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  2. Day 5 | Focus: 35% | Pomodoros: 18 + CGAA OH THANK GOD. I finally found the source of a mysterious bug that has been holding my thesis project prisoner. I won't even say how long it took me, I'll just say that it's not worth measuring in hours. I can't even count that high. Why did the counter jump from 6 to 5? Because on day 0, I got rid of overwatch and committed to the detox again, BUT I kept a short single-player game that I wanted to finish for easy closure, so I did that in the first two days, ~4 hours each. Now that I'm feeling very confident about this detox run, I want it to be clean. It still doesn't include videos, but I have to take it one step at a time. I'm still baffled and proud at the same time of not gaming during a weekend for the first time in 2019! Let's gooooo..! @karabas Yep that's exactly why. There are sometimes in-person meetings for US east and west coast, but not much in my city. As a citizen of the EU, I feel like a 2nd-class citizen of the world, which is pretty solid, but I still get jealous of all the opportunities in the US. The more I learn, especially about finance, the more privilege that I don't have I see. Anyways, more awareness about gaming addiction is desperately needed.
  3. Day 63 26.05.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for it being a nice day. One amazing thing that happened/I did today ---- Workout/run more than 16k steps Meditation 10 min guided meditation in the morning 20 min guided meditation in the evening Visualisation and daily affirmation a bit affirmation and visualisation Reading (0hours of studying for the next exam today) sadly had no time for my regular Spanish session or studying, but read and learnt quite a bit (just not for my next exam 😞 ) my wake-up time 8:20 (weekend) Weekly Goal(s) continue with miracle morning routine, study at between 4 and 8hours per day, reduce my screen time to less than 2hours, meditate half an hour every day, have at least 2 perfect days next week Monthly Goal to study a lot for my exams, be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, start the miracle morning 1 month challenge anew 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done so that at least at the end of July I have it in my hands, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it What went well today: (NF:2/NW:0/NS:0) had a great family gathering and lots of moving around What I could have done to make my day better but it came at cost of not having any time for myself other than meditation and had no time to study, opened my webnovels on reflex and ate cake at home so again back to 0 with these 2 cravings What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up earlier, meditate for 30min, study 4hours, go to university, have another perfect day Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future I think the reasons for my lack of productivity and discipline are that I stayed too much in my room and also did had wake up real early regularly so for the next week I will change this and hopefully I will be back on track
  4. Agreed! I'd also work on developing my career/work first if it's already your focus, rather than to get tangled up in a new relationship and try to work out an extra thing. Taking care of yourself first is the top priority. Speaking of which, the end of my past relationship was the impulse that got me here on this forum after facing some harsh truth! It depends on who your parents are. My parents also got shaken when I quit my day job. What they wanted me to be was to be safe and you are fairly safe in a day job. It's what they do too, so I can't blame them for that. I want some adventure in my life first though!
  5. I just feel so angry because I turned away my dream home for this and I'm too depressed here to do my passion projects now. I'm just sitting in bed crying like an asshole and once I'm done being sad I'll get so angry that I smash everything in sight like a lunatic. I'm so dumb for giving everything up. I can't even do it now. People are shit and life is terrible. It's this tease that one day you'll be happy and that one day doesn't exist.
  6. Day 26 gone to bed: 23.20 woke up: 08.30 Fuck me! I relapsed in "NoFap" pretty hard. Watched some porn and regret it now. I feel down and I hope I get back to how it was before tomorrow, when school gives me back some routine and stuff to do. I chilled many hours today, watched Youtube and never got anything done until 21.00. Now I've done all my homework. I still need to learn for my physics exam. I'm disappointed by myself. I'm grateful for: church service and worship in the morning cleaning my room support from a women in church for my relationship-problems with my female friend
  7. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I forgot to mention I voted yesterday in the EU elections, so that took me an hour as well. Day 36: I got up pretty late, as a result of yesterday's meetup. I got some files together for the exam and did Russian. Brother came for lunch and after that I drove my family by car to a nearby village for a walk. I returned home with the car, watched some JP on addiction, did a bit of self-authoring and discussed women yet again with a Romanian friend of mine. I played some Scrabble and worked out in the evening and played a bit of basketball with some random guys that joined me. I know I slacked this weekend on whatever I wanted to do, so I'll pick up on that tomorrow. I'll go on a short bike trip and get my errands done tomorrow. @Ikar: clean car, photo, flight ticket, duo, read 1 page, send letter x 2, exam, bike trip, groceries
  8. Yeah this is BS. If that were true, addicts would never follow their passions after recovery. Just putting it out there: sometimes, due to their own low self-esteem, parents subconsciously don't want their children to succeed and/or leave home.
  9. I've got way too much of them. But a load of them are in St John's Gospel. "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home in them." (Jesus in John 14) It's just fabulous we can have God inhabiting our soul by obeying him.
  10. I'm struggling a lot recently. My mother is trying to get me to make her life better and do things so she feels better when I need the help. Whenever I tell her about the problems I'm having and would like to discuss them she starts fidgeting and getting stressed out. Within 10 minutes she says I talk like my father and leaves the room to go have a cigarette. If she ends up staying in the house to talk then she completely sidetracks from any advice she's giving me. She'll give me advice for 5 minutes and then ramble about something unrelated and then start talking about shit she needs to talk about. I get angry and ask what the point of the conversation was and she realizes it has nothing to do with why we originally spoke. I'm in a fragile spot because I just gave my career away to attempt to write a cartoon and create an online media business for myself and it's hard to do this when she's being so fucking annoying to be around. It's crushing me. She picks fights, doesn't communicate with me at all, and makes me feel like I'm being an asshole. I end up feeling guilty about everything because she's letting me live here for free, paying for groceries, and allowing me to take my time with all of this. But at the same time the emotional investment is not worth it because of how stressful these living situations are on weekends. I want to write or take an online class and she picks a fight with me saying "it's beautiful out and I want to walk the beach! I don't want to sit around inside all day." This makes me feel like a loser for staying inside to work on something I want to work on. So now I'm starting to get depressed and sad because I'm not living the typical "fear of missing out" style of life where we have to spend the whole day outside and take pictures because this is living yay!!!!!! Fuck that. I can do that some days, but other days I need to be constructive. I need to create things. I want to do something on my own some days. I don't want to go back to a career I literally just gave up. But living here has been such a disaster and it's turning out to be exactly what I feared. I'd quit my job and then get into arguments here and have to go back. I haven't even written a single fucking line in my cartoon because of this drama. I'm also tired of people saying "if you're not working on it then you don't want to do it". I'm too afraid to start working on these things because my self esteem is low. I have been working so hard to develop my self esteem over the past few months and between work dwindling down my life and my home life being so turbulent I just want to escape. It's a miracle I haven't been watching porn 10 times per day and trying to play RuneScape. Every day I just sit and think I should have bought that fucking house and just lived for the weekends. But I don't want to do that. I don't want the ordinary life. I just want to do something special and be special because I know I can be special and not special needs. My mind is everywhere right now and my mom doesn't see it at all.
  11. CGAA sounds very interesting. I didn't know it even existed. The only thing I wish is that it would be in person, but I'm guessing there aren't enough people for that... too few realize that they're addicted or that it's harming their lives.
  12. Day 1/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| No phone in washroom 1/120 20 mins of Qur'an 1/120 My first day was full of forgetfulness. I forgetfully watched some videos on a news website and forgot to read Qur'an until later in the day. I'm still counting this as a day, because overall I didn't intentionally waste time on vids and habits take time to form. Feeling good so far. Not a lot of desire to watch anything. Thanks man!
  13. Eyyy! I love seeing someone else here who also does game. I only read the last entry, but I can relate to being good in the past and then losing all social skills due to gaming and bad mental health, then trying to get back into it. Good luck!
  14. Lol just kidding, just in case anyone believed me. I'm 25 and from the UK. I'm tired of escaping life. I just want to live. Looking forward to interacting with y'all 🙂
  15. Day 28 (28 day streak) 100% gaming and gaming-content free. 4 weeks! Yesterday was a roller coaster. Started out the day well, got to the gym. Cleaned up a bit. Learned a bit more about fashion and bought some clothes. And then the feelings hit. Usually around 7 PM on a Saturday or Friday (if I'm not at the gym or completely wiped) I get this massive sense of dread, guilt, and usually a headache too. This is usually the nadir of my week as I realize how much I messed up my life in so many different areas, especially socially. This exact same pattern happened yesterday, and I started to numb myself with some of the sites I haven't blocked on my phone, which wasn't particularly satisfying relative to games. Around 9 PM I started to reason with myself (well you could still go out...but no! It's too late now! It will be too crowded when you get there, etc., etc.). Eventually I basically said "screw it," pulled myself together for a bit, and went out. My only goal, instead of walking past like last week, was to go in regardless, have a beer, and leave. I did not wait in the car nearly as long, and I kind of had an edge, so I didn't really feel those negative emotions at the same point from last week. And you know what I did when I got to the bar--I kept my word. I was much happier when I left, as I had started to return to facing my fears. I know this may sound insignificant to some, but if you knew me a few years ago, this is a big deal. Also, given that my confidence shattered out of nowhere over the past few months, this was a nice baby step in the right direction. I had been numbing myself watching esports for the first half of this year, so this was a nice change. I still have room to get to where I peaked last year, where I was going to busy clubs by myself and talking to women, but that will come with time. Ideally, I just want to be so comfortable with myself that I can start conversations with strangers in random places with no problem. I just want to keep this momentum up and keep facing my fears. I can't keep staying where I am at.
  16. I agree with this. You've completed 90 days and beyond and I think you've earned the right to attempt to rehabilitate yourself and to be able to play in moderation. But I would advise to be careful and to be extremely mindful of how you feel in your body as well as in your mind while you do it. You want to not feel negative emotions towards this old hobby, which will be difficult because it's not just a 'hobby'. You had an obsessive/compulsive behavior towards it and it needs to be treated differently. As part of quitting, many addicts create negative affiliations to it, because it's easier to give up something you hate than to give up something you love. If you want to go back to loving, you have to be very strategic to not slip back to the old destructive behaviors. But I believe it's possible. ... IMHO 😄
  17. You played paintball with an injured foot? Woah. I only played it two times but absolutely loved it. Even despite getting sweaty, which is something I despise haha. I also miss role playing games. It's such an amazing hobby, but hard to find the right people, the right place and the right time simultaneously.
  18. Hi Joyone, I think you could provide a good insight into the game design aspects of fortnite that made it so addictive. Do you mind if I ask you some questions? I’m doing a presentation at the international conference of behavioural addictions with cam in about 3 weeks in japan. Thanks in Advance kim
  19. Day 6 | Pomodoros: 0 + Gym + Social Went to the gym after an eternity! Felt really good, but because I didn't eat breakfast, the last 15 minutes got pretty weak. Then I got home and my energy CRASHED. I felt sick in the stomach so I couldn't even eat in the afternoon, then after I did I just fell asleep, woke up at 18 to have the first call with my sponsor, which was fantastic. Then I went to a small house-warming party to hang out with classmates a bit after a good while too. I will definitely complete the detox this time. **************************************************************************** @[email protected]s CGAA is computer gaming addicts anonymous. It mirrors the traditional alcoholics anonymous society. The meetings are helpful. People join a voice chat room and share whatever they want to share with regards to the addiction. There is always a topic for inspiration and you don't have to speak if you don't want to. It's interesting that it is not meant to be a place for advice, but a place for empathy and support. You can really feel that. But the biggest value for me is sponsorship. There are many things in AA I don't really understand or disagree with right now, but I'm staying open-minded because there's more to it. It has a very different feel to it than modern personal development, which I consider GameQuitters to be a part of. I do recommend it especially for hardcase addicts like me haha.
  20. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 35: I don't have too much of an idea about the order of the day, but I know I mowed the lawn, cleaned my desktop, did Russian and mycat (website where I write what I did as a teacher in English classes), played Scrabble with mom, had a bit of a headache during the day, so I laid down for a while too and I think that was it until the evening. We had a small meetup from high-school, where we watched hockey. I think I didn't meet them for about three months, so I told them I broke up with my ex, but that I understood why she did it, so I can't hate her for that and that I am looking forward to my next relationship. We shared some insights on women afterwards. We also got to talk about Iceland a bit. It was a nice evening! @Ikar: : clean car, photo, flight ticket, duo, work out, read 1 page, send letter, exam
  21. Day 7. "The whizzing paintballs." I woke up thinking 'OMFGYES, today is paintball day!'. I could not think of anything else all day. I sat down a lot, ate, got my shit ready and it deliberately took my time. I didn't want to force my healing foot to do stuff it's not meant for yet. I taped it up, used bandages, got supersolid shoes used for mountaineering... I sat down a lot during the whole process just to make sure... And what happened? The entire thing paid off! I could walk briskly, run, slide, ... I wasn't fully mobile nor sprinting, but all of it was not as much of a handicap anymore! We won the first few games, I kept playing like crazy, ended up last and winner a lot without getting hit (super fucking proud). I love the competition, the tactics, the thrill of it all, ... It was interstellar! Everybody was so happy and grateful to me for taking the initiative. My Krav Maga friends, D&D-plays and improv folks all meshed well. Afterwards there were beers and burgers and I slept like a log. An amazing day was had. I also hit my head in the shower, fainted and lost my memory for a little bit. It's a weird, funny and graphic story. I feel like I need to turn this into a comedy skit. Warning graphic sexual content: Recent highlight: I kicked ass in the first 4 games of paintball, didn't get hit and was the last man standing a few times, despite the busted food and the knock on the head I'd gotten. Budget status: Paintball, burgers, beer, parking fees, ... Yesterday was kind of expensive. Lucky I'm getting my office paycheck soon, but there's also lots of insurance to pay suddenly. So I have to keep a tight reign on things for now. My one goal for the next 24h: Have a good D&D podcast sesh and try and clean up a little bit. It's a pig sty because of the busted foot, but still.
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