BooksandTrees

i'm brutally tired today. I feel bad because I wanted to finish a project but I got invited to go to an outdoor bar with my friend. I initially wanted to go, but I got so tired. The bar was like 40 minutes away in both directions and I just didn't have the energy to drive there and back and drink etc. I've got little in the tank. I am taking tonight off from studying and will be at it tomorrow. I just want to relax. I might sleep early and then wake up early like a moron. I'm just tired. My friend understood. I just feel bad because I appreciate my friendship with them and feel special that they view me as a friend. Oh well.

I'm pretty tired again today. I've been studying 4-6 hours per day after work and it's hitting me. I'm studying now and hoping to be done with a good amount. I've put myself in a good situation. It turns out I'm the only person I know taking this exam now. Everyone else has withdrawn. I want to stick through and give it my all. I want to relax a little tomorrow before studying and I think it's better to study tonight and relax tomorrow than relax tonight and wish to relax tomorrow. Work went well again. I'm feeling better about my project every day.

I was pretty stressed out after studying tonight and watched a relaxing movie from my childhood and ate a piece of dark chocolate. I feel better now. I'm making great progress I'm just tired. I couldn't nap today and it showed. I'll nap each day between now and the exam though. I've got this.

i'm so tired today. I'm making good headway on my projects at work. I'm trying to study tonight but I'm so tired. I'd love to sleep right now but I can't because I'll wake up at 2 AM. I'm gonna try to push through and get a few study videos down. I'm doing good on that front.

My theory paid off. I condensed 10 hours of lectures into 2 hours of problem solving and feel extremely comfortable with the topics. I'm going to repeat this for the rest of the time I'm studying and then focus on major problems the next 3 weeks. I feel so much better today than I did earlier. Incredible. My confidence is soaring. Work was good. It was a little challenging, but I feel like I'm progressing my project well. I think I'm gonna be able to complete my studying in time for this exam after today's success. I had a good therapy session today as well.

I have those videos playing today so it shows my progress of completion and allows me to skip ahead in lectures. I'm excited for this and think it will increase productivity.

I don't think this exam is worth it anymore. I don't know. I'm so stressed right now that I feel every vibration in my house and out of it. I didn't feel it at all until I started studying. I think stress affects us all differently. I just think it's funny how stress from my job doesn't make me nauseous or anything but this exam does. This has made me more determined to pass so I never have to feel like this again. I'm so miserable. To be honest this is the first time I've studied for something without video games because I quit gaming 6 months after my masters degree.

I was so stressed today. I tried deep breathing, puzzles, calling people, but nothing worked. I found a sensual porn video and watched it. There was no talking and no plot. It was passionate. I really loved it. I can't wait for romance some day. My stress is gone and I'm finally relaxing. I think I need sexual release every so often and it's something I've discussed on here. I think having self control with masturbation is important. I've done a lot better recently. I've also been playing my hand pan drum before bed and when I wake up. It's nice to hear the hymns I create.

I have a new strategy for the studying. I'm going to leave the videos on during work and make sure it records the fact that I watched the videos. I need to do this because if I fail the test and I didn't watch every video, I don't get a refund. They actually refund you $2,000 if you don't pass and watch all videos. I am doing this also because the video instructors waste a lot of time rambling and I need to get to the point. So I'm going to skip through portions of the class that i find a waste of time and just do practice problems. This will speed up my studying process by about 20 hours out of the 45 I have remaining. This will allow me to just do problems and concentrate on actual studying. I don't need someone explaining theory to me for a test where you just solve practical problems. If I can do this then I'll be fine for the test. I find that they don't even let you solve problems. They just keep talking at you and then want you to solve problems on your own.

Sometimes we just move on. I thought of leaving here at one point but idk. I feel like I have some sort of legacy where I'm helping others and I still find it helpful to write about my general issues. It's up to you. Your life.

I didn't sleep well last night but I had a productive day. It was stressful and still isn't over. I'm awaiting news on a submission. Hopefully it is completed. I then want to make dinner and relax before studying for a couple hours. I found out what the vibration was. It's the fan vent from my neighbors. They had left it on for a long period of time and I told them it was making me motion sick. They were kind and understood and turned it off. I feel better now.

I got it last week and enjoy playing it. I don't follow notes. I just hit the tones I want to hear. I am doing well, thanks!

It's understandable that you snapped during golf because you're putting the pressure of all your happiness into it. It's the only social time and you're dedicated to it similar to old games. Did you behave this way with video games? I'd apologize to them and move on. Keep trying to reach out to people. Sometimes they won't respond. Since deleting social media my friend circle is close to 15 tops. That's down from 100. I had 0 for years though. It'd tough to find your way. Just be patient. I feel alone as you do regarding love and women. It's been 11 years for me. It takes time. Life isn't about success and failures and willing to accept failure. Life is just about life. They're are ebbs and flows of energy and we direct our passions based on it. Find your job, reach out a bit, and keep progressing your hobbies and maybe find a new one for when it's too cold to golf.

Glad I could be of help. I'm happy with the awareness and progress I've made this year.

I want a hug tonight. I'm not sad or anything but I think I will be looking for a sweet and affectionate woman when I date again. I'd really like to end nights with cuddling and sharing warmth together.

Today was frustrating because I once again avoided studying for most of the day. I got so stressed out just thinking about it that I avoided it. I slept all day long and just was miserable. But then I called my mom and talked for a bit and then listened to some motivating music. I've now studied for 3 hours and because I'm not tired due to sleeping all day I might do another 2 hours. I'm very proud of myself for fighting back and studying. It's been very easy so far and I stressed out over nothing. It's understandable because nobody wants to spend their free time doing extra work, especially when you already have a full time job, bachelors and masters degrees, and have proven yourself in the professional community. But this is the last test for me and it's very important to pass this. It grants me everything I want in life at a professional level. Just gotta stick with it. I got this. Edit: I did the extra study time and did about 5 hours of studying tonight. I accomplished my goal in a roundabout way but I at least accomplished it. I'll now relax and go to bed and get ready for a good day at work tomorrow. Gotta make a big effort.

Welcome to the forums!

You're doing such a great job! I'm sorry the sessions have been getting harder, but it just means you're progressing so much. I'm so proud of you and sending you lots of love and happiness to help you heal. You're doing great helping your kids learn and stay on pace! You are such a bright light in the community and my life in general. Keep up the strong spirits!

I think they're good luck 🙂

I tried watching porn today and couldn't do it. I've grown frustrated over how stupid it is. I'm tired of it. It's becoming embarrassing to watch. I just think it's interesting that something I was so dependent on is now being rejected. I also think I'm noticing vibrations more due to stress from this exam. I thought my job was stressful but i can handle that. This exam is stressing me out more than anything. I'm just hoping to pass.

My neighbors have some sort of vibrating machine in the room adjacent to my computer room. It's complete bullshit. I'm friendly with them so I think I'm going to ask about it and let them know that it makes me feel sick. It just started like last week. They must have bought something. It's literally on for hours. It's not an air conditioner or anything because there is an air conditioner in their window that you can't hear. But sometimes it turns off, like an air compressor or something. It's on for hours at a time and it's not the heater. You can only feel or hear it when you're in the room sharing the same wall as them. You can't hear or feel it downstairs either. It's only in the upstairs room adjacent to this room. I need to ask and figure it out. Sometimes it turns off for about 30 minutes to an hour but recently it's been on non-stop. If they can turn that off or relocate it I might enjoy living here. But if not it's gonna be a long 8 months. I'll just need to pass my exam and then focus on buying a home with a yard. My main goal is get this fucking yard so I never have to have loud neighbors again or share a wall again. I don't like other people. Not many people think about others and it's frustrating. My main issue is I don't get how people in THEIR house don't feel the vibrations and get tired of it. I don't understand. I just think it's garbage that i have a vibration problem again after all the trouble i went through last year. I can't win. Watch my next house be on a fault line. I don't like other people.

Today I'm 101 weeks free from gaming. I went to the bank, did laundry, ate, traveled, talked to family and now relaxing before studying. I also tried out new computer chairs since mine is hurting my tail bone. I think I found one so I'll try it out. I'm hoping to get 1 or 2 videos done today to test my theory. I also woke up earlier than previous weekends by over 3 hours.

I'm already growing more tired of my apartment. I don't like being around loud people. They annoy me. I don't like sharing walls with others. I just want my space. People are annoying. I dream of owning a home with distant neighbors only but in a town with people. I'll find it one day.

I finished my work projects and feel really good about it. I solved all my problems and think I'll be ready for next week. Tonight I plan on studying for 1 of my video segments. This weekend I plan on being more kind to myself. Schedule: Saturday: bank, study 1 video, clean apartment, relax, study 1 video if possible, call a friend, do a hobby. Sunday: Study 1 video, relax, tennis with friend, relax, study 1 video if possible. I won't be forcing myself to do pressure of 8-12 hours per day of studying. That forced me to relapse with porn last weekend and then sleep all day long both days. I ended up doing nothing both days and no studying then felt sick all week from stress. So I'll be kinder to myself this weekend and try this more reasonable, time-friendly approach. Treat myself well so I can be well.

I'm a little stressed from work projects becoming due soon and my exam studying. It's interesting because I used to turn to porn to deal with this stress and now I don't even get aroused by it. Maybe it's a phase thing but this week I haven't felt the urge to watch porn. This has come after I have agreed to socialize more and also not care about it. One major thing I've noticed is all of my dreams at night have been incredibly sexual. Vivid sexual experiences and conversations beyond what I normally have.