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  2. That is the whole point of wasting time, in a meditating manner. For me, wasting time with media did not have the effect of feeling like "a bummer". However when I just sit there thinking about something without any form of electronics arround, I get motivated really fast and take action.
  3. Today
  4. Day 309 27.01.20 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for being productive. Today I am grateful for having time for a relaxing evening. Today I am grateful for the fun I had with my working collegues today. One amazing thing that happened/I did today 1) worked nearly 10h and still had the motivation to study after commuting home to my flat Workout/run more than 7k steps a small workout during the day Meditation 10min (during the day) Visualisation and daily affirmation did more of my affirmations during the day but my visualisation stayed the same so far Reading (2hour(s) of studying for the next exam today) studied 2h+, did my usual spanish exercises, listened to my favorite dnd podcast as reward in the evening my wake-up time 06:00 Weekly Goal(s) get finally a fixed sleeping scedule, study/learn something everyday, have a perfect week and find healthy and productive ways to relax, meditate more, use a different, use at least a new word everyday to bolster my vocabulary Monthly Goal to study/learn something everday, be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, stay vegetarian or rarely eat meat, stay away from porn, anything related to games, webnovels and guilty pleassure fantasy books 3 Month Goal to finally getting my degree, avoid the comfort zone as much as possible and try to get 90 days of no webnovels, sweets and porn done! What went well today: (NP:2/NW:1/NS:0/NM:0) did my a bit of usual meditation and my spanish session , studied a bit, worked nearly 10h, forced myself to a small workout, What I could have done to make my day better: could have studied an hour more and done some streching/blackroll exercises in the evening What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up at 8, study 6h+, go to university, go to the Tai-Chi session in the evening, meditate more, cook a bit, meet a friend for coffee in the afternoon Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future ----
  5. Day 6 First of all: thanks guys for taking the time to reply. Although it still feels a bit awkward and vulnerable, helping each other makes the process more real and touchable. I simply had a great time at the beach. We have been swimming and snorkeling. Drove around on a motorbike going to markets and we visited a harbor were we met a couple who's sailing around the world. I am reading a book about an organisation (STRO) with the goal of creating a new type of money. It explains how all of today's money actually competes with everything that is valuable, because of the rent that needs to be paid on every loan. Its a cycle of rent and inflation. STRO wants to change local economies by providing alternatives: money that encourages the use of employment, and discourages the use of resources. A difficult but interesting subject. It makes me wonder off, and think about this world as a whole and what part I have to play. Its crazy what people nowadays do to earn money. And what am I doing? Am I creating an additional value with what I do? We are all concerned and consumed by the urgency of making a living / earning money. While there is also a big conscious change happening where people start to realize that all this can be different. We don't need that much. We don't need to consume. We don't need to over eat. We don't need entertainment every minute. It makes us unhappy in the long run. I guess consciously not playing games anymore adds to this perspective. So now... I will be back to work, doing my thing. And write and share a bit in this journal. Good luck to you all and lets make the best out of this crazy life.
  6. To be honest this sounds eerily similar to my story. For me, there's this feeling that I'm disciplining myself to make all these changes, yet it doesn't feel like my consciousness has changed. However knowledgeable I am that these external changes should help, the FEELING that my consciousness has changed feels obscured. I'm with you in focusing on the smaller changes and hoping that these tiny degrees point us in a new direction. Keep up the effort!
  7. To recount all of this, let's get moving before I have to go to sleep and not wait until midnight for a new day of devotions. Sugar Detox - 27 days marked and counting (14 to go) like I have said earlier 100 Days of Thanks - now 19% complete Duolingo - I had enough for the day. I am so tired working on Norwegian all day (not literally, but most of it due to an afternoon in downtown of my hometown with immediate family) CBS!Isaiah - will work more on it starting tomorrow Epic Fail - 18 chapters in and I know for sure I have to just "write here". My tan physical spiral journal deserves some love as I promise to self I will catch up page after page. Good night! See you tomorrow. I have to go to bed. Zzz... 😪😴😪😴😪😴😪
  8. @Amphibian220 I am talking about the 40+ day fast from added sugar not only for my physical wellness but it is because of my healing from the pre-existing chronic conditions as a way to start 2020 right with swift action. The fruit was fine because it contains natural sugar content all the way. Kobe Bryant was one of the greatest LA Lakers of all time. He was a basketball player. The sports world remembers him and it has been going on for nearly two days now. He died pursuing the basketball dream. Joining him in the afterlife was a 13-year old daughter named Gigi (in case you are not confused with my younger second cousin from my mom's side of family who will be 3 on Annunciation Day (March 25) with her older twin brother), a basketball coach from a local college, and 6 others in the accident. It's official that Mom said we can finally get a chance to continue doing the workbook tomorrow. I know I was sorry for the delays because I now live in "a sports town" (that is Seattle by itself).
  9. I'll write this book down. Pokemon indigo league is my favorite. I'm on episode 60 rewatching it. You will make new friends soon. A new path brings new encounters.
  10. I just started watching pokemon again. It's my favorite show as mentioned in my diary. Congrats on 2 months.
  11. BgK, Loneliness is an oasis where you can truly discover your life purpose because there is no background noise and interference. If you are missing belonging to a group, what kind of feeling is it? Do you want to bond with other men over a great purpose? I am currently reading a book that talks about these issues in great detail. It focuses on men that form around women and lack enough contact with males to develop personal power and masculinity.
  12. Day 276 No VG - 276 days, no sports news - 7 days, NF - 2 days, SOB - 2 days, NNO59 - 2 days, NIA1030 - 1 day, NLAF - 2 days, NSOC - 2 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 1 week. @Erik2.0, yeah man, books are good. It's interesting how I read more when I spend less time on the internet. @BooksandTrees, it's not so much needing to find new hobbies--I have them--it's just the anxiety from not having my crutch. Keeping busy. being with others, and getting outside of my apartment are the best things for me on the weekends. @Amphibian220, haha, the beginning of all my posts are jibberish. Here's a breakdown for those who are curious: No VG - no video games No sports news - not sure why this isn't abbreviated, lol NF - No Fap SOB - Straight Outta Bed (which can be an SOB). Goal here is up after one alarm. In the past I would spend up to an hour in bed with multiple alarms. Dumb. NNO59 - No News Outside of 5 to 9. Regulating internet consumption, especially at work. NIA1030 - No Internet after 1030. Game Quitters, and phone music/podcasts excepted. NLAF - No Laptop and Food. Eating while internetting is a bad combo for me. Sets me in a loop of YouTube, food, Youtube, etc. NSOC - No Sleeping on Couch. Bad sleep hygiene, and leaves visible drool stains. Meditation - straightforward. No Internet Saturdays (soon to be NIS) - self-explanatory. Work and social event directions excepted. Post-It Weekends (soon to be PIW) - writing a post-it note of what I feel most anxious about each weekend morning, and attacking that first thing to start my day. Provides a nice sense of accomplishment, responsibility, and calms my anxiety to a more manageable level. --- And I still have to write a post. Weekend was up-and-down. Friday was bad. Porn. Dumb. Saturday started well. The post-it thing actually got my day started well. Hit the library and paid my rent, and I started prepping for salsa dancing early. Was very tired from the night before. Napped while I did laundry. Did not go salsa dancing due to irrational thoughts about how I was dressing. Talked about that ad nauseam with my therapist today. I automatically assume a lot of what other people will think and I have an intense desire to be liked by everyone/not hated. Went on an internet binge to cap the night. Sunday went better. Got to a full improv practice for the first time in forever and I really enjoyed the practice. My team has a new coach who I've worked with before, and am very happy to have them around. The best show I was ever a part of was from one of her classes, and a lot of the people from that class are now a part of our team. We're all pretty stoked. Ran some errands after. Was on internet late, but not a repeat of Friday. Today was a good day of work. Holy shit, I said it. Truth. Pretty calm. Got a lot done, even with some messing around. The post-it thing works wonders for my productivity and anxiety. God bless Tim Ferriss. Had aforementioned therapy after. Got home and did some chores. Place is a bit of a mess and I'm going to have to chip away at it. This weekend, which may start early this week if I take a few days off, the big thing to change will be getting the sleep schedule corrected. That was a big contributing factor to this weekend. Also, not removing sites from my block list. I didn't even notice right away. Speaking of sleep, goodnight.
  13. Natalie, What is the sugar detox you are talking about? Nothing sweet except fruit? Kobe Bryant sounds very familiar to me, can you remind who he was?
  14. Right now I am very angry. I started feeling emotions which I always numbed before. I tried to be the nice pleasing person and this led to people from within my family abusing me and disrespecting. In return I started acting in a fundamentally dishonest way. I confronted one such person, but just for the recent attempt to attack me. There is this whole other history when he got me to do all sorts of work and laughed /teased me for caving in. Today I shall do my coursework, exercise, search for potential employment opportunities, box. Tell this person what I disagree with in my relationship with hin (its basically dead) He can GTFO.
  15. You had a productive day for two hours of sleep. What's your favorite cartoon? That's awesome you're practicing yoga with a group. I'll be trying to go for a yoga class Thursday and/or Sunday this week. I'm happy for you going on a date with your friend. I hope that happens for me someday, the only friends I have are far away from me or on here. Maybe I'll make friends at yoga/gym/buddhism/poetry. Life's not over yet! Nice job on the food! I'm glad to hear your paranoia has subsided. Seems like it was a bumpy week. Do whatever you need to self-care. I'll pray for you. ❤️ p.s. There's a book called the secrets of people who never get sick that helped me overcome my illness anxiety (previously called hypochondria). It might help! If you do read it I recommend the sections on positive thinking and different exercise forms the most. There's weird ideas on there too that you might want to avoid.
  16. Day 62 NF 33 Np 16 Med 2 @Icandothis Thank you! Two months no gaming phew. I can replicate anime pictures. And I can sort of write poems. I would try writing fantasy but it's kind of overwhelming for me it's so vast. Although I like it. I think it'd be good for me to pick one and spend some time each day on it. I draw anime pictures for my clients sometimes and they appreciate it 🙂 . I'm going to start watching my clients game some of the time, hopefully that goes okay. I'm happy I made two months without gaming and one month no fap. Even no pop is good too at two weeks. Meditation I've always done regularly, but I don't think I've done 30 consecutive days, usually I miss a few within the month. So this will be awesome to do 30 in a row. I would of course prefer not to see people game. But, it's sort of a thing we do to have them do therapy and then we do what they want some of the time. They're taking an interest in doing what I want so it's fair to do something they want. I don't have to play. I remember reading @Cam Adair post about someone relapsing because he started watching gaming. That's a little concerning for me. But, my supervisor basically told me to watch them game as a reward for doing therapy. Is watching something I can do without crossing that line into actually playing the game? If I feel overwhelmed with temptation I'll just see if they can not game while I'm there and ask my supervisor what to do. This one client is like . . . possibly unable to refrain from gaming for the 3 hours at a time I see him though. I'll text my supervisor tomorrow. I'm reading the psalms. They're nice and soothing in a way. I'm trying to lose a little body fat by eating less. It's so easy to overeat after lifting weights, but I think I can eat less and continue training . I just have to get used to it. I'm watching videos by Jeff Nippard on YouTube on weight training. I'm also watching some game quitters videos and plan to listen to their podcasts while I do cardio tomorrow. My medication's weird, I'm getting off hydroxyzine. My anxiety with anime, poetry, cartoons, fantasy. That seems to be going okay. Although I felt like reading and writing fantasy was too big of a commitment for me to take on. I drew what I thought was a good pikachu today. Still got it! Ok it’s not perfect but I’m happy. I used to watch Naruto and try to draw the characters. It's probably my best artistic skill. Ironically watching and drawing anime gives me anxiety. But, I still managed to draw some today. If I keep trying to write poetry I'd get a small book and try to figure out what the templates are and stuff. I'd want to do that to connect with a friend of mine who's into it. I hope everyone's doing well. That all your game quitting is working out and you're living wonderful, fulfilling lives. God Bless Erik
  17. JDK

    JDK Journal 1

    Hey there! My name is Josh, and I have had a few accounts on here as JKD and JoshD. Reason I made a new account is I guess a new year fresh start and also I forgot the passwords to my previous accounts. Its January 27, 2020 and I have done absolutely nothing so far this year other than work 40 hours a week and then play videogames all day when I am off in my parents basement. My birthday was in early January and I turned 26. I have had a videogame addiciton all my life and really struggle finding enjoyment outside of my dopamine basement den in my parents basement. I have had a rough history of mental illness and a run in with a spiritually/mentally abusive Cult too so that also makes things very complicated. Also 4 psychwards and sucidal thoughts here and there, I have sought professional helop and have recived great medication and have an amazing therapist. Luckily i have good insurance. I know I use videogames right now to cope through the very tramautic things of my past that I have blocked out and it gives me an escape. This will be my greatest mountain to climb but I must start at the bottom with a single step uppwards. My endurance certainly isnt strong I can barely walk a mile up this mountain. I just typed a really long page and It all just got deleted, So i am cutting it short for tonight... I consulted the I ching today for guidance which I havent done in a extremelyu long time. It led me to chapter 27 (changing lines [6 in the third place, 6 in the fourth place]) and chapter 30 to better illuminate 27. The question I asked was . How do I deal with my emotions and How do I get out. or break free. Changing line :Six in the third place means: "Turning away from nourishment. Perseverance brings misfortune. Do not act like this for ten years. Nothing serves to further." Theres a lot to the I ching that I do not now, Im a beginner with it all but its seems interesting and speaks to what I think my inner truth is trying to say. Stop now or regret it later when you are single and oolder and living in parents basement for longer period of time. chapter 30 was about clinging, I have been clinging to my ps4 for life now I must cling on to something else.... like improving mylife, instead of leveling up videogame character, level myself up.. Needa dopamine fast I am very craving its late... Id like to format all this and make it nice to read but for now its messy chicken scratch of a journal. Goals: Complete a 90 day detox and see how life is like Breathing techniques Balance Physical health More I ching Journal every day I work for 40 hours straight for 2 days tomorrow so I cant journal then
  18. Day 29:I just started working a new job at a restaurantIt's been tough. It's really put my brain through the ringer, but I'm not working and I'm not playing games, and I'm finding myself doing other things now.But unresolved feelings of anger and malice come through me, and it's not because of anyone present, it's the experience of my past, and the trauma I've felt from it.The feeling of estrangment from others is very strong and i dissasociate often and it sucks but I'm hoping when things improve financially, I'll be able to invest in a healthier diet, and more exercise, and i'll have more energy to go out on hikes, and do things in the community. It's difficult sometimes to look at the bright side because I'm like this everyday, and even at work is it so difficult to connect with people.I thought it was other people but its me.. I thought it might be because I have a metaphysical understanding of the universe that other people rarely experience or grasp, and that because I can only relate with higher thinking masters students or people who have broad complex considerations but even then, I always find something to judge, envy, resent, reject or demonize. Its hard to look at myself and to look at others and think, maybe I have to bring myself down, to invest in pop culture, or to get involved in some kind of immature gossip circle, or to talk about tv or to focus on relationships. I find these things petty and difficult to relate with. I found them demonizable for some reason, and somewhat of a reason to ignore people in general. But I'm finding that ignoring people and finding so much to demonize really doesn't make my life easier.. It just makes it harder, and people who feel judged don't like you. It's also difficult to be encouraging because I always feel like people are just dumb or idiots... but then I have to look at myself and see where I am intellectually, or emotionally, or physically... and i see that I treat myself with such degrading and judgemental expressions that I'm actually not good enough for myself, and therefore no one is good enough for me...Its really fucking frustrating that there is so much anger and resentment and fear inside of me, and also writing about it now is somewhat cathartic.Today I stared at a bolt on the wall so I could practice focusing on a single thing, and i found that all the judgements i usually put on other people, or my experiences, I put onto this inanimate object which had no relation to me whatsoever. I could find something wrong with it. I could find a reason to hate it. In fact I could hate it without reason, and that was enlightening to me because it means that no one is causing these feelings in me... because I read that we need to take responsibility for our anger, so i thought that maybe this means that I'm taking responsibility now... because the things in my life that I need no reason to hate, and willfully seek reasons to be discontent with them, are all biological patterns which I've developed for the reason of feeling good.For some reason it feels good to feel distanced to other people, even whne it feels bad. Having the ability to raise my chin and feel condension gives me the ability to feel superior, giving me a self esteem boost... but I read a quote the other day, which said"I wish you so much self-esteem, that you are humble" and this stuck out to me because of the ability to be humble always struck me as something you were as a way not to upset others... i never actually thought of it having anything to do with actually being high in self esteem.... so I was approaching humility the wrong way.... it actually has to do with raising my self esteem in order to develop the ability to make room for others to be better than me...But i have such low self-esteem that it is so difficult to allow people to be better at different things than me. I'm always putting people down in my mind, or covertly by being mean or by ripping people down with objections or reasons they should change... and I come up with justifications so that it seems okay... but Its partly because I don't feel anything... I feel so numb because I have so many memories that I'm blocking, because they hurt too bad and it keeps me from truly loving and feeling emotion...Being filled with hate is so draining, and yet still had a sort of euphoria to it... a sort of malice which comes from the suffering of others.... like playing with food, or rubbing something it.... like a bully does, like people do when they hate eachother for something, or like they do when they want to be powerful, have control, or domineer over something.This power I feel, I get it from malice, from being mean, from ripping into peoples hearts, and savagely sucking their blood, and expecting them to come back for more. I do it by playing a victim and being innocent and feeling incapable of doing anything, feeling overwhelmed by not knowing the way things work and how to succeed in capitalism, and by having anarchistic beliefs about the way things are and the way they should be...My disatatistfaction comes out in malice, and this conditional love, this fury and trigger set, makes me unhappy, and it makes others unhappy, and it makes me feel like breaking things.. it makes me feel like smashing things.I feel so angry at my relationships with my family, and the things I feel when not having money, being dependent, having a difficult time communicating, having a difficult time giving, having a difficult time making love, laughing, enjoying anything. It makes it so difficult to enjoy a memory. I was having a good memory today where I was dancing with my partner in the kitchen last night, and I felt good, but within a second I was filling the memory with fear, anxiety, dread, pain, which turned to a fear of loss of control, and then a flood of negative emotion like domineering, finding something wrong with the other, finding something to be better than, or to fear and run away from...I see the painful connection between having good memories. Good memories are like little bubbles in the ocean which pop and are quickly replaced with the substance of fear horror dread, then malice, resentment, envy, shame, and guilt.I really fucking hate this process so much, and thats another thing... I hate that I hate... I shame that I shame. I and guilty over my guilt. There are narratives over my narratives, and its alll a fucking shagging mess.Anyways.... psobjoweghowipraFor me this is a great outlet... writing and putting things on paper.... like i haven't done this in forever... a word vomit, where the words just come out and theres no stopping it... I feel like this helps...I don't feel as angry and the spirit of aggression is slowly being let go from my countenance, and my eyes... of which it is usually so visible, that i am angry, and violitile, and ready to explode, or just want to press on salty wounds and to channel my rage into something that I can feel....Atleast writing about it gives me a sense that I'm doing something about it.
  19. Yo you guys are awesome @Alexanderle @seriousjay @Netzwerker @masquerade I'm on Day 28, I really like your advice @Alexanderleabout falling in love with the process of self development, and that tip about social pro; and @Netzwerker keeping a document, changing smells, and scenery, and using water and sitting positions. I appreciate that you took the time to write to me and share your insights.. Things have been tough, my cravings to look or play games comes and goes... and I am experiencing a lot of other things with my mood. I'll post more in the journal I have. Thanks guys, Oh I got a job at Kelseys, and am working short but consistent shifts. I also got some gov assistence so I could catch up with some bills, and I'm also working on getting some healthier foods and vitamans, and adding a second job. Funny how I don't mind working so much when I'm not playing games.... I notice how my brain is kind of vapid when I'm not playing games.... so I realize I have to add some kind of stimulation: I've thought about looking into a basketball mens league, mma, and I'm going to create an excercise circuit in my basement... Its so boring not using the extensive reflexes I have to solve problems or to compete in some kind of way. I've also taken up an interest in cooking and learning new recipes. Reading is interesting; i realized today that my memories are sometimes like when I'm reading a book... kinda make it easier to see that my thoughts were more of an illusion taking me out of the present, which i thought was a helpful benefit i didn't realize was possible with reading: I'm reading Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring.... It's really great! I love it.. I love travelling with the group. It's so nice to have some unique images in my mind... Almost insatiably refreshing. I've been practicing martial arts for about 8 years now, and i would compete in that but I've had a few concussions and need to stay away from it... but damn, its fun to do tui shou or push hands in english... which is a non violent form of tai chi practice with a partner... haven't been able to do it for awhile and I kinda long for that... would like to get back into it, but need to pay my teacher back to not feel ashamed of going back to him... I owe him $3000, which he understands why I can't pay him, but i really don't feel comfortable accepting any more lessons until I can pay him back. Anyways, That was my bit of rantings... thanks for your support... much love ❤️
  20. Hello there, its not my first time on this forum. I have made about 2 or 3 accounts by know and have lost login in information and failed many attempts quit. I plan on using different methods of quiting this time which i will go indepth on my online journal here on this forum. I look forward to reading posts and hanging out here and hopefully finding an accountability partner
  21. I had a meltdown last night and this morning and posted an obituary of my happiness. So I took it down. Today I fought through only having 2 hours of sleep. I got my work done, talked to coworkers, finished 3 huge tasks, walked with friends at lunch, and watched my favorite cartoon after, finished work strong, and then did yoga for an hour. I felt great after yoga. My mind fresh and cleared from all of the stress I felt. I connected with my teacher and friends in the class. It made me happy. After class I went home and immediately meal prepped. I made this recipe: https://diethood.com/crock-pot-honey-garlic-chicken/ It will last me 4 days. The things I changed were using chicken breasts (white meat) instead of thighs (dark meat) and added a little balsamic vinegar. I talked to my dad on the phone for an hour and even asked my friend out on a date on Friday night and she said yes with enthusiasm immediately. I'm tired of making excuses to be miserable. I'm upset that I'm too tired to 3d model today, but I did my hobbies of yoga and cooking. My paranoia has subsided greatly. I think I lose my mind on weekends because it allows me time to think and sometimes thinking isn't good after I've been thinking all week. Thanks for the kind comments.
  22. Yesterday
  23. [ GameQuitters : 27 // Meditate : 16 // PornFree : 0 // NoFap : 0 ] Man, looooong day. Being back at ITU with a whole load of new subjects, seeing people again, fresh start, yada yada. It was great, but I'm also completely exhausted after today. There hasn't been much downtime between my exams and now, and I really have been running on fumes a bit lately... So naturally ended up very tired by the end of the day. That led to another relapse with the porn. It's insanely difficult to quit. Being tired seems to be like, my huge weakness. If I'm tired and around my electronics late at night, I have an almost Pavlovian response apparently. I'm still tracking overall clean days this month to try and at least wean myself down to a lower regularity if not going for a huge streak just yet. But I've been trying to quit since 2016 sooo... 😕 This got me thinking, there's a LOT I want to change this year and I wonder if I'm not trying to take on too much simultaneously. Just listing a few of the habits I'm trying to work on: study harder, go out for social stuff, exercise daily, drink enough water daily, try to eat healthier, meditate daily, quit porn, quit masturbating, quit social media, quit YouTube, try to improve my sleep, get into body-building eventually... etc. etc. Maybe I need to break these down into more manageable steps, or at least focus on one thing at a time. Right now I'd say quitting games, meditating and studying has been pretty successful as a sort of 'big trio' for this month, but I am struggling to do more than that right now. I should probably also recognize the progress I've made this month despite what feels like failures in sleep and porn. I've studied harder than ever before, got good marks on 2/3 exams, quit gaming again and meditated on 27 days since December 29th, by far the most consistent I've ever been with that habit. I guess I can ease off on a few things and maybe pick one or two to focus on in the coming weeks when meditating etc. is finally just a daily habit (it's already pretty close to being that anyways). Thoughts?
  24. Thanks for the kind words Mr.! Yeah the idea of reminding yourself what you are doing all of this for sound pretty good tbh 🤔 But don't you feel that you miss out on new information and don't you miss the feeling of just mindlessly chilling for bit by quitting YouTube completly? Good luck on your journey too my friend 💪🏼
  25. Thanks for the reply and the advice! The problem is that I feel useless, like I am wasting time when I do nothing like taking a walk or lying in bed to chill. I feel like I should be doing something productive. Yeah I watch a lot of self development videos, but there is a line where it just gets to much which I cross often enough. I really don't seem to be able to adhere to the rules I set myself and when I break them I just feel like shit lol. For the last couple of days I only opened youtube if I knew what I was going to watch beforehand, so no more browsing which works good enough for now I guess.
  26. There are different approaches: Do other activities like take a walk. The more easy the activity, the more it will help you to stop about thinking of media. Set a time limit how long you are allowed to consume any sort of media a day (I set myselve 1 Hour once, slowly it was easier to turn off Movies even in the middle, until I did not watch any media for a while). Try mediation i. e. nothing electronic to reach for x amount of minutes. Do you watch nonsense media or real educational videos? Becouse there are tons of educationional videos for any topic at youtube (gardening, music, crafting, camping, you name it), for free. I think it's the better wikipedia (becouse you can listen to it while doing other stuff). It's sad that the most dump videos got the most clicks. But I would consider still doing a time limit on that. Becouse all the theory in the world is not as good as practice. Maybe those videos help you to find your next hobby. If you really want to learn something new however, there is nothing better than a good book. Try visit a library or a book store(they sometimes allow you to read for free).
  27. Hey guys. I hope you had a nice weekend. Let's see if any of these things had progressed by far... Sugar Detox - 27 days marked and counting (14 to go) 100 Days of Thanks - just passed an entry with some quote/verse already mentioned during the memorial service (that is on "day 18" yesterday) Duolingo - just maximized both Intro and the Who, What, and Where sections for Norwegian CBS!Isaiah - worked more on Saturday, but did not do some amount of more work yesterday due to Pro Bowl and Kobe Bryant's unexpected death in a helicopter crash Epic Fail - 15 chapters in and I am already rooting for Team Pipo Place because... you just gotta LOVE the m-i-l-l-e-n-n-i-a-l-s! Chronological Reading Calendar - it is slowly catching up one task at a time until the datemark of Aug. 6th - Project Exodus (21/40 complete - FINALLY!)
  28. It's your diary, so it's okay for you to vent, to analyze and talk to some medical professional about it. I think @seriousjay has some good and strong points. You are correct that you shouldn't worry about things outside your control, like coronavirus. On the other token, people staring into your eyes at the gym is also something you can't control. I am actually one of those people who if you met on the street, I would give you a stern eye-gaze for a good second or two. I read about eye contact a few months ago and I practice it almost religiously and see other people's reactions. I like to play that game. If they stare at you, stare at them back. Play the game! I actually wonder what would my reaction be if someone stuck out a tongue at me while I was giving them my stare... I'd probably be shocked and laughing at the same time! As for your "friends", I'd differentiate between "friends" you marginalize by not being able to do anything but get drinks after work, and "friends" you enjoy working on your hobbies with and genuinely enjoy their company. If you marginalize, talk smack about it and seriously mean it, just walk away from that relationship, because that is disdain. It doesn't matter if it's justified or not; whether those people can really only get drinks or whether you don't appreciate them for what they are. I think disdain was the emotion my ex felt towards me at the end of the relationship. She was right to do so, because I was a wreck and gamed for hours on end, even though it at the same time proved to her that her choice to enter the relationship with me was void. I reacted only on few things, so I don't spend the rest of my evening writing here, but others addressed them already. Myself, I think I rediscovered my ability to be truly amazed by people and perhaps to amaze myself at times. I hope you will rediscover it at one point as well. Good luck.
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