Average_Guy

Day 17 - 2/25/19 I'm still fine on the video game front, but I recently relapsed to pmo. It started when I watched an anime on Netflix that was pretty graphic - Devilman Crybaby. I knew going into it that it had mature content, but I thought I could just fast forward every scene. Pretty much every episode had multiple scenes of nudity, so it was pretty hard to skip over it all. On top of that, my chronic fatigue hasn't been great and I've been exhausted the last couple days. Earlier I went to my main doctor with expectations of making a breakthrough with my chronic fatigue. I was shut down and this discouraged me greatly. Honestly, it felt like a pretty shitty situation for a few days. But I'm back on the rebuild. I'm angry and very frustrated, but I want to channel that into something good. I've tried to make the necessary adjustments to not make the same mistake again, which is: zero tolerance for any content with anything promiscuous. I also am looking for a different doctor to work with, because him not agreeing with me on something I think is very important didn't sit very well, and I want to look at other options for a bit.

100% Porn was harder for me. It also took me a while to figure out that gaming, even though there was nothing sexual about what I was playing, made me so much more susceptible to Pmo. And once I took gaming out of my life, I was able to manage my 'natural' urges with so much more ease. Addictions feed off of other addictions, so once I was able to realize this and stop all my other bad addictions, I finally was able to control Pmo urges. It's like you have to daily condition your brain by quitting the smaller stuff in order to overcome the bigger stuff.

Hey BooksAndTrees, I just read the last 3 pages on your journal, I sympathize with you because of how hard fighting all these addictions can be. I'm also fighting against gaming and pmo, as well, and have been fighting against pmo for the better part of 8 years. I've only recently starting having some success again. Anyways, if I could give you a few little bits of advice, it would be to not beat yourself up after a relapse. I used to get so down and depressed when I relapsed. I was miserable and hated myself and that didn't help anything in my situation. It's obviously easier said than done, but we are finite and imperfect and mistakes inevitably will happen for our entire lives. And when it comes to the extremely addictive mediums that we've all been exposed to as children and young adults, i can be extremely difficult to find success and can often take years to overcome. Another small thing is to try different tactics to overcome these addictions, it has taken me years to come up with formulas that worked for me. Always try and analyze what you think caused you to fail so you can make the necessary changes to prevent that from happening in the future. Either way, you've made it a long way, especially with quitting gaming, and I hope to get that far soon. Keep up the good work!

Hey Kendall, welcome to the forums. I've found it very helpful to participate in the journaling section and would recommend giving it a try. From what you've written, it seems like you're moving in a good direction, I'm sure you'll have success in the real world.

Day 15 - 2/23/19 The last two days I haven't felt very motivated. I've managed to get a few things done and have worked out both days, but I feel like I have a bit of a creative block or something like that. I'm pretty sure this is caused by the constant stimulation and dopamine rewards from games. So while it's not the most fun days, it's my brain readjusting to the real world. I'm just gonna keep moving forward and trying my best to at least get in a few productive activities.

I think your friends will understand if you explain to them that you aren't playing games. And from personal experience, you will feel better if you don't relapse. At one point I played a few games of Super Smash with my cousins, who had just come in town, and thought I wouldn't be affected. (it was day 3 of giving up gaming) I ended up playing for a couple hours and went home after that. I didn't continue to game after that, but I had a few urges I think. So I reset my streak to day 1. It's all up to you thought, it could be a fun way to have your 'last' gaming session with your friends before you quit. Good luck.

Hey Mouxine, I'm wishing you the best on your journey to enlightenment. To me it looks like you're becoming more patients, I'll be looking forward to see what other good things come from this.

Read a couple of your posts. Like you, gaming got in the way of my relationship with God because I wasn't consistently doing morning devos. The verse that says "Where your treasure is, there your heart will also be," stuck with me. Gaming was obviously my idol. I'm glad you've also realized this, it's encouraging to see people who aren't ashamed of being a Christian and how everyone on this forum is here to help each other out and build each other up. Glad to see that you're doing well and hope you keep catching up on sleep, lol!

Day 13 - 2/21/19 Went to the gym this morning and saw an old friend from highschool. Talking to him felt more natural and comfortable than it usually does. Talking to people has never really been a struggle for me, but today it just felt more enjoyable than it usually is. In other news I've been keeping up with a Youtube series that is uploaded weekly on osrs. It's a guy who's made some pretty innovative content, so it's pretty fun to watch. I've heard and seen (a bit) of how streaming and watching gaming related videos can lead to relapses. Personally when I tried to quit playing League of Legends a while ago, streams made me want to come back to the game. I don't feel that I want to come back to Osrs after watching the videos though. For some reason, I feel that I'm going have have lots of success quitting gaming, because to me it's the difference of absolutely thriving or suffering. The stakes are high for me right now and I just can't jeopardize my success because of gaming, I refuse. That being said, I'm going to experiment a little bit more with watching gaming videos. I'm going to try and only do it once or twice a week, and if I see that it's leading me to failure, then I will stop. The first time I tried this I was met with urges, but I was also having frequent urges because I had only stopped gaming for a little more than a week. Tomorrow is day 14 which is a small milestone for me, and things should get easier from here. The next milestone is day 30. So I'm looking forward to getting there and to see how I keep progressing. Small edit: I also noticed that when I look at myself in the mirror, I respect myself and I'm actually proud of myself. For a couple years I've been devastated every time I had to look at myself, I looked miserable and didn't like myself. I see that changing now.

Appreciate it. Happy to be a part of it.

Hello Everyone, I've been here for a few days, but I've haven't made a formal introduction yet! I also wanted to be able to have a link in my Journal, so it would be streamlined a bit. I will make a TL;DR at the bottom. Gaming History/Life Story: Like most people here, I started gaming when I was very young. I played a few games on the N64 and Xbox, but during that time I stumbled upon Oldschool Runescape (OSRS), an extremely fun and addicting game that I would eventually sink countless hours into. During high school (2007-2011) I played a few of the Halo series games, but when I wasn't playing these games with my friends or brother, I was still secretly playing Runescape. During my last two years of highschool I gave up Runescape because I had found a new source of Dopamine: smoking, drinking, partying, and a girlfriend. I continued to ride this path straight into my first year of college at an art school in Georgia. However, I did not escape this path unscathed. Right before graduating I contracted the Epstein Barr Virus (Mono) from a few of friends who also had the virus. Most people that get Mono can recover with rest in a few weeks or months, but this was not the case for me. I rested for a few weeks before going back to my unhealthy lifestyle of partying. Fast forward to the last semester of my third year at college and I know my body is not well. I only have six weeks left before I can go home, so I do what I've done for the last couple years, push through the sickness. At this point I'm having chronic fatigue, headaches, sensitivities to almost all food I eat, congestion issues, and worst of all, a deep depression. My workload wasn't that tough at school, so I had to find a way to pass the time and fortunately, I had recently heard that OSRS had just come out so I thought that'd be a great solution. For the next six weeks I would stay in my room gaming day and night, sometimes until 4am, to make it to the end of school. That summer I tried going back to school and after three weeks I was so sick I had to drop out and move back in with my parents. At the worst points in the illness, I was so exhausted that I didn't have the strength or energy to lift my head or get up off the couch. After living with my parents for a few months, I was introduced to League of Legends. For the next two years recovering from my chronic illness, I played League or other games for 12+ hours a day. At this point in my life, video games were a constant escape from the reality I dreaded. I eventually became well enough that I thought I could try going to school again. My health felt like it was at 90% and I quit video games once again to focus on school, what career I wanted to pursue, and some new friendships. My first semester of school was going great, my grades and motivation were at an all time high. I had made friends and was starting to feel like I was finally doing what I was supposed to be doing, but under the surface there were still health complications and my condition was on a constant decline. I had never found a doctor that could treat my illness in Georgia. So for the second time, I had to drop out of school. Almost one full year later I'm still recovering at my parents house. My health is doing much better, but still nowhere near what I would consider normal or healthy. I'm at a crossroads in my life, and instead of taking the path of least resistance, I'm trying to overcome these challenges and create a different life for myself. TL;DR - Been gaming almost my entire life. Only stopped gaming when I was involved with other addictions. Been chronically sick for 8 year, dropped out of college, and haven't found my calling/career yet. Quitting gaming and completely uprooting my neuro-pathways so I can better overcome life's challenges and become a much better version of my self. Also quitting to help with other addictions.

@katsudo19 you're a freaking animal! Keep it up brother.

Hell yes. I've always loved EDM, but I've turned into a huge EDM head in the last month. So, here's a few of my favorites at the moment. The genre's that I listen to are usually House, Deep House, and some DnB, and even some Trance type stuff. Untrue - Original Mix - Tchami Adieu - Tchami Together Forever- Chocolate Puma, Pep & Rash Badman - Torro Torro Remix - Autoerotique, Max Styler What Goes Around - Drunk Girl, Drivvin Desire (with Dimension) Sub Focus, Dimension Daylight - Radio Edit - Disciples Breathe (ft. Jem Cooke) - CamelPhat, Cristoph, Jem Cooke Just - Amtrac Into Clouds - Luttrell Xpander - Live at the Barbican - Sasha Forever - Solomun Hope someone appreciates these bangers. ?

Day 11 - 2/19/19 I heard that at day 14 it gets easier to stay away from games. So when I get there that will be my first milestone. I'm still having withdrawals though. I keep thinking about what I would be doing with my OSRS character in game, or how I could potentially try to manage how much time I play, but I've tried that before and it didn't work so well. I did write down a deal with myself yesterday. When my health is fully better and when I have my career down, I can revisit video gaming. It should also be no less than a year before that happens (mainly the health part), so I will get to see the full benefits of a year worth of not gaming. It's not set in stone, but I am going to allow myself to revisit the topic and and weigh the pros and cons. I also believe that if I choose to game in the future, I won't be able to play super grindy games like League or OSRS. But I could see myself playing mario kart with friends or something much lighter. Maybe just on the weekends. Not sure yet. And I also might be doing so well without games that I just won't continue to game at all. In the last few days I've edited some footage I took in Japan, messed around with Fruity Loops studio, practiced learning Japanese much more, and gotten after it at the gym. I'm feeling much more productive already even with the minor withdrawals. In other news I just finished David Goggins book, Can't Hurt Me. Dis mans a freaking ANIMAL, and although it can be hard to imagine a life without gaming , when I look at guys like this or some of my heros, I see that it is not only very obtainable, but when you're deep in life's challenges, highs and lows, pushing yourself, you forget gaming even exists. Stay strong brothers and sistas.

Three of my closest friends and family are big gamers. I can't participate in the same activities with them that I used to, so sometimes it feels like I can't hang out with them as much. But, none the less, I will stick to my personal goals of quitting gaming for good and hope that maybe, eventually, they will grow out of gaming as well. I think that's all you can do, just be an example. As far as tech goes, I'm keeping my PC rig. I use it for lots of other things as well as general Internet use. I am not keeping it for the intention of gaming in the future though. I'm a designer as well and have thought about game design a bit. This is a bit of a gray area that I think should be looked at cautiously. I'm personally choosing not to go into game development because I guarantee, most of the people in that field will be gamers, I don't want to feel responsible for creating a game that's massively addictive for someone like myself, and I would probably be tempted to play if I was always around a game. Don't be hard on yourself though man, a lot of the men in our generation have been the test subjects in an experiment of how constant Internet and gaming effect a person. And it can be difficult to navigate out. Best of luck.

Day 9 - 2/17/19 Actually had a productive Sunday today. Talked to a friend after church, who low and behold, is also having issues with video games. With the way games are made these days, it's difficult for almost anyone to manage their gaming habits. Either way, I did some video editing and socializing, and I'm going to practice my Japanese in a few minutes in between Netflix episodes. Not a bad day. I like this advice and I was probably using the gaming videos as a reward and excuse for my 'good behavior'. I'm definitely going to be wary of this in the future.

First of all, I love your username. Acupuncture for the WIN! I don't know much about the prior waves of feminism in history. But as for the feminism of today (in America), I do not think it is productive for society. First off, I don't believe feminism is pro woman today, It's pro progressive woman. At all the womens marches in our country, conservative women have been repeatedly turned down for marching for things they believe in i.e. Pro life or supporting the current President. It also seems like todays feminism is not for equal rights as much as it's for the degradation of males and the patriarchy. Our country was built on the principles that all men/women are created equal. People forget that men, mainly white, that have fought not only for the equality all ethnicities, but for the equal treatment of women in our country as well. Not to mention that all these dudes that fought for those rights were masculine. The new line of thought that says masculinity is toxic is just wrong. But if you look at some of the most gender equal opportunistic countries in the world, like Sweden, women still naturally gravitate towards positions that require being a caretaker like nurses and men gravitate towards engineers. I think that men and women are equal, however, they have different different strengths and weaknesses which is why they have different roles in society. Much like how a creative mind will be better at creative work and an analytical mind will be better with numbers. Just my two cents. I would love to hear what you think.

Quitting two things at once is never easy. But when you're successful, I think the payoff will be twice as good. I was definitely a little stressed/edgy when I quit smoking. It's been a few years now and I don't crave it at all. I feel much healthier and happier without it. I hope that works for you as well.

Day 8 - 2/16/19 Today was rough. I made the mistake of thinking I could watch a few gaming videos the other day when I wasn't having any withdraw symptoms. It worked for a while, but it came back to bite me in the ass today. It's almost the exact same thing as edging with Pmo. My dad has always supported my gaming, mostly because it was an outlet for me when I was very sick, but today he encouraged me to stay strong another day and keep working on finding new hobbies. This helped a bunch and I'm glad to say I made it out alive today. No more gaming videos or streams for me. I keep thinking of how much it really sucks that something I enjoyed so much brings in so many other problems. I wish gaming didn't work like that for me. But I also trust that God has a plan for my life and my life will be better because of this.

Just read your story. It's immensely helpful to have the perspective of other people going through the same crap. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Hello Everyone! A little over a week ago I decided to quit video games (OSRS and League) for good. I've struggled with a couple different addictions in my life: pornography, video games, partying, and smoking. For me, each one of these addictions leads to more addictions. Gaming has been a crutch for me for the last 3 years of my life, while I've had chronic fatigue, and in order to move on and improve myself and my life, I have to overcome it! Here's a link to my back story - Long Goals and Milestones: Daily Counter: Day 30 Milestone Streaks for not Gaming: 14 Days / 30 Days / 60 Days / 90 Days/ 150 Days / 200 Days / 300 Days / Full Year Find what career I want to pursue: Start a part time job: Meeting with an HR director next week Fell through, looking for something else Travel to Japan: 0/1 Finish my first Japanese language workbook: Page 50 / Page 100 / Page 150 / Page 225 / Completed Workbook Become 100% healthy: 61/100% My end goal for this Journey is to overcome gaming, my illness, and to go from dependent on my parents to an independent! Interests: Working out and general fitness + Swimming Photoshop, video editing, 3D modeling, general design Love EDM, audiophile wanna-be Everything Japanese, Terrace House I will be updating this journal consistently, hopefully, but probably not daily.