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Day 2/14 Some urges today, but I didn't give in. I can definitely feel that it will get harder to withstand the temptations as time goes by, but for now it's manageable. Still recovering from the sickness; feeling a bit better every day.

Sending a CV is the first (and out of necessity formal) step in applying for a job. Building rapport is for the interview itself and for the trial period. It's not personal that company X doesn't reply to your CV. Maybe their HR is overloaded. Maybe the job offer isn't current. Maybe there are some hidden conditions they don't mention. Maybe some people applied before you and they're having interviews with them before (and if) they get to you. You can't know, so there's no reason to worry about it. What I did in the past (some 3-4 years ago) was to find companies that I felt were relevant to me as a potential employer (that is, even without them explicitly offering a job). I jammed every email adress I could find into Bcc, wrote something short, attached my CV. I did that maybe twice or thrice. I'm sure I sent out hundreds of emails this way. From all those emails, I was at around 30 interviews. Maybe 5 turned out to be profitable (gave me courses at some point) and maybe 5 others came back to me later. But before I started that, I was also hung up on getting a response/interview/job from "that one company". Now I can turn them down, because I don't need them anymore and I have better paid courses. - As for the dicussion about authenticity that @wheatbiscuit @Pochatok and @Vee expanded on: I found out that honesty and authenticity works great in my life. But (and this is a big BUT), there's also a lot of "catching up" to do with others, at least at first. We've rebuilt ourselves since admitting the gaming issue. Some more, some less. Depending on how much we still identify with our "gaming past/gaming trouble", it will influence the conversations we have and the relationships we have. We all here joined this forum, because we understood we had a serious problem. Gaming is/was our drug of choice. Even being among addicts is often troublesome on its own. Some people will damn us for that outright just out of their strange principle that we're not "normal". And even if we never had a gaming problem, people are people and some people don't like others just because.

Entry 1704 (Written on 18.04) Day 566: No Useless Videos Day 564: Sticking to Food schedule Day 168: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 158: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. -3.5 hrs deliveries -about 1.5 hrs workout right after that -Having gone to the bike shop to have the pro look at my bike 1 Thing I could do better -I am really really considering the nutritional consultation.

Hello everyone, I am a 22 year old in the U.S. submariner leaving the military in a few months. I was born in San Diego, California, raised in Las Vegas Nevada, and put on shore duty back at San Diego, though now I'm finishing up my contract. I want to quit video games as I've seen and felt the consequences of those long hours spending time doing nothing but looking at numbers go up on a screen. I hate myself for doing such things, even being aware that other things need to get done and yet always glued onto video games. I've ruined my sleep schedule, my health is slowly deteriorating, stopped talking to my family, worried about finding a new job yet taking no action on such things, and scared to ask those close to me for help because I worry about what might happen even though I have no idea what would actually happen. My main goals after quitting is to get my life straightened back up, get a good job, socialize with others to find that special someone, make a fiction series, and to be healthy.

Day 1/14 A few urges, but I managed to control myself and direct my thoughts elsewhere. Was somewhat productive today despite poor sleep.

I relate to a lot of that. The course I'm on has an employability module, and there's a lot of "be yourself!" alongside "Do X, Y and Z otherwise you're putting yourself at a disadvantage". I hate all the bollocks involved in getting a job, which is why I've dragged my feet over updating my CV and applying for jobs. I've been single for ten years as well, and haven't touched a dating app in seven years(?). I don't think you are penalised for authenticity in the same way there, but I can't feel authentic on a dating profile when I know I'm being selective about what I do and don't mention. That's true in real-life interactions too, but it doesn't feel so...manipulative.

Hey, I hear you- same is for me. And indeed, the current predominant modes of social interaction, be it dating apps or employment, do not favor that. In fact, that is very much discouraged. What you're doing is so brave- I'm glad you do not compromise on your values! I'm not sure how difficult it is for you to find employment places where honesty/authenticity would be valuable... I too am searching for those- it seems that places like that do not pay much, and are very community/social-focused. Informal education, mutual aid nonprofits (like providing free counselling), etc.. I'm sorry you've had so much struggle from living by your values- it certainly does not need to be that way.

And a relapse. Similar mode of relapse- low awareness of what I am doing, no red lights went off until I was well into the process. What frustrates me, then, is that upon recognition of my mistake, I continued nonetheless. That's what must go- relapses like this may happen. But nothing will change unless I keep the stakes high, and treat my mistakes as something worth addressing.

April 15-17 I'm more aware of the difficulties of planning to replace some major computer habits again, like last year. One thing I've hardly done is text messaged on my phone, as I noticed it taxing me in a way or two. I've felt a bit lazy if anything, not checking in, even if it would just be on a game, for routine, time of day rituals. The last few nights for example, I had the option to go to the computer, open it up and 'vote' for the game for rewards. It has been possible 12-hourly, but I've just done it once per day. It was an easy calculation to determine that, come Winter, the reward would have stacked up to be redeemable for the best 'cloak'. I figure that only matters to me because I've never really had goals much further than a month away that are a major talking point in real life, aside from surviving or celebrating a season for the sake of it. Anyway, my emotions/mood are (and predictably should have been) fluctuating, not because I feel compelled to play (the last weekend glows on), but because I'm trying to re-value things like the tidiness of my room, and the patronage of the cafes and shops on my street when I go out - really realer things, because my particularly lone gaming rituals had next to no bearing on how the food on my grocery list got to the store. 🥲 I hope to start waking up brighter again soon, and more in tune. __________________ Gratitude: ~ No one looking at me funny walking out the door and circuiting around for an hour in what were basically my pyjamas ~ A super regular birthday ~ My job agent's manner in telling me about their changing workplace ~ Knowing when to call time on my weights-room visit today Glad to be here, ~ Matt

Its been a while. I've been somewhat overwhelmed, despite my circumstances being lighter. If I'm as perpetually burnt out as I've claimed, then I feel like it comes in waves, and I'm currently riding a low point. I'll likely be back on this journal by Thursday.

When my mom was rejoining the workforce, she was lucky enough to be recognised by old workmates from 10+ years previously. I've heard that some people don't even like the word 'authentic' now - me, I think any term can be called a buzzword if overused. I just played Charles Wright's 'Express Yourself' twice because it popped into my head, as a lot of older things do when I'm feeling challenged. Anyway, my mom sort of treats the world like a village (I am at risk of turning that into a buzz word now). Even the person who's been helping me in finding new work has now said that the world is small (they will be in new work too soon, handing me to another person in the agency) - because we're likely to recognise each other socially, but also maybe because one way or another, we're supposed to recognise certain qualities first in other people, then they come into focus fully (again, perhaps). Do you let or encourage people to make big impressions on you? I wouldn't now underestimate the value of remembering probably small things others have said or done but meant a lot to me, then bringing them up, because it can be very flattering. Then it's like I'm suddenly welcome in their life. Had I known that and found better outlets than gaming earlier in my life to process and wait until people needed it.. retreating into my head might never have posed such a problem. We shouldn't give up so easily. ~ Matt

Entry 1604 (Written on 17.04) Day 565: No Useless Videos Day 563: Sticking to Food schedule Day 167: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 157: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. -Once my co-worker told me about the way to present things, started applying his way immediately. -Soaked nts for the next day in advance for the first time since I wrote about it here -Asked my management whether the letter was their initiative or coming from above so that i could better prepare myself for the conversation on Thursday mentally 1 Thing I could do better -I must find a way to stop dozing off in the evening and it needs to be something nutrition related, don't know yet what but something must be done...

Day 0/14 No urges today, kept myself busy.

I haven't made much of an effort to find a new job. So far, I've updated my resume and applied for a single job. I'm an honest and simple guy. I keep my resume short and to the point. The job posting was we are looking for X of Y with 2 years of Z experience. I was X of Y with ~10 years of Z experience. Seriously, it's almost like I was applying for something adjacent to what I was just laid off from. And yet, my application seems to have fallen on deaf ears. The whole process feels so tedious and futile; I feel commodified - stripped of all ideas and personality - every step of the way. It doesn't matter how honest and deep you look at yourself, just sprinkle as many buzzwords as you can on your profile/resume, call it a "skill", call it "experience", and hope to God someone gets tricked into selecting you. Curiosity, ambition, ideas, values? If you don't have the means to make it happen yourself, put all that aside, shut up, sit down, and do what you are told. Like God damn, even dating apps are better than this and I've been single (no benefits) for >10 years. Can I at least get a "sorry but not interested" from this 1 employer? Sheesh... Whenever I do a "what are my values" quiz or whatever, "honesty/authenticity" comes up all the time near the top for me. However, it seems like we live in a grifter's paradise these days. Being honest and accurate is for losers, it seems. Spread misinformation about yourself, others, and the world at large, it's all about quantity and not quality. That's the monster (i.e. the abyss) I feel I am up against, the type I am encouraged to become and it disgusts me. I don't know what the point of all this is meant to be. Maybe I'm just ranting. *sigh* ... honestly, I don't "really" want to work for anyone else on some "bigtech" product... I just don't want to have to worry about rent, food, and medical expenses while I do my best to make myself and others feel a bit better somehow. I feel too tired and frustrated for large ambitions right now. I just want to feel safe and welcome. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently so...

Used to think similarly; however, I've learned that I get things done a lot quicker when I do listen to that pain. When I do not, my body/mind are multitasking- trying to both do the thing and ignore the pain.

Recommitting - day 7. I am mindful about who I am, and I will continue to change my life. I do not want to waste a minute- every second I get to inhabit this body is a blessing, and opportunity granted by god/universe to lessen the suffering of other living beings. Po

Thank you for this, i guess i will add more water in my day

Totaly it can be a thing. I eat big meals 1kg-1,3kg of food once twice per day

From my experience sometimes drinking water reduces fatigue because it slow digestion temporarily. could it be that you ate a big meal and when you drank water it just slowed your digestion?( I'm not excluding the possibility that you were simply dehydrated, but just raising this digestion effect possibility to your awareness 🙂 )

Entry 15.04 (Written on 16.04) Day 564: No Useless Videos Day 562: Sticking to Food schedule Day 166: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 156: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. -Passed finger at attendance machine at 15 05. even though it's not 15 00 it's a lot better. I also finished the workout a lot earlier and got to listen to an audiobook during dinner, plus 7 pomodoros. -When I got a letter that says that my performance is low at the job, I did not loose it completely although it did throw me a bit off balance and quickly continued doing my job to the best of my ability -Consulted the other "experienced" salesman that works there for 4 years regarding the letter 1 Thing I could do better -Measure myself at body fat percentage machine(and muscle mass)

I like how i have a choise and oppotinity and money saved not having to work for some more time. Its better then to work like this

Yep, because of this company i only lost money/health/sleep/development time. Never try it again pure hell. You cant sit there or will be sanctioned. Nowbody explains howto do work properly. Nobody cares to help and answer

#XX ML[ 🫥 ] Django[🫥 ] HABIT GYM [ 0/3 ] HABIT DAILY CODING [ 2/3 ] FINDING JOB [ MORE HR MORE CONTACTS🤙 ] 3 things i did for a better life - Attended a coding olimpiad - Slept 10hr+ to recover from my mistakes( more on that later) - Eated healthy and moderatly 1 thing i could do better - Take a contact of a pretty girl i chatted with) I was at big company working as an employee. Rules are u can leave whatever you want but there are sanctions for every mistake you make. I worked for 24hr-26hr straight because i wanded to earn money. But i earned around 40$ and was sanctioned for 80$... My bad i guess, SCAM comapany maybe. I am going to sleep and rest just small update how i am doing

I do only meditation if i have free time to make my focus sharper if i am distracted or feel presured. I feel my body calls but rarely focus on them becase i have a lot to do and need to rezist pain and minor inconvinience

Yes, i think so because after i drank i started feeing better and finaly could stand up and achvi my goals