You did not pass the secur Posted November 26, 2022 Posted November 26, 2022 On 11/25/2022 at 5:08 AM, Resonant_Shell said: preventing spending too much time journaling Oh, yes, really!!! I have the same feeling. I just let nature take my course. 1
white cloud Posted November 26, 2022 Posted November 26, 2022 Hey! Noticed you around the forums a bit and thought I'd pop in and say hi. I love that you are open and vulnerable with your journey and with the challenges you are facing - I can relate well to perfectionism, overthinking, having a hard time with emotions, and feeling shitty about myself for not doing the things I set out to do. It's great that you have regular calls with your Dad - he seems to be a good support for you despite the friction that arises sometimes. I visited a friend once in Detroit (some 8 years ago now), and she mentioned how they have the highest number of churches and liquor stores per capita than any other city in the US, or something like that. What struck me was realizing for the first time that both the church and the liquor store serve the same need in us - relief from suffering. At the time I wasn't really interested in God, or liquor for that matter, but definitely interested in the relief from suffering. At the time Detroit was going through some very difficult times, not sure how it's doing now. Have you watched the TV show called The Chosen? I just recently joined a local church community with my wife and we learned about the show from some of the community members, and we loved it! It's available to watch for free online, and we finished the first two seasons in a couple of weeks. What's been great is that our church started hosting the episodes from the beginning every week, and then afterwards going into a discussion about the episode and how it relates to our own faith and connection with God. It feels good to binge, and it feels even better to watch it slowly within a community and dive deep into what we can learn from it. I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving weekend and get to spend some time outdoors enjoying nature! --- “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” Romans 8:38-39 1
Resonant_Shell Posted November 26, 2022 Author Posted November 26, 2022 Granting even less time for this. Today's context might make it clear why... November 24th, 2022 Evening: What I remember: Taking my dad's previous challenge to go out for thanksgiving, I headed out to a nearby sports bar sometime around 8 PM (context: I am not even into sports): Being in public, I was okay with drinking here, being more limited in amount and in cost--this is in contrast to having my own alcohol at my apartment and drinking alone (Reducing detail; running out of time already...) Later on, something didn't agree with me...the milk stout?? I usually like those, though... Back at my apartment, I brewed some ginger tea, but I ended staying up until 4:00 AM for the second night in a row, watching not one, but two animated movies. That is despite being home relatively early (10 PM ish). I wished I had gone to bed at 11, even midnight! November 25th, 2022: Not much to record here. Extremely unproductive day. At least I washed the dishes. Looked into habit tracking again. I think I need structure now; "filling the void" requires you to actually make a habit of not having time wasting activities be your go-to. I attempted to go to bed earlier; I struggled to fall asleep (but I believe I succeeded before midnight). Out of time; guess I'm catching up on today later... On to a productive task? I'll also see about responding to other topics afterwards?
Resonant_Shell Posted November 29, 2022 Author Posted November 29, 2022 Anti-overthink timer away! Oh dear...of course the second coffee decides that now is the time to partially wear off!?? More on that later on... November 25th, 2022 Already documented in previous post, cool. Although, I never got back to this forum afterwards, so that was a bust. November 26th, 2022: I was not productive until 3 PM. I accomplished a few things, the most notable and important of which was finishing updating my resume. While it did take an hour, the most important thing was making myself do it, I suppose, before I "felt" like it, I think. Also, I believe it helped that I had a general idea as to how the finished product should look. That detail seems like something to remember when I am procrastinating on tasks. That wasn't something I had going into the next day. November 27th, 2022: This day was bad. I fapped three times, and spent until 6 PM deciding on a mere four shirts to order as part of black Friday / cyber Monday. The indecision was ridiculous. The fact my "goal" changed so much, combined with additional new possibilities made this stressful. It is not surprising why I don't like ordering online and delay purchases: too many possible decisions to "perfect," in this also being combined with "price scarcity." I suspect there's a more explicit lesson to extract from this, but I'll move on... November 28th, 2022: Woke up less than 15 minutes before having to work. Ironically, not really productive until about noon. With the StayFocused "nuke" ending at work today, I browsed memes but didn't find it nearly as satisfying as before. I also browsed significantly less. Fapped sometime in the middle of the day, when taking a sort of a shifted lunch. Skipping the workout I have been trying to start on Mondays was a mistake. I justified it due to my lack of productivity and backing up a teammate who was out of the office. On that point, I ended up working over one and a half hours over my end of day. The irony is the customer ticket expired anyways. In retrospect, I should have informed the customer that I left notes for my backup and that person would get back to them, rather than providing explicit next steps. (I just realized my timer was paused. I...think I haven't been taking too long. How long has this music track been looping? ) Getting out of work around 7 PM, with the darkness outside, two coffees in, usually feels way worse. I guess with it being Monday its not so bad. I predict I would have experienced that, uh "scary loneliness" feeling again if it was a Wednesday or a Thursday. So far, I have resisted the urge to order a fruity late-night shake (using this Cinnamon Apple tea) and using a remote work session to watch YouTube. The latter I resisted citing the lack of satisfaction from those memes, but also...what would be the point of a "video relapse"? Staying away from seems to have helped, but I could see getting sucked in as part of "entertainment while eating" if I am not careful. Despite not wanting more computer tasks to be my next thing, I figured I would use the momentum from the coffee + the break from brewing tea to ensure I update this journal. (I forgot to start the timer again. Checking the time though, those last few paragraphs took five minutes; that's not too bad.) --- Of course, it's almost 9 PM now. I'm hesitant about starting something like Module #5 right now. These are the days that concern me. They keep happening, where it's just work. Oftentimes not even work I was expecting to do.
Resonant_Shell Posted December 4, 2022 Author Posted December 4, 2022 (edited) At the very least I have a fair amount to summarize. If am avoiding this out of length, I am missing the point. I am okay with giving more time for this one, for reasons that I believe will be apparent. I ought to let it flow (including when thinking about that very sentence). Briefer summary attempt, here we go: Tuesday, November 29th, 2022: Video relapse. With Stayfocused's Nuke option set to deactivate for my work browser the previous day, I found myself scrolling through YouTube shorts quite late into the night. I wouldn't be surprised if this was as part of dinner and/or wanting to avoid thinking about my big work project. Wednesday, November 30th, 2022: Experienced lower back stiffness pain to the point I couldn't walk normally; I was reduced to a painful shuffle. Soothing balm and ice packs were not sufficient! This was frightening at first. Eventually, I remember that I had dealt with this before. My body was forcing me to take notice. I proceeded to do many sets of lower back exercises. They weren't necessarily easy at first, but desiring to walk normally again was a strong motivator. I noticed immediate improvement upon completing the first set. I recall not being very productive at work until about 3:00 PM. I finally began doing significant work on my big project. Ironically, rather than leaving work on time, or even stopping at 9:00 PM after an hour break for a late dinner, I worked until midnight to finish it. Also, I am not sure if it was this day or another, but I wanted to document the following: When struggling with dark thoughts, getting obsessed with something seems to effectively direct my mind away from them. For example, thinking about the nuances of different alcoholic cocktails--even without taking action--was sufficient. Thursday, December 1st, 2022: Despite motivation from checking my November 28th journal entry, I ended up searching and downloading meme videos (circumventing StayFocused's reactivated "Nuclear Option" on my work browser). Unusually, I forgot to pay my bills until 30 minutes after midnight. Thankfully, they were due on the 5th! Friday, December 2nd, 2022: Worked 40 minutes late on a production track. Bought a couple of alcoholic singles cans, continuing meme videos with a "Friday" justification Note: I felt inspired, not held to limiting beliefs during such consumption. Obviously a crutch, but perhaps worth noting. Saturday, December 3rd, 2022: Fapped repeatedly during the first three hours of an early morning. Somehow spent two hours for lunch (videos). Had a two-hour long conversation with Dad. I was more forceful in opinions than usual. He is looking for a decision from me with regards to moving back home. While my resume is updated and finished, I have not prepared for answering interview questions yet. With my forcefulness, my dad suggested I decline to attend my team's holiday lunch. I am clearly still angry at my manager...at all of them. I took my dad's suggestion to "enjoy" some wine and do such preparation. However, the wine ended up making me feel tired...at first. Combined with noise from the unit below, I did not end up falling asleep until 2 AM. That brings me to today... Sunday, December 4th, 2022: Did not fap this morning. Woke up sometime after 10 AM. I have had two iced coffees so far. I felt slow after eating grocery store hot-bar leftovers. I have not prioritized a healthy diet all week. Time spent still stuck...different video downloads...eating...thinking...how this should be different. What can I/should I be doing. As I write this, it is 3:18 PM. This is the first productive thing I have accomplished so far. The weekend is almost already over, and I hardly have anything to show for it. I am concerned with going into another work week. Another opportunity to change, but I haven't been doing so for years now. I keep prioritizing work over my own health, as is obviously apparent, and that has continued even after they showed that they don't value me enough to care. Why do I continue to fear/care what they think?? ...and that's 25 minutes; I am impressed that I managed to catch up in a relatively shorter period of time. I expect to save this now, maybe edit a previous post, and see if I might reply to other's journal topics. Edited December 7, 2022 by Resonant_Shell Corrected typo: I meant to say "wine," not "when"
Resonant_Shell Posted December 7, 2022 Author Posted December 7, 2022 Alright, I am sipping a morning coffee (bought from grocery store, not take out YAY!) That means I...can make the time to update my own journal topic--more on that below... Man, this is getting tiring/involved whatever. Setting timer for motivation. Remainder of Sunday, December 4th, 2022: Continued using up that bottle of wine. Started with two standard five ounce glasses, then thought I could use up "the little bit left" Yeah...that "little bit" was another entire five ounces, so I had three drinks that night As the alcohol's effects was lasting longer than expected, I walked to the nearby pizza place, bought some cheesy bread/breadstick things and eventually ate it all. Monday, December 5th, 2022: Telling my colleagues I would (also) not be attending dinner with them Wednesday did not go as expected. They...actually cared as to why. I ended up discussing in depth with the colleague that I trust in such matters. He really does "get it," the difference being that he moved on from the events of the past few years. My mind has not. Despite not accomplishing much critical customer work, I left work on time. I used up the other hard (alcoholic) lemonade single I had. Unlike last time, I felt more tired rather than the "f**k my limiting beliefs, I can do anything" effect I half-expected. Tuesday, December 7th, 2022: Actually ate food I cooked, albeit, the last of my seasoned chicken D: Will I actually get around to cooking more before my next meal? Quit work almost on time after prodding from that same colleague I could use an indicator to not start more involved types of work starting at 4 PM or something If I keep saying "I'll just work late today; I won't tomorrow," but then "something" happens, well...then I wonder how nothing has changed for years Wasted time fapping instead of doing anything with my life outside of work. Ironic, even when I have the time, I sabotage it out of habit? Is my subconscious really holding me back to that strong of an extent? Did not go for alcohol, which is good. Outside of the idea of making cocktails, the potential to accomplishing tasks is way higher when sober, even if the will or hope are not present. Despite no sleep pressure (4+ PM coffee), I was planning to attempt a sub-10 PM bedtime...until I heard bass heavy music from the apartment unit below my room. It wasn't technically quiet hours, and usually I am that loud one, so I rebooted my computer and replied to other's journal topics on this forum. However, the music stopped sometime after 10. I definitely stayed up beyond that. I am glad to participate in this community, but I still need to actually implement putting my health first. I have dinner with those colleagues tonight, so today is relatively scheduled. I'll need to get lunch before another work obligation...
Resonant_Shell Posted December 8, 2022 Author Posted December 8, 2022 Well, I am sipping (grocery store) coffee again, so I might as well make this a thing / make time for this: Wednesday, December 8th, 2022: I guess yesterday wasn't notable until the dinner with colleagues. To my surprise (but really, as I likely should have expected), no one brought up my anger/paranoia and originally not wanting to attend. In contrast, it was discomforting when I was asked to share what was going in my life. Outside of work, I have nothing. Internet, fap, that's it. I don't exercise, I hardly cook... I did mention that (more often than not), I am sleep deprived on the weekends (web search term: "revenge bedtime procrastination" is relevant at times.) As I described, I am essentially a bundle of poor coping mechanisms. It was ironic, commenting on a underperforming employee at another colleague's company, when I also get flustered by my day-to-day work. I ruminated heavily afterwards, feeling anxious. Briefly attempted to meditate, felt only slightly better. Despite initially abstaining, I did end up both fapping and staying up until midnight. --- It is alarming how different of a person I am in my head, and how I imagine how things versus how they actually went. I am still angry. I am a loser. I am still leaving in fear of what happened in 2021, how everyone would be willing to turn on me, fear of my customers, fear of my manager, fear of losing my job. Waste of a year...waste of a life? I am supposed to "have it together" by now at my age. Why do I fear losing my job, if they already tried to fire me? The financial need? My apartment rent? The fact I would be too slow to get out? Potential legal consequences? All things for which I have no experience. Something within gave up a long while ago... The silver lining (I guess) is that I did not overshare. ... I have been adding little bits to this, but I guess I'm done. I can edit later if needed. Still...ugh, stop! I am committing to not attending the team lunch that occurs in about an hour. As said above, the anger is still there.
white cloud Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 Quote I am supposed to "have it together" by now at my age. This has been my siren song for a loooong time now... I'm turning 38 this Sunday... it's a thought that thankfully is loosening its grip in my mind, but the remnants of it still linger around, like the smell of BBQ sometimes walking around the block on a Friday afternoon in the summer. I can't tell exactly where it's coming from, but it smells great, and I can't stop thinking about eating when it's there. What I have realized, and have to remind myself quite often, is that the choices I made in life are what led me to where I am now. That it makes sense for me to be where I am now. That it's ok to feel 'behind'. My wife is a mental health coach and she was telling me about a 60-year-old teacher that is retiring soon and still feels imposter syndrome. That although he gets great reviews from his students and parents he still feels "like a loser". Even at his age, he is still dealing with this fear and anxiety and worry. She sent me this video a couple of days ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDzfZOfNki4 I used to think life gets easier. But then when I was talking to a 16-year-old in my karate class, I found myself saying that life doesn't easier, it gets harder... we just become better at handling it. The 3-minute video above tells it all. I can tell with you certainty that when I was your age I was a lot more lost and confused and not nearly as aware of myself. You are brave for sharing your journey, your exploration and your questioning of self... keep it up. I'm proud of you. --- "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7 1
Resonant_Shell Posted December 12, 2022 Author Posted December 12, 2022 Reading your reply, I'll respond off of this part: On 12/9/2022 at 8:38 AM, white cloud said: I found myself saying that life doesn't easier, it gets harder... we just become better at handling it. I didn't exploit my life's previous stability, failing to invest my time. The past few years have demonstrated that a single unexpected turn can wreck havoc. I am afraid I will continue to handle things all the same. One example might be my apartment rent going up resulting the reversal of much of my gains from my job. That would be ironic... Edit: That's despite the verse you cited. That's true. The thought of dismissing and/or overcoming such fears without "living for Him"..."correctly" also prompts me to worry.
Resonant_Shell Posted December 12, 2022 Author Posted December 12, 2022 To the usual entry... Geez, I last posted Friday? Well, catching up will (unfortunately), be real simple: Writing this out of order; it's becoming scatterbrained... I took so long the GameQuitters Forum logged me out Friday December 9th through Sunday December 12th, 2022: Despite drinking lots of coffee these days... Friday wasn't real memorable...I drank less than two drinks. Dad called me and we talked for an hour. Still haven't begun writing up "STAR" (situation, action, result) responses for job interview questions. Went to bed at 1:00 AM. I spent the entirety of Saturday watching downloaded YouTube videos. Kept avoiding bedtime until 1:00 AM...again. Sunday was basically identical Saturday. I masturbated multiple times. I did the dishes at around 6:00 PM during a glimmer of awareness. Went to bed before 11 PM. Monday, December 12th, 2022: In short: Video relapse. HARD video relapse... Woke up sometime around 5 AM. Laid in bed in an anxious state about how, during my own time on the weekends, I am running away from my own life. Despite feeling more tired, completed some tasks: unloaded dishwasher, grocery run, thawed out frozen chicken, and started laundry. Surprisingly, this productive state didn't feel fueled by anger, but I felt driven regardless. In contrast to this morning, I...couldn't let self-hatred rule. Interesting... Felt productive, although I am seeing that, like in the past, these are all physical tasks. If I had attempted a digital task and sensed any sort of roadblock, that might have been a different story. In fact, I wanted to put off updating my journal, let alone attempting to responding to others. Still drinking lots of coffee. I will say this: I think doing these things in the morning, before worked, helped, even as I was tired. I have struggled with doing digital tasks before work in the past, however. I (still) have been avoiding completing Respawn Module #5. I think there's a few things that could be unpacked here: - Will I justify continued avoidance due to my out-of-town trip coming up next week? Am I scared of my Dad being frustrated with my lacking job search efforts? - Why I continue to subconsciously put my physical health on the backburner, rather than a priority - Why I still have such an aversion to beginning "hobbies," especially emotive ones like music. Beyond "not productive." Sinful. Especially now. Okay, I don't own my own life, but this...isn't living. Work, the means to an end, have become the means. I am hardly surviving at this point. Aside: Will I continue to avoid evaluating my own finances due to the perceived difficulty of (re)starting a budget outside of spreadsheets? Maybe I will do some cardio tonight? ...or actually, you know, do Module #5? Brief fire sprinkler inspections are occurring tomorrow and the day after. I'll see if I can get my unit looking a little nicer, but the personnel might have to deal with imperfection. Other journal topics? I mean, it's getting later...I struggled before. Practice imperfection. The very thought is painful. I'm scared of tomorrow...but why? The fear doesn't seem specific to a certain something, just generalized. I am afraid that I won't handle it, at least, not correctly. I can't say that's easy to refute; I don't exactly have a strong track record, and this last weekend isn't helping. "Ooh wow, well I made sure not to get unjustly fired from my job" falls flat in the face of the rest of life.
Paul A. Posted December 13, 2022 Posted December 13, 2022 Have you considered discussing these things with a professional? When you’re feeling as lost and overwhelmed as you are, I think it warrants seeking professional counsel. Just something to consider…
Resonant_Shell Posted December 16, 2022 Author Posted December 16, 2022 On 12/12/2022 at 7:02 PM, Paul A. said: Have you considered discussing these things with a professional? When you’re feeling as lost and overwhelmed as you are, I think it warrants seeking professional counsel. Just something to consider… I have thought of having a therapist in passing. My parents sent me to multiple therapists while I was in higher education, so I am not unfamiliar with the process. I don't think I got much out of those sessions--given, I was compelled to attend--except for maybe the last guy. Now being in the workforce, I am not entirely sure how that works. I am aware that my employer has support services to quickly get into that sort of thing...but then this is the same employer that attempt to fire me over my legally protected rights. Furthermore, even if I was to go elsewhere in my area and determine I could afford it, I find myself hesitating at the thought due to similar reasons. I am not like most people around here. 1
Resonant_Shell Posted December 16, 2022 Author Posted December 16, 2022 (edited) I need to quickly provide some sort of update before I forget, even before responding to others. The days haven't been very notable...in a good way I think. Fortunately, that means I can be very brief: Tuesday, December 13th: Very surface-level clean of apartment in preparation for fire department sprinkler inspection Seeing my main area cleaner I think is having a positive effect on my mind :-) Made self cook chicken late (9 PM). Ended up staying up until 1 AM (downloaded videos, late snacking) Wednesday, December 14th: A lot of my workday consisted of short emails (improvement?) for a single customer Did twenty minutes on apartment treadmill. Ran for 14 minutes straight (longer than expected). Felt amazing Went to bed before midnight...I think Thursday, December 15th: Got out of bed mere minutes before work (usually not good for sanity). Did not fap in morning Finally got around to returning unused work laptop to campus Fapped after work...that resulted in losing an hour The irony is that this was more of a thought than a urge, so a bad habit rather than mere opportunity. Started laundry; cooked vegetables Feeling quite awake, even past 8 PM. I guess that coffee worked... Snacks, but making myself update here before I do something such as watching videos Some thoughts: Perhaps doing better because work is less stressful at the moment? Easier to leave work at work? Interestingly, I haven't even thought of drinking over that timespan. For today (Thursday), having Module #5 complete would help in knowing what to do. Nonetheless, there is still a loneliness that is not addressed. It doesn't hurt as much as was last week. Maybe I am just getting lulled back into complacency however... I know why I watch some of those videos, whether those with visible Twitch chat or social deduction games. There's a passive sense of being a part of something, kind of listening to a podcast, but...it somehow seems more interactive when in reality it isn't..."real." Clearly, I need to move on from the last few years and get back to taking care of my physical health. That alone isn't "the" solution, as the camaraderie of work is no longer present. I need a few things I can get into quickly. I'll need to prioritize (re)doing an actual budget for that (in modern society, it seems "buying" ones way into a community with classes, etc. is by far the quickest/most efficient way to do this). Then, maybe I can put effort into a more, uh, "exclusive" skill that I can partake in with others. Edited December 16, 2022 by Resonant_Shell Made first Thursday statement more accurate
Resonant_Shell Posted December 18, 2022 Author Posted December 18, 2022 Friday, December 16th, 2022: Slow day. I don't recall "really" being productive during work until closer to the end of the day. What I expected to a brief rant to myself ended up being a rehash of potential places to move, taking over two hours. Drank 1.4 (less?) alcoholic drinks. Went to bed before 11 AM. Saturday, December 17th, 2022: Fapped twice in the morning Did brief cardio session in apartment gym in afternoon, much less than earlier this week Bought replacement insoles to shoes in an attempt to help with calf soreness Drank more coffee later on than expected Drank more alcohol than expected...slightly over three drinks. Did eat food I had cooked earlier this week. Still obsessing over where to move, and how it seems unlikely that I will be able to socialize before doing so. Feeling quite agitated. To put it briefly, that last point is indicative of my struggle these past couple days: It seems that, beyond running the most basic of errands, I have persistent anxiety about attempting to meaningfully engage with other people. It is apparent I still hold anger about what I saw happen over the last few years, fueled by preferring predictability and physical safety. Albeit, I see the irony in the latter. Perhaps I will look into comparing my area's violent crime statistics with that which was cited to drive people against one another. Doing so could help me not to fall into the same trap! It's past 11 PM now. I am feeling sleep pressure (more than expected?) along with some neck pain. I will see how soon I actually go to bed. I ought to pack for my upcoming trip tomorrow; I was expecting to have begun that today... 1
Resonant_Shell Posted June 3, 2023 Author Posted June 3, 2023 Well obviously I've been away. I actually expect I might drop off entirely, to give up...? To briefly "catch up: January 2023: "Low energy" (depression?) didn't do much of anything--including work February 2023: More same, barely doing work Relapse near very end/beginning of next month for three days: that "building blocks" game (I presume you know the one I'm talking about) March 2023: Mid-month I was in a very dark place April / May 2023: Much more work--and drinking. --- June 3rd, 2023: I have been watching a lot of gaming YouTube; it's not helping. Quite frankly, I'm not sure how much I care: You see, let's take, in contrast, one of Cam's recent videos as an example: "Iman Gadzhi’s WARNING About Video Games" Timestamp 4:49: "We are literally living in Sims" In the context of the past three years, this isn't a good analogy; in Sims, you can "play God;" in the real world, small groups of people control basically everything. You can put in your best effort, just to have the world shutdown and your so-called "friends" to turn against you. In the middle of writing this, my Dad called; we talked almost an hour. I still feel like...life is a pointless rut. What's the point to improving my "real life character" if the overwhelming majority of people want me locked away? Self-pity? At least my family members have yet to prove me wrong. I'll stand for freedom and truth; I'm not just rolling over. For that I'm hated. I suppose it'd be a bit easier if I wasn't alone where I am. I miss when I thought it was possible for people to come together to create something greater. ... I'm already predicting I'll waste this evening; I've already wasted the whole day. I already wasted the three-day weekend, too. I'm trying to summon that anger...a force of change. I know this isn't right, but I am struggling against my logic. I want the pain of hopelessness to stop. I want to see the chance for a better life that won't be ripped out from under me. I grow tired of being hypervigilant. ... As I've told my Dad, the worst part isn't even what happened; it's that almost everyone is pretending that the past three years didn't happen. I bear the pain of remembering...
wheatbiscuit Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 Hey, welcome back! It's nice seeing more people posting as the season's changed. I sort of wasted/blew the first 5 months of this year that you were away, and joined this forum last month. I just had a weird weekend, but reading your journal really caught my attention. Here's to let you know you're not alone, and hoping there'll be more opportunities to chat. ~ Matt 1
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