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seriousjay

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Everything posted by seriousjay

  1. The detox was always meant as a jumping off point, nothing more, I think. You'll find your way. 🙂
  2. Hey there, one thing to bear in mind is that everything that isn't games or gaming related is likely to feel boring at first after quitting games. Please do not be discouraged by this. Continue exploring other activities. You may not be interested in the activities the first time, but give it a chance and you may find them growing on you. Remember that passion isn't something you just have, it is cultivated by investing into something. The more time and energy you spend on something, the more that thing will mean to you. That doesn't mean you'll be passionate about everything, as there will be a lot of activities that you genuinely just don't care about, but keep exploring and you'll eventually find a few things that you really love!
  3. The best way I can think of to handle this is to identify activities that your son can engage in that he both enjoys, but also creates a sense of pride, accomplishment and community for him. Music lessons, martial arts, summer camps are all things that might work. We naturally gravitate towards the things that make us feel good. Gaming offers that promise but never actually delivers on it. So it's important to involve him in activities that make him feel good about what he's doing long after he's stopped the activity. Maybe sit down with him, organize a schedule and set some goals? Ask him about things he'd like to do that aren't games and then go about scheduling those activities with him. Find blocks of time that work for everyone, so that way he knows it's coming and there can be no excuses to not do them. You will probably meet some resistance at first; handle this compassionately. Ultimately he has to agree to anything on his own or it won't last very long. Also, most importantly, don't actually take the games away. This will never, ever work. It will only create feelings of hatred within him. If you can both agree that he can continue playing games during certain hours, as long as he also participates in other activities, he will have to agree with you. Like I said, there will likely be some resistance to it at first, but I think he will come around. The unfortunate thing about this kind of situation is that your son isn't even aware, most likely, of the damage he is doing to himself. If he's anything like me, he may wait until his 20's until he realizes he needs to change, and at that point it's extremely difficult. He's really lucky to have a parent that cares enough about him to try to do something about it. Best of luck!
  4. Hey, one thing I've learned so far is that passion for things isn't just something you have, you have to cultivate it. You do this by figuring out what it is you want to do, what really excites you, and then going out and investing in that thing. The more you invest into something, the more it means to you. Think about all those hours you spent gaming before you realized you needed to quit. Would you say you were passionate about playing those games? I know I sure did, for a long time at least. The more of yourself and your time and energy you invest into something, the more you care about it and don't want to let it go. If that's not passion, then I don't know what is. Just spend some time doing various activities and figure out what interests you. You're going to run into some duds (I sure did!), but you'll find a few things that you really connect with. Maybe it's writing, maybe it's hiking, maybe it's rock climbing. The point is that you just have to go out and do stuff. The things that you find you keep thinking about when you're not doing them, those are the things that you'll likely get really excited and passionate about once you get really good at them. Cheers brother, best of luck!
  5. It's been a very slow process but I can feel myself connecting more with real life stuff. I decided I wanted to give it a real shot at becoming an author and for the first time maybe ever, I'm starting to feel the resistance against that dream by my inner critic wither away. A lot of my self talk used to be extremely negative but it's gotten much, much better and I'm better able to handle the negativity that does come up. Cravings for non-gaming stuff are easier to deal with (craving, fast food). I also feel I'm a much kinder, more patient person as well.
  6. This is something I learned a long time ago. Do not beat yourself up over a perceived failure. The irony about being extremely hard on yourself is that it often tends to lead to even further regression. Just accept that it's OK and do better next time.
  7. That's a good point. I've done that exercise before. I imagine myself on my death bed, not having even attempted the things I was most passionate about because of fear or what have you, and usually what I feel is a total sense of dread. That person who is so successful at the thing that I wanted to do - that could have been me! When you really allow yourself to feel into that vision, it makes it really hard to justify NOT going for the thing you dream about.
  8. So as I posted in another thread, yesterday I forgot to go to the gym because I was busy playing video games. I fully intended to, but forgot until about 9 PM, when I turned off the game to get ready for bed. In other words, when I unplugged from the game and plugged back in to real life. I need to change my mindset towards down time. So many things I want to do, like reading and writing, just feel like work. I need to find a way to experience joy from doing those things, among others, and place less emphasis on being entertained. If anyone has any ideas for how to actually do this, I'd really appreciate the help. Specifically, @Cam Adair, maybe you have some suggestions? Maybe this is something worth making a video about?
  9. Keep it up my friend! I recently experienced something of a relapse as well but with each relapse, you'll get new insights into why it's happening and ways you can do better next time.
  10. I ask this question publicly because I've been asking it of myself for a little while now. I thought I was over gaming, had been game free for over half a year, until I started gaming again. For about the last month I've been gaming on and off. Yesterday was something of a breaking point for me. I had fully intended to go to the gym to make up a missed session on Thursday, but then because I was too busy gaming, I forgot to go until 9 PM, when I was getting ready to go to bed (ie., I had unplugged from the game and plugged back in to real life). I've also recently started to wonder if I ever actually got over that gaming habit. I've come to learn that some science suggests habits are never broken, people just replace the method in which the desired result is achieved. I believe now that when I quit gaming, I simply replaced it with other forms of mindless entertainment, in this case Netflix. It was nowhere near as self destructive as gaming had been, but I had my bingey days as well. I've come to realize and accept that what really needs to change is my mindset towards down time. What I mean by that is, anything that isn't watching something on TV or Netflix, or gaming, simply feels like work. Reading, writing, learning an instrument, geocaching are all things I've tried and they all felt like and still feel like work. Hell, it took me a LONG time to enjoy going to the gym, and even then there are days when I really don't want to go. So, I need to shift my thinking towards embracing a habit of productive down time instead of just mindlessly consuming content. Until this happens, I don't think I'll ever really be over this gaming/entertainment addiction. I'm curious if there's something that you guys have identified as something that NEEDS to happen in order for you to feel like you've finally turned the corner. Maybe we can help each other out. 🙂
  11. This is pretty clear cut for me. I'm not good with timelines so I don't remember the exact day or month, but some time in late 2013/early 2014, when I started working for Primerica, gaming was getting in the way of me achieving success with the company. Instead of going home to study, or going out to prospect, etc., I instead stayed home and gamed. Thus my journey to freedom from gaming started around that time.
  12. Physical activity releases seratonin, the feel good hormone, not dopamine.
  13. What's even more valuable, and something you can never, ever get back, is the time you have spent in the past and the time you may spend playing video games in the future. Even an account "worth" $10,000 USD isn't worth the 4-8 hours a day a person may end up spending playing those games.
  14. You cannot help anyone that doesn't want to help themselves. Period. If someone isn't ready to make a change, the best advice in the world coming from the most respected person in their field will do nothing. I agree that all you can do is become the best person you can be and that might inspire them to change. You can't really do much else.
  15. Before you can fix things in the physical realm, you have to try to take back control of what's going on in your head. There is nothing more destructive to your future success than your negative self talk. For most addicts, I imagine that self talk is frequent and intense. Best thing to do in my mind is to accept that there is some truth to what that voice is saying, and then replace it with something compassionate. "I will never be good enough" becomes "I'm not good enough right now, but eventually I absolutely will be". Just keep in mind you still need to take physical action to accomplish your goals. It's just a lot easier to do so when you're confident and believe in yourself.
  16. So I've been trying to visualize my life every morning for the past few days and I always find myself getting completely distracted by other thoughts. Do you guys have any tips for focusing on the visualization?
  17. Hey, I experienced this recently and actually gave in to my cravings. The main reason why I think that happened for me is because I became badly overwhelmed by this sense of not being good enough now or ever in my pursuit of a career as an author. I basically had a major panic/anxiety attack and retreated to the one thing I KNEW I was good at - video games. Think about your situation right now, clearly and objectively. Is there something that's going on right now that you're getting down on yourself about, and maybe that's causing you to want to escape back to what you know is comfortable? It may not necessarily be career oriented. It may not even necessarily be something you're aware of. Maybe a good friend or family member said something that hit a nerve with you and you've been carrying that baggage for a while? Maybe there are some things in your life that you've worked really hard to improve, but aren't seeing the results that you've been expecting quite yet? We have to be so mindful about everything that's going on in our minds. Pay attention to your self talk. If you're experiencing a lot of negativity in your self talk about something, that could absolutely cause what's happening right now. We need to be intentional about being compassionate with ourselves, and if something negative does come up, the best thing to do isn't to try to retreat from it, but rather accept that at some level, there is SOME truth to it, and then try to spin it in a more positive and compassionate way. Just as an example, when my self talk turns to "I'll never be good enough as an author to be successful", I can accept that some part of that is true, but then reword it as "I'm not good enough right now, but someday I absolutely will be". Hope that helps!
  18. - Got a LOT of paperwork stuff done today at work! - Finally figured out the employee situation at work! I think we'll be good. - Got my deadlifts and squats both up over 300 pounds for 5 reps this week.
  19. - I had a surprisingly good time dealing with government employees today. I was expecting something much different, so that was good. - Greek yogurt! - Kicked ass at the gym today.
  20. OK after a few days off.. - Even though I got upset at my dad over something stupid at work today, I got over it rather quickly and thanked him for his helping me earlier in the day. That felt pretty good. - Did amazing on my calorie budget today. - Planning something to do with my friends on Sunday!
  21. - It wasn't much of an urge but I nevertheless fought off getting a second coffee today. - Giving my employees a day off tomorrow felt strangely satisfying. Probably has to do with the fact that it's going to get very busy soon.. lol. - Took Damian to his volleyball game. I'm not really one to go crazy with cheering but it was a great time.
  22. - Got up mostly on time today! - Didn't allow some unexpected circumstances at work to get me down. - Managed to get out to the gym on my own for the first time in over a week.
  23. What's really helped me to remember things is very simple: I started putting important events into my Google calendar. Also, meditation.
  24. OK I forgot to make a post yesterday for my gratitude journal so here it is: - Hit snooze instead of turning my alarm clock off. I almost always just turn it off and end up getting back in bed. - I had a pretty good writing session for my novel. - Went to the gym despite feeling pretty damn tired. Today: - I turned off my alarm clock instead of hitting snooze, but I still managed to get most of my morning routine in despite sleeping in for over an hour. - Got my how to write sci-fi/fantasy books! Started reading one of them. - Spent the night just watching a hockey game. It was a nice, relaxing change, even though my team lost.
  25. This is an excellent exercise, @James Good. I would highly encourage you to pose more questions in the future that ask something actionable of us. I have some trouble to visualize my own future, probably because it's not a habit that I've really worked at. More specifically, I have trouble visualizing my future in first person, which I think is an incredibly important part of the process. However, I'd love to share what I come up with. I'll edit my post later to add it.
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