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  2. Minor bumps I've been sleeping late, getting up later than I should and missing out a part of my morning, which makes me less productive. I have to correct that soon. Other than that, I've been mostly ok those days, doing some work and getting some progress. Not as much as I would like, but some is better than none. I have to remember that less than 3 months ago I was coming out of the gaming whole. I'll not fix decades worth of mistakes and addiction in just a couple of months. This is just the BEGINNING. A good one. I'm thankful for having found Cam's work and for being able to share the load with this amazing community. I don't say those things as often as I should, I don't express my gratitude and my appreciation of people as much as I would like to, this is something I also have to improve. I didn't follow-up with plans I laid down on the last entry, but I'll do it tomorrow, without fault. GF has no academic activities to do, so she'll come to my place and we'll study together. I hope I can get a hitchhike on her work ethic and be really productive tomorrow. Onward.
  3. Today
  4. Glad to have been of any help! If you ever want to talk about it, PM me.
  5. Bingo that is the attitude that gets you where you want to be. Here is a link to my Newcomer's help post on what helped me pull through my VG detox maybe something there will be of help. In the morning I begin my 90 day digital detox journey using only a paper journal, I wish you all the best & hope to see you on the other side! @JoshuaKeenan
  6. No longer will I post here once every 5 months with a, “I feel so defeated post, I should really quit”. It’s time to get aggressive about the things I don’t want in my life. life is a garden and videogames are my weeds choking my productivity goals aspirations and dreams, that reminds me I will see if I can write poems about what I am experiencing a and what withdrawal will be like you will be hearing more from me, and I want to make art about my journey. Poetry and music about it. looking forward to meeting you guys and being with you all here on forums on this journey of sobriety,
  7. Today I went to Starbucks and devised a schedule for me since I am a Licensed massage therapist now no more videogames, journaling every morning here to track progress, no longer using this as a defeated story of an addict, but turning this around for good. I need to be kind to myself and find other ways to re-energize. Work is sooooo draining so I come home to game, now I will work on my body and mind by meditating and working out, and reading Jordan Peterson 12 steps for life. And going to therapy tomorrow with my new therapist. Who specializes in gambling addiction i want to design boardgames be a licensed massage yherapist meet a woman Overlap videogame memories with positive real life ones get out of parents basement, will post tomorrow more practically this is just chicken scratch 7/15/19
  8. Yesterday
  9. Welcome back @sephinea the game addiction is totally real, here below is what helped me to achieve my detox take what works for you best of luck - I plan to begin my digital detox from devices & internet tomorrow. For your reference to help along the way here is ..A welcoming statement In preparation for a 90 day detox and beyond .. First move the consoles & games out of sight so it stays out of mind .. This includes uninstalling them from the computer & devices! .. Once it is done you can move on from there & a lot easier I might add.Getting rid of the games for good enabled me to finish the detox strong, consider that.After that you need to teach yourself how else to spend that free time! Make sure you are eating healthy, getting daily exercise, & proper sleep .. NUTRITION - big minefield of controversy I personally am behind a plant-based diet .. This upcoming documentary backed by Producers Arnold Schwarzenegger & Jackie Chan .. Check it out ✌️ I won't respond in forum to this topic but you are welcome to message me .. Find some hobbies to replace the time gained ..https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/Start some kind of journal with pen & paper, online here, or both! ..https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/3160-guidelines-templateshttps://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/forum/11-daily-journals/Do consider checking out the Respawn program offered here as well .. For what little cost think about that return on investment! ..Cross-examine other areas in your life you find consuming your time ..Excessive consumption is what leads to the time crippling addictions ..Replace such excessive consumerism by using your free time to create.Our one life, the time that we have is meant for so much more than feeding addictions ..You might not identify as an addict and that is fine ..If you are here for any reason to quit video games that is still a benefit to you❗Thank you for signing up and joining our united cause to make the most of our time --Give this your best and I am sure you will do well Welcome to the forums!! Neil, Ex-Gamer Addict, Gamequitters Member Direct Message Me, Discord Support ChatArticle: How To Quit Playing Video Games Article: Four Reasons We Played Video Games Article: Alternative Activities By Game Genre Article: Why You Should Detox Find a Video Game Addiction Therapist Download A Gamequitters Podcast Read A Gamequitters Blog 👓
  10. Paper journal until I return will make a post to mark the beginning of the digital detox soon, can't wait do this & share results! @BooksandTrees
  11. You ARE an addict. Most of us here are. If you want to stop doing something and you don't have the power to stop yourself from doing it, you are an addict. The sooner you identify yourself as an addict the sooner you can take steps to break your addiction. For me this was a very important distinction in my personal journey. My advice is to create the greatest distance you can between you and games. You need to delete the games off your laptop today. Remove all games from your environment. Try having a serious talk with your bf and explain that you can't be around video games when you are together. He doesn't need to stop gaming, just no games when you are spending time together. Don't talk about games while together also. That shouldn't be too much to ask for. Being surrounded by triggers for your addiction is kind of a bad idea and one day you will relapse. Hope that helps, best of luck 😃
  12. A discord server maybe
  13. Thanks for the message, James! AS part of my philosophical dig I have been looking deep into the beliefs of stoicism and today's thoughts are in honor of memento mori, the practice of realizing our mortality and finding the inspiration in all parts of life, living life as full as possible. I'll be starting my journaling in private to be honest, but may start a thread at some point to share as well. -Kris
  14. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 86: I had an odd day at work, it felt a bit weird after the weekend. A new worker arrived, so I spent some time with him, introducing him to the site. He seems like a cool dude, though he cannot speak a Slavic language. I felt a bit out of focus afterwards and that made it harder to meditate and pay attention. I still got some stuff done and fell asleep outside for an hour or so. Not a bad day all things considered.
  15. The emoji in the title sums up my situation right now perfectly. Hi guys. I have been here before, yet I relapsed. My name's Valerie and I'm 18. I live in Britain, Hampshire. Basically when I first quit, I replaced my laptop with a Chromebook and I immersed myself in the helpful tips from this community and from Cam in particular. I did this particularly because I was a likely candidate for Oxford, so I decided to quit gaming to focus all of my efforts on getting in. So I got the offer from them, studied hard, pretty much forgot about gaming, rediscovered a love for reading and for writing, had my exams and, although I didn't yet get the results, I have an inkling I did well enough. I will begin studying English Literature at Oxford this October, and I hope to become an author in the future. That said, I recently started my summer holiday. A long one, too. From 17 June to 1 October. I have been keeping up pretty well, reading about 5 or so books since the holiday started... But I'm relapsing. Well, at this point, I relapsed. Way before my holiday, I met a guy whom I now adore and we are in a pretty good relationship. 'Problem' is, he's a gamer. I wouldn't want to give him up, but he's an Overwatch scrub and I go over to him rather often. Whenever I came over, I would play Heroes of the Storm and League of Legends on his computer-- yet at first, as some of you (or all of you? not sure how common this is) can relate, you see the game for what it is: uninteresting, toxic, and boring repetition. Frustrating. Just not worth your time. But every additional match makes you like it more for whatever fucking reason. And then eventually you're in. So I asked my boyfriend (he works in IT) if he could please fix my previous laptop (since it breaking was another motivating factor to quit). He did this Saturday. And basically I have been playing League non-stop. My problem right now is that I am divided in a way that I don't remember ever being. Emotionally, I want to play. When the night falls and I have nothing to do, I get excited just thinking about playing. But rationally, I know it's a bad idea. I have so much I want to read. I want my life to go in such a different direction. Yet I am not sure I have the willpower to stop. I feel like a drug addict who went clean and then suddenly got a taste for their fave drug again. Like even though I played obsessively only one day, it felt like it tapped into such a deep network, such a well-entrenched past. It's almost like that past never went away, but I merely dusted it off. I nearly cried yesterday at the prospect of losing control again, at having my mind go foggy again 24/7 except when I'm gaming, at being consumed again by this division between my emotional craving for gaming and my rational, guilt-stricken side that wants to do good by me. I guess this post is a call for help. Part of me just wants to play. I really don't want to be here in a way. This is the rational me reaching out. But I just feel so cheated out by not indulging. Yeah um. Please help.
  16. Day 39 | Work: 16p | Music: 1p | Misc: CGAA + talks Still sick, but somehow I managed to work for 8 hours. One hour at a time. Again, because I spend the evenings doing chores, procrastinating a bit and talking to my roommate, there isn't any time left for music again. But, I'm going to bed early for once, so that's nice. I want to match his early morning schedule. Not because I think it's better, but because I haven't been able to get up on my own without a threat of getting fired for years. I think this might be a rare chance at getting the habit sorted. Going to bed at 1, and then tomorrow midnight, which should be enough sleep to get up at 7. Anyways. I've been having a pretty boring life this month to be honest. I guess there was the wedding, but other than that I'm not meeting any people, not working out, not doing anything exciting. Just going to work, coming home and trying to learn a hobby, but not quite managing to do so because of sickness. And watching the entire season 3 of stranger things last week, of course. That was a big reason too 😄 Patience.
  17. Currently its: Mastermind and The power of habits 👨‍🔬
  18. After binging 10 hours of Bioshock infinate(relapse), and getting stiff neckpains on a day I originally scheduled to be full of productivity and physical activity, I once again am thinking, what the hell is going on! I keep thinking of this relapse as something that is "not that bad" since it doesn't feel to me like it has any direct consequences. Meaning, its really not consequences that I see or feel before later, when the day has passed. The other part of why I return to playing games is because I keep forgetting why I am trying to quit in the first place, that was even made clear to me by another member from this forum and I thank you for that. That has lead me to come up with a solution, that might help me remember every day why I try to quit. Previously when I was writing my journals I havent had a speciffic time where I sat down to write in my journal properly. That, I believe made me put in the journal writing whenever it felt like I had a bit time for it. This caused me to only put in text that there was time for. Not really put all my thoughts and heart into it. I must also admit to myself that its not smart of me to keep watching gaming streams and lets plays since that has properly also been playing a big role in me returning to playing videogames. I will write this journal every day, with a daily goal, and several counts so I can constantly be aware of my process. I will also include a thought about a subject so I have to actively think, while I am writing the journal. Also I will add, daily, a reason why I want to quit. 💪🧗‍♂️👨‍🔬
  19. So no journal entries as well?
  20. Day 113 15.07.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for enjoying this beatiful day. Today I am grateful for finding motivation in sport. One amazing thing that happened/I did today 1) had really trouble sleeping and so woke up before 5 and could not fall asleep but as a result I just started my day earlier and slept an hour in the afternoon and it was fine a few months ago something similar would have ruined my day because of having enough willpower to cope with such situations Workout/run 3km running 2h workout at the gym more than 23k steps Meditation 5min in the morning (sadly not more because I was really afraid to fall asleep for a bit which would have worked against meditation) Visualisation and daily affirmation a bit of visualisation in the morning 🙂 Reading (4hours of studying for the exam today) had time for learning spanish and studied 4 hours (was finished before lunch^^) my wake-up time 4:45 Weekly Goal(s) start waking up at 6:30am (I have created an extra plan for this hopefully it will work this week), study at between 5 and 8hours per day, have at least 2 perfect days in a row Monthly Goal to study at least 4 hours a day (or as average over the weeks), be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, find ways to avoid falling back to old habits in times of boredom especially now in the summer 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done so that at least at the end of July I have it in my hands, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it What went well today: (NF:1/NW:0/NS:4/NC:29) had time for spanish, meditation, studied what I planned and I was finished before lunchtime so I had a great afternoon, also went to the gym for workout and regulated myself heavily on amazon prime day ( having a list really helps) What I could have done to make my day better sadly forgot about Tai-chi till now 😞 but I will do extra tomorrow evening What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up before 7, maybe study for the next exam, do some Tai-chi and streching, go to work Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future ----
  21. Day 9: So the day of Exam 1 has come. Day started with yoga again. I am still amazed every times how good you feel after it. Then i packed all my stuff together and went to write the exam - all went quite well :-). Normaly the rest of a exam day is prime gaming time since there is nolonger anything super important to do and exams are quite exhausting. But not today - i made some lunch then i wanted to continue with exam 2 preperation but i couldnt quite get my concentration up so i took a little 15min nap. After then exam 2 prep continued tillthe evening. I went Skating today. My patched skating jeans did hold up suprisingly well maybe stiching is my secret talent. Then dinner and Cello. The full star trek them sounded actully quite decent for the fist time. After that even more exam 2 prep. I now complete summerizing and learning everything. But to catch up on some detailsi will have to review 10h of video recordings of the lecture tomorrow/rest of today. Last time i just played games while doing so and that worked great. Just watching it will probably drive me slightly crazy. Oh well only one day. Week 2 goals : - Finish Startrek them start a new piece - Finish resume - Finish exam 2 prep - restart work on Master thesis - improve Tinder profile
  22. Today I quickly wanted to mention that one thing I struggle to deal with is young, selfish, loud people. I'm tired of talking to people about themselves. People just want me to talk to them about their problems and get angry if I don't explicitly go to them to ask them about themselves. Are these people sociopaths? Is that what that is? They're always redirecting attention towards themselves, never asking about me, either negative or some are just positive and overall hungry for attention. I talk about myself or ignore what they say and they get all sad and talk to someone else about the same thing, but in person and near me to try and hurt my feelings. Not everyone does this, it's just these young immature idiots who think they're the most important people in the world but are drowning in insecurity. They're not always young. I complained that my mom did something similar when I'd complain about an issue. These are also the guys and girls who post pictures of themselves on Instagram all day looking away from the camera or doing those poses with their faces that they're so elite and unbothered by anything you'd say. Like they're trying to create this persona online that they're so untouchable, special, and too busy for you in your dreams, but really they're pathetic, lonely, and starving for attention because of how shallow and miserable they are. I can't seem to ignore them. They strike a chord within me that resonates with something on the lines of hatred. My hypothesis is that I'm tired of these people since I always deal with them and have my whole life. I personally think I'm better than them and deserve attention over them. This perspective has been built over time and I worry that it might make me feel like an elitist, but I stopped worrying about it since any normal person listening to idiots incessantly talking about themselves would irritate that normal person. The emotional and social neglect I've faced for years as a child and teen have amplified those feelings and I have to control them a bit. A trigger is just the non stop talking about themselves but also if they're less intelligent than me on a certain subject and asking for advice or complaining about it, but refusing to listen to me. That fucking drives me up a wall of hatred and fixation that I struggle to detach from. It worries me. I worry that it might make me lose my temper. Coping with it is just separate myself from them. They have no impact on my life. It seems one in four people will categorically piss me off. I should not go from 0 to 100 and hate them forever with extreme distaste. That doesn't benefit me in life and makes it worse. I want to try just ignoring them and learning to have enough willpower to block them out.
  23. Thanks. I'm getting there. It's tough some days like today but others fall into place.
  24. I was originally going to say that but I think if we follow the path to wellness the correct way then the end product of balance and mindfulness is the reward. We'll be set for all challenges we face.
  25. Day 226+227.  No games, day 21+22 +previous total of 176. I forgot to check in yesterday cause I was tired, reeeeeeee! Checklistnegativity free: I didn't have any negative thoughts about myself or others today.1 gratitude practice per day: no(yesterday), not yet for today1 fruit per day: YES!8 glasses of water per day: YESsodas free: yes, 5 days streaksweets free: yesterday I had dessert, but today.. yes, 5 days streak with 1 indulgence some exercise per day: none I have been reading and watching videos about nutrition but also health in general. I want to be fitter, slimmer and also eliminate potential diseases and for this reason I am avoiding ordering food from places, but also eating meat and dairy. I am not looking at it as a detox, but I want to add a counter of how many days I have stayed away from consuming flesh and animal products. I have been a heavy meat eater and my family is the same, something I would like to change, at least for myself. It's hard to prefer vegetables and fruits as a meal when I have the option of meat, however getting educated on it and seeing studies on how vegetables and fruits are really good for you, I am giving it a serious try. Slowly my sweet receptors will adapt to this too I hope, and I won't crave sweets as much as I have so far. avoided eating animals: yes, 4 days streak afaik, maybe 5 ? I have been thinking about my personal development these days as I wrote the other day, otherwise I have been working and spending some time with loved ones. This is a long journey, it feels like, but I'm glad that I started it when I did. If I hadn't, I would have to wait all these 190+ days anew, if I was to start now. I am doing better than I was doing before and games aren't good for me. I did the right thing, even if I was deep in denial and ignorance back then and bliss from ignorance, I now know that there are things in my personality to correct and skills to develop and areas in which I can grow. Weight has been dropping consistently, little by little, and I am very happy for that. I need to continue with this practice. Water, a lot of good foods, cooking my food myself, and treating my stomach like a bank and investment of sorts. If fit people eat healthy and enjoy it, I need to follow in their traces and do the same. This way I will finally look the way I want to look and later on I can go to the gym to even be fit and strong too. Goals for tomorrow: do a 15 minutes workout at home and plan 15 vegetarian dishes that I can create myself at home easily and reliably. I have postponed both of those enough! I need to take action, and I need to be proactive instead of getting hangry and bored with my food choices.
  26. DAY 91-97: Today I got back from my holiday in Holland with the extended family, and I thought it was about time I pick up this journal again. There's been a lot of time to think and reflect about what I want to get next out of life, and also to analyze some new problems that have become more clear now that the first 90 days are over... So this will probably be a wall of text, more for my sake than anyone else. Overall it was a really good holiday! I have usually struggled a bit with family holidays in the past. My family is very much in the attitude of 'go out and do things every day' when we're on vacation, whereas I've always preferred to relax and have more downtime. I want to sleep in, read a book and play some board games, my family wants to spend 8hrs exploring the nearest city and seeing every possible tourist attraction. It doesn't help that I've always been an extreme night owl, and having to spend a lot of early mornings travelling, then sleeping in a strange bed, waking up early to screaming kids and then touring some strange new country on my feet every day... I usually get very grumpy and tired and end up feeling like I need my own break after a family vacation. 😄 While all of the above is still the case, I think I handled it a lot better this time and actively tried to participate more in things that I otherwise wouldn't have. I also tried to keep my mood in check and not bother my family as much with it as I did in the past, and overall I think it was a success. I know that I shouldn't suppress my negative emotions, but I'm also aware that they come and go, and I don't need to ruin everyone's day just because I'm feeling a bit crummy. Overall, we went and saw a lot of interesting stuff in Holland, and I spent a lot of time talking to family members and seeing the sights rather than just sleeping in and playing something on my Switch (which is what I would have done if I hadn't quit). I even went cycling for 20km one day with my uncle! That would never have happened a year ago. When my uncle offered to go for a ride to get some groceries, I was ready with all the usual excuses... But I've decided now to at least try and do things that might seem uncomfortable at first, because hey, I'm only gonna live once, and everything's at least worth a try. That got me far enough to get on the bicycle, and afterwards, I had a really fantastic time biking around the farmland with my uncle for about 90 mins. I haven't ridden a bicycle in at least 10 years but after this experience, I'm thinking I might get one to commute in Copenhagen... So conquering that small moment of discomfort was definitely worth it. There are still problems. I have a really unhealthy relationship with my iPad and phone. I'm still looking at porn every evening, especially when I feel bad. This was going well before my breakup, but resurged afterwards and I haven't been able to get it back under control. I also struggle to get to sleep at night without watching something on my iPad to fall asleep to. If I don't watch something, I think too much and get anxious. This is a real issue as it's affecting my sleep quality in a really bad way, and I'm sure it's making my night owl syndrome worse and impacting my mood and energy levels every day. On top of that, during the car drive home, I noticed that I spent the whole drive looking at Reddit and various other websites on my phone... Like 7hrs of just straight phone browsing, rather than perhaps reading a book or something. To be fair, long car drives can be really trying after a long holiday, but I still think it's a sign that overall the digital hygiene in my life still has a long way to go. On another note, I spent a lot of time board gaming while I was there, and I have some mixed feelings about that. I absolutely love board games, and to be honest, they were a fantastic way to spend some time with various family members. I finally bonded with my sister's new (and apparently quite serious) boyfriend by playing Arkham Horror with him for a few evenings, and 7 Wonders was another family favourite that got my dad, aunts and uncles and even my mom around the table playing and laughing. It's a great way to bring people together and have fun while being social. I think this is a really good aspect of games that I want to keep in my life. That said, I found that I have the same tendency to obsess over boardgames as I did videogames. I spent a lot of time looking at deck builds and cards for Arkham Horror on my phone every evening, and on the car drive home. So, I need to find a way to balance the fun I'm having without spending a lot of my waking hours thinking about them... Cause I think that could be just as problematic in some areas as videogames are. Luckily, I can't sit and play board games until 4 AM by myself every night, and they have a real social element which is valuable. But I still need to be alert to the way they impinge on my other free time. Maybe I will have to take a break from all forms of gaming at some point... I'm not sure. As a side note, during my holiday I closed the deal on an apartment in Copenhagen that I am really happy with. Funnily enough, it was one that I added to my list at the last minute before my trip to see all the apartments, where it ended up being my favourite. Secondly, yesterday I got a call to do some freelance illustration work for a company that I used to work for a few years ago. It's not my favourite thing in the world to do, but the pay is really good and the work is easy if somewhat boring. It sounds like I will get 1-2 weeks of full-time work for them now, which is great for me as it will bankroll my move to Copenhagen and fund some new furniture for my place and maybe even a laptop for my studies. So, I guess I have had a little luck recently. Nice to feel like the stars have aligned in my favour, if only for a moment. I'm still undecided about what major thing to tackle next. In the near future, I'd like to write up a list of longer-term goals for the next 2 years... Habits to break and new ones to build. I also need to make a list of things to do for the next month or so before I move to CPH... Maybe I'll post them here. This ended kind of rambly, there's still a lot on my mind. More tomorrow I guess!
  27. NannerZ

    Journal

    I can only give you my personal opinion based on my personal experiences. You know you, you know your triggers and how your brain works. Once every 2 weeks or so I'll have friends over at my place and we do play some couch co-op games together and it's a lot of fun. And then when they leave, I uninstall the games and forget about them. It hasn't been an issue for me personally. I also experienced a relapse about 40 days in where I played a game on my PC I didn't get around to deleting and it stole a week from me. At the time I justified it by saying I was going thru a lot of stress right now (changing jobs, personal life issues) and this would ease my stress. Thankfully I haven't gone back in 30+ days since. You're playing with fire here, and I would urge you to take it very seriously. There's been studies done on recovering gambling addicts and simply the sound of lottery machines trigger intense cravings. I know that for me personally I have a really bad case of the "all or nothing" mentality. I can't play a game casually for fun, I have to be awesome at it, I have to be the top player each time. I hate to lose. And when I lose it just makes me want to play more and get better so that I won't lose again. Cam talks about this when he relapsed with Starcraft. You do what you think is right, you know yourself best.
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