BooksandTrees

Be patient with your quest for hobbies. I think a hobby involving movement is freeing because it releases the chemicals our minds released during video games, but at the correct rate that our bodies were created to do. It frees your mind of anxiety, worry, stress, and builds confidence, creates happiness, and promotes more love for yourself by physically caring for yourself. Maybe you can play sports with your wife and kids for 30 minutes a day or make time to go to the gym in the morning at 6. Even if you sleep at 10 you'd get your 8 hours of sleep.

19 weeks free. Deleted my original post. I took care of it.

How many goals do you have? Are you overwhelming yourself?

I made a dating profile. I forgot I hated dating apps. I'm deleting the profile and app. The end

Glad your exercises are going well. I know you mentioned you feel like the gym can be too long if you spend too much time. I have been doing this program that is 35-50 minutes tops and it has been so wonderful to try. It does cost money, so I won't outright suggest it, but I do know if some of the exercises feel like a burden of time or are taking too long to recover from, that shorter is always an option. Jordan had a great piece on addictive behaviors and another on men's pornography usage that has been interesting for me to hear. Good luck and find some people to help you be accountable. I have two friends keeping tabs on me with my cartoon and it has helped me big time. Good luck!

Good luck at the gig. I would like to mention that I hope you're not pressuring your girlfriend too much with these issues all of the time. I doubt that you are, but I know that once you guys get into a meaningful relationship it can be easy and almost rewarding to open up to her so much that you're both working together with each step of your problems. But as long as you're being equal in solving hers and not using her as a sounding board for advice more than a partner in a relationship I will be less worried. I don't mean to sound like a pain. I know you two have a good relationship so I'm not trying to say anything. I just want you to be careful of disturbing the balance of equal partner towards a better life together vs one leaning on the other at times for emotional and mental support more than the other receives. I've just done this in the past before and seen it go south fast and losing someone I cared about. I think you two have something special going and know how important she is to you so I just wanted to throw that in. I apologize if this sounded rude, it is not my intention. I just wanted to make sure of things and keep giving the outsider perspective so you two can continue to flourish, which it seems like you both have been doing over the past few months.

Maybe instead of hatred we use the terminology of fortification. We recognize something as detrimental to our well being and fortify our emotional walls to prevent us from letting those negative influences into our lives. I like the anecdote you mentioned. Emotional knowledge for the better of ourselves vs the hatred and pit of anger that can weigh us down. I prefer to be safe than scornful.

I'm really starting to find out who I'm attracted to and it worries me. I tend to be attracted to the dainty, bubbly, cute woman who uses her cuteness in a sexy way. She might talk about herself, carries lots of energy, seems happy, just alluring altogether. I worry that most of those people are fake and just want my attention and to use me. I have dated women like this and they use me like crazy. I don't know why I keep going back to this personality type. It makes me feel incredible to support them. It's like I just yearn to support them and satisfy them in all ways possible. In my eyes it makes me feel romantic. Maybe I am blind to being used and just realizing it now?

What did he not agree with you on if you don't mind me asking? If not, don't worry about it. No pressure. I'd just take the porn relapse in stride and work hard to achieve something you would normally put off due to fatigue. It might act as a win for you. I decided to force myself to the gym today to make up for the porn relapse. It helped my mentality a bit.

One day at a time. Good job having the conversation with your professor. I enjoy the gym and watching hockey for stress.

Hope you feel better soon. Glad you're not depressed though!

Thanks for your story. I find it interesting that you hated porn and masturbation. I have started to hate gaming, gamers, and the gaming community and that has helped me never crave games. I think it's such a toxic environment full of ignorant people. I just don't want to use anger and hate to fix all of my problems. But maybe if I refocus that energy I could turn it into a non-anger backed method of quitting porn. I'm starting to get disgusted with my reasons for watching porn and why I'm searching and what I'm craving. It's just humiliating to me and I am ready to move on. I felt terrible after watching today. Just terrible.

What's making you feel the depression? What is lacking in your life right now that you could use?

This is ok to experience. Don't get down on yourself for lack of achievement. Gaming, porn, and games like OSRS make you feel like a failure for not being efficient each day and getting something done. A helpful thing I've learned is just trying to get comfortable with down time. Sometimes your body and mind just want to relax and not focus. This is like off days from the gym. We can't control the days we need it sometimes and just have to go with it and make time elsewhere to be motivated. I've found it helpful to have "relaxing hobbies". Like reading, a few TV shows (don't binge these, it's the same reward system as gaming. I repeat, do not binge), talking to some friends online, or drawing random sketches that you're not trying to draw. I think the mind enjoys sketching random things because you draw the way your emotions feel. If you're agitated you might make deep and direct line strokes, but if you're mellow you might make calm and serene strokes. I also listen to music or a podcast and lie down. After this, I feel more recharged for when I really want and need to accomplish something at work, the gym, or writing.

Thank you! I agree with you totally. I'm trying not to get down on myself today. I honestly think I was just aroused beyond belief lol. I wasn't stressed or feeling pressure. I've learned to combat the thoughts with stressors for now, but I'm not sure how to quell the natural urge one. With every failure comes a new lesson to apply to future successes. I'm gonna have to learn from this one. I've also felt I've watched porn too much growing up. Have you found it more difficult to quit games or porn?

What a frustrating weekend so far. I got a minor stomach virus in the middle of Friday and had to leave work early. Fortunately, I finished a difficult project before I left. I slept 16 hours after clearing my system, then had to go to a party for my friend. I felt sick the entire time I was there. Light headed, very dehydrated, nauseous, and exhausted. I left early and got home to sleep. Most of the people there were garbage and I'm just tired of going to fucking stupid parties where you sit with a solo cup in your hand, try to mingle, but people still stick to their stupid fucking circles of 2 or 3 people and don't budge. PATHETIC. You're at a party. Talk to everyone. Fuck. Just a waste of a weekend in my opinion and I also couldn't go to the gym. I didn't write at all. The only productive thing I did was laundry and finish the book I was reading. I also failed and watched porn this morning. I tried doing something else, but I stayed in bed and didn't make an effort to eat breakfast. Staying in bed lead me to watching porn because I don't watch it anywhere else. It stinks because the dopamine rush to watch the porn was so strong and the experience afterwards was so lackluster. I just need to keep remembering this. I remember how hard it was to quit gaming so I am just happy I made it 7 days without porn. I feel pretty down right now about watching it. Emotionally it has been kind of frustrating. I just wrote 6 paragraphs about what I'm finding wrong with relationships, women I've been dating, women I've been meeting, and just how we're not clicking at all. I can have great conversations, I can get people laughing, I can listen well, and I can deliver well. I don't think relationships are worth having for me. I also just feel like if I post my thoughts people are going to misinterpret what I'm saying. I'm not one of these moron video gamers who are women haters. I view all humans equally, most of my friends in real life are women to like a 70-30% ratio, and my writing only reflects dating scenarios in which I've been frustrated in. Both men and women date and get frustrated and are allowed to vent their frustrations. Take it for what it is. Everyone I meet turns out to be a superior let down one way or another. I haven't met a woman in the dating world who challenges me to aspire more, who compliments my thinking, has chemistry with me in conversation past like 2 topics, is interesting enough for me to want to learn their hobbies, interests, and goals. I think it would be nice for a relationship to have both members with personal and professional goals and for the two of them to be both interested and supportive of the goals. It's romantic if they make sacrifices for me and makes me feel loving and special to make sacrifices for them to achieve their goals. I want to be part of a dynamic team where you both support each other through the thick and thin and also go on adventures, laugh, and do other bull shit all other relationships do. I know what I'm looking for is difficult. Most of the women I see on dating apps are looking for one night stands or seeing if you're interested in them and then ghost you to boost their self esteem. This is the same thing at bars. You get a few numbers and they go nowhere fast. I'm bored and tired of this crap. I am tired of superficial bull shit. I want to meet someone and if they're interested they make an effort and if they're not they just tell me right away. I KNOW GUYS DO THIS TO GIRLS, TOO. I AM EMPATHETIC TO BOTH SIDES. DO NOT POST ABOUT HOW GUYS ALSO DO THIS TO GIRLS. I FUCKING KNOW. JUST RELATE WITH ME HERE IF YOU'VE ALSO FUCKING EXPERIENCED THIS. I AM NOT ATTACKING A GENDER WITH THIS RANT. I AM ATTACKING THE PROCESS AND HOW I AM TIRED OF THE PROCESS. THIS ALWAYS TENDS TO GET MISCONSTRUED BY SOMEONE WHO NEVER READS MY THREAD AND THEN POSTS ONCE AND LEAVES. THANK YOU. So it is just frustrating after a while. It's not that I lack the humility to keep trying to find a diamond in the rough. It's just that I learn quickly with my experiences in life. If things don't really work after a while, stop wasting your time. You only live once and it's not worth it. I don't enjoy going to bars and having the same conversations. I am tired of dating apps and seeing the same shit on every profile and having the same conversations. I read articles, blogs, and watch YouTube videos and hear how women hate seeing "Hey, what's up?" in the chats. I try to learn and see if I can do something better. So I do. Meanwhile, I download Bumble - where the women message you first - and have the woman say "Hey, what's up?". LOL. Again, I think people are just having a hard time with dating apps since I'm guessing 70% of matches actually lead to a conversation and 90% of those don't get past the first few sentences. There's a lot of pressure there. Again, I hate the process. It seems both men and women are struggling here. Anyways, this is a sensitive subject for me and other people I'm assuming. If you misunderstand the context of what I'm writing as an attack on gender vs an attack on dating, then I'm not going to respond to you since I'm complaining about modern dating and its format. I'm not complaining about women, as I posted above. There always seems to be someone who doesn't get it. I'm posting in here for the 5 or 6 people who have been supporting me since last July. Thanks.

I don't think anyone I meet understands me. I'll elaborate tomorrow. I'm too tired to expand upon my thoughts. Just didn't want to forget why I'm feeling sad right now. Going to try and not watch porn, but it's a struggle I'll face tonight.

Also wanted to share this article: https://www.nofap.com/rebooting/

That's interesting. I never went to the nofap website on reddit or anything either. I kind of just saw a YouTube video about "Your Brain on Porn". I'm sorry you went through that hardship. I've relapsed before as well. I quit games and tried single player for a year and then got hooked again. I'm ready now though. I worry I won't quit porn or the PMO because of my sex drive, but we'll see!

You got this! Glad you've done the research so far. Many people haven't. I'll follow you along the way!

Things will get better the more you hang out with like minded people. It worked for me with my cartoon. Glad you're meeting similar people. Your dnd night reminds me of my board game night. Good crew, good fun, healthy social life balance. I'm proud of you.

One of the things you're going to experience with quitting games is the fact that painful events in life will make recurring flashbacks until you learn to deal with them. I noticed I used to escape from my problems through gaming for 12 hours a day and watching porn. I've been seeing a therapist for 2 years now because of how depressed I was. This journey is going to have you realize you might have lots of bad habits. Gaming is a skewed behavior because it makes you crave dopamine and serotonin at unrealistic levels. When you quit you'll immediately go to other things like porn, drugs, drinking, social media, sugary foods, sex with only the intentions of orgasm vs healthy relationship sex, binge watching a tv show in a while day or two, and more. If you notice you start doing this just be calm and don't freak out. Everyone does this and they start to criticize themselves for being a failure in many categories. Then they try to quit everything cold Turkey without developing a daily routine or understanding why they have addictive behaviors. My advice: - see if your cravings are immediate needs for hunger, thirst, anger, loneliness, or tiredness. If you're experiencing longterm anger or loneliness then it's time to explore deeper, but learn to separate short term anger (getting cut off in a car while driving) vs long term anger (your parent abused you and said you'd never amount to anything in life for years). - if it's long term then go deeper. Are your friends in real life not good people? Is your family life not what you require? Have there been traumatic and stressful things you have been hiding from? These might not come to the top of your mind right away. I'm still discovering them over 3 years into my journey from repressed abuse and bullying. I note them in my journal but I don't recommend you read all 11 pages of mine lol - start coming up with a daily routine to eliminate the need to satisfy the immediate cravings that I mentioned in bullet point 1. Keep the same sleep schedule and learn how many hours you need by doing 7 for a week up to 9 for a week. Keep this on weekends as well. Maybe eat 5 or 6 smaller meals during the day to make the day more rewarding for food and healthier digestion along with eating healthier food in general if you're not already. - come up with a few short term and long term goals that you'd like to try such as graduation from university, learning an instrument, drawing, photography, working out, etc. These goals will change and you'll beat yourself up for not being good right away and if you just hate them after a while. I tried so many hobbies before realizing which ones I wanted. Also, hobbies are not jobs. Video games and addictive habits like I mentioned before control your mind. You want to do them all of the time. Even if you want to read a book or go to class or sleep, you need to play video games and it ruins what you want to do. Be patient. If you want to read one day, sing the next, do nothing and watch a movie the next, cook the next, that's fine. Hobbies are interests meant to enjoy. You don't even need to do them all day. Gaming makes you think you need to do them all the time. Patience with yourself and accepting boredom is important because you're not actually bored. You're craving stimulus. Activities that you learn to enjoy get your mind out of the past and occupy your time so you won't be bored and get that dopamine rush to load a game. Sorry for the long post, but I hope it helps.

@TwoSidedLife did you also abstain from normal masturbation during the 1 year of no porn? I see two people online. One group says never do it again and one says wait 30 to 90 days and then you can do it again so it's not a trigger for you to watch porn again.

Thank you. That's interesting and I don't mean to sound like a strange person but I've actually never heard of a woman doing nofap. I'm really supportive of the movement. I just think porn has kept me from naturally going out and dating. I'm a social butterfly and have no issues meeting or talking to people, but when it came to dating I'd lose the natural energy to continue to flirt and I just awkwardly kept the conversation going because my brain felt that I really only needed porn. I also think the energy you get when you naturally want to talk to a cute person or work on a job or hobby gets diluted when you watch porn. You don't want to work hard for anything or do anything. If I had a major goal I'd stop brainstorming and watch porn and then get tired and depressed because porn was making me disappointed in myself. It lead to loneliness and unfulfilling days.

Today I'm in a weird spot. I'm 18 weeks clear of gaming and 1 week free of porn. I didn't feel well today, but got a lot of work done. I'm struggling big time with porn right now though. I don't have any urge to watch it, but I really want to have sex incredibly bad right now and I'm going haywire trying not to give into pmo and non pmo. I feel uncomfortable talking about what's on my mind right now, but jesus christ I am going nuts.