQ. You rummage through the island multiple times and you always find a few plants to nurture you, but it's not optimal and any other aspect of your life is either non-existent or extremely underdeveloped. Parent problems, girlfriend problems, job problems - you know what to put here yourself. This is survival - you live, but it's not much of a life. Then, one day, you put together a lifeboat, go on the sea and leave that forsaken place behind. You start solving problems, building trust with others, building up your career, whatever. You start putting time into things that matter more than gaming. And after a short time of being on the sea, you find out it was actually just a small pond and you arrive to a beautiful land of abundance. You can pick up anything you like, but there's so much stuff you can't pick it up all and you have to decide your priorities based on your needs. This is maturity - you live AND it is a life worth of living.

There's also the factor that my friends are my friends because of the things I do. It's true there is a bit of extra motivation to work if I already tell someone I can't meet, because I have other important things to do. I've had a few clashes/controversies here, but the anonymity makes it so the connection needed to do that effectively is extremely unlikely happen. Besides, the "default" reaction to celebrate when things are going well and to support when things are going poorly is the bread and butter of any friendship, though one absolutely needs to be able to say to the other when things are looking poorly for a long time.

Day 416: I studied for the exam, watched a Forex stream, had a heavy legs/core workout, had a Zoom call, sent e-mails to inform myself about the gun license, set up a meeting with my mechanic regarding my car, went for a walk, read and went for a meal in the evening with my friend. --- I started reading the "Genealogy of Morals" by Nietzsche. I might have to get my medical check again, because I slacked on getting the info for my gun license, as I was unsure how it will work out with all the lock-down situation and I couldn't find time after they alleviated the measures. I had an extremely good day at Forex and I felt exhilarated during the day, but I think it was compounded by the overall quality of my life when compared to my previous lifestyle. Friends, women, fitness, opportunity... they all seem to line up very well in my life. Two of the exercises from the business idea were to dream and visualize things in the future, as well as to write a 100 goals I want to achieve. I'm a beginner in these things, so if I got to work on them, I had a tough time doing them and I did them badly. This might actually be a longer process, as I feel I was raised to live in quite a down to earth spartan manner.

There's a lot. I hope you will continue to move in the correct direction both mentally and physically 🙂

I'm not sure if I can say shooting doesn't require legs. Oddly enough, during the time I served in the military, most of the actual shooting drills took place while standing and I don't think I ever shot a pistol while crouching/lying. It was weird since in any tactical scenario, the one who stands shortly drops down forever (I just made that expression up). I got to it in the military and I always enjoyed going to the shooting range, although I didn't do it for nearly two years now. I loved the feeling of focus where it was just me, my gun and my target. I think I was reasonably good at it also. The gun license costs a few hundred €, but I think it should be around 300 €, a bit lower than driving school here. As for the gun and ammo, it's like with cars; you can buy a car for 2k€ and you can buy a car for 20k€, so it depends on what you want 🙂

I heard of it from my philosophy courses. I guess I might get curious enough to read it if presents itself in front of me a few more times, though I'm about to start "Genealogy of Morals" now. I stopped doing "dry masturbation" a week ago and I did that every time before getting up and falling to sleep and sometimes even during the night. I feel pretty good about getting that hour a day back. I want to keep at least 7 days between each ejaculation and I have already done this several times before, though these streaks never lasted several weeks. I think greed might be part of the equation, but it's most jobs are actually presented in the way that they should be your life's (main) purpose, that you need to work for 40-50 hours. Most people would either think you would be broke or crazy if you chose to not accept that. I'm aware there are part-times where some solid tax deductions might take place, but they hardly ever pay enough in absolute terms to afford anything past "elementary" needs. Also, what constitutes "success" in my book is for a whole next discussion 😄