BooksandTrees

The world is a better place today.

My stomach is bothering me a lot tonight. I ate like shit all weekend with pizza, ice cream, and not healthy Chinese food. I know there is healthy Chinese food, but the kind I ate was not healthy. Not doing a race thing here, please calm down. I ate vegetables, healthy grains, low fat food, and lean meats today and my body is just dying. It's strange because I used to eat this all last year when I lost 30 lbs. I've been eating a lot of junk food the past few weeks due to stress. I ate a whole buffalo chicken pizza Saturday and Sunday and then a whole pint of ice cream after. I didn't go to the bathroom for a whole day after that. I think it's just a reaction from the poor diet the past few days. Work has been very stressful and I have to start studying again soon. I also don't really look forward to doing anything after work. I left work early today because I started early and I just sat there for a while. THere was nothing I wanted to do. I didn't want to do anything creative. I ended up texting friends and family and felt better after. I think I just needed to cool off. But right now I am just annoyed because my mid section keeps having hot flashes of cold and then burning hot. It's like acid reflux is back or something. IDK. I've also felt little motivation to post on this website the past few weeks. I'm sorry for not posting more or in people's journals. I just feel a little run down of late. I'll try to rest more and treat myself healthier and see what happens. Therapy tonight fortunately.

Today I'm 116 weeks free from gaming and 118 weeks free from social media. Well, technically yesterday, but I was busy yesterday lol. I've been working a lot on a difficult project at work that stressed me out but I've been making sure to charge overtime and dealing with it. I get annoyed with a few things going on but I'm just going to roll with it. Life is too short to beat myself up over worrying about little things out of my control. I was thrown into a dumb situation and I'm just gonna move on. I don't like poor communication. I don't like how things go from positive and negative so fast. I keep getting mixed signals from whether I've done good or bad and I strongly dislike feeling like I'm in an indecisive position. We'll see what happens. Otherwise I'm looking to just relax today and enjoy free time for once.

I just started tracking calories again like I did last year and threw away my junk food. Also more water.

Keep it up!

I'm feeling a little better. I need to be better tomorrow and make up for lost productivity. It's a big week and I need to deliver.

I ate a lot of ice cream today and feel terrible. I don't know why I did it. I can't even work. So stupid.

It seems you're missing the camaraderie of being with your brothers and doing an activity. Keep searching for why you're relapsing.

I did the same thing when I quit runescape. I gave my clan away. It helps.

Take your time and have some compassion for yourself. It takes everyone a different amount of time.

I tried quitting ever since 2008 and couldn't do it. It took until 2018. That's a long time. I get urges sometimes but I just change the conversation, calm down and realize the day will end and tomorrow is a new day, and try to force myself into a different mindset. Enough pain is enough.

Stay strong and keep journaling your thoughts here. When we're stressed we trigger a queuing process of turning towards bad habits to deal with stress. I've written in my blog 10 times in 1 day before. Look how many comments are in it. Most are me complaining. It helps to lean on your thoughts rather than a game that's just gonna hurt you. Keep writing.

Today I'm 115 weeks free from gaming and 117 weeks free from social media. I've been waking up early every day this week and feel so much better. I'm finally getting 6-7 hours of consecutive sleep each night. I'm dominating at work and I'm doing my hobbies etc. I feel a lot better. I finished a difficult project this week at work and I took some time to just randomly play the drums because I like the noise. I wasn't trying to play a certain song or anything. It was fun. I've also been doing some yoga in the mornings and watching my tv shows at night. I've simplified life a bit and feel better. Also did some virtual chats with friends. I wanted to talk about what happened in Washington this week, but I want to uphold the rules Cam set forth on this website and not discuss politics. I just hope everyone is safe and doing what they can to maintain mental sanity during this time. Having that drama on top of the coronavirus stress is not very good for our health. Hopefully positivity will come soon. I have strong opinions about it, but once again will not discuss as per Cam. I also don't want anyone talking about it on my forum. Thank you.

Welcome to the forums. Thanks for sharing a bit about yourself. Hopefully you can discover ways to deal with stress here and write about the journey. Good luck.

I just don't think it's meant for men to succeed on it unless they're extremely attractive and show no desire for commitment. I'm still an advocate for meeting naturally in person but that's tough right now.

I think you need to get it in the open with people you work with that you need open lines of communication and let them know you need more guidance and explanation on your tasks or else you're going to stress yourself out, start dreading work, and look for escapism again.

I went to bed at 930 being naturally tired and woke up at 4 without an alarm clock. It's the most sleep I've gotten in one sitting in weeks I feel. I relaxed til 5 and got my day started again. I'm feeling better overall about being an early bird out of nowhere. I also resolved a major family issue that was causing me a great deal of stress. I confronted both parents and defended myself and resolved the issue. I think it's important to always defend yourself and understand the situation from both sides of the spectrum.

I like that you're sticking to one diary now. Gaming on weekends crushes your energy going into the next week. I used to only game Friday through Sunday before quitting and I'd probably play 16 hours a day and be exhausted til Wednesday.

I actually enjoy waking up this early. Half my work day is over, I do yoga in the mornings, less tired at lunch, and I'm getting more energy after work.

I could have sworn I woke up at 7 but it's 5. I actually got 6 straight hours though which hasn't happened. Usually I sleep from 11 to 2 and try to sleep but can't.

This sleep issue is really eating at me but I'm thinking it's caused by napping during the day.

I agree with you. I just wanted to hear you say it. It shows you're willing to commit.

Thank you and you as well.

I woke up at 3... again. I thought I could go back to sleep but nothing so I went to get breakfast at 530 and am relaxing now. I think today I'm going to do a 1 hour drum lesson and then either doing art or writing. I might watch a movie too.

I hear you. I think there's a bit of shame that we inherit if we're not sexually active or successful in relationships. We beat ourselves up for masturbation and it's just because we're upset about our sexual confidence and lifestyle. At least that's what I think.