BooksandTrees

I had a good meeting with my therapist today about how the medication I've been taking for depression and anxiety has really impacted me in a positive way. I rarely crave video games, I watch porn maybe twice per week or once per week tops, sometimes none at all for weeks. I just think this medication has helped me get to a point where I'm no longer ruminating and being consumed by anxious thoughts. This is important because I've already taken so many steps to developing coping mechanisms for stress and dealing with my triggers. Now that I'm no longer on an 8 out of 10 stress level I can easily handle these stressors because I'm sitting at a 0-2 out of 10. It makes life more manageable.

May I ask if you're seeing a therapist? I forgot if you mentioned that. Congrats on dating this girl for 6 months. How is the experience vs dating your ex boyfriend? It's got to be strange or at least interesting? How is it impacting your life? I could reply to a lot of stuff you posted but I'd be here too long and it wouldn't make an impact. I think you should come back to the forums more often and write smaller posts over time after you get everything out of your system. It seems like holding everything inside has really taken its toll on you and burned you out. It might help you deal with things better and you even mentioned the intermittent posting back in 2017. I wanted to talk about this fear of death you have. We all have it. I say this because I had a crippling fear of death also. I'd start to suffocate and grasp for air and then panic and then try to grab onto something so i knew I was alive still. I'd then freak out at the thought of it. I won't detail anything because I don't want to trigger your thoughts of it. But I started taking prozac for major depressive disorder and anxiety induced depression. I no longer ruminate on things that don't matter. I only focus on stuff at the current moment. As a result I've been less stressed because I'm not focusing on anything. I'm on the lowest dosage of it and it has changed my life. I've got a girlfriend now, doing well at work, have friends, and am doing hobbies that are not games. I sleep better, watch porn only once a week tops, and eat less junk food. I think the fear of death gets amplified from rumination because we keep thinking back to it. Although i went to therapy for 5 years I needed that medication to get me on a level where I could deal with my thoughts properly. That's why I ask if you've seen a therapist or discussed medication with a primary care physician or psychiatrist. It has really helped me.

You doing alright?

Why are your texts so difficult to read lol? I was trying to catch up on your diary after my studying and the whole page 5 is white highlighted and this is very stark on page 6. What are these dreams and goals you've set for yourself?

Find ways to deal with this. It's easy to give up and game again. Read your old posts and realize how unhappy you were. I suggest scheduling time for yourself to relax and reduce burnout, but also see if you're living life in a way to create sustainable balance such as consistent eating, sleeping, and working hours. Is there a meetup group or something you can do with others? Do you have a way to interact with clients? Family board game activities?

Good luck on your finals and happy V-E day to you too. Stay strong and keep the pace.

That was @DaBest for golf.

Today I hit 132 weeks free from gaming. I have some digestive issues today from allergies and stress I think. I normally have extreme anxiety over this but I'm trying to remain calm and relax at my girlfriend's house. She's taking care of me and being very calm and letting me do my thing. It's very nice and I'm extremely grateful. Irritable bowel syndrome is very frustrating but I'm feeling better than I did 3 hours ago. Work is going well and life has been getting better. I've also lost 3 lbs which is nice.

Welcome to the forums! Keep on this journey and keep journaling. Good luck!

I've found myself facing the same boredom after my studying has ended that I had when I quit video games. It's like my mind craves the feeling of processing information. I compare it to quitting video games because I remember feeling like it was bad to feel bored or not being busy. It's important to relax and zone out to recharge your mind. Even right now I'm writing because I was a little anxious from feeling bored. It's ok to be bored at times. Not all of the time, but sometimes.

A few people have done this because they're addicted to YouTube, porn, reddit etc on top of just games. You can buy the regular phones still. Just not sure how they're doing now with it.

This past weekend I hit 131 weeks free from gaming. Sorry for the scare lol. @Ikar thanks for checking in. I was just away. I feel relieved after taking that test. It was really stressful but my girlfriend was incredibly supportive of me and made sure I was ok by throwing a small celebration for me and then taking care of things. I feel so much better overall. I don't think I passed the test but maybe I did. I feel much better than last time I took the test. I also made some big progress on stuff at work so things are getting better. I'm gonna be doing drums on mondays, animation on fridays, and then relaxing between. I want to dedicate those two days to those two hobbies because if I don't set time aside for them I'll just be lazy. I'm also going to keep working out. I gained some weight while studying because I was using food as a stress outlet instead of video games or something so I want to lose some weight and find more balance now that I'm less stressed.

I don't mean to be an asshole, but I think it's time to withdraw from this energy and spiritual concept. It seems to be forcing your hand and guiding you into mental states that appear to be out of your control. I think you should take control of your situation and conceive concrete ways to maintain your grasp on your life and own it. If this job sucks then quit working there. There are so many other jobs out there. You could even be a therapist online or go into the research side of it instead of dealing with clients. Keep exploring new avenues. Whatever you do, do not commit suicide. If you are feeling suicidal I urge you to contact emergency services so they can take care of you and provide you resources to keep you in good health. Remember that brash decisions under extreme mental duress are never the correct ones. It's important to remain patient. You don't need a reiki or spiritual activity to find the way. Be realistic here and think of your health and future. There's always hope and there's always opportunity. You are brave for sharing your story. You shared your story because you believe in yourself, want help, and need the proper attention. Listen to yourself and get that help. Get that attention. Get your life in your control. I believe in you.

Today I hit 129 weeks free from gaming. I've hit the final week before my exam. It's now just 6 days away. I have followed my study plan to a tee for the most part. I don't know if it will work but I am optimistic and believe this is the most prepared I've ever been. I will take today off to relax, do 12 problems or so tomorrow and read my notes, then do a practice exam Monday, take Tuesday off/organize my notes, do a practice exam on Wednesday, take Thursday off/organize my notes, then Friday is the exam. If it doesn't work I'll take a year off rather than just 6 months. I don't want burnout anymore. Work has been exhausting but I finally got added to a very cool project. I'm looking forward to starting that after I return from the exam and vacation. I'll also get vaccinated in the next 2 weeks. I slowly plan to introduce my hobbies again once the exam is over. I'll probably do 1 hour of drums per week and 1 hour of writing per week and continue working out. I really enjoy being physically active. I have increased my strength tremendously over the past 2 months and I'm seeing physical differences in my appearance in a good way. I aim to be relatively toned by summer time. My mood is better as I've been on my stronger medication for a week, eating healthier, exercising again, sleeping normally, and realizing that this is almost over. I've had some video game cravings but I try to remember how I've improved my life without them and just carry on. Stay strong everyone and keep fighting for what you believe in. Believe in yourself and fight for yourself.

I agree. One of my goals, and I know it has been your goal as well, on this website/journey has been to really diversify my life with hobbies, in-person connections, and a change in my mood overall with the outside world over the virtual world. I think it has really become prevalent with my girlfriend being in my life and the introduction to so many new hobbies.

I hit 128 weeks last weekend. I'm pretty stressed by this exam. I got very depressed about it last week and some other stuff but I rebounded. I also went on a higher dose of my antidepressant. I was on the lowest dosage for 6 months but figured I needed to go higher for a couple months. My girlfriend and family have been very supportive. I'm extremely grateful for her and her love and support. I used to be afraid of having a girlfriend ruining the exam for me, but she has helped tenfold. I have about 9 days until the exam and I've never been more ready. I'm going to do 3 more practice exams between now and then and see where it gets me. I really want to pass. I also asked my boss for more interesting work because I've been bored lately. Once this test is over with I will go back to posting on here more often and doing animation and drumming. Sorry again for not being here to help others the past 2 months. I just wanted to dedicate my time to this and getting better. I've also been working out 4 days per week and have gotten considerably stronger. I really enjoy this feeling and will start to modify my diet a bit more after the test. Stay strong everyone. In response to @Amphibian220 above: I have found that consistent sleep, getting out of my house, getting my work done instead of procrastinating, being with my girlfriend, taking care of hygiene, and exercise has really been a major factor in gaining mental toughness.

I hit 127 weeks without gaming this weekend. I have been extremely busy and haven't had time to really write in here. That will change in a month though so I'm looking forward to that. Had a bad day today but dealt with the stress well and will rebound tomorrow. I had tremendous support from my girlfriend and resolved some issues with people bothering me.

Welcome back.

It's actually a healthy food. I'm just allergic to an ingredient. I've been back on my healthy diet the past 2 weeks and lost 3 lbs.

I've been having some stress tonight and the past few months from this test and work. I ran out of certain food tonight and had some granola bars with coconut and pumpkin seeds remaining. I was nervous about eating them because I wasn't sure if I was allergic. I ate one bar and nothing happened and it tasted good, so I had another. About 10 minutes later I had severe heartburn beyond belief. It has been about 25 minutes now and I know I'm allergic to something in it. I took acid reflux pills and allergic meds. It hurts so badly. I'm utterly miserable right now. It is awful. I'm so mad at myself. I should have thrown them away when my mom gave them to me last fall.

This past weekend I hit 126 weeks free from gaming. I studied a lot and had a great weekend with my girlfriend. It was very restorative and helpful for me. I am very grateful for her. Today I had a good half of the work day but lost steam after lunch. I rebounded by avoiding the urge to eat ice cream, I did my workouts, had a healthy dinner, bathed, and then studied for 2 hours. I'm doing much better than last year with studying. I'm almost done with the second half of studying nearly 1 month from the test. Last year I finished 1 day before the test. I'm very proud of myself although I've been stressed on and off. I think I'll be ready for that test this time. I learned a lot tonight and this weekend and am getting much better at this. I plan on being a little more productive at work tomorrow and continue this streak. I'll be more active in the community starting in the month of May. I've been so busy this year and I haven't had time. After my exam I'll be more helpful to people recovering from gaming addiction. I hope you've been doing well and sorry for not being more active. I had to focus on myself this time for a bit and I think all of us need to do this at certain points to reach our goals. We talk about our goals on this website so much. When the time comes to work on our goals we must act and we must ensure a strong effort.

I'm very disappointed in my diet the past half year. I snack too much and can't say no to sweets. I've got to get this under control. I also want to be more productive at work but it's a struggle with exam burnout. I'm extremely grateful for my girlfriend and thank God for her every day.

Thank you. Let me know how your reflection on hair pulling goes.

I'm facing extreme anxiety over this exam again. The smartest person I know said they studied for 6 months straight 1-2 hours a day. I didn't have that method and I already failed last fall even though I barely failed. I just feel so underprepared. I've been studying for a little over a month now and I'm making great progress overall. I just can't put this fear of failure behind me. I hate that my profession requires this. It angers me so much. I'm so far out of school and just so tired of this. I keep taking naps during the day, not sleeping and more. I've decided to exercise instead of take naps because it's hurting my sleep. I also think it will help clear my mind and restlessness brought on by anxiety. I also wanted to mention that I've had video game cravings for the first time in a year or so. I was craving RuneScape because of its amount of effort required to max out a skill and be efficient. I have not relapsed obviously, but I did some introspection and discovered that the reason I craved RuneScape was not because I wanted to play it, but because I had an emotional response to the stress I'm enduring from my exam preparation. Emotional trauma and stress can be a memory in all of us. We can remember something from decades ago and it can feel fresh in our minds. I used to try to be very efficient and max my accounts on RuneScape and it really stressed me out. This is similar to studying. So I do not actually crave RuneScape. My mind just remembers how I felt during that period and it placed me in a similar spot. How I deal with this stress will be telling of my outcome. I choose to exercise and solve problems instead of gaming or anything like that. I think it's a subtle reminder to keep going. I also wanted to share this with people because some of you might have similar stress relationships with gaming and don't actually crave the game. So when you relapse you feel absolutely horrible about it because you didn't want the game in the first place. You just remembered what it was like to have the stress of gaming and it felt familiar to you. Now it's time to go down a different path with that stress and come out on top. Hope this helped people be introspective and patient.

I had an unproductive day today because I once again thought about studying during the day and the tasks for work and got overwhelmed. I will stop doing that. I'm on the home stretch here and can finish a big portion of studying this weekend. I have to be patient and calm with myself. Therapy was good today and I am very excited to see my girlfriend tomorrow. I'm always extremely grateful to be able to say that after my decades of struggling romantically. Things aren't so bad as they seem when I panic. I just get upset if I miss a day of studying or something. I've got this.