Hitaru

I heard there's going to be a project called "Say no to the adiction!" by a polish youth association in Tarnow, Poland, days 18-25 August, 2017. The association is also called Project Tarnow. Can our polish friends @hycniejsy, @fil, @Piotr, @SuperSaiyanGod check this info?

The one I mentioned is called Sectograph I think. I'm also using an habit-building tracker, Daylio for mood tracking (been a while since I updated that, I'm considering taking it up again) and someone in the Discord chat talked me into give LifeRPG a try, but I'm having mixed feelings about that one I just uninstalled it (I basically don't know how to reward myself). To track the time I've been without games and other things, I use Final Countdown (actually it's counting up but whatever). I even keep track of the days I've been alive, just because I'm that masochistic, and for existential reflection. As a curiosity, it's been 8323 days and 13 hours. Most of them shamefully wasted, but we're working on that, right? One week without mindless browsing. It's been ok I guess. Still not a big benefit, but I got up from the floor... mostly. A lot of impromptu sobbing and hopelessness. Yesterday was crap. It will get better.

Good news! I hope there was another Korean user someday ;( You are literally triggering me to make a joke about BEST KOREA, pls stahp.

I did too, but still haven't gone. Makes me feel really anxious and observed, like I was an outsider or unwelcome. What days of the week have you planned to go? Want to set up some kind of accountability partnership?

- Waking up like a normal person: checked. Breakfast still an issue, but it will probably get better with effort and planning (God help me so Cam makes that health mastery program, or maybe I should say help Cam make it good ). I reconnected with my team in LHBC (Lifehack Bootcamp) and used an app to organize my week. It looks like a rotating clock that constantly highlights what I should be doing at the moment and what comes next, just by checking my phone's main screen. Fancy! There's still some huge and worrisome blanks, but at least tuesday and thursday are fully covered. Monday and Wednesday mornings as well. From that point on, I have to improvise. Or take up some hobby. I'd rather not think too much about it right now, but I'll keep ruminating a solution. Small achievements. On a side note, the arrival of the first spanish-speaking people to the forum has hyped the fuck out of me, the translation hub got revamped and updated, and for the first time I devoted a specific time of the day only to focus in translations. This looks good!

Last week was devoted to reflection and recovery, setting me up for sucess, or at least for survival (survival would also be a hell of a goal). I'm not fully invested again in LH Bootcamp and my daily responsibilities yet, but I believe I'm on the right path. I had to take some decisions, hard ones, and stop negotiating with myself in non-negotiable things. I knew I had to do it since the very beginning, but I didn't dare. "Is this website that bad? Yes, yes it is..". "Aren't you being unreasonable with the time assigned to non-essential internet things? No, no I'm not", and so on. I even assigned time to writing this journal, to avoid mindlessly refreshing the page again and again or just staring at it. Yes, it's that bad. The jitters and brain crap are still a huge issue, but it will pass. It will. At least this time I'm not wanting to die while I cope with them. No, I want to live, I want to see where all this leads me to. I'm developing a huge interest in self-preservation based on sheer curiosity of witnessing. I guess that's the first step before a genuine desire of taking action and see it reflected upon my small piece of world. Life probably works that way.

¡Bienvenido al foro! Antes de nada debo decirte que leerte es pura poesía amigo, te expresas de una manera realmente interesante, particular y a la vez sincera. Conozco lo que significa estar en una relación en la que sientes que las cosas no deberían ser así, que estás haciendo daño, muchas veces sin saber por qué lo haces y también te están haciendo daño, muchas veces sin saber por qué te lo mereces (porque hay una parte de uno mismo que de manera irracional ya asume que te lo mereces, no sé si a ti te pasará lo mismo). Y es realmente duro. No puedo más que respetar tu dolor y tu frustración, pero también decirte que con el tiempo pasa. Todas las relaciones marcan mucho, pero las primeras y las que ocurren durante una época concreta o difícil pueden llegar a definir la vida de una persona, su visión del mundo. Y eso puede llegar a ser un problema mayor que la tristeza que es temporal. Lo mejor que puedes intentar, aunque suene a cliché, es dejar el pasado en el pasado, apreciar lo bueno porque en su momento lo era y dejar de castigarte por lo malo. Solo aprender, tomarlo como una experiencia, algo que te hizo evolucionar y conocerte más a ti mismo. Sabes, creo que muchas veces entramos en una espiral masoquista para justificar nuestra inacción y nuestro miedo. "No es que no me atreva a tomar las decisiones que en el fondo sé que debo tomar, es que me merezco estar en esta situación, merezco sufrir, que todo vaya mal, fracasar". Eso nos exime de responsabilidad. No somos nosotros, es el mundo en nuestra contra, el determinismo de que no elegimos ser desgraciados, la vida eligió por nosotros. Pero lo elegimos. Cada día que tomamos esas pequeñas decisiones fáciles, jugar, callar, esconderse, marcan el camino. Y eso asusta, asusta tener tanta responsabilidad. Asusta joderla y saber que los demás van a seguir con su día, que las cosas realmente importantes de tu vida son solo cosa tuya. "No me merezco tanto poder", y al pensar eso ya no hay que hacer nada, eso es lo cómodo, cómodo no de perezoso sino de seguro. Pero sabes que está mal. Si no lo supieras, o te diera igual, no te sentirías mal, vivirías feliz y pasivo. Ahora mismo estás asustado, estás dolido, estás enfadado y agobiado, y todo eso no solo es normal sino que está bien. Es legítimo que te sientas así, es más, lo preocupante sería que no lo hicieras. Solo tienes que saber que has tomado la decisión correcta, estás en el buen camino y aquí tienes una comunidad de gente que entiende por lo que estás pasando y te apoya, aunque no te conozca(mos) en persona o estemos a miles de kilómetros los unos de los otros. Mucho ánimo, sigue escribiendo (créeme, yo veía lo del diario como una tontería, como de adolescentes de película americana mala, pero ayuda, de verdad).

Hey Bob! I've been doing some catching up with your journal and I'm up to date now. What you're doing is amazing, man. And I can speak with full knowledge, because I'm quitting porn and Youtube at the same time and it's being Hell. Anxiety, loneliness, nightmares, crying, body shakes, exhaustion... the full pack, as you also describe in your experience. If this was learning to use a bicycle, you went full mountain biking, and I can only deeply admire and respect you for your efforts. Not many do as you do, leaving the forums and keep returning, keep trying, keep fighting, and with all the changes that are happening around you, inside and outside. And winning, because you can't slack off now, but also acknowledge, you are winning, day at a time. Currently, it's 2/4/0 in my Porn/YT/Fap counter, and I'm already struggling and not seeing the end of this. I can only hope (and wish) to reach your time as strong as you. You're an example, friend.

or rather should I say "only" Spanish translator (so far). Anyway, I'm the real thing now!! The results of my Cambridge English C1 (CEFR) certification exam arrived, and I scored a whopping score of 203 out of 210. That means I got a mention for showing C2 skills (which is the maximum). Most schools and businesses will accept that, and if I join the military, chances are I'll probably get a comfy(er) position working with our american NATO overlords (unless, you know, all those positions are reserved for NCOs and officers' in-laws). *Performs victory dance in spanish*

Last week was a mess. I've said this a thousand times, it's my body trying to resist change. I've fallen deep into a mild depression, watching porn and gaming film, even more than when I was in detox. So I guess I poisoned myself again, even if I didn't do the playing myself. But if after 318 days your life is still surrounded by gaming content, escape and instant gratification, what's the difference? None, I say. I made a courageous (or should I say desperate) move and blocked again direct access to bothersome things. Laptops are blocked during the night to ensure sleep (or journaling), and porn in particular is blocked during the day. Next the gaming content. The final push for Berlin, huh. My 40~ish euro headphones suddenly broke after less than 5 months, what a programmed obsolescence sham. I need that shit, I'll have to check on Amazon. Traditional commerce my ass. ALSO THIS HAPPENED.

Only you can tell. Gaming was the one doing the most impact in my life, and yet the easiest of the three to quit (in my case change soda for YouTube). And it was Hell, mind you. In other circumstances I would advise you to quit one at a time (and probably in this order: soda, games, porn) but maybe the urgency of your situation will help you get through. If you did that you would positively become one of the major legends of this community. It's already amazing that you are even trying. I would have given up a long time ago. I salute you. Don't take it as "You've fought enough" but "You have the perseverance to make it" Trust me on this. Each try makes you stronger and more resolute. We're rooting for you man.

I know. It's not in my current character and self-esteem to freely acknowledge it. But I know. Precisely yesterday I had a really insightful conversation with a dear friend about this. All my fears (failure, success getting over my head, expressing myself) come down to a single thing: fear of rejection (sounds familiar @Cam Adair?). I don't know where the hell does this come from, but I'm really interested in finding out. Probably another of those "lifelong quests" but that doesn't bother me. Much. LH Bootcamp began and damn is it intense. I'm not being paid for saying this and I'm not saying it completely as a good thing, but the sheer amount of content is INSANE. As if it was a way of encouraging you to prioritize and discriminate because you won't be able to check it all, at least in these 8 weeks. Yep, I think it's exactly that. But, it's going acceptably well so far. Acceptably because my efforts have been acceptable, but I can do lots better. As in many other things in my life. Also, this happened, if you haven't seen it already: https://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/4173-the-irony-of-it-all-i-was-offered-a-job-in-the-videogame-industry/ . I'm still laughing. That kind of surprised "My, what now" laughter. Not self-deprecating one. I see that as a really good thing. I believe my worldview is becoming more lighthearted and optimistic. That can only lead to good.

Done!

Yesterday and today were tough. Here's my latest NoFap journal entry from yesterday: Today, meh. Helped mom with groceries, that was a good thing. Taking baby steps towards improving my diet, it will be crucial to keep my kitchen well stocked no matter how boring going to the supermarket may be. My hair is now cut short (whoa...!) and clothes are a much simpler affair in summer, so the "Oh no I need to be perfectly groomed before going out" excuse is as good as dead for now. I'm expecting a call from a LH Bootcamp coach and things have been going ugly so far, with several technical issues and annoying setbacks. Most days I feel I make a small victory in my studies, learning this, checking on that... but I fear it will not be enough being as hard-pressed for time. Jesus, will this always be so damn hard and bothersome.

Amigo, obrigado por la oportunidad de aprender portugués

Welcome to the forum! Whoa, kudos to your wife, she must be awesome by the way you talk about her. And you seem to love each other deeply. I can only respect and admire that. Having people to rely on and have your back, to challenge and motivate you is really, really important. Since you are an army man, I'm sure you already know what discipline can accomplish even with the most imperfect people. You have the tools and you know the drill sir. 90 days, cold turkey. What we can recommend you is accountability, journaling, and filling the void of games with new engaging activities. We have success stories of people with a family (the most notable the legendary Joe, aka @wookieshark88). See you around!

I KNOW how you feel. I look smart. I mean my face, my face looks like a know a fuckton of stuff. Far from the reality, because of games. It really makes me uncomfortable, specially around knowledgeable friends (and specially about films, because I love the art). I have this constant feeling of being some kind of fraud, even when it's not my fault looking (uhm, and being a bit, ok) nerdy. The best advice I can give you is: LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. Every random piece of information can serve in a casual conversation. You never know what you can learn next. Become a human radar. When you feel ready, make questions. When someone makes a reference, write it down discreetly, check it out at home later, whatever. Take it easy. You will eventually find out two things: 1. People tend to talk about the same things, so you will be subtly asked to know about some topics more than others. Rocket science can be fascinating, but you will probably be talking more about music... (Your strategy may vary at this point, you can try to be a jack of all trades or be that unusual guy who talks about rocket science. Or a bit of both. It is really an art, human interaction). 2. Many people drop shallow information to look smarter and better informed than their peers. When you put yourself in the world you will begin to REALLY notice this, not just acknowledge it's a thing. You will smell it. You will predict it. It will probably disappoint you and comfort you at the same time, since the expectative of the information you consider you need to know will drop. I can't tell you this enough, take it easy, keep your cool. Learn slowly. Have fun learning, don't take it as a chore (trust me I also know that feeling). And L I S T E N. Best luck! Please keep us updated if you can and want.

Nearing a week in NoFap while at home (my record was 14 days while traveling, 4 days 12 hours at home). I'm really excited about it. It's hard. Real hard. But worth it. I recorded myself for the first time for the intro video of the Lifehack Bootcamp. I had that little thorn in my side since Beyond, and now I can finally say, I did it! A new barrier taken down, woo! I might even come to like seeing my face in the screen... (being hygienic, with my hair cut and beard trimmed helped a lot. See, preparation is key, specially for someone perfectionist like me). I'm in a great mood right now. I'm also taking my studies more seriously. That means more economic investment. That means more fights with my mother. Honestly I feel like I'm robbing her. No, SHE is trying to make me feel like that. My anxiety skyrockets and what can I do? If I can't handle her, how the hell am I supposed to handle a sergeant? But it's not the same, I care about her opinion, even when knowing her opinion amounts to a huge pile of shit, coming from a position of extreme fear and immobility. Talk about fixed mindset, huh, @Cam Adair? Nah, this is not another rant about my mother. I'm... probably maturing. I'm coming to understand I can't put in the same box the mother that loves me and the woman who is scared of the world around her. That's her sin, her monster, I have my own ones. It hurts, but I must take her and her opinion as they are and nothing else, and beyond everything, trust myself. I must allow myself to try, to make mistakes and defend those mistakes in front of everyone. If I try honestly, with heart, then I can keep my head held high. If there's something I've learned during my journey and the real thing you should take from this whole journal is: The only real mistake you can ever make, is inaction.

300 days and a week without videogames. Morning was ok, learned some useful stuff for army tests in class (I'm taking two online classes per week and I'm considering more), then checked on some stuff for the also upcoming Lifehack Bootcamp. Things were looking good but then I grew confident (and bored), mindless browsed YouTube and it went to shit. What a headache I'm having, god damn. It's no joke, it went to levels similar to games in terms of numbing my mind. Severe measures will probably be taken. Again that makes me feel constricted and tyrannical towards myself. Where is all this effort aimed to? What's the point..?

English exam went good! I'm expecting to know the results by June 19th. I've been spending these last two days anxiety-sick and lazy-ing around, but I'm back on track with my sleep after... heck I can't even remember. I'm currently having great positive momentum with NoFap, so I'm happy, even if it comes with almost crippling stress. It's the right path. I met two responsibilities with friends instead of my usual bailing out with an excuse and I feel great about it, more connected to the people I care about (through proactive effort, which is also as important). I still have some things I'm falling behind with, but not all hope is lost. Things may even work somehow.

Happy birthday @Cam Adair! Made some video translations as present, YouTube should be uploading them slowly.

Well, there are circadian rhythms, and each person has their own energy levels (there are more diurnal people and nocturnal people, or there's a certain peak hour in the day, etc). Check those out and keep observing yourself. As a rule of thumb either you start the day at your highest energy levels so you should do the meanest, toughest task of the day asap, or you have a "golden hour" through the day and then you should be keeping a steady path of little victories before reaching that moment to help momentum going upwards. Do I make sense? It happens to me the moment I make a bad but avoidable decision, as you say, everything begins to go down steadily. That's why it's important to have a "morning ritual" (a stablished and practically set in stone routine to start the day at your best). Also whenever you start to feel tired, which is usually after a certain, measurable period of time every day, that's the moment you should take a break to relax and reconnect with yourself. Meditation works for me in this case. Let me know if you find it useful and keep updating on your progress!

@hycniejsy Anxiety, mostly. I try to do other things like meditation but it will take long to implement. English exam tomorrow. News, later. (hm, around June 4th or so) Yesterday I went to the cinema alone for the pleasure of it, and I feel proud of those little gestures of independence. I'm improving my army test scores, but falling behind in physical preparation. I'm quite nervous about it. My shape is really bad (I must say, I feel healthier, but really, really untrained. Just moving around makes me ill from fatigue. 22 years old, shameful).

@hycniejsy Yeah you're totally right, I will probably be really excited about it in the beginning and then it will become a dull affair, and it will be up to me to stay focused and get the best of whatever is thrown at me; not just in the Army but in life in general as well. But wherever there's advancement, there's good in life to be harnessed. Emotionally, I'm restless. Things are going ok, but not enough. There's way more I should be doing, even if my upcoming exam is under control. Specially now that my upcoming exam is under control. Rationally, I recognize that I can't go from zero to hero, but I dunno man, it's the same as always, this half-assedness. Not enough to fail, not enough to succeed. I've been mindless browsing and PMOing a lot, and I mean a lot. I even neglected my SO for the first second time. Not this path man, uh-huh. I must say however, that I use the term fail much more liberally as the term succeed, so the balance is positive. Like 40-60% or so.

@Cam Adair It turns out you were mostly right, I've been doing my homework and not only discovered the english exam is actually much more manageable than I first thought, I ALSO put myself in the path to crush it. Yes! Army Exams? Well that's another story. But I'm also doing my homework towards motivating myself, learning about the different Corps so I can make a smart decision and some good ol' myth-busting. Some folks from inside complain about the Army being actually boring, while at the same time complaining about the relaxed postings being almost impossible to reach due to demand. So far no one complains about night beatings with soap bars wrapped in towels, but they might be just fine with it. So there's no fixed opinion, but this fact: If I want action, and by action I mean crushing my bones under mostly dull, constant drills, then sure, go for an average score. If I want to chill, and by chill I mean lots of hours standing around for the next two years, I must pour my grey matter into that exam. I'll try to go for the best score to give me some edge in my options (higher the score, more postings available) and probably choose an option in between.