BooksandTrees

Today I'm 79 weeks free from video games. It's been one of the more difficult weeks for me. I've been more agitated and irritable over the past week or so. I'm tired of working on this one project that I finally finished it. It just makes the whole day unpleasant and miserable. Makes me want to escape. I've been dealing with that by staying in touch with my TV shows, reading, 3d modeling, and talking to friends. Also playing floor hockey in my basement. I do admit that I've reminisced about video games this week. Not a craving or anything. I just kind of miss the idea of escapism. For all of you who think you'll never crave games again, you are going to be disappointed. I think what I've learned is that you will remember gaming and the feelings you get and will relapse because those feelings are so strong. But every time you relapse and feel bad about it you are less reminiscent or fond of gaming and you grow to strongly dislike it. I relapsed so many times in 10 years that I sternly hate video games, people who play them, and the culture. It has kept me away. So in times like this where I might remember playing a game for a couple hours, I then remember how miserable I felt while playing it. The brain fog it gives me makes me feel miserable, the lack of authentic friendship between other gamers confounds extreme loneliness, the lack of achievement because anything you accomplish in a video game means nothing in life, the physical ailments of poor sleep, poor hygiene, malnutrition, exhaustion, stress from competition and efficiency for exp, and so much more is terrible. There's nothing fond about any of those emotions I just described. So when people ask me how I deal with eventual cravings, just read the small paragraph I just wrote. Sure, it would be so nice to escape the boredom of life and ALWAYS be entertained, but is it worth it? No. Read how miserable I was in my introduction post or the paragraph I just wrote. That's a miserable and nonsense life. That sickens me. Are newer hobbies that take legitimate talent and thought more difficult? Yes. Does difficulty create frustration and unhappiness? Yes. But think of it like this: When you were a baby and saw your parents walking, you tried walking, but couldn't stand. First thing you did was cry out of frustration. You couldn't use your body the way you wanted. It takes training. People trying new hobbies are trying to create masterpieces with art, programming, music, and much more. Did you not forget how it took you between 1 and 2 years to speak? 1-2 years to walk? But what happened after you walked? You ran, you jumped, you skated, and much more. Get through the first year or two of difficulty with your new hobbies and the rest of your life you'll be able to expand so much on your talents that you will feel expression. My last example for you is this: Everyone says exercise is a great way to relieve stress. A lot of people run or work out. Remember crying because you couldn't walk? Imagine if you gave up on walking? You wouldn't be able to exercise. If you're trying to express yourself and have fun with art, but can't draw the fundamentals just remember what you went through. Also, you probably sucked at video games the first time you played them and the competition of trying to be as good as everyone else drove you to become better. Why not do that in real life? I'm doing it and I challenge you to do it. So yes, I had a game craving today and that's how I dealt with it. I hope you are inspired by that. I know some can't deal with cravings right now and relapse immediately. Be patient and think.

Good luck with the pitch. Taping a pitch is more exciting than taping holes from ants.

Are you comfortable moving out?

Not specifically you, but the more attractive people on the app means they can use your profile to entice people to spend mor time on the app. If you keep seeing attractive profiles then you'll spend more time on the app by reading them and swiping. It's like having 50 porn tabs open and searching for more because the options are so plentiful. I think my conclusion is to delete the app or just see it for what it is and never pay for it. Yes, you'll meet and talk to women or men, but you have a higher likelihood of developing a better connection with someone in person. I also find that because women can't see your profile online that you stand a better chance to date more attractive women in person because you're visible. When I'm rock climbing, at work, at a gathering, shopping, e.t.c, I get tons of attention from women and sometimes men even though I'm heterosexual. I think just be patient and wait the virus out and then be observant and opportunistic when a woman is nearby at a gathering. Like @Ikar said, make sure you talk to guys also because you want to be involved with the community you're in and not just being desperate. People are attracted to the leaders of the pack and people who seemingly have it all together. So if you display you're functional in the group and one of the leaders you're naturally more attractive.

Take your time with it. Who knows? You could go to a bbq or cookout and meet someone there or a friend will know somebody or something completely unpredictable, which tends to happen all of the time for others.

I think it's about layering colors so you create gradients to display depth in your drawing. Like you find a point where the light is with respect to your drawing, then start layering with the lightest colors first and then slowly transitioning to darker ones as the light becomes less dominant on the shape of the figure. I'm probably wrong, but there are some good copic marker tutorials on YouTube.

I love the legendary birds! I think you did a good job shading the stomach. It looks like a natural shade progression with the light.

Yesterday was better at the end. I had a video call with my friends and had a beer. It was nice. I relaxed the rest of the night and had a good day today. I think I finished all of my work finally after 3 long weeks. Probably some final crap tomorrow, but that's it. I think I made a discovery about Hinge and other dating apps. It's not a brand new discovery, but something I was oblivious to and wanted to test out: If you're a free user on a dating website, the company, Hinge or Tinder, won't show you the most attractive women in your vicinity. For the past 4 weeks I have been swiping on women. I found that once I use up my allotted free swipes more attractive women show up. I do no swipe consecutively. I think I swipe through 10 out of 30 people or 10 out of 50 even in some cases. What happens is these dating apps assign point values to your account. If more people swipe your account then you're deemed more popular. The dating app company realizes that they can make money off of you so they will put your profile on display over a person with a lower rating. What I've experimented with is constantly hitting the "x" button and not liking people's profiles. When I had available swipes to use, I would end up seeing the same available women for over a week. Once I swiped on them and ran out of swipes, I suddenly found MUCH more attractive women. I swiped through these newer, attractive women and never found a repeat. I kept hitting the x button over and over again for up to 100 women and I never saw a repeat. As I mentioned before, if I had available swipes I would find that I'd run into the same women up to 5 times per 100 x button hits. So basically you're getting watered down people. Be it male or female searches you're looking for, you will get offered to swipe on far less attractive men and women based on their point assignments. That's if you are a free user. Once you sign up for membership, the same thing happens, but on a different scale. You'll have more matches available, but you'll be encouraged to use the "hot spot hour" or "boost hour" or some gimmick to get you to use points (money) to make your profile go to the top of the stack. But consider this: Most men swipe on women effortlessly because they're trying to get as many matches as possible and are generally less patient in their searches. This means whenever a woman swipes "yes" on a man it will almost always be a match for her. That means regardless of how much you boost your profile that you will never get the proper amount of exposure because the woman you're interested in will most likely have 10-20 people available immediately. Hinge is slightly better since you can at least directly message the woman or man you're searching interested in dating. The issue is what I mentioned before where Hinge withholds the more attractive and desirable members until you pay. Should you pay? Nope. Not fucking worth it. Paying makes you feel compelled to spend at least 1-2 hours swiping on profiles and talking to people. Eventually, you'll be spending more time on the app than you did with video games and porn. And the excitement of seeing a new potential mate gives a large dopamine rush almost as exciting as pornography, because porn's biggest draw is the possibility of seeing new things. It's not about the orgasm you get from porn. It's the searching for mates and watching them. Once you orgasm you close the browser in disgust. So that brings forth the question are online dating apps basically porn? You can swipe through hundreds of mates of all genders, races, heights, weights, ethnicity, etc. I think these apps are almost identical to pornography websites. It's no wonder my porn usage has decreased during my time on here. I get to see potential mates that are actually real and interactive. It's the social component of video games with the mating component of pornography. Just a giant addiction waiting to happen. I decided to perform this research after giving @Erik2.0 some advice for dating profiles.

SOMETHING BIT ME

Thanks. I hope so too.

Sorry to act rudely to you guys, but I'm just not wanting to talk about those specific things and we're getting off track from helping me. I just wanted some consolation and understanding and not make it generalized. I'm struggling a lot right now more than I can share on here and don't want to have a discussion. I just want some understanding and some kind words. Way too off track.

I don't care at all if you compliment me. I don't care for anyone's opinion on this forum for my work achievements since you don't understand what I do. I think you guys are not understanding how I want to talk right now. I just wanted to highlight how I don't feel appreciated by management. That's it. I just want a thank you

I get what you're saying, but I do think you're generalizing it away from my specific example. On my page I really only want to talk about me and not have a conversation topic for a forum. I'm sorry to sound like a jerk, but it's just not what I want to talk about on my diary. I don't want the focus of what I'm talking about to be generalized. It's my specific work environment that is thankless and I wanted to highlight this. I've been told in therapy and practice all the time how to not depend on others for the gratitude etc, but I'm not appreciating not being appreciated for the level of demand I'm being demanded. I also don't want to speak poorly about my employer either. I love my company. I'm talking about my situation only and not in general. I'm just voicing my thoughts here anonymously and that's it frankly. I've mentioned the burnout and thankless piece often over the past 6 weeks and it's not clearing up.

Dude, it's unreal. I made a 2 second animation and got celebrated for it by at least 40 people. I design a structure that usually takes 2 months in just 3 weeks. Nothing.

I agree. I just need to feel more appreciated at work. I'm the kind of person who thrives when you say simple things like thank you and good job.

I'm afraid I'm approaching a point of anger that I'll never come back from. It worries me a bit. I keep getting new assignments due immediately and I'd rather have longer due dates. I'm going to break things.

I felt I related very strongly with my personality type https://www.personalitypage.com/html/ENTJ_rel.html

Sometimes I really fear my temper. I just gotta collect myself and regain my bearings.

Deleted this. It's just my anger speaking. Not a good image and not good in a time like this. I'll be strong and change.

I'm too smart and will figure it out before she figures me out. Lol

Welcome to the forums!

They're not your friends. This urge will fade. Once you stop gaming they will stop talking to you and checking in on you. I'm not trying to be negative, but I was a clan leader of over 200 people, owned my own discord, had everyone added on Facebook, was also a pro gamer on another game, had people added there. 1 month after quitting none of them spoke to me again and it was like I was a stranger. It's like being an alcoholic at a bar. Once you're out you're forgotten. Welcome back to the forums and I hope you find better friends and activities. The pandemic will be tough, but stay strong.

@Phoenixking has been working on sleep science to fix his sleep issues. His diary has some good posts if you wanted to check them out and see how a former gamer deals with the issues. For me, it just took serious training. I force myself to wake up at 7 no matter what. The first few days I get liek 3 hours of sleep, but after a while I start to get tired around 10 PM. I don't use my phone past 930 pm anymore. I also try to exercise during the day and take a shower a few hours before bed. I also try to eat a minimum of 3 hours before sleeping and ideally 4 or 5. Reading books helps a lot as well. You could also try deep breathing? I never take naps anymore either. They're a death sentence for sleeping at night. Honestly, just suffer through it until you go to bed and find a different time to sleep if oyu really need to sleep. There are also melatonin pills you could take before bed that my old roommate used to do.

Today started off poorly because I went to bed very late, woke up late, and was in a lethargic mood. I couldn't shake the lethargy all day and grew very angry. I wanted to smash something. But I regained control. I put on some very loud heavy metal music and started doing laundry and cleaning my house. I thrashed around to get rid of my pent up frustration. I then did my full body workout and went hard. I took a shower and felt relieved and fine. I drank a ton of water as well because dehydration makes me irritable. After that I watched my show for a bit and then 3d modeled again. I modeled with my friend online for 2 hours and it felt great. I learned a lot. I am making a living room scene and all the furniture along with it. I'm going to use it for a set in my cartoon later this year. I also created a YouTube channel and posted my 2 second video lol. It has 18 views so far so I'm happy with that. I also cut off a conversation with a girl who has the personality of a piece of cardboard. I then had a good conversation with another girl who surprisingly has a lot in common with me. We'll see how it goes. I'd actually like to meet her, but first I want to talk on the phone and see if she's a psychopath or not. There's only room for one psychopath in my relationships and that's me.

Success is determined by how high you bounce up after hitting rock bottom.