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TwoSidedLife

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About TwoSidedLife

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  1. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 7 Today's Progress It's come to my attention that I shake when i'm anxious, it's something i've never noticed until someone else told me. I usually get nausious when i'm anxious. Sometimes i'm not mentally anxious, but i'm physically anxious. Quitting smoking is making me more impulsive. I can't afford to smoke anymore and i'm hoping for the best when it comes to stopgaming. Today I did a 'brain dump' and allocated tasks all the way up to March. I've got things to do everyday now.
  2. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    @WuqingDi Thank you :) Hahaha i'd say it's a great thing not remembering honestly. Dreams can be very disturbing at times (Nightmares). Even if I can escape it, I don't forget about it since it's very vivid. The dreams related to gaming get more full-on further in, to a point where I believe I broke my streak and need to restart again. They're the dreams i'm mainly interested in, since I don't know whats causing it. Other times I might confuse my dreams for real life (vice versa also) and think that something was a irl memory when it was just a dream (and vice versa). Those to me specifically happen when i'm stressed though, which is when my Dissociative Disorder symptoms come out to play.
  3. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 6 Today's Progress Feeling lost without a plan for the weekend. Been unproductive and lazy, where'd the time go? Attempting to piece together a functional system to get things done (I'm using too many resources to sort, needs to be more clear) Can't believe it's already been 6 days!
  4. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 5 Last night's dream #3. The nicotine has been making my dreams very jumbled up. I vaguely remember a video game styled dream where I was looking for and recovering missing items. Usually this is a common dream for me, but never themed as a game. All I remember specifically is seeing the color aqua and yellow as 'objectives' towards a path to items. Today's Progress Last say of school this week, now for my weekend (happy days!) Worked on Excel for 7 hours at school today. I had to work on data for a few hours w gaming products as an example (Cause me by surprise). Unsure of what i'll do, definitely need to review my goals w the freetime i've got now (Along w clean up a weeklong mess) I already feel more clearer from stopping. I don't feel that weird after effect gaming has anymore :) I feel like i'm going to become more social
  5. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 4 Today's Progress Planned my budget more - forces me to cut down on smoking (Great! But quitting smoking takes a heavy emotional toll). Feeling down that I can't $ afford to do everything I want (Can't afford textbooks AND byo alcohol for a party). Cravings: Near none. Might be tempted tomorrow/weekend (3 days off) but i'm keen for the freetime to work on my goals. Really gotta tough it out w cutting down on smoking.
  6. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 3 Today's Progress Completed a yearly goal after only setting it two days ago!! Really proud of myself on this one! It was a continued project that reached completion finally. Feel much more comfortable in class, but still anxious at times. HAD NO CRAVINGS!!! I am too tired and busy to play games. Having only a few hours afterschool and an hour before it starts really pushes me to make the most of it and do my goals (Something outside of school to relax, in a really fulfilling way). I hope I get addicted to achieving and setting my goals :))
  7. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 2 Today's Progress First day of school and managed to stay in class, rather than avoid it Stayed committed to the side goals/habits I set (Day 2) Cravings: On my way home I thought I should game to relax. Instead I played guitar, thinking I didnt have time to game with only 3 hours until bedtime.
  8. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 1 Last Night's Dream #2: This dream was 'weird', common among pot withdraws and nicotine near bedtime (Incredibly illogical events w a lot of randomness). I was playing a shooter game as myself, high up on a cliff and using weapons on a hud to destroy enemies that shattered into blocks. I was w my sibling and it felt like we were trying to escape to safety. I 'held the button for longer' to detonate a stronger bomb to get rid of them. After this, we went elsewhere. I had a regular first person view of a room. This was a place we weren't supposed to be and was the house/lair of the evil person. I saw and looked around at exotic looking metals and really nice items in display cases. My sibling was panicing. I was calm and began looting the room. There was nowhere to go but upwards towards another door. At that door, I saw a shadow. I yelled out to run back to the other door we came from. The big bad villain opened the door and stood there. It was a large woman, dressed in black and red. She hissed like a snake when she saw me w all her loot. My sibling sarcastically pleaded to the baddie not to hurt us (Theyre usually very sarcastic). Today's Progress I set out my goals clearly and did a budget yesterday I managed to stick to two new habits I set myself today (Learn a language & Make art) I only turned on the computer today to do art Im going to make a plan to cut down on my internet/technology use Cravings: In the middle of the day, when I didn't know what to do next.
  9. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Well, I relapsed a few days ago, but I didn't binge because gaming just isn't that fun anymore. I've only played an hour at most. I 'achieved' things in game, but it didn't feel as great compared to real life achievements. I've learnt/realised from relapsing that gaming will never create a feeling of lasting happiness or accomplishment. @Lea That's mindblowing! More relatable actually...I'm half Indonesian and i'm starting to learn Indonesian. I went to Jakarta (3rd time) when I went overseas over the New Years break. I miss it already, got a big family there. I managed to plan out my finances today in Excel which was great. Makes it easier to save up for another trip there! Thinking of studying abroad there in a few years too. @katsudo19 Thanks for the encouragement! I'm definitely gonna get up and keep going. I've just finished writting down my goals, step by step and all. First time i've had a clear plan written for them. :) @Cam Adair One part of my life that still needs to get rebuilt since sobering up from years of pot. I stayed at home all day last year when I studied online. On Monday I start a new course on campus. I've mainly just got family. One parent, younger sibling + their friend that lives w us. I've been talking to them more. Sibling + friend starts uni same day and we've been talking about going out to places on weekends. Also got an old friend's party coming up, haven't seen them for a few years. I feel like this year for me is gonna be one of remaking my social life, being around people again and having a few laughs with others.
  10. TwoSidedLife

    Relapse after 4 days.

    @Mouxine Thanks. I'm starting again on Day 1 cause I know it's a waste of time. Great advice and I really appreciate it! Ifeel like i'll come back and contribute to the community again when I get to 30 days. Just so I can feel more stable being here and get some things done in the meantime.
  11. TwoSidedLife

    Relapse after 4 days.

    I just relapsed and gamed for an hour. At first I wanted to reinstall and play another game, but I couldnt be bothered waiting. So I played on a console. At first I couldnt decide what to play and didnt feel like playing. I cant get rid of any consoles since I have a sibling and their friend living here too (Despite the fact that I wasted $800 on that piece of shit. Nobody in my personal life is supportive of me stopping either, not even my psychologist). I want to commit to stopgaming, but I think me personally joining/being apart of a community doesnt help or benefit me (Sorry guys). I had the same feeling about pot. At 3 months in I couldnt bring myself to join a community still, even though I had many questions. Seeing the word 'gaming' makes me crave it. I guess im lost for words. Maybe i'll be back, maybe not. But i'll keep trying to get to 90 days.
  12. TwoSidedLife

    I feel like a failure.

    100 days is a massive achievement also! The hardest thing about stopgaming for me has always been starting again. Even though its just my 3rd time. You can't change the past and whats done is done. You can focus and change whats happening right now though. :)
  13. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 4 Today's Progress Didn't do anything productive today. Planning to go shopping for school supplies tomorrow. Going to revisit the schedule and to-to-list. Its been neglected slowly. Cravings: Yep. Its very boring having nobody to talk to. I considered playing ToS many times today. I also considered trying moderation again. Seeing gamequitters makes me sad in a way. Seeing the once in a while person saying gaming in moderation is fine makes me want to relapse. Idk how to cure my loneliness. Idk if i'll be back. I feel a bit stupid writing this.
  14. TwoSidedLife

    A few suggestions.

    1. A section for dating advice - Since some haven't dated much/at all and some are in or have had serious relationships 2. A section for advice about family/friends - Including if family or friends don't accept the stopgaming decision 3. A section for a collection of tips - Doubleups should be avoided and others can contribute sharing how a certain tip has worked for them 4. A section for hobbies, branching into hobbies - For people to share how certain hobbies have replaced gaming (as well as its similarity to gaming) and discuss how they help to stopgaming. People who're exploring new hobbies can also read more abt it from others that quit gaming.
  15. TwoSidedLife

    20th time quitter

    I reckon everyone gets a little better at quitting the more times they try. I love your persistence also! God bless you.
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