BooksandTrees

It's not anxiety. It's disturbances from my neighbor slamming the door this morning to his car and stomping around his house. My study time is fine. I'm doing well. Thanks. I don't have any illnesses. I just want to keep studying. I'm enjoying the topics I'm studying and making a good day out of it.

Another shitty night's sleep. My retard neighbor stomped around and slammed his doors at 5 am and I woke up a few times. I think people are so ignorant. I'm developing a hatred for them already. This is more reason to get my exam done. I want to buy a house with little to no neighbors. I like socializing but I need solitude in my home.

I wanted to share this link about hearing voices or sounds that aren't there. I don't have schizophrenia but I do have anxiety and depression. I hear voices and sounds at night when I'm feeling extremely anxious and have to clear my mind. This report basically confirms my situation. I feel better now. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4710580/

I studied for almost 12 hours today and really enjoyed it. It was the most successful study day I've had. I started to really enjoy the material because it was so directly related to my career that it was answering questions I had in my profession from random problems on my projects. I didn't grow tired at all. I considered studying more tonight because it was interesting, but I don't want to burn myself out. I woke up late because of being exhausted and was only awake about 12 hours today. I studied for almost all of it aside from eating and a nap. I am on pace to complete everything before the exam. I need to keep going. I'm very proud of myself. I just kept telling myself today was going to be a great day and I made it one because of my effort.

Read this post I wrote when I hit 500 days. https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/8392-almost-500-days-without-gaming/ Personally, I don't think you're using this website correctly and I don't mean to offend you. All you've been writing is the amount of days you haven't gamed. You're treating it like a counting streak. The point of this is to live life without even noticing that it's been a day or two away from gaming. It's about training yourself to just be living life in a new way that eventually becomes normal. Our old normal was gaming for hours. My normal now is working 9 hours per day, talking to a friend or family member, exercising, studying for my exam or doing a hobby, watching TV or reading before bed, etc. You have to analyze why you're failing. Every time you log onto this website after a failure you need to analyze the whole situation. How long were you craving games before playing that day? How often do you crave games? What's causing the cravings? What can you do to stop the cravings? What are your triggers? You're not being thorough enough. You have to study why you're failing and learn to succeed. Eventually you're going to hate failing more than you like succeeding and you will never allow yourself to fail because the pain of failure is so intensely frustrating that no success could ever do better. In many cases, not just with gaming addiction, but with everything in life, misery leads to success because we're not a miserable species. We aim to be satisfied. Fuck failing. Good luck

Today I'm 103 weeks free from gaming and 105 weeks free from social media. I plan on making today a productive Saturday for the first time. I will study multiple hours. There's only 6 days left til this exam and I'm gonna finish strong and pass. I won't find the results out til December but just having less stress will be great.

I had an incredibly productive day today. I got everything done at work, helped others, lead others, had a great dinner, went to therapy and had a good session, then I studied for over 5 hours! I'm done with the morning section and under way in the afternoon section. I'm making great progress.

I watched my favorite movie and ate some food and relaxed. I needed a break mentally and I did 3 hours tonight. Can't do 5 every night. Back at it tomorrow. I continue to play my steel tongue drum before bed and when I wake up.

i'm tired and need a break. I didn't finish my study problems tonight and it bothers me. But I'm not retaining anythnig and already studied for 3 hours. I'm gonna wake up early tomorrow and try it.

I had a very productive day at work followed by a quick nap and then 5 hours of studying. I did extremely well on the problems I solved tonight and my confidence is rising big time. I should be able to finish the final topic of practice problems tomorrow and start the video lectures for the afternoon section. After that I can hopefully finish the videos by Saturday and do the practice problems on Sunday and Monday. Then I can just do practice exams Tuesday and Wednesday then relax Thursday before the test on Friday. Getting there. I do want to relax a little tonight as last night I got too amped up and slept like shit. I think it was because I wanted to solve these problems and didn't have time. I did it tonight and feel better. Every day I make progress I feel better.

Thanks. I'm actually dominating today so I'll hopefully avoid the mental crash later and sleep well. Who knows.

Horrible sleep again last night. I tried punching something in a dream and punched my bed frame. My bed isn't comfortable anymore. With a combination of stress making me feel vibrations, uncomfortable bed and pillows, and my anxiety it's just impossible.

I'll find one eventually. I guess I'm not alone with the stuffed animal front and feel better about it. I was made fun of as a kid for it

I also can't wait to get my own house with few neighbors if any at all. Both sets of neighbors have been loud tonight. Fuck off. People are really annoying. I want a nice fenced in property with security. Passing this test will help me save money for that goal.

I studied for about 10 hours today. I still feel so far behind. The issue is the first half of the exam (4 hours, 40 questions, 4 topics) basically summarizes everything you learned in college (I graduated 5 years ago). The second half of the exam is 4 hours and 40 questions based on your specific career, which for me is strictly structural engineering. So I finished all the video sessions required for the morning session and spent today doing 50 questions per topic. I've finished almost 100 questions. I need to do the other 100 tomorrow and think I can. Then I need to watch the videos for the 2nd half and do 100 problems for the second half. I have 10 days to do this. I took a week off from work so hopefully that helps. Ideally, I'll finish the problems tomorrow and finish the videos on Sunday. Then I'll do the problems on Monday and Tuesday of next week and then spend Wednesday and Thursday doing practice exams before the exam. God fucking dammit I want this over with. Even if I'm not done with the studying I'm gonna give it my best shot. I need to get 57 questions correct out of 80 to pass. I've gotten 95% of the problems correct so far today out of 100 and that's just the first time doing problems. I clearly have the brain for this and I'm going to do it. Fuck off. Fuck. I want this so fucking badly and I'm so mad at myself for wasting even a second. FUCK. FUCK. Fucking right I got this. Get fucking pumped.

I'm glad your mom is doing better and that you got to see her. Also, good idea being understanding and thinking about the woman situation. Sometimes desperation can lead to mistakes and you're not thinking out of desperation here. You're being calm.

Keep focusing on breath and warmth while you're resting. It's ok to be exhausted and sometimes you just gotta listen to your body and get some energy back. Sending you energy and love during your healing period and hope that you continue to find grace during this time.

Thank you! I appreciate the support. I really hope to get there and do well. I'm going to make good use of today and solve my problems I've been working on.

I couldn't study today for some reason. I let myself down. Instead, I cleaned all the rooms in my house, washed the sinks and toilet, paid bills, sorted mail, meal prepped, vacuumed all the floors, mopped the other floors, did laundry, did dishes, dusted furniture, and took the trash out. It was a very productive day and I got a lot done around the house. I just couldn't study. I've done about 5 hours per day 6 days per week after work and on weekends. It's so much. There's no balance to this. I need to stay strong for the next 2 weeks until this is over with. It's showing me the boundaries I face. It's also interesting to note that I played video games more than I have been studying, but video games are easier and more fun so that makes sense. But it also reminds me how exhausted I was after playing games and how I'd get brain fog. It's a good note to say that when I find more hobbies in the future that I should only do them for 2-3 hours per week and not this obscene expectation of 20-40 hours.

I read a reddit post about adults sleeping with stuffed animals and felt good about it. Turns out a lot of adults sleep with them. I really love my dog stuffed animal that I won at a fair. I hug him at night now and I feel a lot less lonely. It's been about a month. I used to watch porn before bed to deal with loneliness anxiety or I'd play video games until I was exhausted and needed sleep desperately. Now when I sit here in bed I can hug my stuffed animal and feel warmth and comfort. I'm not ashamed of it. I was in high school. Now I just miss my old stuffed animals. I still have them at my mom's house. I think a lot of gamers have anxiety and loneliness problems and I think this is a nice solution for me, especially during these isolated months of pandemic.

I feel like crap. I definitely stress ate today. God damn. I hope I can fall asleep well and feel fine.

Today's the first Saturday I've studied for this exam in both attempts. I'm very proud of myself. I've made huge progress. My confidence is rising big time. I took most of today to relax and most of yesterday to relax. I was very burnt out and now I feel normal again. I slept for about 14 hours and ate my favorite foods and have my energy back. I'm absorbing material and solving problems well again. I ate too much junk food today so I'm a little worried about that, but i will try to pace around to burn some calories to help digestion.

You have to let go of the fear of being alone and losing your connections. If you explain to your friends and family that you'll be texting and using calls and email instead that is important. Get all their contact information as well and explain you're not deleting people. You're just getting your space back. I was able to quit because I hated reading what other people had to say. You need separation from others during the day and going on social media is poison.

Get your tasks done first thing maybe? Might be easiest to get through the day afterwards.

Today I'm 102 weeks free from video games and 104 weeks free (2 years!) free from social media. I feel good about both. I've spent much of today relaxing and doing nothing. I think I was so burnt out after this past week of working 50 hours and studying 30 hours that I had nothing in the tank. I'm gonna buy some of my favorite food soon and have a nice dinner and then study more. I still felt sad that I didn't see my friends last night, but I am ok about it now. They understood and I understood. No need to go insane over it. It's such a peaceful day today. I start each day playing a few notes on my steel tongue drum and end that way as well. I enjoy it because I just play the notes I want to feel emotionally. I don't follow any instructions. This drum is meant to be expressive. My dreams have been very vivid. Like almost realistic. I can tell my mind is exhausted. It feels like I'm alive in the dreams and I'm in another world. They link together because I remember all of my dreams so the past few weeks has been one continuous dream which is very interesting. Conversations I have with people in my dreams have both me and them bringing up topics from previous dreams this week. I've never experienced this before. I have watched more porn this week than previous weeks. About 4 times. Still not bad compared to years past. I found an actress who is very passionate and sensual and it's something I've always wanted in life so I'm helplessly intrigued and wish for that one day. It will happen. I had mentioned I was sick an tired of porn because of how obviously fake it is and how much of a joke it has become. So I can really only watch this or nothing at all. It's progress and it's more controlled.