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  2. Books, So you don’t want a round trip over something so stressful as a potentially unsatisfying date after work. But what about the place where you live? I am totally feeling you about stress after work. You rightly stated you need some release like hitting he drums. I hope that will be a life changer for you. Edit: I am less and less at peace with the idea of having to escape. Nobody has to escape anything, we just have to engage different faculties and give ourselves breaks when we need them. I come from legal consultancy background in the UK and I had seen how substance abuse and exhaustion at work are related. James Good recently shared his insight into this subject. So I am against intense working accompanied by frantic worrying followed by escaping into oblivion. I am all for measured working, followed by activities that engage different faculties which means we shouldn’t ever need to escape.
  3. Wali, I had dreams like that plus a few of my friends on this forum said they’ve had dreams like that. I was very upset in the dream that I relapsed, but waking up made me feel relieved.
  4. Today
  5. Day 4 Today I haven't felt too well. I realized that I'm used to daydream a lot and I'm feeling too anxious. My head seems to explode now and meditation isn't helping me too much. I'll struggle to stop drinking coffee and thinking about the future and problems. Today I just read 5 pages and tomorrow I'll try to compensate by reading 15. I forgot some of the algorithms of the Rubik's cube and tomorrow I'll try to remember them. Things didn't work so well today, but I hope tomorrow will be better. Goals [O]Read at least 10 pages of a book [x]Study at least 50 minutes [x]Meditate for 10 minutes
  6. Today was good. I woke up early, got everything I needed completed, exercised, showered, ate well, spent time with friends on video chat, and relaxed. I was going to try and do animation, but it's 1 hour before bed. Not the time to brainstorm. I think tomorrow I'll be able to animate after work for an hour and I give myself permission to not finish it. I can just get part of the way through. 3 days no porn. Starting to get minor cravings.
  7. Yesterday
  8. Well, I‘m missing social contacts. It is hard to find the right friends, when you are known for nothing / have nothing to talk about. The last 6 years are like a black hole, I have no special memories, the only memory I have, is me sitting in my dark room the whole day. I would love to be passionate about more hobbies and skills but gaming is pretty much the only skill/ hobby I have/had. For me It is about finding a new Purpose in my life.
  9. The question I have: How is gaming interfering with your life. What kind of things do you feel are you missing, when you were gaming? Can you describe that?
  10. What a long post full of interesting ideas. You should get a blog up as I have. Back before when I was at the military uni (some 3 years ago), I was reasonably productive when I was living at the dormitory with others, but I slipped into doing nothing all day when I was coming home for the weekends, because that's how I learnt to live throughout high school. There's a ton of it and I like to research this area. I am going to get around posting a blog article about relationships eventually, so I am sure some of it will resurface there.
  11. Day 3 Today I realized how important it is, to avoid using my phone in the morning. It was easier to concentrate when learning, even though I only learned math for about 1 hour. But atleast I started with learning how to code - which is actually not as boring as I thought it would be. The rest of the day I pretty much only spend outside, to avoid beeing around my phone/ pc too much. @Alexanderle I‘m learning html for no specific reason.but just as you said exploring is key... I mean pretty much anything is more useful than gaming. Working out is also a huge hobby for me - problem is, that i can‘t just do it all the time. So in the time where i have nothing to do i usually come back to games. So now finding a lot of alternatives is my goal right now.
  12. Day 11: (I do the numbers for the sake of structuring my journal. I have not intention of going back at all.) I just reread yesterdays post and I am glad I was so honest. There is a lot of truth to it. Moreover, my actions don't align with who I want to be or who I really am. That's the reason I feel so frustrated and tense. As I write this right now, I feel the exact same way. What was good today? There is not much actually but there is still one aspect. I took an assessment about one and a half weeks ago to get a better idea of what my values are. This is a professional psychological test and I have to admit that the results accurate. The next step would be to evaluate my current goals and ACTIONS based on these ideas. Again, my actions don't reflect my values at the moment! That's also (unsurprisingly) a result of the test. No wonder I feel the way I feel. By the way, this is basically what I found out yesterday. I also had a four minute call with... someone from my family (I don't know the name for the relationship.) What was bad? Let me be honest and tell you what I did today. I woke up, I ate breakfast while watching TV and I watched TV and YouTube all day, eating crappy food and not moving at all. No wonder I feel the way I feel! (Also, monotony. My language is not the freshest right now.😅) What would make tomorrow great? There is one thing that would make me super proud of myself. Going through my morning routine, while nobody is at home. No TV, no YouTube, just the routine and then action. If I connected a little bit more with the people around me, the people I care about, that would be cathartic. I need to get out of my head because right now there is not much more than me and my own mind. That would be fine if I meditated 24/7 but since I don't do so and also don't aim to, the isolation I inflict on myself right now is harming. Being social is an absolute must!
  13. Wow, that's powerful and you nailed it! Evaluation needs to depend on where you aspire to be in life, on what is right for you. It doesn't matter how many days you are in because if it works it works and you should double down on it. Keep going. You have done enough introspection to know why you should quit porn and act differently. You have realised that watching porn doesn't align with who you are deep inside.
  14. Man you need your own apartment. Living at home made me want to commit suicide. I really appreciate the independence. I know times are tough and your situation is different. I'd just say, and I think you know this, the longterm goal should be your own place after you finish college etc. Until then just do your best to get back on track. Maybe count your calories and just go for walks or something. Vent anger through pushups? Idk. I wish you the best. At least the hobby is starting to blossom with you.
  15. Yeah, I shouldn't target to play in moderation on the future, I noticed that it will just gonna be a bad ideas if I done it. I will just stop completely from gaming. Tq for your advice.
  16. Hello Day 8 Before that I have a question to ask, is it normal to have a dream that you are playing a game? Because I just experience it last night. Hahaha Anyway, as for today I'm able to woke up early (after a week). It just because I have some other work to be done in the morning , my additional income. Then, in the afternoon I'm doing my own business as usual and I did some experiments today on homemade patties, glady I did it right. Maybe tomorrow I will put it in the menu. Also today, I just started to get some meditation and with meditation it help me a lots to stay calm and relax all the time. I will do some meditation everyday, especially whenever my emotions is unstable. Right now, I want to find more activities that can be done just staying at home and it free. I did browse some to the "60 New Hobbies Ideas". And it helps me to feel wants more to do others activities because I just started to feel excitement when I do different type of activities in a day. That all for today. 😁 #90Detox 8/90
  17. I definitely agree that having a set time to wake up is important. I let that slip during lockdown and my life has been a mess. I thought I was depressed and unorganized before but I had no idea what I was in for. Lol
  18. Yeah, I recently relapsed hard. Started with just an hour long session in 2 days and then all of a sudden it was all I was doing. Took a step back and reexamined my life and was able to stop again. Definitely don't recommend moderation. Even though moderating wasn't even my goal... it still worked its way in.
  19. You've motivated me. I'm going to commit to walking every day, especially now that it's somewhat nice out. I've been really unwell mentally over the past week and a half at least.
  20. Great advice, I've seen similar tutorials on a lot of sites. When I genuinely gave it a good effort I had better than abyssmal results but overall online dating is a soul crushing experience for me. I only ever get messages from extremely fat women and whatever your opinion on them, they're not my type. Lol. It's all kind of common sense though when you think about it. If you just throw a profile together in 5 minutes with whatever photos you have on Facebook that don't look absolutely embarrassing, that's how you're going to come across. I've seen so many profiles that had a lot of pictures on them, but they were all just different poses in the same bathroom-selfie session. And they didn't even wash all the spit and toothpaste residue off their mirror first.
  21. Pretty surreal few days. Not that anything out of the ordinary happened, just in that time is passing very... strangely. My sleep schedule is all out of whack and I'm having a great deal of trouble sticking to my lesson plans both in college and in the extra-curricular classes I signed up for. Fell way behind in the Andrew Huang production class but I'm catching up. Switched to Ableton Live instead of Studio One... it's just vastly better in every way and right now there's a free 90 day trial of the complete $700 suite so no better time to learn it. Working a lot from home to try to regain some sort of normalcy. Soul crushing to read all of the unemployment emails though. We get about 100 emails a day and I'd say 80 of them are about people losing their jobs and no longer able to pay child support. It's a given that some of those are liars but the majority probably are not. Health-wise I'm not doing well at all. I'm not sick but I'm not taking care of myself like I should. I have no motivation to work out and have been eating like crap. My house is just not a great environment for productivity. It's strange, my mother has gone totally nuts and is convinced the virus is crawling all over every surface so she bleaches the whole house every day... but at the same time it's still technically just as dirty as it's always been. Every flat surface is just a place for her and my brother to pile trash and food, like I said before. My room is like a fortress against entropy right now, lol. I have some clean laundry in a basket sitting in my corner and it is driving me crazy so I'm about to put that away. That's the extent of how dirty I get. I'm still working one day a week and working from home besides that, which helps. It appears as though the lockdown is starting to work so hopefully this won't carry on much longer, but our view in the government, despite being optimistic and positive in the news, is that once spring really kicks in people are going to totally ignore social distancing and it'll come right back stronger than before. Time will tell but I lost faith in the good of humanity a long time ago. Lol
  22. Yeah you're right. It best for me not to gaming anymore even after the detox, there's is a high possibility that I will be addicted to game if I relapse. I should just quit completely for the best. Thanks.
  23. That's great. I'm hoping to do the same one day. Maybe this streak. Dating app advice: Note: This advice works for me. I don't want to hear how I'm wrong or an asshole. I get matches every time I join an app. I just hate reading through profiles because I think people write cliche, generic bull shit and it angers me so I don't care for it. What do you want?: You gotta start figuring out what you're interested in with a prospective partner. Are you looking for hookups or a relationship? What do you want her to do with you? What do you want to do with her? These are important questions. If you want her to exercise with you, write how exercise and fitness is important to you and post a picture or share a brief specific like riding bikes, lifting, etc. Do you want her to know you watch anime? Tread lightly on that one and don't make it a huge thing. Do not, under any circumstances, show that you're a weeb. It scares people away. (i know you're not a weeb, but you do like anime. So you have to slowly tell someone you like it. Can't just throw it out there due to stereotype battles you'll face.) Art, church, exercise, building, farming, etc. List your interests so they can find commonalities with you. Photos: I think there's a few things for dating apps. The first thing is making sure you're not conveying a poor tone about your personality with your photos. There's a website called photofeeler.com that lets you upload photos to see what people think about them. It's anonymous. You vote on other's photos as well. I see a lot of guys doing these serious faces that make them look angry or edgy. I think your first photo needs to be a candid smile or at least smiling with your eyes. It should be from the chest up. Women like photos where you're facing them, not turning away. You also need good lighting. Most people have poor lighting or show themselves not straight on. Never post a picture of yourself looking down at the camera. It makes you appear condescending. Be equal level with the camera to show you're an equal person. If you show yourself below the camera then you look like a simp or a child. There's this thing out there where men are more attracted to women's photos at an angle and women are more attracted to men straight on and not turned away or looking away. It's like the phrase "Men want what they can't have" and "Women want your undivided attention". The next photos need to be a combination of: you in a social situation where you're the center of attention. If you're in a group of 3 guys never be the guy on the left or right. a full body shot with clothes either at an event or just in general (not you against a wall in your bedroom) You doing a hobby without looking at the camera You in fancier clothes either at an event, religious event, business thing, etc. Something with a nice background that's a combination of these or maybe a sporting event or a concert I'd avoid any photos that could possibly lead you to being sad. All humans are sad and want to be understood. Women don't want a guy with tons of problems. They understand all men and women have problems, but they are attracted to men who know how to solve their problems or are working on them. They don't tell everyone their problems all the time and are helpless. Helpless is not sexy or inspiring. Bio: Your bio depends. Some apps like bumble or tinder only allow like 120 characters or something. If it's short and sweet like that then you gotta be flirty and enticing. It's like the first line of a book. If the hook sucks then you're not going to read the book. Grab their attention. Don't post anything about politics. It's too stressful. You want to be comfortable, but enticing so the woman wants to come out of her comfort zone and get to know you. But not so crazy that you scare them off. Too comfortable is boring. Gotta find a balance. Swiping: Don't just get pissed off and swipe every woman you see on the app to see if you get a hit. Dating in real life takes forever and that is the same with apps. Just because you're on an app doesn't mean you're going to find someone instantly. That's the instant gratification factor going off so you can't give in to that. Take your time, read her profile, see if it's a fit. Don't be desperate and never settle. She's going to want you to know about her and be genuinely interested. Women get mass swiped all day. Any person, man or woman, who they swipe on will be a match. If they matched with you they have a legitimate interest in you because they read your profile. Return the favor and be patient. Never swipe a girl who only shows her face unless you're comfortable with and looking to date heavier women. Only message if they show their body. It shows insecurity on their end. If they're fat they need to own it and show it. Never swipe a girl who has tons of those stupid filters like dog face, halo angel, cat face, rainbow face, etc. It means they're extremely unintelligent and unoriginal. Yes, call me an asshole for this and the face post, but you need to read your person. They're either clueless in person or clueless about dating. Both are a waste of your time. Messaging: Know your situation and know your match. If you're posting sultry photos of yourself and your profile is mostly sexual, most women are going to swipe on you for a hookup and expect you to send flirty/sexy messages. If you say "hey" they're gonna be surprised and angry. If you're posting a genuine profile and your bio is kind of funny and your photos show you're kind of funny, send a charming/flirty message with a joke maybe. If it's an honest profile where it's focused around kindness then compliment them and ask a follow up question. Send a message that's not stupid. "Hey gurl, damn ur hot". Pure cancer. You can't over think it either. Just be normal. Point out something in their photo that you like and relate to it. "Wow, I can't believe you went to Egypt! Are you looking for a cute travel companion for your next trip?" That sounds corny, but some girls like that. But if you hate traveling then that's a bad message and you shouldn't match with her because she's going to want to travel and you won't. Some girls prefer you just to say hi to them and be as casual as possible. Talking about hobbies, tv shows, other shit. Since you're religious, I would suggest Match for your dating platform. Most of the women I saw on there wrote about how God was very important to them. I didn't see any religious postings on bumble, tinder, or hinge to be honest. Don't message forever. You want to try and meet with them within 1-2 weeks and you want to start texting them within 1 week off of the platform so it's just on your phone. If you don't meet her in person within 1 week then you need to have a phone call with her and see how it goes. You can learn a lot from a phone call. And you don't have to make it last 6 hours unless it's going that way. Never force it or throw dumb conversations out there if it's already around 1 hour. If it's 5-10 minutes in and you guys hit a dead spot then try it. If it's still bad after 30 minutes hang up and move on. You're not a match. Don't be a fool and pay for instant swipes or super swipes or getting your profile out there.
  24. Thanks for your recommendation, I will find a way to make my work more fun and it will make me entertain to do it.
  25. Thank you for the response. Yeah, to be safe I just avoid any type of games and I shouldn't think "games is the only entertainment things to do", there's many others activity to be done that can entertained me beside games. For now, I'm doing my own business and I did start to learning a new language and I do some meditation to make me ease if I'm stress up.
  26. I've probably been off porn for at least a few months. What resources do you suggest for getting better at getting dates with women? I get almost 0 dates when I use apps and never meet anyone in person. I think hobbies are kind of a struggle because you don't see progress very quickly. So then it's just about making it a habit and staying consistent to keep it goin.
  27. Puzzles are cool. It's a nice way to do something without a laptop around.
  28. Day 133 NF 4 Np 87 Med 73 Positive post: I'm back on meds, I talked to my psychiatrist and I'm walking everyday. They say that walking or getting any exercise 15+ minutes a day is really good for making you happier. It's a good antidepressant. So I'm happy that I'm walking regularly now. I'm grateful that my mom got me walking because I think it's good for my mental health. I've been doing at least 5000 steps a day on average. Sometimes closer to 10k. I'm grateful for WhytManga and @Laurie who showed me his channel. I learned some good things from his tutorials. It feels like I'm barely progressing at all, but I have faith that if I just keep drawing each day I'll get better over time. I'm grateful for the slight edge which is helping me see how important things like focusing on the positive and gratitude are. Watching Saiki K is really enjoyable for me. I sit there with a smile on my face and laugh at the jokes. Even if I'm not in a good mood before I watch it it puts me in a good mood after. The jokes are really funny. I'm trying out gratitude journaling. Just journaling things that I'm grateful for. Seems kind of nice, they recommended it in the slight edge. I smiled at Saiki K. I accomplished seeing a client. I am grateful for my mom, walking, saiki, Laurie, whytmanga, the slight edge, my orange eraser, black mechanical pencil, kindle and remote control. God bless Erik
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