BooksandTrees

I failed by exam. I'll do better next time. I knew I failed so it's not a surprise. It's ok.

I look for many things. Some of the key ones are: Genuine: She honestly cares about who you are, what you have to say, and shows interest. She wants to share stories and moments from her life with you and teach you about herself. She doesn't pretend to be someone she is not. Intention: She cares about something and goes after it. Everything she does, whether it's personal or professional goals in life, she does with a purpose and intends to do it well. Communication: She has the knowledge and courage to be able to share her feelings with me. If something is bothering her, she lets me know in a calm and coordinated way where we can reach a solution together. If we're intimate, she can tell me what she wants me to do to enhance our romance. She asks me what I like during intimacy. She doesn't spam me at work and makes sure to coordinate her schedule with me. I want her to ask me how I'm doing and not just talk about herself. I find it very frustrating when a woman only answers a question and doesn't reciprocate or just genuinely ask me what happened in my day or something. I don't like quiet women. I don't like always carrying a conversation. It gets me very angry because it looks like they don't care about our time together. I don't have time to guess what you're thinking. I want open communication. Introverts can still do this. If you say you're an introvert as an excuse for not communicating you're just lazy, selfish, and don't care about me and I'll defend this statement to the day I die. So fuck off if you disagree (not you, amphibian, just anyone who says they can't ask how you're doing if they think they're an introvert. They're just not trying to be a genuine person.) Honesty/Loyalty: I combine these because they're hand-in-hand. I don't want someone pretending to be someone and I don't want her to be cheating on me. This also goes in hand with communication. If I'm doing something boring that is causing her to cheat then just tell me instead of being sly. Also, I want that commitment. I don't want a manipulator who will use me to make her own life better all the time. I want her to make my life better as a couple and we both do well. I don't like selfish women. Passion: They need to have hobbies. It's sexy to see a woman so invested in a hobby like art, sports, music, you name it. When a woman really cares about something you see how much they love it and you want to be a part of that. When I'm with her, I know that if we are intimate together she'll be passionate because she has passions for other things. I find it attractive when a woman is good at something. I admire leadership and talented women. I want to live up to her standards and prove that I'm elite as well and show off for her. I want us both to be confident. Passion is sexy. Character: No quit attitude. Someone who is not pathetic. Someone who doesn't let people take advantage of them. Someone who is patient and empathetic and understands both sides of the story. Someone who has dealt with adversity in life and doesn't crumble under pressure. Someone who is resilient and believes in the right thing. Someone with good morals and won't corrupt anyone or be corrupt or corrupted. A hopeful, optimistic, yet realistic person who knows when a situation is bad that it is ok and we can get through it. Intelligence: I want someone who is a logical thinker. I don't want an aloof person who thinks they're being spontaneous by not having a plan in life. It bothers me. I need emotional intelligence to know how to interact with me and others when we're experiencing a full range of emotions. I need someone who knows how to interact when they are dealing with a full range of emotions. I need sexual intelligence. To understand I'm not super experienced and just being patient and not hurt my feelings. I need physical intelligence where she takes care of her body by eating well, sleeping, exercising, and not doing drugs. Social intelligence. I don't want her being extremely loud in public, being a drunk, trying to be the center of attention at all times, etc. And I'd like her to have that intellectual depth to handle my conversations in life regarding work, love, hobbies, life, etc. And I want her to have those conversations with me. I need full connection there. Responsibility: Someone who knows to pay bills on time, to save money, to do her work, to help me do housework, bathes normally, eats at normal times, shares my stress load and shares her stress with me equally, accountable for her words and actions in our relationship and in life. If she says something and then goes back on it to get out of being responsible, she's an asshole. I don't want that. I want someone I can be proud of an count on in life. Humor: She needs to be funny or at least understand my humor. If she doesn't get my jokes then it's not going to work. Voice: I don't want her to have an extremely loud voice. It bothers me in public. I just want a normal voice level. I also don't want her talking with an upward inflection at the end of every sentence to make it sound like she's asking a question at all times. It really bothers me. Just talk normally. Jesus Christ. Listener: Listens to others and is not stubborn. I don't mind if they're a leader type, but leaders still have advisers. I want someone who will take my criticism fairly and take my compliments fairly. I would like her to listen to me as much as I listen to her with all good and bad problems in life.

This weekend I'm 111 weeks free from gaming addiction. My friend came over yesterday and we built my workout machine for a few hours. I then went to pick up my drum set and assemble it. I'm really excited to try these out and be more physical after work. I was tired while building the machines yesterday and realize my stamina is not so good. The conversation with this girl was been going very well. I'm enjoying getting to know her and talking to her. We have a third date planned for Wednesday night. I'm going to ask if she'd be interested in planning an in-person, quarantined date kind of thing in 2 weeks. Even though that's around Christmas time so she might be seeing family. I'll have to see what makes sense for health safety. You never know who people see on holidays and although she believes in quarantining, her family may not. I'm going to try working out 3 days per week with simple full body routines for the next few months. I want to get back in slowly and not pull a muscle or something. I might also order whey protein again, but not yet. I want to see how my schedule goes. I also want to plan some time for drum lessons. I won't overwhelm myself with this. I think it will be smart to do like 1-2 lessons per week and just mess around the rest of the time. I want to learn from my experience of overwhelming myself with 3d modeling. I get my exam results back this week after 8 long weeks. At least we were told to anticipate results back this week. I'm remaining optimistic and hopeful for a passing score. If I failed then I will know how to study next time and be more prepared. I'd start studying in end of January and go slower. If I pass, it will be a complete dream come true. I will have achieved a great personal and professional goal of mine and have some more time for things I enjoy. It will allow me to grow as a professional in countless ways so I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully it's a passing grade. I was thinking of doing an hour or two of 3d modeling per week once I start exercising again. It will be nice to have some balance with hobbies. Right now, I just don't feel motivated to sit in front of the computer and animate after working 8-12 hours. I need to move around.

I gotta work late today to get my project done. But I'm determined. I'm a little worried about the dating situation. She's still talking to me and said she's excited for our date Thursday, but she uploaded 3 new dating photos to her profile and they're very pretty. It makes me think she's trying to find something better. I won't let it phase me. I still use the app and read people. She could have done it for my attention as well. I'm just going to focus on work.

Thanks guys. I'm just gonna face tomorrow, do my morning routine, and do it.

I'll be honest, I don't think those feelings will ever go away. I sometimes feel like the main character in that movie struggling in the apartment and becoming paranoid and then confident and repeating. Sometimes the virus makes me feel comfortable because the world is smaller.

I double posted.

This weekend I'm 110 weeks free from gaming addiction. I had a great rebound this weekend. It's kind of funny because I complained about being single and actually had a virtual date yesterday. It was the best date I've ever been on to be honest. I connected with this woman so well. I didn't want the conversation to end. We had this natural chemistry and I was really gravitated to her words and personality. I really enjoyed her presence. She's also extremely beautiful and I personally am baffled that she'd be interested in talking to me because she's probably a 10 out of 10 and I'm confused. We have a second video date on Thursday night after work and will message each other before then. It has made me very happy to be honest. Thanks @DaBest and @Jason70 for the responses. Sometimes things happen and we gotta take advantage of the opportunities we're given even if we just had a bad moment in life because good things happen. In other news I kind of got disappointed this weekend because I wasn't able to finish a project on Friday and feel behind on my work. I'm gonna try to log into work today and do a few hours to wrap it up. This project just gives me anxiety and I'd like to just get over it. I'm overthinking why I don't want to do the work and not just doing the work in general. This week I'd like to have a better week at work. I also am getting my exercise equipment delivered this week and most of my drums delivered this week. Things are starting to come together and I'm happy about it.

Honestly, after looking at both graphs. You seem tired. The activities you've been doing most seem to be meditation, journaling, waking up early, and some strength and stretching. You're not doing critical thinking activities compared to physical and mental restoration activities. This makes me think you're tired and looking to be more restorative.

I'm pretty bummed out today. I didn't wake up well. I hit snooze too much. I stayed up too late last night working. I tried to work today and just hit a wall. I got a lot of stuff done on other projects but not my main one. I just felt distracted. I tried napping a few times and couldn't. I feel so embarrassed as well. I just think I'm doing something wrong with women. I must be a specific person or something. I told someone off who pissed me off as well. It was outside of work and just with a group of people I talk to. Other people started harping on the person as well. I am guessing he rubs everyone the wrong way and I was the only one willing to call them out. People are pussies most of the time. I'm gonna try working a little this weekend to make up for today. I have a virtual date planned today but I don't think anything will come of it. I don't think I appeal to modern women. Older women in their 40s flirt with me more than women in their 20s. There's such a disconnect. It bothers me. I'm gonna keep trying though. I can't just keep hiding.

I can take a look this weekend after work.

After writing in the journal entry this morning I was able to gain some steam and actually had a very productive day. It was my best day in weeks to be honest. I felt great and just kept rolling with it. I've officially caught up and am not stressed out anymore. I'm almost done with the report as well. I can't believe how productive today was. It goes to show that if you support yourself with a good schedule and allow yourself to problem solve the situation you'll be successful.

I woke up today and ate breakfast and relaxed before starting work. I felt better, but I am frozen with anxiety regarding my project at work. It's really stressing me out to the point I can't even start it. I hate these projects and want to avoid it at all costs. I've got to get over it. Hiding is only causing more anxiety. If I just finish the assignment I'll be good. I'm anxious because of fear. I'm afraid of messing this project up. But why? It's not due for 2 weeks and I'm almost done. My calculations show I already got it correct and nothing is wrong. I just have to summarize the results. I think it's the fact that I don't enjoy writing reports and summarizing my findings. It's very boring and takes a long time. My mind knows it will take a while and that it's not interesting. It's ok. Let's look at the positive parts. I get paid to write it. Once I write it I can work on a more exciting project. Once I finish it I won't stress about it. I'll be thanked. Let's breathe and take our time and just get it over with. Anxiety medication won't magically make me do it. Just gotta dig in.

No problem. Try starting a journal and noting your day, good or bad.

I did it. I stopped doing stuff at 10 pm tonight and can now relax before bed. My goal tomorrow is to wake up and eat breakfast and relax before turning my computer on. I've been turning my computer on after waking up and getting stressed out right away. It's impacting my day and my health.

Hi, I'm over 2 years free from my gaming addiction. Here is my story. I think reading it might help you: And here is a long post about how to quit games properly and make it that I wrote at my 500 day mark: It's a little late for me to type a large response so I can't at the moment, but I think they might be of help to you. I was in a similar situation. You need to get to the center of what you're avoiding in life and I think therapy will help. You're holding onto a lot of shame and surrounded by fake friends. If your father and girlfriend love you then they will understand as long as you're honest with them.

I stayed strong. It's the first clean day in months for me. I couldn't fall asleep but I did some breathing exercises and appreciated my apartment and stuff to get in a better mood. I'm very tired today but grateful.

You never know. Dermatologists could find something, it might just take time. And maybe you will find something to replace tv like you replaced video games. Like books or something.

I'm having a tremendous amount of anxiety tonight and I really want to spend time masturbating to relieve it. I'm not though. I'm trying to understand why I'm anxious. I don't want to ruin my sleep so I'm worried every minute going by is bad. I worry about doing my project tomorrow. I also worry about things not going well with the women I've connected with on my dating site. I got one phone number already and close to a second. I feel very positive about these women. They're both my type yet very unique and intelligent. I'm extremely attracted to one of them. I just don't want to blow it. I've never had success with women besides the crazy ones and I'm just so insecure. I try to erase those feelings from my mind when I talk to them and it's working. I just want to be that desirable man to them and prove to myself I can find love and that I can meet a beautiful woman and don't have to settle. I need to remain calm. If I got this far already I'm logically doing well and can continue. Calm down. I've done everything right so far and learned from previous mistakes. This is mor proof that if I mess up I'll learn from it. I don't need to masturbate tonight. I can go a whole day without it. I am strong. I am worth it. I love myself and I'm proud of myself. I thank God for the opportunity to even interact with these women and I will continue to seize opportunities I'm given instead of sulking and beating myself up. I'm very fortunate to be talking to such beautiful women this time around and I'm ready to keep going.

That's true. I just would like to have some patience and be able to say no to porn and just be hopeful for dates etc. I still think the masturbation is just such a plethora of reasons to it. It's loneliness, sexual desire, tiredness, frustration, anxiety, etc. I think dealing with loneliness will help but also being physically active again will help with some pent up energy dissipation. I notice the touch too. If I get a girlfriend I won't be over the top about it, but I will keep a hand on them in private moments and emphasize my emotional connection with them to let them know. I think that's romantic.

I think it means you should be on the lookout for tools to solve these problems. God might not solve them for you, but will assist you.

I'm recommitting to nofap.

Thank you. Have a great day.

The moon is tremendously bright tonight. It's lightning up the sky like it's daylight. It's calming and promotes clairvoyance in my mind. I've become so consumed by masturbation that it's really bothering me. I have all of these creative ideas in my head for hobbies and stuff. The drums and workout equipment are coming and I frankly can't wait. I'm just so frustrated by my obsession with sex. I want to have sex so badly. It's been over 10 years. I'm sexually deprived in so many invisible ways. I'm embarrassed and afraid that I'll meet a woman who will be put off by my lack of expertise. It's my one true insecurity. How can I be so confident in almost every aspect of my life yet feel so afraid sexually. It's because I was abused as a teenager and although I've made great progress I just need to get it over with so I can stop worrying. I've matched with some very beautiful and kind women on my dating app so far and I'm just going to keep a positive attitude. I'm just so tired of porn and masturbation. They consume my thoughts. I have no creative thoughts. I just want to watch porn, sleep, eat, relax. It's so degrading to me. What I need is love. I honestly think love will help me. I won't force it though. I just think love and stability is something I desperately need because I struggle when alone.

Congrats on reaching the 1 year milestone. I'm happy that you have made it to this point and feel good about it. We might not ever have the perfect life, but I don't think there is such thing as perfection in humanity. There's a reason we're constantly evolving, inventing things, and changing. We just gotta stay strong and remain honest with that fact. Keep up the good work. You're definitely in a much better place now than you were last year. Even if you read your original posts you can see a vast difference in behavior.