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info-gatherer
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Posts posted by info-gatherer
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(Oh my, I really miss some good physical exercise. I must go back to running asap!).
I didn’t read your post about porn, so I really don’t know what’s your problem with it, but I’m happy to hear you’re fighting it. Luckily enough, nobody needs porn to have an orgasm.
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21 hours ago, Laney said:
Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! Fuck the fact I spent my childhood on video games instead of building shit or making music or exploring or studying! Fuck that I wasted so many years! Fuck that I feel embarrassed about the majority of my life. Fuck that I think I’m boring! Fuck that I am ashamed, I am guilty, I am weak!
I can relate to this. I know it’s just a vent but you really described the sense of paralysis I feel in my life. For me it’s as if I were constantly judged by everyone, and found guilty. I can blame my family, my teachers, television, my catholic upbringing, but at the end of the day, however hard it is, being confident enough to change this oppressive feeling is up to me and me only. Us only.
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@Brian thanks mate. it’s not that difficult after almost a year without videogames. It gets easier and easier with time.
@Matt S me, I read your first post and some random posts in your journal and it was a very interesting read. Fun fact: yesterday my friend read your first post as well because he was with me while I was reading it, and he said “you see, he was addicted but atleast he was a very good player. you, what about you, you always sucked” ? Concerning “creation”, hobbies and in general activities unrelated to work, you’ll see that when you stay clean of videogames and build a good (regular) daily routine, you’ll find both the time and will to dedicate yourself to them! And it’s more satisfying than gaming addiction for sure ?
@Laney I’m so happy to have you here! When I first arrived in this forum many months ago I remember I read some journals and yours was one of them! You inspired me ? About Tinder, I mostly agree with you. Anyway, there’s some problems: 1) I didn’t take any photo of myself in the last four years 2) you’re a girl. I think it’s not sexist to adfirm that for a girl it’s so much easier, so your experience may be very different from mine 3) Actually at the moment I have a relationship (with a girl I met on Tinder lol) so I’m not using it anyway 4) most importantly, I don’t want to try hard. I know it’s naif, but I don’t feel at ease when I try to “manipulate” others for example by showing photos in which I’m not myself just because I know that they’ll be more successful. I think it’s related to my overly-inflated self-esteem (you don’t like me? You don’t know what you’re missing). Anyway thanks a lot for the tips & I will try to re-evaluate my Tinder situation considering them, I’m probably approaching it from the wrong perspective.
@Peregrinator Cam once mentioned that journaling is a very therapeutic activity. I like the definition.
Day 3
Goal accomplished, I showered and dressed very fast because I wanted to check notification on my phone. Good side: being ready faster. Negative side: addiction to forums, social media and, more generally, instant gratification. I mentioned in my last journal that some months ago I reinstalled Facebook and since that moment I used the phone much more than before. I will keep thinking about this topic in future posts.
It was a nice day, I studied, talked with my friend and booked a flight to Paris (where I live atm). I’m going back to France on the 7th of January, my birthday. I also found out that I have an exam on the 11th. I thought it was on the 22th, so I don’t have much time to study (I really don’t care too much anyway). I washed the dishes both for lunch and dinner, I am once again starting to find joy and peace in manual work. Good for me, since I’m pursuing a litterature degree heheheheh he h
I already wrote too much for today.
Checking out,
info-gatherer
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Interesting stuff there. Props for deciding to leave a house-sharing situation that was clearly not compatible with your new life priorities. You maybe won't be kept in touch, but you were correct, in my opinion, when you wrote that the reason is very sad.
On the other hand, I know how hard it is to (even mentally) get rid of people that you consider friends even if they are not the right people for you in a given moment of your life. And how hard it is to make new friendships & build solid relationships to turn strangers into friends. But I think you're moving in the right direction (haha you got the joke? haha "moving" haha ha) (sorry).
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Hey ? I'm happy you're doing better. Being out of home, wherever you are, is very important for an addict because it means getting out of your comfort zone and being challanged with life tasks. Also the perception of passing time when you're out of home is radically different. In front of a computer screen, three hours are the blink of an eye. In the outside world they're, possibly, the start and the end of a storm, and everything that happens in between. I'm sorry I don't mean to be too riddley or metaphorical, I'm just very tired ?
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@Brian @Samon thanks guys, I'm happy to have you here ?
Day 2
Not looking at the phone before getting ready this morning felt so good. I realized how much time I waste on my morning routine. I'll stick to the change and hit day 30.
I went to Florence. Me and my friend didn't spend time together for quite a while, so during the car trip we had the occasion to catch up on each other's lives. For lunch we cooked pasta (my life is a cliché) and in the afternoon I studied a couple hours while he slept. When he woke up we talked a lot. I don't know why I'm mentioning this, since we mostly talked about things that are supposed to interest me more, like finance and litterature, but I was absolutely astonished at the number & quality of his Tinder matches (really, I'm a simple guy, I was just... very impressed?). Before I realized it, it was dinner time. Now he's chopping potatoes while I write this entry. After dinner I'm probably going to try and study a little bit more.
Well, I guess that's all for today!
I wish you all a nice one ?
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Update: I spent most of my evening talking about gaming addiction with my friend (we used to play videogames together too). Conversation drifted oddly towards gaming nostalgia, but I managed to control it somehow. I’m as focused as ever. I’m not compromising.
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Day 1
So, here I am. I ended up spending most of the afternoon producing this new song. I didn't read nor go out but I'm fine with it. It's just a hobby, from time to time I like to dedicate myself to music producing, even though I'm a noob. The rest of the time, I had a conversation about feminism on Messenger. I was very focused in my activities, so I didn't mindlessly browse the net the whole afternoon.
I'd like to tell you a lot of things about my life, but I guess I have a whole month to do so and I don't want to write walltexts!
Tomorrow I'm going to Firenze to a friends' home. I'm going to stay with him until new year. We are going to study a couple days, and on new year's eve we will have a dinner/party with some other friends. I don't like the idea of cutting on the time I spend with my family (I haven't seen them for four months) but I will still have one week with them before I leave for France again.
I think tonight, after this update, I will be skyping with a person I'll introduce to you in my next posts. See you tomorrow!
Checking out,
i-g
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On 12/14/2018 at 12:11 AM, Samon said:
day and yesterday I saw a youtube advertisment. Guess what: LoL. This video was so dumb. They literally show in the video how ppl get addicted to the game(they make a joke out of it) and they highlight the difference between a fun gamer(bad) and a pro player who wants to succsed(good). Thats so sad.. They animate people so they play hardcore fhe game, because those are the tryharders, the ones who keep the game alive. But yea, nice reminder that I stay clean from it...
Hey sorry for the very late quote but I was reading random posts in your journal and I stumbled upon this... I think that the lack of laws and regulations in the gaming sector is absolutely insane, it's actually scary how pervasive and unavoidable gaming advertising is, and I'm ofc not talking just about youtube. I don't want to talk about politics just out of respect of your journal as a more or less "intimate" space, so I'll just say, from a "neutral" perspective, that we, as ex-gamers, are lucky to have developed the awareness needed to understand those threats and not fall for them.
That said, well done with your first month clean! In my experience, the second month is the calmest, the initial euphoria starts to fade but you gain a sentiment of "fullness of life" that molds your days and enlights them. Enjoy it! And farewell!
P.S. Your syntax reminds me of french. Is french your main language? ?
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Hey. I read some of your last journal entries. I'll follow along ?
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Hi Brian, welcome to the boards. In my experience, when you really hit your lowest you have absolutely no doubt about quitting. Did it ever happen to you to think that, concerning gaming, your own life was on the line if you didn't quit immediately? I don't mean to discourage you, on the contrary! I've seen many people come here "conflicted" and quit quitting after four days. I just want to put you in the right mindset to succeed! If you want to quit you have to know why quitting is important for you and be fully aware of the consequences, which are:
1) You will not be able to play any videogames for 90 days. I also strongly suggest not to watch any gaming video or stream, nor read any articles or even talk about games with your friends. Detach yourself from all gaming content. It's just a lot easier this way. This means that the new Civilization expansion will come out and you will not read about it, you will know nothing about it. In my opinion (it's just my opinion!) if you don't accept this, succeeding will be very very hard for you. One article leads to one video which leads to one stream which leads to just one game which leads to just one more game and we all know where "just one more game" leads.
2) With effort and dedication, you will see your life improving, getting better and better. At first it will be hard, but once you'll be on track you'll feel full of gratefulness and you will thank youself for this decision. On the other hand, if you fail, all the effort will be wasted and you will be back at square 1.
Are you ready to change your life? If you are, you have to give it your very best, you have to be 100% dedicated to it. Gaming is a very subtle addiction, understanding how to beat it is part of the process. Journaling is a very good first step. It helps a lot. I wish you all the luck!
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Hi! I'm info-gatherer. You might remember me from my gaming detox 90 Days of Journal, or my extremily unsuccessful attempt at having a life called i-g Post-Detox Journal. On the 22 of January I will hit 1 year without videogames, but hey, that doesn't mean I lost the will of doing what I do best:
complainingimproving! In fact, there are many areas of my life which should get some love. In particular: motivation, time management and social life. As a start, I am setting two goals for myself:GOAL 1
Journal every day.GOAL 2
Don't look at the phone in the morning before I'm up and dressed.I will consider my goals accomplished if I hit 30 days without relapsing.
I stopped journaling with regularity after I concluded my gaming detox. I spent too much time journaling, 1-2 hours a day, and all my "friends", my traveling partners, those who did the detox at the same time I did, were all gone, too. I accomplished my goal, anyway... Writing here didn't feel too "necessary" anymore... My second journal was more of an afterthought, I really didn't pay attention to it...
What I couldn't see (or I was trying to ignore) was that journaling was giving shape and direction to my life. When, in the evening, I stopped for an hour and just wrote down my day, I was organizing my life, setting goals, evaluating my happiness, getting feedback from others, always improving... Having a clear head is fundamental when changing your life, and journaling is the perfect tool for it. While I was doing my detox I was very happy, I felt every day was a blessing. Then, "depression", boredom and lack of motivation slipped in. I think the fact I stopped journaling was one of the main reasons, if not "the" main reason. You need motivation to write a journal, but writing a journal gives you motivation. It's a virtuous circle, and it's worth it. So, here I am, to pull again the lever that will set the whole mechanism in motion.
I hope I can be entertaining to read and also help others (both with my journal and by commenting yours), and I hope to learn from your stories and life challenges, so that we can improve our lives all together. This community taught me the value of sharing and helping others. I'm grateful for it. I will try to give back as much as I take.
This was an introduction. I already feel better than usual. I'll be back tonight for my daily journal entry.
What I'd like to do today:
-create a song
-read a book
-take a decision
-go out with a friendLife is easy, if approached with the right mindset.
(as Dannigan used to say: )
Checking out,
info-gatherer-
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@Deku Well I read some of your entries and what can I say... I really enjoy your journal. I also feel I can relate to most of it. I should take the time to read it through from start to end, maybe it's going to give me some motivation to go back to set goals to myself like I used to. Thanks for your contributions, and good luck with your journey! ?
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On 12/23/2018 at 7:07 AM, choijiah said:
Because of over-gaming i am now at a lower position of education, relationship, job, family, health, beauty... than anyone who live without gaming. So i think enough is enough, no matter what it takes...
Just try again. But you have to be very serious about it if you want to succeed. Your life is not a game. We are here to support you.
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My life in France is going good. Not great, but good, yes, and it’s a lot for me. I’m grateful for it.
I’m back in Italy for the holidays. First christmas holidays without videogames ever. Days feel empty. I’m trying to reconnect with some of the people I ignored in the past. I waste hours mindlessly browsing the net. But it’s almost 1 full year without videogames. Again, I’m grateful.
Hope you guys&grills are doing fine.
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There’s this guy that’s talking about his semipro CoD career and his passion for videogames and I tried to tell him that I don’t think hardcore gaming is a healthy habit but he ignored my point and so I stopped listening to him and now I am a bit sad
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Following my reinstallation of various social media on my phone, I got back in contact with many people that weren’t part of my life (anymore or yet), but I waste hours every day on them. Especially in the morning, I oversleep and when I wake up I just browse my phone, which makes me feel not ok with myself. I live in a shared room, so I can’t use the usual trick of having the phone far from the bed with the alarm, which always works. No, the phone rings just next to me and I stop it, and I sleep another 3 hours.
EDIT: in two hours my new roommate will move in! She’s a scottish girl, we’ve had a beer with friends a couple days ago and I really like her as a person. I’m sure we’ll get along well ?
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In the B&B where I’m living, tonight there’s a 60 something man with white hair playing WoW at the table. Mixed feelings about it.
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My gf just left me for good. She doesn’t love me anymore. Right now I’m sad, but it’s manageable. I know that real pain will come in the next days when I’ll feel alone and messaging her won’t be an option. Maybe it’s good that this is coming in my life at this particular moment. I need to react, not giving up to the temptation of giving up.
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Uploaded a selfie I just took because again confidence, learning the confidence needed to have a face, to live my life
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Update:
I am really trying hard to be sociable.
At the moment I am living in a 6-people dorm & I already met a lot of people from different countries. There’s new people arriving and leaving every day so it’s hard to make lasting friendships, but I almost never were alone in the last days, which is very important to give me confidence.
I met George, who is interested in renting a house together, and Nadia, a funny person that always tries to be sociable and makes the environment agreable to everyone.
Then I met Jin, a South Korean business student which happens to be a big fan of League of Legends (a korean nerd girl, what a cliché) and we spent a day and a night always together talking about the most various things & for the first time in a long time I felt comfortable talking about videogames as well without having any craving. Sadly she doesn’t live in Paris, but I think we’ll keep in touch by message and maybe we’ll meet again this year.
Today I went out with Inas, a german-moroccoan mechanic. Didn’t have a great time to be honest, but I’m grateful for the opportunity of getting to know new people every day.
And tomorrow my classes will start. I’m very nervous but I’ll do my best to fit in.
Not everything is good. My gf left me & also told me that she cheated on me. I told her that I don’t care as long as she loves me, but she said she’s not sure about that and I hurt her with my indifference in the last two months. In fact I mostly ignored her as I mostly ignored everyone this summer because I did feel depressed. I’m trying to convince her to stay with me because I care for her, and at the same time I feel quite childish behaving like this. Maybe the right thing to do is just accepting that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. But I think we have a beautiful relationship and I should try to preserve it. I don’t know.
A lot of things are happening in my life, I just need to keep an open mind and be a little bit of a “yes man” for once, and I know my happiness will bloom.
Checking out,
Mattia
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The journey begins. I’m already a bit homesick but I know it won’t last long. It usually doesn’t. There’s a new life out there waiting for me and I’ll do my best to make it wonderful. Everything will be fine.
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Thanks Tom, I’ll do my best, I promise.
I managed to study because I realized the exam was very easy but I only had 7 days left, so I had to just sit morning, afternoon and evening at the table and study. Deadlines usually work with me. The motivation kicks in when it’s almost too late, but it works, so no problem. After the first day I felt a “feeling of pride and accomplishment” for the first time since too long. Studying just gives me joy, but sometimes I forget it.
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So, apparently I’m going to Paris after all.
Making the effort of studying for the exam dissolved my ennui and got me back on track, giving me confidence and a new perspective.
Then I started planning for Paris. The hardest part right now is finding a house. I booked in a hostel until october 1st. I hope 2 weeks will be enough before I find something.
Now I’m enjoying my last evening on the beach with my friends.
Tomorrow morning I’ll say goodbye to my parents (they’re going to Ireland) and the day after tomorrow I’ll fly to Paris.
The only bad thing is I don’t know what’s happening between me and my girlfriend, our relationship is going to waste and neither of us is doing anything meaningful to fix it. I hope things get better soon between us, otherwise... c’est la vie.
It's never over. Another afterparty journal
in Daily Journals
Posted
Day 4
Alcoholically challenging night. This is just a basic update. Went out at 4pm and now it’s past midnight. Met new people and had a nice time. Also managed to convert my friend from cigarettes to vaping: we went together to the shop and he bought his first vape. He looks happy.
Goals for today: accomplished.