Hey guys, I didn't post on my journal yesterday as I was in London all day! I have created a video blog about this! Video Blog 3 I seem to have forgotten to to write on Thursday too! So briefly, Day 14 - Thursday - I woke up and went for my run in the morning! - Attended my improv class (I can see how the "Yes and.." Concept will help me in real life) I certainly do need to work on improving my general knowledge though, as I often find that some topics and situations come up in improv where I have no knowledge in that area so making it extremely difficult to keep the ball rolling. Which in real life i'd just ask questions but in improv you don't ask questions as you want the conversations to flow. And this is how I want to be in real life too! - Slept at my friends house so that I could wake him up at 4AM (Cause he's terrible in the mornings!) for our trip to London!
Day 15 - Friday London all day, watch video blog for more details. I'm trying to work on the best way i'd explain the day to people to keep them interested whilst explaining my day. I find that I could do some awesome shit (Like skiing or jetskiing), and when I begin to tell people my stories they still lose interest quickly. And then someone else could just talk about the cup of coffee they just drank and make that seem more exciting I've watched a couple of videos and shit on better story telling but could probably do with going over them again. If anyone has any recommendations that'd be cool! I think the Charisma on Command has a good video on this. Day 16 - Today (Saturday) Woke up at 8 after going bed at like 2:30AM after my London trip to go to my strength and conditioning class. Once that finished I immediately went home, had some eggs on toast, shower and then slept for another 2 hours lol I also FINALLY set up my vision board. I bought 6 cork boards, a shit load of pins and stuff at least 4 months ago and kept meaning to set this damn thing up. But they just continued sitting under my bed. Today I finally committed to it, and got that motherfucker set up on the wall. I haven't got much stuff on there at the moment, i'll probably spend some of my time tommorow getting some inspiration images, my goals, my to do list and anything else I deem worthy on my wall. Once i've built it up, i'll probably take a picture of it and upload it on the forums! But yeah, it feels fucking good to finally have set it up. It's definitely going to help me with visualization and keeping me on track. - Brad
Alrighty, I said i'd get another video blog out today. I really didn't want to put a video up today as nothing interesting happened. But I said i'd do it so here it is. I tell a little bit about my day and then attempt to tell a story... (really badly) Video Blog 2 I'm writing this now so that I actually do it. But i'll be getting up at 5:30 tommorow morning to go for a 30 minute run! Peace, Brad
I didn't post in my journal yesterday! Tut tut. Day 11 - Highlight was my salsa class. When I arrived all the tables were still out and I thought it had been cancelled! It was actually just because there was a football game on so the class ended up being delayed by 30 minutes. I approached the female instructor (She is super fit!) and began talking to her for a good 10-15 minutes. I was asking her about her dancing and that kind of stuff. But ya' know after a while I begin to get into my own head, like 'yeahh i'm talking to this person, oh shit concentrate on what they're saying, ah shit i'm in my head again'. When the conversation begins to stall out I really struggle to come up with more things to talk about. For the other 15 minutes until the class started I just chilled in the bar, every so often getting my phone out when I felt uncomfortable. As more people arrived before class I stood up and kept good positive body language whilst not really knowing who I could go talk to as everyone seemed to be in their little groups. Eventually, I noticed 3 girls gradually moving towards me and then actually approached me lol. I spoke to them for a little while but again the conversation stalled out and I couldn't think of anything else to talk about! The salsa itself was pretty awesome, i'm getting in the swing of things.
When we had breaks i'd get a glass of water, and try and see who I could speak to. But everyone seemed to be in their little groups again and I found it super hard to find anyone to speak to! The breaks weren't too long though so I didn't have to stand there by myself for too long! Day 12 - Not too much happened today. When I got bored at work I started writing down some of the thoughts racing through my head, and one that popped up was that i'd love to do a year long working holiday in Australia! I feel like this would be a GREAT opportunity to get out there and really experience life. I started to think about the money i'd have to save up, so i'm even more determined now to start making some money online on the side! Went to my Martial Arts Class, learnt some basic take down stuff today that integrated with the boxing I've been learning. One thing I found out about today whilst researching some things at work was a program called 7 speed reading software. I read alot through-out the day so being able to read quicker would be awesome! The reviews for this program were all like 5 star and they guarantee that the program will at least 3x your reading speed and improve retention. Costs like $80 or something though, so can't buy it yet as i'm a bit strapped for cash! But for sure would love to give it a go. They help with removing bad reading habits and man, reading is a life skill. So if I can get my reading to an awesome standard at the age of 19, I can read soooo manyy books over my lifetime! The investment seems COMPLETELY worth it! I'm going to get a video blog out tommorow, as I need to make sure i'm getting them done earlier on in the week. - Brad
Not much happened today. Woke up groggy and didn't take a cold shower so I didn't energize like I usually do. Was procrastinating alot just watching a bunch of youtube videos on self-improvement and stuff. But it gets to a point where you're just watching them but not really taking much in, like I was taking notes but yeah. Basically procrastination.
I went swimming with my sister. Got speaking to two guys in the Sauna, although my sister did the majority of the talking... Like i'm sitting there wanting to talk but I can't seem to find anything in my head that I can relate to what they're saying. Like the odd occasion I can chip in but ugh. I put too much pressure on myself. I keep thinking I need to be dominating this conversation and get depressed when I end up sitting back and being quiet.
When I got home I watched moreeee youtube videos, again self-improvement ones. I created a video blog on what I have learnt this week, here is the link: Lesson 1 So yeah, cause I didn't plan anything for my Sunday. I got overwhelmed and ended up doing not much. In the end I went out with my Mom and SIster, had a quick drink at the pub and then went to the cinema to watch 'The Mountain Between Us'. My plans over the next week are: Attend Salsa ClassAttend Improv ClassAttend my martial artsMeditate each dayCold Shower every morningMeet 2 new people each dayFinish 'The Quarter-Life breakthough'Begin reading 'How to Win Friends and Influence people' (I keep reading and hearing about how I should read this book, so I gotta read it asap)Build a personal website which I can upload my personal videos toCreate 2 video blogs through-out the week and 1 video on what i've learntPost on facebook when I am about to do an interesting event. To just get it out there and allow people to reach out to me. (I have a fear that the people from my old school will judge me when I start talking about what i'm doing. But really they don't care)Plan my weekend out so I don't end up getting all confused and doing nothing productive.Watch 2 documentaries- Brad
Alrighty, here is my first video blog! Not sure if i can have the video embedded into the reply. But here is the link! Video Blog #1 Not gonna lie, there is not much structure to it at all but I thought it would be best if I just get something out there then I can refine my videos in the future. - Brad
Day 8 - Was wayyy too tired to write this last night haha. So I managed to wake up at like 5:30AM and go for a 35 minute run. I did surprisingly well considering I haven't gone running in a long time and didn't stop once through-out the whole run. Although I should expect to be considerably fitter due to all of the boxing, skipping and stuff that I do. Mind you my calves fucking kill, they always hurt like a bitch after I go running. I really need to start stretching them more and getting them more flexible. The run itself though, I just ran the route I used to run when I tried running before. It's about 5k in total. I wanted to do the same route because then I could see if I was tired at the places I was previously but I just kept ploughing along, like I said it was only really my calves that hurt. The only thing I didn't consider was the park I run through had no lights, so it was PITCH BLACK as I approached the gates. Oh man it was kinda scary, but I went for it anyways! I use an app called Runkeeper which tells me my split times and stuff. I was running about 8min/mile. So yeah that woke me up quite nicely and I felt good through-out the day.
Work was like usual, although I was really unproductive today and got hardly any work done. I just wanted to be doing something else maynn.
I then attended my first Improv class today! Well it nearly didn't happen cause I walked into the completely wrong building lol. It's definitely going to help me think more on my feet and just say whatever comes into my head instead of analysing every word in my head before I say it. Which is probably the reason why I'm so quiet in groups. The only problem with the class is that it overlaps my boxing training, we do sparring on Thursday which I really enjoy! But to be honest I do enough training through-out the week, so, so that I can build up my social skills I'm going to be attending the Improv classes instead for the next 10 weeks. I'm not gonna lie though, the people going to the class seemed a little weird, but then I'm probably weird to them I gotta stop comparing people and accept everyone for who they are!
After the class I messaged Cam for a little bit telling him how it went, and then he asked me and documentaries were going. And I was like, AHHH SHIT I ain't done it! I was a little clueless as to what documentaries to watch, my idea of documentaries was like David Attenborough kind of things. And I was like huh I don't really wanna just watch wildlife videos mayn. I didn't realise Netflix had documentaries so I was scrolling through those, it seemed that all of them were either about war, crime and druglords and all that stuff. So if you have any good recommendations, please say! I ended up watching one about the Cray Brothers, it was very interesting. Although I started falling asleep about half the way through because of how tired I was!
I did plan to do a video blog after the documentary, but as I said was super tired so I ended up going straight to bed. I will make sure to get one done today! - Brad
Day 7 - Not too much to write about today either. I woke up late again Meaning I didn't have time to meditate before work. Work the same as usual...
Once I got home I felt unmotivated again, but after a bit of procrastination I told myself. I need to just start doing SOMETHING. I grabbed my book "The Quarter-Life Break-Through" and headed downstairs so I could get into a different environment, as my bedroom just makes me feel so lazy. I completed 15 minutes of meditation and then proceeded to read through and actually start highlighting things in the book and writing things down as I went through it. Also completing all practical challenges it set. Basically the book is helping me to find what I truly am passionate about and what gets my heart pumping. It's amazing how deep the mind can go and the memories you can remember when you're sitting there in silence just thinking and trying to recall things from the past to help answer the questions the book asks. I'm still building up a picture at the moment, but things that seem to be cropping up so far are the fact that I really like sports, my dance moves kept appearing, a desire for new experiences and the fact that I hate the same routines day in day out... Also something that I had thought about before, but joining the army. Although this would certainty put me in a strict routine when I think about it. But would allow for adventure, new experiences, sports etc... So yeah, still building up a picture. It's hard to do though as a large percentage of my life was spent playing video games. I started from a young age, but it only really got serious from like ages 13-18. Funny how I was struggling to recall anything from that period of my life. Anyways, the thought about the army for some reason gave me the impulse to try and wake up at 5:30 in the morning and go for a 30 minute run. So that is what i'm going to do. I haven't ran in quite a while so we'll see how it goes lol. - Brad.
Day 6 - Not much happened today to be honest. I woke up late, missed my time slot for meditating before heading off to work. Same old same old at work. My boxing class was cancelled so that threw a spanner in the works. I knew I should have worked on something else but I couldn't find the energy to do anything today. After wasting a bunch of time I finally got myself to the gym for like an hour. Came home and watched a film. Really boring day, and I fell off the tracks today. I really need to find some fun backup activities to do. I also failed to meet 2 new people today. What a complete failure of a day. Oh well tommorow is a new day so I can only look forwards! I also have been telling myself that I need to stop over analyzing every interaction I have. Like i'm always trying to find things that I could have done better in every situation. Even when i'm supposed to be enjoying an activity like the Salsa yesterday. I still caught myself getting all negative because I didn't do such and such, or didn't speak to so and so. When I had already accomplished so much. It's stopping me from having fun because i'm in my own head wayyy too much. I need to work on being present and enjoying the moment, this should also help me to connect to people better I feel.
@nowaydown1 - Wow that's awesome, yeah it's definitely amazing as to what can develop from simply opening your mouth and speaking to someone. You really don't know, and for sure nothing will ever happen if you don't say anything! Haven't got a plan but i'll work on that through-out the week Day 5 - Oh man, I had quite the embarrassing day at work D: So today the whole company was having an office move, so everyone was moving their stuff to their new spots. To enable the smooth running of all the moving around we all had allocated slots to begin moving our stuff. SOOO, it eventually got to our time slot and my team and I began packing up all of our stuff. The stuff we had to move was the obvious stuff like your computer and monitors, your chair and draws.
Well, the draws were quite heavy so they required two people to carry them. So my co-worker and I crouched down to pick up my set of draws. We both spent a little while trying to get a good grip on the draw but I couldn't find a good spot, but I just went with it anyways. So here we go, 1, 2, 3, LIFT.... Next thing I hear is a MASSIVE rip and the feeling of my trousers tearing apart. And i'm just thinking, OHH FUCK. I look at my co-worker like, "Yo man, my trousers just fucking ripped" Dude FRONT to BACK, like I was fucking exposed! Good job I wore my good boxer shorts today!
I ended up tying my coat around my waist so that I could at least walk around, but how the fuck was I gonna crawl under my desk and set up my computer? I was gonna expose my ass to the world.. Geeez, luckily in the end someone had a spare pair of trousers, thank fuck.. Oh and just to add to it, I knocked a bunch of shit over all over the floor and it wasn't even mine! Everyone just stared whilst i'm standing there, oh what a great day... Oh yeah, I left my ID at my desk too when it was time to go home and it's a 5 minute walk to and from the gatehouse. So that added an extra 10 minutes that I didn't wanna waste. Arghh, anyways. The rest of the day was really quite positive. I signed up for a SALSA class! I've always wanted to try one. I found it on http://www.meetup.com. It seemed from the meetup page that not many people were attending, like 3-5.. But I went anyways, I made sure to get there early so when I first turned up like literally no one was there except for the instructors and I was thinking to myself, oh man this is going to be DEAD. Finally people started showing up, I managed to introduce myself to quite a few people. There was ALOT of girls, dayum... We did a little warm up dance, and since I had no clue what I was doing I was truly shit But damnnnn, these Latino girls can move.... The experienced girls ended up taking the lead over me when it's actually always suppose to be the man in charge of the dance. But ahhh well, i'm new!
We eventually started the beginner classes, which was good because then everyone was bad haha. I was quite shocked by how close you get to the girls you dance with, touching the girls felt completely alien to me as I have pretty much no experience with girls. Except like 1-2 drunk occasions (Which still didn't go that far!). So as you can imagine I felt pretty damn nervous, I did really struggle with trying to talk to these girls when they were so close. So I ended up staying pretty quiet which sometimes made things feel awkward. Like I wanted to try and say things but nothing went into my head, so I just smiled and danced instead haha.
I definitely sensed when I first arrived and for like the first hour girls were checking me out. They would look at me and smile on multiple occasions. Gah if only I could go up to them and have a decent conversation, which I did try but often fizzled out. As you can imagine as the session went on and they learnt that I was a nervous guy they gradually lost interest, but shit - If i had some game, i'd be a slayer man! I'll get there one day!
So yeah, overall I loved the salsa. I'll definitely continue to go each week to build on my confidence, build up my moves and meet some really cool people. - Brad
Mhm, I got a bit overwhelmed yesterday. But even still, everywhere shuts early on Sunday so if I haven't planned any events there genuinely is not much around my area. That's why I really badly want to get my online business up and running so that I can get out of this place!
Day 4 - Sunday... The hardest day for me, the day where I never have anything planned so any other weekend i'd usually end up relapsing and playing video games and porn. BUT TODAY, I did not relapse However, I still didn't plan anything so it really was quite a boring day. I started the day off by going swimming for an hour. I also thought this would be a good opportunity to meet new people. So when I was taking a break from swimming, I sat on the side of the pool next to some dude who just did a length of the pool under water. ( I had already done this like 4 times though :P) He seemed like he was chilling out for a bit so probably not the best time to approach but I did it anyways. It wasn't a very good opener though to be honest and hence why I got such a shit response. I just said "Hey man, nice length underwater" Like wtf... He just smiled smuggly and then continued to chill out for a bit on the side of the pool. Now I wouldn't say I did this in spite of his negative response but when he set off to do another underwater length, I decided to do one too and overtook him underwater. Like yeah bitch I can do it too.
After an hour of swimming I hopped in the sauna and must have been in there for a good 10 minutes before I decided to speak out to this other guy who was chilling in there. We had a decent conversation for like 5 minutes but then the heat was getting too much for me, so I told him I needed to bail out. But I got his name anyways, he was a nice old indian chap called Toor. Felt pretty pleased that I had spoken out randomly to two people although I only managed to get one name and actually have a conversation with one person. Once I got home I ate then did 15 minutes of meditation. I then did some more research on the online business I wanna get into. Watched the F1 highlights, which unfortunately I already found the results out in the morning when I without thinking, looked at my news feed. That kinda sucked cause I knew what was gonna happen, but I watched it anyways lol. I then continued some more research until I got bored. But then I just got really bored and I didn't know what to do. So I ended up wasting too much time doing fuck all. I turned on my computer and decided to watch through all of Cam's Respawn videos to see if I could get anything new from it. And it made me realise that I should have just been more proactive with my weekends and actually have some stuff planned so that I didn't get bored. Because yeah, I'd usually just be gaming. The problem i'm getting with my weekends is that I genuinely do not know what I want to do with them. I had a look through Cam's 60+ ideas and when I was going through the list I was thinking to myself. Ugh that's boring... Can't be bothered to do that... Really I'm guessing this is just due my brain thinking everything other than gaming is just boring... Although I would have thought this should have started changing since I had only been playing games on Sundays, unless this had been resetting my brain everytime I did play I definitely need to get out of the house more over the weekends because I just get so bored, I just don't know where to go! - Brad
Alright Day 3 - To be honest not much happened today. I woke up and attended my Strength and Conditioning class in the morning. It's good fun as usual working out with the guys whilst having casual chats. Once I got home I did 15 minutes of meditation, day 20 of my headspace journey. But god dammit I kept drifting off and thinking about random shit lol. I set myself 2 hours to look more into Amazon FBA, I'm just currently trying to get a good understanding of how it all works whilst I save up money to buy the course so that I can actually start. But looking at all the success stories surrounding it, it's definitely very inspiring. I also managed to find an improv class to join, the only problem is it's a 10 week course that runs on thursdays which clashes with my Boxing sparring So i'm planning to head along for the first class and see what I think, it's just annoying because I really enjoy my boxing too! Now my daily challenge of trying to meet 2 new people and get their names. Unfortunately I failed the challenge today, I set myself an hour to go out and do it. But I feel like I left it too late in the day and went to the wrong environment. Basically what happened was, before I went out I kept telling myself that this is not me and in the back of my head I knew that even though I was going out to try to talk to some people, I wasn't going to do it...
So I went to my local town, it was getting dark, the weather quite miserable and pretty much all of the shops were closing. So the only place I could go was the pub. Now i've never been a big fan of pubs as they tend to always be filled by drunk old men. At least where I live this is the case. I went in anyways and guess what, it was filled with old drunk men. At the back of the pub there is a dining area, but I could just see everyone with their friends and family enjoying each others company. I told myself, there is NO WAY I can just approach these people... So I went straight up to the toilet to escape the environment, I just couldn't do it today. Once I exited the toilet I walked straight back out of the pub, back to my car and went home. Once I got home I started looking at some videos on approach anxiety and what to say. So I think i've learned some new concepts and ideas that should hopefully help me in the future. I think part of the problem today is that my goal isn't to just talk to random old men in a pub. To be honest when I see these guys in pubs the thoughts that run through my head are, "Man is this what you do with your life every weekend? That fucking sucks" I understand that if I want to get good at socialising in general then I should be able to do it with anyone, but that kind of environment really uninspires me. To be honest I think the town I live in sucks and everyone is just going through the rat race, getting pissed on the weekends and living paycheck to paycheck. And I really do not want to live my life like that, so I really do not want to associate myself with these people. Which is making this challenge extremely hard for me, because 99% of the people around me are like that. I just wanna move out to Australia or some shit like that where people are loving their life and not drinking beer to drink their problems away... So yeah, I failed my challenge. Instead I just watched a film with my sister. And oh man of course there is a love story in there, and whenever I see this stuff it's like I do enjoy watching it but then I feel horrible because I haven't experienced love in my life Gah what a negative post today. I really need to find myself some environments where the people surrounding me are actually inspiring and seem cool to talk to. (Like YOU GUYS Unfortunately we don't speak face to face. But if we did it would be AWESOME) Oh yeah, a final thing - I was listening to a podcast on porn addiction and all that shit. Now i'm not actually too bad anymore but like from the age of 14 I have always watched it and it's definitely reprogrammed my brain in a bad way. So i'm 100% committing to a 90 day detox. As well as a 90 day gaming detox. Now the real challenge is tommorow (Sunday). For the past 3-4 weeks, Sunday is the only day where I relapse and start playing some Battlegrounds because I get bored and I have nothing to do on Sundays. And what tends to always happen from my bad habits in the past, once i've played video games guess what I load up next... SO, I uninstalled my steam account which should certainly put a barrier between me just loading up a game because i'm bored. Now I just need to find something to do on my Sundays... I might go for a swim, definitely gonna watch the F1 highlights and try read some more of my book. OH and I need to go speak to some new people! Hey I really appreciate you guys reading through my journal, I kind of just splurge it all onto the page before I head off to bed so I apologize if it's all a big mess - Brad
Yeah like Cam said I will be uploading to Youtube as unlisted videos. Thanks for the openers Yo man, glad you got enjoyment from it Yeah it seems like literally no one converses with strangers unless it's your job or their on a night out. To be honest when I genuinely need some help from a stranger, like asking a guy at the gym how many more sets he has left so that I can use the weights or someone for directions I don't really get that nervous. But when you're just randomly going up to just start a genuine conversation it's sooo hard. Because like you said people are just completely alien to strangers coming up and talking to them. I might have to try out that technique to be honest, as i'd much rather have genuine conversations and feel like i'm connecting with someone as opposed to faking a question aha. Yeah i'm exactly the same, when I have found common ground I can quite confidently talk to people but so often I am just silent not knowing what to say. And yeah just letting loose and being silly too, the only way I can do this is if i'm drunk and on the dance floor in a club Or playing sports...