BooksandTrees

Sometimes I really fear my temper. I just gotta collect myself and regain my bearings.

Deleted this. It's just my anger speaking. Not a good image and not good in a time like this. I'll be strong and change.

I'm too smart and will figure it out before she figures me out. Lol

Welcome to the forums!

They're not your friends. This urge will fade. Once you stop gaming they will stop talking to you and checking in on you. I'm not trying to be negative, but I was a clan leader of over 200 people, owned my own discord, had everyone added on Facebook, was also a pro gamer on another game, had people added there. 1 month after quitting none of them spoke to me again and it was like I was a stranger. It's like being an alcoholic at a bar. Once you're out you're forgotten. Welcome back to the forums and I hope you find better friends and activities. The pandemic will be tough, but stay strong.

@Phoenixking has been working on sleep science to fix his sleep issues. His diary has some good posts if you wanted to check them out and see how a former gamer deals with the issues. For me, it just took serious training. I force myself to wake up at 7 no matter what. The first few days I get liek 3 hours of sleep, but after a while I start to get tired around 10 PM. I don't use my phone past 930 pm anymore. I also try to exercise during the day and take a shower a few hours before bed. I also try to eat a minimum of 3 hours before sleeping and ideally 4 or 5. Reading books helps a lot as well. You could also try deep breathing? I never take naps anymore either. They're a death sentence for sleeping at night. Honestly, just suffer through it until you go to bed and find a different time to sleep if oyu really need to sleep. There are also melatonin pills you could take before bed that my old roommate used to do.

Today started off poorly because I went to bed very late, woke up late, and was in a lethargic mood. I couldn't shake the lethargy all day and grew very angry. I wanted to smash something. But I regained control. I put on some very loud heavy metal music and started doing laundry and cleaning my house. I thrashed around to get rid of my pent up frustration. I then did my full body workout and went hard. I took a shower and felt relieved and fine. I drank a ton of water as well because dehydration makes me irritable. After that I watched my show for a bit and then 3d modeled again. I modeled with my friend online for 2 hours and it felt great. I learned a lot. I am making a living room scene and all the furniture along with it. I'm going to use it for a set in my cartoon later this year. I also created a YouTube channel and posted my 2 second video lol. It has 18 views so far so I'm happy with that. I also cut off a conversation with a girl who has the personality of a piece of cardboard. I then had a good conversation with another girl who surprisingly has a lot in common with me. We'll see how it goes. I'd actually like to meet her, but first I want to talk on the phone and see if she's a psychopath or not. There's only room for one psychopath in my relationships and that's me.

Success is determined by how high you bounce up after hitting rock bottom.

I'm having trouble calming down tonight. I think it's very important to have days to relax and recharge. I was facing major burnout over the past few weeks. I appreciate feeling better today. But that dark side makes me feel like I wasted a day. I want to come out tomorrow on fire and start a new animation project. There's something inside of me pushing so hard to be amazing and create a wave of brilliance in entertainment. It's like an earthquake of turmoil from within. I talk myself out of it on rest days like today was because it's what I tell everyone. You gotta be more kind to yourself and not be so hard all the time. I appreciate the words. The hunger I feel for success can be unleashed tomorrow with my new project. I'm going to animate a ghastly from pokemon. I was going to make a room, but I'm compelled to make this really cool animation.

Today was ok. I just didn't really do much. I cleaned my apartment, cooked, ate, and spoke on the phone for a few hours to people who I haven't spoken to in a while. It almost feels like a chore. They just tell me the same shit in a different toilet. Heard it before. It's annoying. I guess I'm being too mean. But there's nothing really new or enjoyable when talking. It's not like the conversations I had with my friends yesterday. I am frustrated by a few things with a dating app, but I don't really want to talk about it with you guys to be honest. I ask you don't comment on this portion of my diary. I'm writing it for myself. I made a dating profile on hinge and have had about 25 matches in the past 2 weeks. I don't really enjoy them after a while and just unmatch with them. The conversations are just boring after a while. Nobody is piquing my interest whatsoever. Many of the women on there only talk about themselves and never ask reciprocal questions or take initiative and ask about me. Only 3 have done this. I think many women on the site are lonely and want attention. I'm being patient with it, but I don't see this lasting long. I wanted to test a few things and see if I'd get matches and it's worked exponentially well. The issue is I still just dislike the people I match with over time. I dislike generic women who like generic things. I've actually watched less porn since creating the profile. Don't wish me any luck or talk to me about this. As I mentioned I just wrote this for me.

I think your eye art is coming along well. You can also scan your titan art and color over the scan. Or trace it. That way you keep the orginal. Good luck with the poetry group, but be careful with the virus.

Welcome to the forums! Good luck and feel free to read around and ask people questions as you start to discover more about yourself.

I agree. I've been waking up at 7 and feel a lot better each day. No more 9 or 10 unless I truly need it for health purposes.

Lol that's terrible. Thank you.

Thank you

Dude, I really love the color on this. Are these from the new markers you were talking about? They're way more vibrant than normal markers. That's nuts.

Today I'm 78 weeks free from gaming. I worked some overtime last night, but I got 3 days off and am going to relax. Today I spent time with my artist friends on a long online video call. We all animated and 3d modeled together, while talking about life and joking around. It honestly reminded me of playing video games again, but the good parts of it. I just missed doing things with people outside of work, but on the computer. It was really productive, and yes, I finished my animation! Here is the first thing I've ever animated. I received so many compliments on it. It's only supposed to be 2 seconds long because of what the original anime had. I was supposed to just learn something the basic way, but you all know I'm extremely complicated and imaginative so I get frustrated with simple tasks. I was told to 3d model a chair and give it texture. That bores me. What made my project so difficult was to give a sphere with only two eyes for features some character. I think I did that well. I also created dynamic lightning on my own. I followed a tutorial, but my lightning is completely different than the tutorial I followed. I created a very unique shape and modified its properties to a creative way to fit my project. I then created an explosion technique, which generated smoke from it. I also created a procedural glow effect before the explosion. Here it is. Thanks for supporting my new hobby: Voltorb Animation.mp4

Nice. Just keep focusing on one thing at a time and enjoy the process/be patient with it. That voltorb I'm making is going on like week 3 soon and I feel so much better about it now than I did in March. I remember my friend did eye tutorials then noses, then mouths, e.t.c. then her portraits got really good after a year. This one is a major step up from previous ones. It has more dimension to it I think than previous drawings. Like it looks more 3d than 2d.

Congratulations! Hope you're feeling better.

Are you drinking enough water, sleeping, and giving yourself breaks from screen time?

The wind is so strong that it shakes my home and the heating unit is so loud that it makes loud banging noises. Twice I've woken from being scared. This is pissing me off.

I took the video with a phone so the quality is bad.

Today was another great day. I continue to wake up early and I continue to practice good diet, stress relief activities, working only 8 hours, exercising after work, taking a shower, and then working on hobbies. As requested, here is another progress shot. All of the lightning and sparks you see are fully animated and move dynamically. I should be doing beginner stuff like making chairs and cups, but that's boring and not my style at all. I wanted to make a cool animation that inspires you. I'm very proud so far. @Erik2.0, @Ikar, @Alexanderle Click on the one at the bottom. I don't know what they're so huge. I created lightning animations. I took a still render of it because it will look cooler once it is fully animated and I post it on YouTube: I then have it glowing about to explode: Next I'll be creating a smoke effect and an explosion effect. 20200416_193720.mp4

That's awesome. Glad you're digging into this hobby more and enjoying it.

Will do. I didn't think there was much to share, but hopefully this weekend.